Chapter 17 November 13

When I woke up at nine o'clock today, I felt like I had lice all over my body, and I felt useless.Eyes wide open, staring blankly at the mouse hole in the corner of the room, trying to recall the upside-down dream last night, however——has disappeared without a trace.For a while, I complained that the clock was going too fast, and for a while I hated it for being too slow,... Alas, why am I so excited?I should calm down and think about my words—even my attitude—when I met him.Somehow, I couldn't get rid of the feeling that an eloped woman was back in her husband's arms! But at two o'clock in the afternoon, when the scheduled time was approaching, my mood was finally cleared; at least, I would do my best to make him understand that I would not do him any harm.  …

Naturally, I went in alone, and I tried my best to minimize the movements that would cause him doubts and panic. He lay there, on his back, with all four limbs stretched out.I walked quietly to his feet, as if he hadn't noticed it yet.I suddenly felt palpitations,——his rigid posture, that fluffy mess of hair, he looked too much like a zombie.When I approached his head, I saw that his eyes were wide open, and the eyeballs were fixed and still. Why didn't he feel that someone came in, and it was me!I suddenly remembered that he and I had repeatedly made this behavior when he and I were vomiting, and I was at a loss for a while... Hey, what do you think of it?

Finally our eyes met, but his expressionless cold light. I don't know what sweet and bitter emotions forced me to smile. But he spoke first, as if wanting to fight with someone: "What are you doing here? Even a three-and-a-half-year-old child can't fool you. What are you—what are you here for?" "Come to visit you," I smiled softly, and moved closer, "If you need anything, I can help you. ——And, you must be lonely, so let's talk casually, okay?" This time, it exploded!He suddenly sat up, the bamboo couch under him creaked, and he shouted loudly: "What do I need? I want freedom, I want justice;

Justice, freedom! ..." But at this moment, I caught a glimpse of a dark figure flashing through the small window, and I knew it was watching me and him——I raised my hand to my lips, made a signal to him, and still He squeezed his leg.He immediately fell silent and looked at me suspiciously. "Someone is watching outside!" I whispered, and then laughed loudly: "Hey, why are you so irritable! You can rest easy." He froze for a moment, but immediately sneered again and again: "What a trick! Don't embarrass your mother! Let me ask you: They ordered you to come, what are they going to do with me? Don't play around, don't act!"

I was so anxious, I pulled his hand fiercely, gave him a wink, and then said loudly with a smirk: 'What?Just to see you, to relieve your loneliness.Where did you think you were?Why bother? " "Shit!" He raised his thick eyebrows, "Pretentious! Get the hell out of here!" He raised his fist, intending to hit him, but his gaze was terrifying; I made up my mind, even if I took a little risk I have to make him understand me, I took a step closer, and was about to speak, but he jumped up as if seeing a poisonous snake, and at the same time shouted with a grinning smile: "Shameless, get out!"

I just felt a stream of acid flow from the tip of my nose to my heart, and my legs seemed to be gone. I sank down and sat on the bamboo couch with my head buried in my hands, unable to hold back the hot tears.However, I still understood in my heart, I struggled to hold back my tears and raised my head.He stood in front of me, staring down at me.Hey, this is the first time that such kind eyes have fallen on me!I smiled with tears in my eyes, but the second batch of tears came out again. "Are you—is it true or not?" He whispered to me, glancing at the small window hastily. My chest and throat seemed to be stuffed with something, I couldn’t speak,—after a long while, I finally managed to utter a few words: “True, false, look, you—heartless! "But I laughed again.

After a while, he said softly again: "But what are they planning to send you here?" "Don't worry about it for now, okay?" I grabbed his hand, "Anyway—oh, if you believe that I won't come to harm you even if I'm so bad, then I have a chance to help you out." It's boring, you can think about it yourself, okay? You just tore my heart apart! Not to mention that you and I were... in love before, just an irrelevant woman , You treated her like that, it was too cruel! You don’t understand that our pain is so much more! Needless to say, if you want to say a few words from your heart, you will have no one to marry.”

He said nothing, just nodded; obviously he still had a lot of reservations about my words. But they didn't make trouble anymore, and they had something to say.I followed his temper in every possible way like coaxing a child, but he, like a stubborn child, ignored him.Neither of us dared to mention the life we ​​lived together in the past, but the life after we separated, on his side, he kept his mouth shut, and on my side, he didn't ask, so why should I still make a fool of myself?However, when I asked about his "treatment" after "coming in", he pondered for a while, and then poured out to me heartily.

Within ten days, he was tortured three times and "enlightened" once or twice; four days ago, he was hung upside down from a beam until he fainted.The person who carried out the torture was a guy with a crooked face and triangular eyes... I guess it was G. Pointing to his waist, he said, "They hit here! I'm afraid I'll become disabled in the future!" Seeing my red eyes, he forced a smile, and said, "But maybe not." I always pay attention to the dark shadow outside the small window, and I know that there will be no one outside the door.Under such circumstances, what I was struggling with was that I couldn't find an appropriate topic to talk about; I wanted to ask him several times if he had a good friend K., but finally I didn't dare to ask him.

Annoyed and anxious emotions gradually expanded in my heart. I unconsciously grabbed his hand and pressed it to my face. Then, I didn't understand why, and suddenly I bit him palm while my head fell into his arms. "Hey!" he cried, but immediately lowered his accent, "you—what are you doing?" "I hate you!" moving his hand to my chest, "I hate you—you don't know me What a pain in my heart! Maybe you'll never know!" He was silent, but his other hand rested on my chin, and slowly raised my head: I saw his eyes contemplating.However, he finally did not say a word.I felt him slowly withdrawing his hand from my heart again.

"Please tell me a little bit about the situation of doing 'Gonghe' in the past to relieve my boredom." He smiled, as if he didn't want to, but he finally talked about it bit by bit; but it wasn't about "Gonghe", but about how he fought against the local tyrants and evil gentry. It turned out that the reason why he offended the mayor was simply because the mayor monopolized local products, and once the "Gonghe" was established, it would affect the way the mayor made money. "Anyone who really wants to start 'Gonghe'," he said angrily, "seventy-eight out of ten will be falsely accused of being a Communist Party by the township head, the director of the UNPROFOR, and other scoundrels. Where can I be the only one!" When he was talking, I seemed to hear footsteps outside the door, and it seemed that someone was breathing lightly.I looked at my watch and thought it was time for me to go - I couldn't be careless, if it was for him, it was also for myself. I took his hand again, and after a moment of silence, I put it down gently, pointed out the window and the door, and pointed to my heart, whispered to him: "Understood?" Then deliberately raised his voice and laughed: " You can rest assured, - think about it carefully, I will come back tomorrow." When I got to the door, when I looked back, he was standing upright in the middle of the room, looking at me too.I smiled, and hurried away, passing the outer room, I noticed that there was no one else, only the guard, who lowered his head as if he was worried.