Chapter 4 I can only look at the lighthouse on the sea in my dream

When Julian awoke the next morning it was past ten o'clock.The door was not closed properly, and the voices of the servants downstairs came up. From the woman's mouth, Chinese words sounded like a bird's song, soft and sweet, and from the man's mouth, it was like the roar of an animal.He found that the servants spoke the local dialect, which was very different from Min's soft Beijing dialect.But he couldn't understand any of them. Open the curtains, the sun is shining brightly.He found himself wearing yesterday's clothes, only messier.Looking down the stairway, the servant wizard and field mouse are facing the huge horn of the gramophone and don't know what to do.

The wizard looked up at him and said, sir, the wife of the head of the department sent a servant and said it was for Professor Bell.When Professor Bell left last night, she forgot to ask the servant to bring it over. Julian asked the wizard to bring the phonograph upstairs, and a stack of records in a wooden lacquered box was brought up too. He took a record with Chinese characters from the wooden lacquer box and put it on the turntable.When the sound of the erhu sounded in the room, he walked into the bathroom, finished grooming, and put on the underwear and shirts that the servants had washed and ironed.Back in the bedroom, the erhu sounded and the horns sounded together. There were ambushes on all sides, and there was no way to escape, and the moon was at its fullest and brightest.Julian didn't want to eat breakfast at all, and it was almost time for lunch, so he fell back into bed.The music reminded him of the details of last night, his heart was beating faster, and he was tense again below, he almost needed to use his hands to resolve the pressure.

The servant who reported home last night came in time and relieved Min and Qiu Lian of their embarrassment.There was nothing serious about Zheng's place, the student's attitude softened, and he lowered his requirements, asking her to come back and tell his wife.Julian took advantage of this moment to say good night and almost fled.He started drinking real Scotch whiskey when he got home, until he was so drunk that he collapsed on the bed, and only the moonlight and mountain shadows watched him fool around. The sound of the erhu was desolate and sad. He hoped that this strange music would stop as soon as possible, at least it would not be so monotonous.

He has never troubled his brains with women, he will stop when it is time to stop, and he will never fall in love.His first love was in the third year of college.Before he got it, he couldn't sleep for several nights.He found that getting sex was not difficult at all.Moreover, the mystery of romance was quickly destroyed by the real sex. After one experience, he understood: before going to bed, a man's mind will be absurd. Therefore, the shock of hormones must not be regarded as a real value judgment. He is not always sober, and there is still a period of confusion each time, but it is getting shorter and shorter.That first time was the longest, when he pursued a woman, and then it was reversed, and the woman almost always fell in love with him, causing waves of ups and downs in life to rise again.Then he learns to let go without regret.

He sometimes thought, perhaps, that the reason for his inability to maintain long-term affection with any woman was not necessarily his lack of affection, like his father, but his affection for his mother, Vanessa.Who can be compared with the mother in wisdom and talent?They couldn't even be compared in appearance - he still clearly remembered the astonishing beauty of his mother more than 20 years ago.This was his obstacle in love—he had never met such a woman, and would probably never find the only woman other than his mother. The younger brother Quentin kept a secret about the affairs of men and women, but every time he made troubles in the city, or let the other party make troubles known to everyone.He didn't mean to show off, for some reason it always got to this point.

Julian thought of these things, and began to write.His letters to his mother were always unreserved, revealing details to the point of embarrassment.But the letter writer and receiver feel very natural.From the first time he had sex, he told his mother in detail.And his mother was very moved by his frankness and trust, and regarded it as evidence of their deep love between mother and child. This is not done on purpose. He has always heard his mother and aunt talking about "sexual intercourse", "orgasm", "sensuality", "erection" and so on among the group of men who are educated and educated. Sexual performance of this and that, like commenting on a cabaret.One thing my mother said was the first thing that started Bloomsbury.One spring evening in the year of his birth, she and Aunt Virginia were sitting in the living room, arguing, angry at what had just happened.They didn't notice that the historian Strache just entered the door. He pointed to a little mark on his mother's white clothes and asked:

"semen?" One word dissolved their grievances, they all laughed, and a holy liquid smoothed out all difficult relationships.From then on, they talked about sex, their gratification, like the nature of beauty, like art.They transform themselves into natural and uncontrived human beings, and they prove that they can live life the way they want. But this time his pen was struggling to move on the paper, and he should be said to have had physical contact with Min: her breasts were plump and firm, although he didn't poke into her clothes.But Min is so much more than physical sensations, after her tits, she is something else.

Am I in love with Min? joke. He never really fell in love with any woman.The damn Chinese music is so lingering, it makes him needlessly sentimental. Letters via the Siberian Railway will take 14 days to London, a month’s round trip; letters via the sea will be slower, but seem to be safer.So, he wrote two letters to his mother a week, one by sea and one by land.His mother was so far away, which also affected his judgment.Of course, his mother never gave him any advice, but only encouraged him by saying, "It's so interesting", "I really want to meet this girl", and even said, "The body is so beautiful, I want to use it as a model" and so on.But in Qingdao, without such a minimum level of echo from his mother, he found it even more difficult to make a decision.

He walked over a few steps and stopped the gramophone. There was no music in the house, and his heart and mind cooled down: he just liked this woman.It was true that he was seducing her, but only out of curiosity, to know what it was like to have sex with an oriental woman. She is a famous poet and has a reputation.There is a husband who is a professor, both of them are well-known figures in the Chinese intellectual circles and important roles in the Crescent Society.On the outside, her marriage for many years is successful, and appearance is everything in marriage, especially in China.So, why does he need to destroy this marriage just because of sexual curiosity?Anyway, he would never marry her, and even if he did, it would not be more happy than her existing marriage.What was the need to ruin her apparently contented life?

Just curious. If so, he thinks he can resist this temptation: he can find a Chinese singer to be his "concubine", and when he has a conclusion, he will feel at ease.  Julian has learned more than 300 Chinese characters, her listening skills are much better, and she can speak some of the most commonly used words.This one is delicious, that one is ugly, etc., but he can also pick up a brush, soak it in ink, and write any Chinese characters, they are so beautiful.The beauty of Chinese characters is the same as the temptation of Chinese women. Once you can outline the shape, you will have a strong feeling.

It was time to get ready for class, and Julian forced his mind back to teaching.What he decides to teach in class is real modernity, the "formal meaning theory" of his two fathers.However, it is not yet possible for Chinese students to accept that form is more meaningful than content, so skip it first.According to the original plan, it is time to talk about contemporary English poetry.He brought Eliot's from England, and even Pound's singular Cantos, which would be two bombs, just dropped, not going to explode.Come to think of it, he decided to teach the easier Prufrock's Love Song. Standing in front of the podium, he subconsciously scanned the female students' desks, but there was no Min, and Min had several classes ahead. Sensitive and cowardly, afraid of wasting life, and helpless in the meaninglessness of his own life, who is this "you" who is so timid about love?When "you" was invited out by me, Let us go then, you and I, Evening is slowly spreading toward the sky.  At this time, he saw Min tiptoeing in, holding the pre-issued mimeograph manuscript.She must have heard these two sentences and heard his explanation.What would she think, talking about himself, or her? This poem is a love song, but it is the self-torture of a person who is worried about gains and losses.In class, this poem moved him for the first time, and he was not convinced by Eliot before.He was a poet himself, and poets did not admire each other, as did the whole world.Trying to outdo the recognized masters was a haunting nightmare for him.Especially friends who have been with their parents for generations.At this time, Eliot's first published work completely convinced him: it pointed out the fundamental dilemma of people in a "civilized society", which was clearly revealed. "Do I have the courage to mess up this universe?" he thought, reading out, "There is always time to decide and change in a minute, and change back in a minute." Facing Min, in his explanation, the poem is writing about himself. He is "I". "You" is Min. I'm already familiar with her, at least close to her, but I still don't dare to get too close.Am I really going to turn into a bourgeoisie who is timid on the spot?I'm not ready to surrender to the world, so why should I fear myself? He almost turned him into Prufrock, and made a three-point analysis, especially in the face of Min. The get out of class bell rang.The students walked out of the classroom one after another with their notebooks and schoolbags on their backs, and Min was among them.He rushed to the door, not her.But he had seen her come into the classroom.Why didn't he see where she sat, where could she hide?She slipped away right under his eyes? If you want to catch up, you must be able to catch up.But the corridor was full of students, he stopped his forward steps, as a teacher, his behavior instinctively became more sensible, at this moment, he actually felt a sense of aging.  In order to fend off the tormenting desire, Julian planned to go to Huangdao on the other side of the bay to relax. He heard that the golden sand beach there had a pleasant sea view and there were many ferries.He walked directly down the mountain, walked slowly, and spent more than 30 minutes to reach the bay ferry.When he was still a while away from the ferry, he saw the servant field mouse sitting on the stone steps by the roadside with a big bag in his hand.He walked over. There the field mouse was talking to an old man sitting on a low stool.It must be that the vole and the wizard divided the work, one ran outside and the other inside.Julian wanted nothing to do with them.But he was curious that the field mouse was talking to the old man so seriously.The man looked like a fortune teller, with a tattered gown and a gray beard.They both turned their heads and saw Julian together. The field mouse muttered and wanted to explain something.The old man stopped him, looked at Julian, and said a long string to the field mouse.  Julian got out of the car and asked what the old man was talking about. But the field mouse hesitated and refused to speak. Julian reassured him. The field mouse said that it couldn't be translated, and it was difficult to translate. Julian wanted him to translate an outline, and he realized that the old man was giving him a face, so he first put a handful of copper coins on the plate in front of the old man.The old man spoke quickly to the field mouse, and then consciously tapped his hand on his knee. The field mouse had no choice but to say it: the old man said that although he is a foreigner, he is also a man of understanding.Mr. has broad eyebrows, thick ears, red lips, and a straight nose. He is a wealthy man, and must have a rich family background. "Go on," Julian urged in Chinese. The field mouse babbled, and his English became less and less English, until at last Julian could only make out: But your face is taut, earlobe is not big, The frown was too deep. be alone, Do not hurt your wife and daughter, but will— "Okay, okay," Julian asked with interest, "tell me, the truth." "These are all Chinese superstitions. Don't believe it. If you don't believe it, you'll be fine." "Why don't you believe it? I believe it." There was a mocking smile on the corner of Julian's mouth. The field mouse faltered a few words and ran away, carrying so many things that the wind was still under his feet.When Julian turned around, the old man was gone, together with the stool and the coins in the plate.The old man may be afraid of offending foreigners. His own life is so miserable, it's better not to worry about the fate of others.There are too many people in China superstitious. The field mouse seemed to tell him in fear a few days ago that the peach tree in the garden bloomed again.Julian asked him what was the sign?He only said it was autumn, ahh, I can't tell. If you can't tell, what are you afraid of? Julian thinks that superstition is a big problem of Chinese people, but it seems that superstition of fate has not hindered their revolution. Is there any connection between this?Although he didn't take it seriously, he still gave up going to Huangdao, walked directly along the trestle bridge for a while, turned up the slope, and looked back at the vast Yellow Sea. Walking along Zhongshan Road, looking for a bar to have a drink. Several bars and clubs in the former concession were places for Westerners to socialize, and naturally there were European news sources there.But Julian remembered that he should buy a desk like Min's, so he went to a furniture store first. As soon as he entered the door, he saw a table with a strange shape: the table was very large, and the left and right ends looked like ancient sailing ships, except for the tabletop, which was carved with roses.There was also a chair with a high back and the same carvings.The owner of the shop said that it belonged to a prince in the Ming Dynasty. It was originally a large set of furniture, but several pieces were destroyed in the war and scattered among the people.The owner is wearing a long gown of good texture and can speak English well.In Shinan District, most of the Chinese doing business, and decent shop owners, can speak English. "The asking price is low, but one leg is slightly damaged." The owner said. Julian looked at it carefully. "Sir, my account will be restored as before, and I won't take any money." Julian didn't quite understand why the shopkeeper was so frank and honest, but a set of tables and chairs cost twenty dollars, which was definitely not expensive.He left the address.The owner promised to deliver the boat table to the apartment within a week. He was happy in his heart, bought good things, and brought them home in the future, which would definitely make his mother happy.It doesn't matter whether the Ming Dynasty or not, the shape of this table is ingenious, and it must be a great inspiration to the colleagues in the Omega factory where my mother participated.The nude girls painted by my mother all over the wall matched the quaint colors, black, black, red, and red.Moreover, the boat means one's own destiny, drifting forever as one wishes. He went into several shops to measure the size, choose fabrics, and make long gowns.He also bought a pair of vases. On the vases, men bent over to plant seedlings in the field, and two rich girls stood under the flower trees with smiles on their faces.Chinese women in ancient costumes always have a body as delicate as a willow, but their faces are a bit like mothers and aunts.He was very surprised. The boss said that this was porcelain specially made for foreigners in the last century. At this moment, he was stopped by a loud "Hello, Brit!"On the street, three westerners with the same high nose and yellow hair as him spoke English with a German accent. They asked him to have a drink with him.  All three were in business, and indeed they were Germans.A man wearing glasses said he wanted to go to the Imperial Red House, and asked Julian if he had been there?They ridiculed that Julian came to China for nothing, and it was even more useless not to go to the Imperial Red House in Qingdao. The white Russian girls there are really sensual. The Imperial Red House has a small facade, and the entrance is a bit dark, which may be intentional.The shop is very deep, with several halls, not quite like a French café, nor quite like an English pub.After sitting at the bar, it was indeed served by a young and frivolous White Russian woman, her breasts were raised high, her waist was tightly cinched, and her skirt was short to her thighs.It seems to be the dress of the Berlin "Blue Angel" in the movie. Julian asked for brandy. After a few minutes, I got the feeling that this place is completely European. Although it is not late at night, people come and go, and it is very lively.With a western face, they are acquaintances without introduction. When the Germans who accompanied him saw that he had just arrived, they said that the prosperity of Qingdao depended on the western countries.The docks, railways, roads, hospitals, and factories here were all built by Westerners.The Chinese don’t know good and bad, and they took over the concessions of Germany, Russia and other countries long ago during the European War. When the revolution got carried away a few years ago, they launched an armed attack by workers and took back the management rights of many concessions. Now the Communist Party can only shelter Shanghai. The Western Concession as a base. "Without us, Qingdao would be poor, and everyone in Qingdao would be unemployed." Julian didn't speak. His job was given by the Chinese. The bar was hung with curtains, heavy fuchsia velvet curtains to keep out the daylight.The noise of various languages, together with the smell of wine, made the air cloudy. "How many medals have you collected recently?" A big-bellied guy came up to him, like a half-breed from Greece. "The number is lost." A man who looked like a boss spoke with a proud Mid-Yorkshire dialect.But he was modest on this issue, "There are too many Chinese in the winery." Julian understood that they were talking about Chinese women workers.He asked for glass after glass, the alcohol building in his blood, but his mind clear.They talked more and more vigorously, and then they each talked about what they had done.The owner of the winery boasted that he had slept with five Chinese virgins in one night, which caused a burst of laughter that didn't know whether to praise or mock.Julian did not expect to meet such a group of extremely shameless colonialists. Seeing Julian's expression, a Russian woman who looked like a proprietress came over and whispered into Julian's ear, "Don't pay attention to these bastards. Come here, let me introduce you to Anna." He stepped aside and saw The back of the proprietress is almost completely exposed, and the pearl necklace is wrapped three times around the neck. The makeup is too much, but only in this way can it conceal the passing of time. The girl behind her was probably in her twenties, not ugly, but looked a little sad. "Anna is the daughter of Count Vasiliev." The proprietress added, "Everyone wants to learn from her for the tango queens in the southern district of our city." Julian kissed the fingertips of the proprietress and Anna, and said that he was busy today and would come to ask for advice another day.He pressed the note under the wine glass and walked out of the Imperial Red House.  The sun outside was so bright that he had to close his eyes and open them slowly. After getting used to the daylight, the streets and houses were still blurred and crooked, and the people were twisted. I don't know why there are so many people.After a while, he was surprised to find that he had walked into a procession. Young men, women, oh, students were demonstrating with slogans and banners, and some took the lead and shouted slogans. Julian raised his fist and shouted too.He only saw the word "Japan" written on the sign, but he couldn't hear the words shouted in unison.It doesn't matter if you don't understand, he will fully agree with these slogans. The team suddenly became chaotic. The front row stopped, people backed away, or ducked to the side of the street.There were also quite a few students who did not retreat or hide, but there were fewer people in the middle of the street, so he saw hundreds of policemen in black uniforms and black pan hats wielding batons on the opposite side. As soon as the order was given, the police yelled fiercely and pressed down. Even the hardcore members who refused to retreat or hide began to run back.Julian had no time to think, and he stood still.When the police rushed in front of him, he just raised one hand and repeated words that he didn't know what he was talking about. His head was hit by a wooden stick, his eyes dazed, and he fell to the ground.  Julian lay on the bed.His head was broken by a wooden stick, but it was not heavy, and he was sent to the hospital immediately. No bone was injured, and he received three stitches.The students who failed to run, regardless of whether they were injured or not, were all arrested first and brought to the police station. When the two servants seem to understand that it is time to show off their talents, breakfast is soy milk, steamed buns, and a poached egg rice wine; The portion is larger, beef rice noodles, fish are the freshest, just caught from the sea. In order not to disappoint the well-meaning servant, he reluctantly ate some of each meal, and then asked the servant to take the meal away. He lost his appetite.Not only that, they were not allowed to come upstairs without his order, he needed a quiet rest.He will ring the bell when something happens. For him daring to participate in the parade and fight with the police, the wizard and the field mouse showed a very submissive look. The two vases, tables and chairs bought in the city center were delivered by someone from the store.He let the vase rest on the floor of the living room, and he didn't want to care about where it was.The table and chairs were lifted up and placed in the bedroom. He knows the truth of his heroic deeds: he himself first doesn't care about himself, then the world doesn't care about him.His depression had a good reason because of the parade injury. Perhaps the policeman wielding the wooden stick recognized a foreigner under the stick, and before he could retract his arm, he hit him, but the blow was not severe.He thought that if the wound required ten stitches, and he was interrogated with bleeding head like other injured students before being sent to the hospital, it would be an equal treatment for him.Now the bandage on his head also looks like a fake, pretending! Light and quiet footsteps, rhythmically going up the stairs. The wizard and the field mouse have no guts.Julian listened intently, but stopped in his footsteps, as if hesitating.After a while, there was a knock on the door. He didn't answer the door right away, his heart was beating violently.The person standing outside the door could only be that person. He thought he had forgotten and was forgetting, but it suddenly proved that he was not forgotten.He knew he would want to see her in a moment, and she came. The door opened. He first saw her sleeve, which had an emerald bracelet, and her fingers were slender and tender, placed on the doorknob. On her feet were blue velvet shoes, neither high nor low, without embroidery.The trousers were wide open, and the top was short and tight.Very good, now that he saw her whole body, it seemed that she had dressed up on purpose, just like the attire of the court ladies of the Qing Dynasty in the album.Her hair was braided, he didn't expect Min to dress up for him so deliberately, and he was really fascinated by it.If you brush off the row of bangs on her forehead, her forehead must be high.He likes women with high foreheads, mother is, aunt is.A new Min, all in light blue and emerald blue. She came into the room, stood at the head of Julian's bed, and said nothing.Julian's heart clicked, as if something was stuck in his chest, and he fell down suddenly, feeling free to breathe. She went and drew the curtains halfway so that the sunlight would not fall on Julian's bed. Julian habitually showed a mocking smile.When Min approached, she also had the same smile, she could learn it as soon as she learned it, not bad, he muttered in his heart.With her around, he immediately felt that his depression had no reason. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at Julian.Not wearing spectacles, Julian noticed, pinching them in her hand.When he looked at her, she suddenly stood up to look at his boat-shaped table, and he felt that her eyes were wet. He had a feeling that Min didn't look like she was going to leave after sitting for a while, she would stay for a long time.His injury was a good reason, she had come to take care of him. Min stroked Julian's forehead, walked around the small wound under the gauze, and said softly, "Why do you still have a fever?" Julian tried to say something, but Min put her finger on his mouth, and her own pursed lips, much like his mother used to come upstairs to put him to sleep.She asked the servant to bring up the stewed chicken and red date soup, and sat quietly on the side, watching him eat every mouthful. It's good to have Min by his side. What he wants is actually very simple, and what he wants at this moment is even simpler: peace and warmth.After eating, he was a little fuzzy.The mental and physical tension of the past few days has been relaxed, and the tiredness and sadness have turned into a pleasant sleep. He closed his eyes and felt himself sinking into a deep sleep, breathing peacefully, and slept for a long, long time. time. Suddenly Min’s voice wakes him up, and she’s standing by the window with an angry look on her face. Julian suspected he was dreaming.He regained his composure, his drowsiness disappeared, and he saw clearly that Min was angry, holding a few pages of paper full of words in his hand.He remembered that it was a letter he had written to his mother before the accident.After writing, it was spread out on the table and was not put away. Min asked tremblingly, "Who is Q?" Julian struggled out of bed to sit up against the head of the bed, and talking in this way eased his throat. "This is a personal letter, please don't read it," He paused, seeing that Min didn't respond to his solemn protest, "Well, to tell you, Q is just a sequential number." Min was still holding the letter and had no intention of putting it back on the table.Looking at Julian, she immediately understood: "What does this mean? Your number eleven? And who is it?" Julian wanted to quickly resolve the misunderstanding and said, "Q is not someone else, but you." Min's expression was even more surprised. She read the letter again, very quickly, because she only read that line, and she put the letter on the table, her voice trembling with anger: "I, your eleventh lover, and have already had an affair with you." I'm in love." Her English was not good enough, and it was revealed at this moment, when she was excited, she couldn't form a sentence. "Absurd! Inexplicable! A lie!" Julian could feel the intensity of her emotional reaction, and it was only then that he realized that the sentence "I have an affair with Q", each word deeply offended Min.This sentence is simple in his eyes, and every word is like a sharp knife to this Chinese woman.She is the eleventh!He's already had so many women, he's only twenty-seven years old, and he's already seduced ten women! So young, so shameless. The word "personal relationship" made her unbearable, and the most serious word was "already". Her face turned pale: "You and I 'already have an affair'?" Julian admitted that he exaggerated a little and was a little anxious when he wrote the letter. He wanted to let his mother know that everything was normal and smooth for him in China.At that time, he thought that it must become a fact within a few days, at least when the letter arrived in England, it must have been "already". But to Min, it's not just a fake, it's proof of his bad intentions. "When you come to bed, don't you just 'already'?" Julian always used a cheeky way to deal with angry women, and he gave up part of the bed. "You have no shame!" she roared. Julian had no choice but to bite the bullet and say, "Believe me, I've never been like this, only when I think of you, I have no shame." Min took the glasses from the table, still holding them in his hands, facing him, without saying a word. Her silence didn't stop Julian, he had a faint smile on his face: "The eleventh, the last one is always the best one, I will prove to you that I am the best and the greatest in the world lover." Min felt aggrieved and humiliated, suddenly lowered his head, put on his glasses, turned sideways, and disappeared from his room.In the blink of an eye.He was so dazed that he didn't even notice that she went downstairs and closed the door of the house.  He walked in a thick fog.He was by the bay, the ferry stopped, and there were Chinese people in blue clothes on both banks, who seemed to be waiting for him. What is he waiting for? They all have mysterious smiles on their faces.Face turned away from the lighthouse at sea. He turned around and found Min behind him. He turned and walked towards Min, but Min disappeared into the mist.Who's in that lonely lighthouse?  He looked at the lighthouse, and tears suddenly flowed down his face. When he woke up, his eyes were still wet. He is a man of rich imagination, especially in dreams.His talent comes from his emotions, and emotions are always connected with a certain woman at a certain stage.The mother is the only one who lasts in this emotion.He did not come to the East to find a woman like his mother.For example, Min can't give him happiness, on the contrary, this relationship still tortures him.  After such an angry, such a toss, his fever subsided. When night came, Julian stared at the window in a daze, trying to sort out his random thoughts. Unexpectedly, Min came to see him again, but with her husband.She was still dressed as before, but with a white woolen sweater, she became the wife of the head of the department in a public place again. Professor Zheng asked if Julian was feeling better.I heard that the injury was not serious, which is lucky.He said they brought some tonics and let the servants steam them downstairs. "Please tell me what you want, don't worry, you can go to class after your injury is healed. Anyway, the students are going on strike to protest and suppress the parade." Zheng was very clear about his sense of propriety, he was impartial, and he didn't get involved in arguments. He didn't make any minor reproaches in his speech, and he didn't accuse Julian of not going to the Shinan District Street to march with the students. He just said that he shouldn't have a direct conflict with the police. conflict. That being the case, Julian felt no need to explain himself. "We are responsible for your safety. Please be careful in the future," Zheng said. "The British Consulate in Shinan District sent someone to inquire about your situation and said it was condolences." "Consulate!" Julian groaned.He tried to stay as far away from the consulate as possible, and never let them know that he was there.He has always distrusted any government agency.And what he wants to do in the future will not make any official happy. The servant brought the guest a chair.Zheng sat, and Min only sat down for a while, then stood behind the chair.She looked very disturbed and distracted. It must be her husband who wanted her to come with her, and she had no reason to refuse.However, Min's eyes never left him, although after a while, she would always look to the side.It was hard for him to tell what was going on in her mind, she never met Julian's eyes. Zheng's unclear attitude made Qiulian feel unhappy.He has to admit that the liberalism that Chinese intellectuals learned from the West is just a liberalism that is not prepared to practice.What they lack is the ability to put their beliefs into action, even political action.I'm afraid this is the lesson he can really teach here, and he is worthy of the nine hundred pounds of Chinese money. Zheng's "calmness" in the face of aggression and Min's "decency" in the face of love are clear evidence: China has not yet matured liberalism.  Obviously, Min is deliberately keeping a distance from him now.But if he didn't see Min for a day, Qiu Lian's heart would ache.If you love a Chinese woman, you have to marry her, no one needs to remind him, he knows this.He believed that if his mother saw Min with her own eyes, she would definitely like him very much, and Min would become a good wife for his mother. Thinking of this, Julian suddenly remembered a number that had been obvious for a long time: Min was thirty-five, eight years older than himself. How strange, he thought, that Min looked, to a Westerner, in his early twenties, both in looks and in figure.Compared with Western women, she is a little smaller, not as exaggeratedly sexy as they were in their youth.But Western women are so fleeting. He tried hard to recall the appearance of Western women in their thirties. Indeed, all of them had wrinkles around their eyes, lips and necks. If they were fatter, the wrinkles would be less, but the abdomen and hips Get fatter, even Cairns's ballerina wife, her legs have also gained weight.Those western women around his age, like his big sister.If a Chinese woman is younger than him in appearance, then she is young, and there is nothing to discuss about "real age", only the form has practical significance. Min was a married woman, and that wasn't a problem for Julian at all, it was a problem for Min.This issue should be resolved by Min himself, he can only accept her decision.He doesn't think it's morally wrong for him to have sex with a married woman.On the contrary, if she decides to love him, and he has concerns and refuses because she has a husband, this is a lack of moral courage.