Chapter 17 color blindness.3

Before the manuscript paper was filled, someone broke into Lin Baishuang's room; the first sentence was: "Secretary-General Yang treats guests, why don't you go?" Lin Baishuang knew from his accent that it was Instructor He, a colleague, so he only moved his body slightly, and was still writing in his hand.Answered casually: "It's not time yet?" "It's almost time, right? I didn't plan to go because I haven't recovered from my cold yet." Instructor He said while sitting in a chair on the side of the desk, picking up a magazine and flipping through it; the pair of round eyes on his cat's face moved bonyly from the magazine to the desk, and then from the desk return.

"Then I won't go either. It should be an article that was handed in last week, and it hasn't been finished yet." Lin Baishuang said; put down the pen and stretched. A smile stole onto Instructor He's face; it could only be called a snicker, because beside his cat-faced tone, there was no proper smile.He stared at the light purple letter paper on the messy pile of books with half his eyes, and said softly: "So recently some people say that you are romantic and decadent." Lin Baishuang shrugged his shoulders, as if he was very dismissive of this criticism.But the corners of Instructor He's cat's mouth wrinkled again as if in place of a smile, and continued:

"I think you've been very negative recently; isn't it? The day before yesterday we were talking about the future outcome of the Jinan tragedy, and your comments were 120% negative. We talked about the evolution of international politics, and you said that you only saw darkness, and you became a Mental color blindness. Lao Lin, do you know the reason for your depression?" These few short words were uttered in a voice of strong sympathy, so Lin Baishuang felt strangely kind, but it also aroused his melancholy. Recently, he heard many criticisms and questions about him, from friends. Mouth and friend of friend.For those harsh reprimands that say he is outdated, shaken, and softened, he only accepts it with a smile, and there are many ways to use a smile; Those brave warriors who scolded others used the words that others scolded them in the past to swear, and he felt even more pitiful that they would probably use the current swearing words to compliment themselves in the near future.He knew very well that this group of warriors bought the lottery tickets for the "future society" there. They were confident that the lottery would be drawn within three years, so they desperately wanted to be a quick-footed hero. Well, their dejected and softened ugly appearance can be proved by their past behavior, they are really just some selfish wretches who are too enthusiastic!However, for sympathetic questioning like the words of Instructor He, Lin Baishuang felt infinitely melancholy while thanking him.

He didn't answer for a while, and his eyes were fixed on the friend's cat face.He had a word in his mind, but he refused to say it, he knew that Maolian's enthusiastic friend would not understand it. "Let me speak for you. The cause of your distress is love!" The cat-faced friend smiled triumphantly, and glanced at the light purple letter paper on the desk. Seemingly surprised, Lin Baishuang's thick eyebrows moved slightly, and then he laughed. "If you want to fall in love, then fall in love; it's fine to fall in love with a woman you meet, it's fine; it's also fine to find someone specially, but don't be depressed—why should you be depressed!"

Instructor He supplemented his opinion, and finally a very pure smile appeared on his cat's face.At the same time, he swung the five fingers of his right hand and made a fishing gesture towards the space in a grand manner, as if he had already caught a woman who was at hand. "I cannot but say that your assertion is unrealistic." "Whose reality?" The cat-faced friend came in and asked. "Nature is my reality. I admit that I have something to do with love, but it's not because of love that I'm depressed, but because I'm depressed, and then I find love."

"But you can find love, and you're depressed?" The cat-faced friend is pressing again. "Still wrong. To be honest, my depression is a depression of stupor. I roll in the waves of the times, I see gray and black all around, I can't tell my direction; I'm tired , I don’t want to roll along or be pushed by the impulse anymore, I want to rest, I want a place to hide, I hope for a small green island to emerge from the boundless black waves, let me take a rest, Love is a green island." This last sentence, Lin Baishuang said in a pious tone, and his attitude was unusually solemn, so although Instructor He thought it was funny, he didn't laugh.But he couldn't help throwing out a half-sarcasm:

"This is your life-saving theory of love." The corner of Lin Baishuang's mouth twitched, as if to express that he could not accept such a sharp sarcasm. "Isn't it the theory of life-saving love? You said that you rolled faintly in the huge waves of the times, so the green island of love is your green island of life-saving!" Instructor He said loudly with the attitude of "strive for resolution".So Lin Baishuang had to protest.The words that were stuck in his throat but never uttered, can no longer be held back: "Brother Cat, let's go back to the fundamental issue of the cause of depression. I said that I see gray and black, but I didn't say that I only see gray and black because I am pessimistic. ——Wait a minute, wait until I finish talking. Let me refute it again.——I clearly know that in this world, there are some bright colors that are sharply opposed. I can point out who is red, who is yellow, and who is white. But in the whole world When I look at it, all I see is gray and black. I don’t know why I have such a sickness. I can only call it my spiritual color blindness. Here lies the root of my depression!”

He paused for a moment, raised his head and closed his eyes; he felt in a daze that he was standing in mid-air and saw the old earth staggering and rolling, the scabs on its face were painted in red, yellow and white, suddenly rolling faster and faster, All the colors are mixed into a gray and black.Lin Baishuang let out a sigh, and continued: "It's still gray and black. From the standpoint of static analysis, it is three completely different colors; from the standpoint of dynamic synthesis, it becomes gray and black. Hey! I don't know what's going on? Sometimes it's boring Terrible, I once thought about it this way: everything is good, as long as it is not gray and black. Didn’t you just say that I look negative? It’s not negative, I just want to take a break. I think my color blindness may be because I look at life Because of the long time, it seems that if you look at the sun for a long time, your eyes will definitely get dark. So I just want to have some green island to hide from. I want to take this as a temporary comfort, lest I want to commit suicide when I am bored. "

Lin Baishuang smiled happily, walked to the window and took a deep breath, outside was the dazzling sunlight, sandwiched by the hot south wind.This seemed embarrassing to Lin Baishuang, who was looking for the coolness of green, and closed the blinds casually.The room suddenly became darker, and Instructor He, who was sitting in the corner in front of the window, turned into a white pile. "According to what you said, it's still the theory of life-saving love!" Instructor He said stubbornly, stood up and stretched out his hand to push the blinds open, and added: "When you are in love, don't you even want the light?"

"On the contrary, if you have light, you can stop falling in love." "That's the idea of ​​a drunk woman, what is it if it's not decadence?" Instructor He said loudly, still returning to the original chair.There was an air of "disapproval" on his cat's face.He looked at Lin Baishuang's face, waiting for an answer; and after getting an answer with only a smile, he said solemnly: "Old Lin, your views on love are all wrong. You should accept my views on love: love as much as you want, throw away when you can't love, and let go when you don't love after love. Love It’s just that, since it can’t be called life-saving, it’s not a green island for you to hide and rest.”

Lin Baishuang opened his eyes wide in amazement as he watched the words of this cat-faced friend fall down sentence by sentence like a block of lead.Naturally, he couldn't and wouldn't agree with such decadent views, but he couldn't get rid of the influence of these sentences projected on his mind; he looked blankly at the space for a while, and didn't answer. "You probably think that my argument is that decadence is romantic? No. This is neo-realism. Romanticism regards love as a mysterious temple, and decadentism thinks it is a magic weapon to relieve sorrow. This is all wrong. Being in love is just being in love. It’s like playing basketball is just playing ball.” Seeing the criticism in Lin Baishuang's heart, Instructor He explained it again; he looked like an expert in the philosophy of love. But Lin Baishuang only listened to half of these discussions.In front of his vision, two women stood side by side, one long and one short.They all looked at him questioningly. "So do you have a choice?" Lin Baishuang seemed to have just woken up from a dream, and suddenly sent this blurred question. no answer.Only Instructor He's two round eyes stared at Lin Baishuang's face. "For example, if you meet two women you can love at the same time, what should you do?" Lin Baishuang made up what he meant calmly. "Naturally loves the cuter one." "What if you find the same cute? If, say, one is vivacious, passionate, and sensual, and knows how to make you love her, and the other is tender, rational, and inspired, and knows how to love you." .So what do you do?" "Love both at the same time!" Lin Baishuang couldn't help laughing.He asked again: "Loving both at the same time is impossible—" "Then love one first, and then the other." This is a rushed answer. Lin Baishuang raised her eyebrows and smiled strangely; he didn't expect that the most primitive form of relationship between men and women has now become a new doctrine and new theory.He thought such a thing was too funny.But Instructor He's cat face is rigid without a single wrinkle, and that serious attitude is like answering students' questions in class. Suddenly there was a sound from the door: "Report." Lin Baishuang turned her head and saw the servant standing straight outside the door with a small piece of paper.When the piece of paper was handed over, Lin Baishuang glanced at it, and her heart skipped a beat.The smaller "Zhao Yunqiu" was written under the "Visitor's Name" item on this small reception list, but it was bigger than the school's signboard in Lin Baishuang's eyes at this time. "Do you have any customers? It must be a female customer! Please don't forget my love theory, goodbye." Instructor He with the cat face said and left.Lin Baishuang looked bewilderedly at the reception list in her hand, and suddenly had countless mixed feelings; then she smiled softly, quickly got dressed, took her hat, and hid the letter to Li Huifang in her pocket , ran to the reception room. As soon as the door of the reception room was opened, Lin Baishuang's face suddenly changed.It was not Zhao Yunqiu but Li Huifang who greeted him with a smile. "Isn't it a coincidence? I see that you look a little strange." Li Huifang glanced at Lin Baishuang, and said lightly. "It's a joke. It's nothing, it's nothing, but I remember that the name on the reception list seems to be Zhao Yunqiu?" Lin Baishuang argued anxiously, while fumbling for the guest list in his pocket with his right hand. "Did she come to see you too? Then, you went to the wrong reception room!" Li Huifang said with a giggly smile.She intertwined her hands and put them on the back of her neck, spun her body leisurely, then sat in a chair, fixed her eyes on Lin Baishuang, and added: "Please don't be polite, go find her first." Lin Baishuang had already touched the guest list; upon closer inspection, it clearly said "Zhao Yunqiu", but it was written in Li Huifang's handwriting.He expected that Li Huifang was being mischievous again, so he smiled slightly and sat down opposite Li Huifang. "Let me tell you the truth. Junqiu is waiting at the Moon Palace Hotel. I am your special envoy. Motoka is outside. Hurry up and leave!" Li Huifang said it very seriously, and Lin Baishuang couldn't help but believe it, even though the matter was too abrupt and strange.He really wanted to know what it was, but Li Huifang had already stood up, urging him to leave quickly. On the way, Li Huifang made an exception and said little.She huddled in the corner of the car, looking around with a pair of dark eyes, as if she had some serious problem in her heart.Lin Baishuang turned the conversation to the question of Zhao Yunqiu waiting at the Moon Palace Hotel several times, but was distracted by Li Huifang's smile. Lin Baishuang looked suspiciously at Li Huifang's round face, red lips, and white arms, and suddenly remembered the words of Instructor He. Gao Lun came, but was immediately interrupted by the question of "what's going on in the Moon Palace".He imagined that Zhao Yunqiu must have something important, maybe something happened in the family; but why did he invite Li Huifang to be the middleman?He was simply bewildered, he couldn't figure it out.He mechanically squinted at Li Huifang.What bright costumes!The silver-red cheongsam is only as long as the knees; the goose-yellow silk stockings are full of flesh-red fat legs; and on the lively round face is a snow-white top-quality straw hat.Why!Red yellow white!It was as if a wheel was rolling inside Lin Baishuang's head, and his eyes suddenly dimmed. He saw Li Huifang folded from her waist, turning into a ball, panting with three colors. Lin Baishuang raised her hand and rubbed her eyelids vigorously, the illusion disappeared, but she saw Li Huifang pursed her lips and smiled.Suddenly her body swayed to one side, and a plump white arm rested on Lin Baishuang's shoulder.A familiar aroma filled Lin Baishuang's mind. At this moment, the car body shook suddenly; Lin Baishuang looked out in shock, just as a pair of beautiful glass doors outside the car window shook as if they were going backwards, and stood still, Li Huifang had already pushed the car door open, Her fat body squeezed out. Lin Baishuang got out of the car, went up to the second floor, and entered a dining room.He glanced at the empty walls, and seemed to say softly to himself: "So Zhao Yunqiu hasn't come yet!" "If you want her to come, you might as well write a treat note and try it out." Li Huifang's indifferent words stunned Lin Baishuang.He looked at her face, not knowing how to answer.He felt that what this delicate girl did was too unpredictable. "Let's be honest with you again. Today is my treat. Originally, I asked Yunqiu to come, but she knew that you were here, so she excused her health and refused to come anyway. You probably understand the reason.— —It’s almost twelve o’clock, so let’s order food.” Li Huifang went on to speak quickly, like a gust of rain hitting Lin Baishuang's face. Lin Baishuang felt cold down his spine.He forced a smile, glanced casually at the menu Li Huifang handed to him, and said unnaturally: "It's just the company's food. I haven't drank alcohol for a long time because of my poor health." He really wanted to ask why Zhao Yunqiu refused to come when he was sitting there; he really wanted to know what offended Zhao Yunqiu; but after thinking about it again, he decided not to ask.He managed to remain calm, and searched for some words to repay the hostess in front of him. In a reasonably lively conversation, finish a meal.Finally came the coffee. After drinking two glasses of champagne, Li Huifang's face was slightly red, and she talked about her own family affairs very vigorously.She brought up the subject of being a captain again.She fixed her sight on Lin Baishuang's face and said: "Although women can also be officials, I still only want to be the captain. An official in a civilized country is just a puppet, and his every move is under the command of the backstage boss. The president of the United States is just a public puppet of a few big bankers—— I remember you also said the same thing. I don’t like being a puppet, I want to be a puppet’s hooker.” "However, in China, officials still have supreme authority!" Lin Baishuang sipped his coffee and slowly added an interjection. "However, in China, officials are almost without supreme authority!" Li Huifang imitated Lin Baishuang's tone and said with a silly smile.She raised her face and rested the back of her neck on the upper end of the back of the chair, which flattened the curve of her chest a little, but two button-like things stood out from under the silver-red chiffon. "You hold it so firmly?" Lin Baishuang retorted softly, and turned his head strangely; this is the gesture he often has when expressing tender protest. "Are you so unsteady?" Li Huifang imitated Lin Baishuang's tone again, and giggled.Suddenly, she swayed, her body lost her balance, her shoulders crooked, and she fell from the chair, almost hitting Lin Baishuang, and at the same time, the provocative fragrance penetrated into Lin Baishuang's nose.His blood rushed to his face.The strong impulse fascinated him, and he unconsciously stretched out his hand to hold Li Huifang's arm.Li Huifang smiled, and naturally slipped out the held forearm from Lin Baishuang's palm, and sat down on a nearby chair. There was a sudden silence, neither of them spoke. Lin Baishuang felt that there was still a slippery feeling on her fingers, but her heart gradually beat faster.When he first entered the dining room, he still had the meaning of "not daring to get close to" this rather arrogant girl, but now he was not; he was completely fascinated, to be honest, he was totally caught.This feeling of "being caught" he had experienced for a while in the car that took Li Huifang home on the day of Wusong Tour, and it was often triggered when the two of them approached each other, but every time he escaped safely; Now he can't escape, can't escape, and doesn't want to escape. He greedily looked at Li Huifang's white arms, plump breasts, small scarlet lips, and plump legs. "Do you know what happened to Yunqiu recently?" Li Huifang seemed to feel something and softly broke Fenxia's silence. Lin Baishuang shook her head subconsciously, but her heart couldn't help but throbbed. "Why lie to me? You must know it very well!" Li Huifang said softly.Her eyes rolled slowly, as if she was very unhappy. "I really don't know at all. I haven't heard from you or seen me in two weeks." Such a hasty confession made Li Huifang laugh.She suddenly changed her mouth: "Then, it's better for you to ignore it, it's better to never know!" Lin Baishuang opened his mouth wide, unable to answer.This sudden sentence pulled him out of the cloud of confusion and intoxication, and returned to him who was sober.A mood full of strong stickiness and nostalgia forced him to ask the truth.He pinned without hesitation and said: "If you think it's okay with Zhao Yunqiu if you tell me, please speak up!" Li Huifang seemed surprised.She looked at Lin Baishuang for a long time, and then said lightly: "As for the matter, you must know. But since you want to listen, I'll just say it again. Junqiu's father got married for Yunqiu. He's an officer. Of course it's useful, at least it's the right to pay It is a means of the door'. If the old bureaucrats want to come to power again, they will use any means!" "What does Yunqiu mean?" Lin Baishuang opened his eyes and asked eagerly. "Of course she can't say she wants to, but she can't help it;—do you think there is any way?" Li Huifang still said lightly. no answer.Lin Baishuang only let out a cry, and fixed her eyes on the space.His anxious look seemed to make Li Huifang intolerable, although at the same time he was also slightly jealous.She smiled, and went on softly: "Now she wants to use passive resistance. She said she would never marry for life. She had already declared to her father: she would rather die than marry for life. Now she is talking about celibacy every day; She even cut off contact with her boyfriend.Don't you know at all? " Lin Baishuang shook his head again, but did not speak.The sudden event crushed him.There was only one sentence in his mind: "So she ignored me for a long time? She ignored me for a long time because of this!" "I didn't expect Zhao Yunqiu to be so cowardly!" Li Huifang said with a sigh. "Is there really no second way out? She can—resist!" Lin Baishuang cheered up suddenly, but he didn't know whether it was because of his excitement or because of his sorrow, but his voice trembled a little when he said this. "I've said that too. But she won't listen. Men are unreliable, she says; and it's worse if you resist and still be unkind. She doesn't want to be blamed and laughed at. Man They are all unreliable. Mr. Lin, you are her old friend, you should understand the background of this sentence!" Li Huifang glanced at Lin Baishuang, with a questioning smile on the corner of her mouth. On the way back from Wusong that day, in the car, Li Huifang asked Zhao Yunqiu whether there was any romantic history in Wuhan, and the memory of Lin Baishuang suddenly came back. He felt like a piece of ice was stuck in his chest, and suddenly the blood in his whole body froze. . In the sorrowful bewilderment, Lin Baishuang seemed to hear Li Huifang sigh softly. "Let's go. My mission today is over." Another outlandish remark.It was like a sharp needle piercing Lin Baishuang's consciousness.He raised his head in a panic, looked at Li Huifang's face, and seemed to say, "I don't understand what you said." Li Huifang smiled, stretched out her hand to press the electric bell button on the wall, and added: "Isn't it? I told you just now that I'm your envoy to please you. I think my role has always been just to be an accompaniment among you, lest the concubine in Zhao's house spread rumors to hurt Yunqiu. But Now everything is over. So my mission is over." She smiled again, and took the money out of her bag to pay the bill. "It's just that you think you are accompaniment—" Lin Baishuang uttered such half a sentence anxiously, but was interrupted by the incoming waiter.Li Huifang looked at him in disbelief, then turned around and went to pick up the bill from the waiter.