Chapter 5 I can't long for you like I long for the ocean

There was a heavy rain at night, and the shock of lightning made the rain fall cleanly and in an uproar.In the early morning, the air is exceptionally fresh, and the birdsong is crisp and continuous. Julian sat in the garden, with a small piece of gauze on his forehead, but looking much better.This pure white and most gorgeous chrysanthemum is called "Lion's Hair", and it has the longest flowering period: it has been two weeks and there is no sign of withering.He rolled up his sleeves and trouser legs, and held a pair of large scissors in his hand.He didn't like to work with the servants on gardening, it was too practical.

He sent his servants to do other things. The plum tree has begun to bear small green fruits, and the peach tree on the side is a bit strange. Like the field mouse said, how can there be new buds in autumn, but they are just buds, and they will wither without blooming. Raindrops were hanging on the branches, and as soon as he passed the scissors, two branches fell off.The view of Little Fish Hill and the East Bay should excite Chekhov or Jane Austen, but not the kind that would interest Malraux or Faulkner.But it is just right for my own style of poetry. crimson autumn leaves lie flat on the river

There was no wind, and the calm water flowed downstream. In solemnity, the moment passes or eternity The river flows eastward to the sea The sky is the same gray, everything is slipping away In essence, Julian is a child who grew up in the green fields of the English countryside. He has always disliked the city, whether it is London or Qingdao. When he began to write poetry, he rejected the "modernity" of Eliot and Pound.He remembered the dream last night: a large forest, he was running on the field, a buffalo was also running, a group of dogs followed them, and many people were calling and chasing.Wrapped in leaves and grass, he pushed forward recklessly, knocking down a hedge and crushing a brilliant wildflower.

Did you see England or China in your dream?He couldn't figure it out. At this moment, in Xiaoyushan's own garden, he cut off all the twigs with buds from the peach tree, a handful full enough to put in the large antique vase he just bought. Nasty Chinese customs and superstitions!Julian smiled.But if you don't believe it, why cut off the peach blossoms? He had a feeling that someone behind him was watching him, and immediately turned his head, and sure enough Min was behind him.He went to pick up the scissors on the ground.The moment he turned his head, he saw that Min was exhausted, with his hair pulled back and without glasses.Why not wear glasses, did God suggest to her: glasses are a barrier between them.hell!

"You don't welcome me, do you?" Min said.She was too clever, Julian thought, to see her attitude at once.But he decided to ignore her anyway and walked straight into the house. Min followed, uninvited. Julian didn't know where he got angry, and suddenly threw all the flowers and branches in his hand on the ground, and his bare feet were stained with grass leaves and water drops, leaving footprints on the carpet.There were a lot of Chinese books he had bought on the cabinet by the fireplace. He flipped through them randomly, of course he didn't understand anything, he just thought the printing was quaint.

He looked at it carefully, and the Chinese characters in his eyes enlarged and shrunk instantly.Why didn't Min come over? The couch and short sofa were all empty, and she didn't sit on it. She stood motionless, too like a painting, too unreal.Come on, what right does this woman have in my room?I make messes and I like messes.But the Japanese may be better than me, of course, let me stop the small mess before the Japanese make a big mess.It was hard for Julian to believe it after a long time. This morning, a cold voice came out of his throat that he had never felt before: "Mrs. Zheng, what can we do in this house?"

Min didn't react, and was stunned for a moment.She looked at Julian, wanted to say something but held back, quickly turned her face away, and hurriedly walked towards the door, almost tripping over the peach blossom branches on the ground.The door slammed shut when Min went out, and Julian couldn't help but tremble.  I must hunt or I will go crazy, I must eat or I will collapse.Julian called the servants loudly, but there was no answer.Only then did he remember that he had driven the servant out. He walked up and down the living room like a growling animal.You, Vanessa, dear mother, you are always sober, and Aunt Virginia is on the verge, on the verge of madness.Ah, Professor Bell, I have also continued your free and arrogant blood and sharp sensibility.

Yes, it is born like this, don't blame yourself, let alone the world. After eating something to fill his stomach, Julian found a shotgun, and did not pick up the flowers, branches and grass leaves that covered the carpet in the garden.He put on his hat, boots, and hunting coat, and went to the door, ready to go into the mountains.He opened the door, only to find that it was raining lightly, not a hunting day. But what surprised him was not the rain, but seeing Min standing with his back to the door, not at his door, but on the bluestone paved road outside the door, to be precise, on the path in the front garden.She was drenched in the silky rain, and she refused to take a few steps back to hide under his roof.She didn't leave this morning, at least three or four hours, but stood outside his door all the time! 

Julian felt as if a hole had opened in his heart. He dropped the shotgun casually and approached her slowly. He really wanted to get closer to her, but he held back and stood behind her. She didn't turn around, her voice was hoarse, she had obviously cried, but her tone was very quiet: "Julian, I can't be here, I can't bear being too close to you here, I will wait for you in Beijing." After speaking, without waiting for Julian to agree or disagree, she took a step forward, and her steps were no longer messy, flustered, or hasty. Min's words were beyond Julian's expectation, and he couldn't say anything, watching her slender and small figure disappear down the path.He stood blankly in the drizzle, feeling that the rain was soaking his hair and skin little by little. 

Early the next morning, he received a large envelope with Min's address in Beijing and a stack of English manuscripts.In a short letter, Min said that this was a novel she wrote in English and asked him to read it while passing the time on the train. Min had gone to Beijing in the name of visiting his sick father.While waiting to go north, the wound on Julian's forehead healed without leaving any marks. Are you going to the appointment? As the days passed, Julian became hesitant, instinctively afraid of too strong a love. He felt that if he couldn't see her, he would forget her, and it would gradually become a habit.

But Min stood outside the door in the rain, and every time he opened the door, he seemed to be able to see it again.The words she said moved him deeply. She was the most infatuated woman he had ever met, and also a woman who had truly reached the free spirit of Bloomsbury.He understood that in fact his considerations would not count in the end, it was very difficult for him to refuse Min's invitation, it was completely impossible.