Chapter 4 Chapter Four

I went back to Beijing. I left the United States and left Beibei to return to Beijing in order to find my peace of mind, even though I knew that the peace of mind at this time would never stay in Beijing. It was very late when we drove into the city from the airport.The car drove from north to south from the third ring road, driving very fast.The third ring road is much wider than my previous impression, and the traffic flow is not as crowded as before.I paid special attention to the Tuanjiehu community that I passed on the way. I seemed to see the building group where my dad lived in the lights of Wanjia on the west side of Changhong Bridge, and saw the window with the faint yellow light.My nose is a little sour. I know that my dad has had a bad time in the past two years. He loves me because of it. When I was unlucky, he ignored me because of it. Since then, our father and son have almost cut off contact.When I went to America with Beibei, I didn't say goodbye to him.It's been almost a year and now I always want to see him again, he is my dad anyway, he raised me.

But I didn’t go to my dad’s place that night. Instead, I asked the driver to drive me almost through Beijing from north to south to Fangzhuang near the South Third Ring Road, and found the tower I used to frequent.The elevator in the tower building was broken. I groped my way up to the fifteenth floor with my luggage which was not too light, and knocked on the door of Liu Minghao's house. Liu Minghao's newlywed wife, Li Jia, probably already knew the news of my sudden resignation and return to China from the long journey across the sea.Only then did I realize that I had really lost my head and cast myself into a trap. I forgot that Li Jia was Beibei's cousin. Now that I came to Liu Minghao's house, I was looking for scolding, but it was too late to quit.

After Li Jia had finished nagging, Liu Minghao pulled me into the study and asked, "Are you reconciled with An Xin?" I shook my head and replied, "I haven't found her yet." Liu Minghao said, "Didn't she go back to her hometown?" I said, "Yes, I'm going to buy a train ticket tomorrow, and I'm going to Qingmian, Yunnan to find her." Qingmian—this is the place I first heard in that small restaurant called Jialing Pavilion. During the days when An Xin and I were dating, we talked about Qingmian countless times. In An Xin's depiction, the clear mountains are always dark green, and the water is always crystal clear.It was a pure land without any pollution, and even the exhaust of cars could hardly be smelled.To enter Qingmian, you have to pass a long cable bridge. Under the bridge is the shallow and fast Qingmian River.Many years ago, An Xin walked out of the long cable bridge and entered the best middle school in Baoshan City. Since then, she has actually left her hometown.

In Qingmian, Anxin's home can be regarded as a wealthy home.Her father opened a traditional Chinese medicine processing factory and prescribed prescriptions for the surrounding people to treat diseases. He is both a doctor and a private business owner, and is a respected figure in the mountains.Her mother was originally an educated youth from Shanxi, who took root in Qingmian and never returned to the city.Later, he worked in the Mass Cultural Center in Qingmian and was a local literati.An Xin said that her mother is fine and still writes poems. It can be seen that An Xin admires her mother more than her father who runs a workshop and is a doctor, and the expression of pride for her mother is often palpable when talking.This moved me a little bit—even in such a poor and isolated mountainous area, what people respect, value, and talk about more is culture.

So a question that puzzles me even more is, why doesn't An Xin go to college, why doesn't she pursue a more decent, easier and more meaningful study and job? Everyone has a basic dream, why does she want to come to this dilapidated and old taekwondo gym to work as a temporary worker who is driven by others? This is the question I asked An Xin after drinking at the dining table in Jialing Pavilion on that stormy night.She didn't answer, her face was also reddish from the wine, and there were some tears in her eyes, not knowing whether it was because of looking back on the past or because of the wine, she said: I like Beijing, I like the big crowds. The city, where no one knows anyone, makes me feel safe and at ease.

Her words and her expression were both innocent and profound, which made me confused for a moment whether she was like a child or more like a world-weary expert.Her speech was also a little half-drunk and half-awake, and her eyes were also a little half-clouded and half-clear, so that I couldn't guess whether she was really drunk or just borrowing alcohol to express her sorrow. We told each other a lot about our childhood memories that day.I talked about my father who worked as an apprentice all the way to the factory manager, and I also talked about my kind and unruly mother... I was so drunk that I told An Xin that my father was actually a very snobbish person. After being a cadre for so many years, he is still such a petty citizen.I even said that I had many girlfriends when I was in middle school...Of course I'm not completely drunk, and I'm not stupid enough to mention Zhong Ning.

An Xin also talked a lot about the customs and landscapes of her hometown, her parents, her favorite food and games when she was a child, and she also recited a few poems written by her mother.To me, the poems are a bit obscure and some are too similar to nursery rhymes;Rhyme or no rhyme, inscrutable or straightforward, I listened very carefully, even though I knew she was reciting the lines not so much for me as to vent her own homesickness. Finally, while reading her mother's last poem, she cried.I couldn't understand the poem, but I was moved. She quickly controlled it, and the tears that had been floating in the eye sockets had just flowed down, and she wiped them away immediately.No sobbing, that's all.

It was getting late, we spent too long time in this small restaurant, An Xin called the waiter to come and check out, she really wanted to pay.I snatched the bill and said, "I'll pay it." An Xin said, "I'm treating you today. This is Xie En's meal." I said, "Don't divide it so clearly with me, you will get rich later. , I will find you every day to eat the big family." But An Xin was the first to hand over the money that had already been taken out to the waiter, and turned to me and said: "I already owe you, I can't owe you any more."

She insisted on paying, and I didn't argue any more. I was too conspicuous in fighting and snatching it in front of the waiter, making people think we just met each other.And girls are like this, if she says she doesn't want to owe you, don't force her, otherwise she will appear to have ulterior motives. Fortunately, the meal only cost more than 60 yuan.At that time, I didn't know what the more than 60 yuan meant to An Xin. When we walked out of the gate of Jialing Pavilion, the wind had stopped and the rain had stopped.We got in the car.I drove the car very fast, and the water on the ground hit the chassis of the car, making a bang.The sound was exhilarating.It was very late, and the car arrived at the gate of the Jingshi Sports School. When we stopped, we all saw that the iron gate of the sports school had been closed.An Xin got out of the car and stood in a daze in front of the closed gate.I got out of the car too, and I knew she couldn't get in.The only thing on my mind right now besides the alcohol is this surprise!I said, "Don't worry, come live with me. I have land there." She didn't look back, and said, "No need." I stood behind her and refused to leave, and I said, "You can't get in." She still didn't look back, she just said: "I'll figure it out on my own, you can go home quickly, thank you for sending me back."

I suddenly stepped forward and hugged her tightly.For two months, I have been pretending to be gentle and gentle in front of her. For this girl I like, I should have come to Lu a long time ago, and I should have had a wild time long ago!According to Liu Minghao, all women have the desire to be abused and raped, and many girls like men to have sex with her!I hugged An Xin and kissed her ear, probably I was too sudden and rude to startle An Xin, she threw me away and subconsciously hid by the wall: "Yang Rui, what are you doing!" I couldn't calm down because of the fever, I rushed up and squeezed An Xin against the wall, insisting on kissing her.An Xin yelled: "Yang Rui, you are drunk, stop making trouble, go away!"

She broke free from me desperately and ran to the street ahead.I gave her a hand and grabbed her clothes, which tore with a bang.That sound woke me up a little bit, and I knew I'd screwed up and she'd be mad if I tore her clothes.I chased after her, trying to hug her and apologize to the ground, but this apologetic action backfired. She became more frightened, accelerated her pace, and desperately threw me away and ran straight to the brightly lit street corner.I chased after her and reached out to hold her, I wanted to hold her to say sorry, but she stopped suddenly, turned around on the spot, and spun with one foot, high and fast, drawing half a circle in the air like lightning , hit me on the head with a bang.I yelled "Ouch", and fell obliquely, and fell hard on the curb. My wine sobered up, and I looked at An Xin in shock.I realized that her sudden blow just now turned out to be an extremely beautiful and even perfect "back swing leg"! It is the kind of "back swing leg" that only masters of Luquando can do so wide open and close! I lay prone on the cold and wet ground, and my mind came to my senses.I saw that An Xin's footsteps were one in front and one in back, her footwork was standard and steady.Her posture was hardly at all like the innocent young girl An Xin I was familiar with.At that moment, I was only amazed and amazed, completely ignoring the pain that came from somewhere in my body. An Xin was also petrified, her kick might also be beyond her own expectations.Seeing me lying on the curb and unable to get up, she thought that that kick must have kicked me, so she stared at me in a daze.Only then did I feel that my mouth and nose were hot and wet like blood, and I wiped it with my hand, and it turned red.An Xin panicked when she saw the blood, so she ran over and squatted down, took out a handkerchief to wipe it for me, and we said at the same time: "I'm sorry." An Xin helped me up, my right foot was really sprained, and the pain was so painful that I hardly dared to touch the ground.An Xin supported me and tried to walk forward: "Are you really hurt?" I really couldn't move, she frowned: "Then what should I do, can you still drive?" I looked at her and asked, "How do you know Taekwondo?" She didn't answer and said, "Go to the hospital." I leaned on her body and walked towards my car.Her body was soft and strong, and it felt great.Pain turned into happiness. I only wish the road ahead would be longer. Unfortunately, my car is right in front of me, just a few steps away. I said, "I can't drive anymore because my right foot is cured. If my left leg is cured, I might be fine." An Xin didn't respond, and pushed me to the front of the car before saying, "Key." I took out the car keys in doubt, and asked in disbelief, "You know how to drive?" An Xin didn't answer, helped me into the car, then sat in the driver's seat, started the car, put it in gear, released the handbrake, and made me dumbfounded with a series of skillful and swift movements!The car started with a swish, the sound, the speed, a bit like the driving skills in a police movie.When the car drove out of the intersection, she said, "I don't have a driver's license. The police will detain you if they check." I'm glad she spoke to me in such an uninhibited tone.I retorted: "You have made me like this, and you want the police to detain me. How else are you going to destroy me, huh?" She said: "Didn't I apologize to you?" Then said: "You did it first." We didn't know where there was a hospital nearby, so we asked her to drive around on the street, and finally found Beijing Hospital, where I treated my injured mouth, nose and right foot at the night outpatient department of Beijing Hospital.By the time we walked out of the hospital, it was already midnight, and the ground was covered with shiny rainwater, which made the night streets even more depressed, and there were hardly any passing cars and pedestrians in front of the hospital.The street lights were dim, and the whole city seemed somewhat ambiguous because of this, as if some undisclosed things might happen in every corner. I suddenly remembered to ask An Xin: "How much did you spend for the doctor just now?" "More than eighty yuan, what's the matter?" I took out my pocket and said, "I'll give it to you." I took out the money, took a hundred-yuan bill, and handed it to her. She looked at the money, but didn't accept it, and said, "This is the money I should pay." I said, "How much do you earn a month?" She repeated: "This is the money that should be paid by me." I said, "I did it first, and I should pay for it. I still have to pay for your clothes." I stuffed the money into her pocket, but she dodged: "I don't want it." I stuffed it in and said, "I'm apologizing to you." I limped towards the car.She followed, helped me into the car, and then started the car. She seemed to think for a while before asking, "Where do you live?" Her words made me smile a little, this opportunity is really not easy, because it is not easy, it is very interesting.Finally, near midnight, I brought peace of mind to my home.Bringing a beloved girl home in such a deep night, this result is indeed beyond my expectations, although the whole process seems to be a little bit of a deliberate suspicion. An Xin helped me upstairs, helped me into the house, and helped me all the way to the bed.She asked me, "Drink water?" I said, "Don't drink." "Then I'm leaving," she said. I said, "Then I'll drink." She helped me pour water, and I pointed her where the cup was and where the water was.After she finished pouring the water, she said, "I should go." I said, "Where are you going so late?" She said, "I can't sleep with you." I said, "So what if you sleep here, are you still afraid that I will be molested?" "A little bit," she said. I said: "Look at me being hurt like this, even if I have such a heart and courage, I don't have such ability. Besides, I don't have such courage." She smiled: "So, do you have that wicked heart?" With a straight face, I said brazenly: "No one can control what I think, right? I don't even have the right to 'sexualize'?" "What?" She didn't seem to understand. I changed the subject and said, "You sleep on the bed, and I sleep on the sofa outside, can't you?" She thought for a while and said, "You'd better sleep on the bed, I'll sleep on the sofa. I'm not used to sleeping in other people's beds." Well, I am no longer stubborn, and I limped and jumped to find clean sheets, pillow covers and towels for peace of mind.That night, the girl whom I had racked my brains and pursued to no avail finally slept in my small living room.This is a rare opportunity, because Zhong Ning and her brother happened to go to Russia to discuss business together the day before, and it will take half a month to come back.I don't have to worry about her suddenly coming over in the middle of the night or early in the morning to "catch a couple".I slept soundly that night, and that bit of "thief" really hasn't moved. In the morning, I was awakened by a gentle knock on the door.I knew it was An Xin, so I yelled, "Come in, the door is unlocked!" An Xin pushed the door open and came in, a little anxious and apologetic, and said, "I'm sorry I got up late, I wanted to make breakfast for you, but I might have another day today." going to be late." I said, "It's okay. I never eat breakfast. You can go in my car. If you are late this time, no one will take the blame for you." She concealed her happiness: "Is that all right? Don't you need a car today?" I stretched out my two bare arms, stretched my waist vigorously, and said: "I made you do this, how can you drive? I am a good person this time to the end, please drive the car away, don't let the police catch you Just do it." An Xin was very happy, took the car keys and left, I yelled at her: "Don't forget to return the car after class at night." I slept through the day. At night, An Xin came back and sent her back to the car.Seeing that I was still lying on the bed, he asked me what I did today and if I had dinner.I said I haven't even eaten lunch yet.An Xin said what's wrong?I said I was so sore that I couldn't cook.Feel free to say that I will make it for you, what do you have at home?I got out of bed disheveled, went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to point and tell her what was there, then washed my face and went back to the living room to watch the TV.After a while, An Xin actually brought out two dishes, one soup, and steamed rice in a decent manner.Although the two dishes and one soup were made from some leftover cooked food, I dare say that it was the most delicious dinner in my life. I was really hungry too, and I yelled that it was delicious while eating.I said rest assured that if you marry someone in the future, you will be blessed.An Xin said that I will not marry anyone.I tilted my head and asked why, as for hating men so much?An Xin said that I don't hate men, it's men who hate me.I am a vixen, if a man follows me, he will be unlucky. I smiled and said coldly: "Then I would like to try." An Xin said: "Didn't you try it yesterday?" I knew she was talking about her kick last night.Her kick was really good, it was admirable and lingering fear at the same time.When I said that she kicked yesterday, I almost didn't notice that she used this way of answering, which cleverly diverted my meaning. I had no choice but to change the subject and asked, "Hey, you haven't answered me yet, how can you know Taekwondo?" An Xin was silent for a while, and said perfunctorily: "I haven't eaten pork, haven't I seen a pig running? I watched you practice 'ahhhhhh' all day long, kicking like this and kicking like that. All of a sudden." I said: "Who are you lying to? Luquando looks simple but difficult to practice. As for your back swing yesterday, I practiced it for two months and still haven't gotten it out. Your leg didn't last for three or two years. Absolutely can't get out of that 'method'. Could it be that one of the coaches in our gymnasium gave you a small meal after the shift order?" An Xin watched the TV news, smiled lightly, and said, "I wish I had that time." I think so too, she works and attends classes every day, from morning to night, it is impossible for her to have free time to practice taekwondo. After I finished eating, An Xin helped me wash the dishes, and then said: "There is still a bus, I have to go back early." I stopped her: "Don't, don't you see that I can't take care of myself? If you kicked me badly, I must take some responsibility." She was stunned: "How can I be responsible?" I said, "Help me cook for a few days. I'm injured and can't keep up with nutrition." Seeing that she didn't answer, I followed up again, which was a kind of compensation and exchange: "You can use my food for a few days. It can also save you a little time in crowded cars.” She hesitated: "can't you get yourself something to eat?" I firmly said: "No!" She said: "I always live here and the neighbors should talk nonsense. I don't know anyone. It doesn't matter. The main thing is that it's not good for you." I said: "It's been so long, who is interested in meddling with you. The advantage of living in this kind of apartment building is that everyone lives their own lives behind closed doors, and no one cares about other people's affairs. I’ve lived here for four years, and I don’t know any of my neighbors. We all hear about each other’s voices, and we never get in touch with each other.” She still hesitates. I smiled: "Are you afraid of me? I promise I won't touch you, okay." She shook her head and denied, "I'm not afraid of this." I immediately followed up: "Are you really afraid of fakes?" She also smiled: "If you dare to act recklessly, I will let you lie down for another half a year." I said, "If you are willing to serve me every day, I would be happy to lie down like this." She stopped, because if she continued, it would sound like flirting with each other.But she didn't insist on leaving.This day she lived again. She stayed here for more than ten days, leaving early and returning late every day.Sometimes I come back very late, saying that I have to go to work.No matter how late I come back, she will help me clean up the house, make dinner, and get up in the morning to help me make breakfast and lunch.I never ate breakfast before, but with An Xin's company, I also changed my habit of sleeping in.At first, she finished cooking with peace of mind and didn't eat with me. She always said that she had already eaten. Later, when I insisted and got angry, she started to eat breakfast and dinner with me.The feeling of the two eating together at home is very special, it really feels like a young couple living together.During the day, I would walk slowly to the nearby vegetable market with a cane to buy a lot of delicious chicken, duck and fish. Every night we would have a big meal, watch TV and chat together.Except that they still sleep separately, they are really like a couple, living harmoniously and happily.This is the first time I have experienced the beauty of spiritual love in my experience with girls. The period of "cohabitation" with An Xin played an important psychological development role in my later life ideals and standards of happiness, and subtly affected my views on women, love, sex, and family. feel.It would be an exaggeration to say that this period was an initiation and a major milestone in my growing up, taking me a big step towards an adult mindset.Although I didn't realize these at the time, I didn't expect to immediately change my superficial life attitude and thinking habits.I am still me.But my later changes largely came from my review and longing for these days. Like all good and unrealistic things, this period is short-lived.When it was about to end, I felt special nostalgia, as if it had just begun. That night after we had dinner and watched TV, when we were going to bed, An Xin suddenly said, "Yang Rui, I can't live anymore, and I won't come tomorrow. You have to take care of yourself." She put the car and house keys on the coffee table in front of me.I didn't say anything to keep her, because I knew that Zhong Ning would come back from Russia soon, and I couldn't keep her anymore. I kept the keys away without saying a word, and said muffledly: "Thank you for your peace of mind, thank you for taking care of me these days. I am very happy to have such a life, I have never lived such a life." An Xin was silent for a while, looked at me, and said, "It's like a home, right?" That's right, she was right, but I didn't immediately agree, and asked her instead, "Do you feel that way?" An Xin looked away, lowered her head and said, "I have lived this kind of life before." I looked at her puzzled, and my heart suddenly skipped a beat. I blurted out and asked, "Have you... had a boyfriend before?" An Xin looked up, we looked at the camera, on my faint feeling.It was a farewell look.She said, "Don't ask me about it, you'll be disappointed." I want to hear, I really want to hear stories about peace of mind.Maybe her gaze gave me a hint of the end, maybe this kind of omen made me suddenly magnanimous, making me not care about An Xin's shortcomings and experiences, even if she did have a boyfriend in the past, even if she had already Not a virgin, I would have liked her as much as I do now.Maybe I should have thought earlier, how could a girl as beautiful as her have never been pursued by a man, how could she have never had a long or short relationship, and even, how could she have never opened a bag when a man chased her Keep it whole for me?But, I thought, no matter what she is, no matter what happened to her in the past, she will always be pure in my heart.Whether a girl is pure or not should depend on her personality and heart, not on her history.