Chapter 21 November 17

The electric company is playing the old tune again.The price of foreign candles has temporarily increased.Sitting alone facing the candle at this time, all thoughts disappear.In the guard room outside the courtyard, there were laughter and quarrels from time to time.It's only eight o'clock on the watch, I really don't know how to survive this lonely evening! The events of the day unfolded again like a movie.Tonight, I can't remember how many times this has happened; so the "film" is also bad, intermittent, old and incoherent, and it is like an official propaganda publication, people don't want to read it, but it keeps dangling in front of my eyes .

This is one of the "close-ups": G's crooked face and triangular eyes are more sinister and cunning the more he pretends to be polite.He complimented me on my ability, on my hard work, that I did with... what the whip couldn't do;—what a word!I really want to slap him a few times.But aside from all this shameless bullshit, there's a sinister part of him that creeps you out and burns your heart. "Comrade Zhao, there should be a conclusion tomorrow? Everyone is waiting for this masterpiece of yours!"——How abhorrent is this half-sarcasm and half-sarcasm!I suspected my conspiracy with Xiao Zhao, and I was a little sniffed out by this dog.

Suddenly the crooked face became even more distorted, and the triangular eyes turned into pumpkin hammers. He smiled grinningly again: "Hey, Comrade Zhao, when are you going to have a glass of wedding wine?" But the thing that made me feel bad was the sudden bureaucratic words: "Comrade Zhao, there are two things that you must pay full attention to: first, what kind of job should you give him? He can't be idle all the time." You might as well put forward your opinions to ask for instructions. Second, you naturally know that your request has been approved, and this person is entrusted to you to take responsibility, and your responsibility is not small!"

The so-called second point here, the more I think about it, the more I doubt it; how can this be a positive statement, this must be viewed from the negative side - there must be someone spying on us, but I hate that I didn't notice it.As for the first point, of course it is another problem—how can I tell Xiao Zhao?It must be fried. However, today's underworld day's troubles are not only a little bit! This is another "close-up": at ten o'clock in the morning there was a so-called "all waiting for lectures".Waiting left and right, but nothing happened.Whispering, most people say that some recent "discoveries" will create a big prison.I think people's eyes are always turning to me.Later, when the assembly was ordered, R swayed his buttocks and respectfully accompanied a senior official to come in—then gave a lecture; but unexpectedly, the crime of "treacherous party" was declared, and within 30 minutes there were more than 50 "treacherous parties".The old slogan "It is better to kill three thousand people in vain than let one person slip through the net" has been brought up again.Both voice and expression are fierce, as if they are not sharing the same hatred.

"Oops, Xiao Zhao," I felt anxious in my heart, "it's strange to say G to express politeness, and the language is flashing; it's true that everything he said is ironic. Oops, Xiao Zhao!" After three o'clock in the afternoon, the most painful thing came.This is the culmination of today's bad luck. When I met Xiao Zhao, my heart was already covered by dark clouds, and there was hardly a moment of peace. However, I knew that Xiao Zhao was sensitive, so I had to put on a happy smile to avoid his doubts.Even so, he still couldn't escape Xiao Zhao's eyes.

At first he didn't speak, but later he inquired. "Is there a new problem?" He studied the expression on my face and asked in a low voice. I forced a smile and shook my head; at the same time, I wasn't sure what to do if I didn't tell him. "Could you be blamed?" I laughed again, took his hand, and said in a soft voice: "Nothing happened. But I'm not feeling well.—Here it is!" I pointed to my chest. "You rub me for a while and it will be fine." I decided not to tell him.What's the use of telling him?Let me bear this pain alone!Let it bite my heart silently!

He rubbed me a few times as he said, and suddenly jumped up and said, "Oh, I'll show you something." Then a piece of paper was presented to me, and it turned out to be the agreed-upon "false and true" list. If I was just worried, after reading this paper, I have increased anxiety.I didn't have time to think about it at the time, so I pointed to the names of the people on the list and said, "The village chief, the security chief, the landlord, the gentleman—what's the matter? How do you drive them up? Then - how to do it! " "Didn't they want the Communist Party? I haven't seen it before, so I can't talk nonsense. But I have evidence, but these township chiefs and dibaos have completely shared the government's money and the people's blood and sweat into their pockets." .”

"You're just joking!" I couldn't restrain the rage in my heart. "He has worked so hard, but you make a joke of it, you have no conscience at all. Forget it, I don't care, let you go!" It seemed quite unexpected, Xiao Zhao was stunned for a while, and then said with a sneer as if he had suddenly realized: "It's not that I begged you to take care of it!" With a snort, he tore the paper. I was so angry that I couldn't speak, but my eyes were dark, but Xiao Zhao was still sneering! If there weren't so many dark shadows pressing on my heart, I probably wouldn't have lost the energy to explain this little misunderstanding to Xiao Zhao, but at that time I was too lazy to speak, and I hated him too, since You can see that I am unhappy, why do you want to vomit me?Since he also sees that my worries are only for his own sake, why does he want to make me sad on purpose?

I got angry and said nothing, and left without even looking back. Now I look at this half-bright candlelight alone, thinking about it, not only sad, but also hopeless.I had a premonition about Xiao Zhao, no matter how hard I tried, the result would inevitably be tragic.From today's "precepts", I have already touched a little trace. My silhouette loomed on the wall.I watched obsessively, only to realize that my chest rose and fell quite violently——I was a little out of breath.Over and over again, I wondered what was wrong with Xiao Zhao and whether he had fallen asleep; but I couldn't muster up the courage to go see him.I regretted being too irritable during the day, but I also felt that they probably didn't ask Xiao Zhao "how well he behaved", and they would kill him after all. If I persuade Xiao Zhao again, I don't know how much he will hate me in the future!I became nothing worse than a dog who "tricked" him!

I lay down on the table, letting my silent sobs cover up my grief and resentment. ... But I seemed to hear Xiao Zhao talking to Comrade Ma.