Chapter 2 Chapter two

A few people sat in the old man's coffee shop and chatted, listening to the music played on the stereo. It wasn't until after one o'clock that they felt that they should go home.They walked out, Zhige and Xiaoli got into Fangwei's Honda sedan, which was an old car that Fangwei bought at a pawnshop for 100,000 yuan last year through a friend's introduction.The original owner paid 80,000 yuan for this Honda to the pawn shop, saying that he needed a sum of money urgently, and would come back to redeem the car in a week. However, two months later, the original owner did not take the money to redeem the car. car, so the pawnshop owner sold the car to Miss Fang Wei.The three got into the red Honda car, Fang Wei poked his head out, made a meaningful farewell gesture to Deng Ying and Dali, left them and left.Deng Ying opened the car door, got into the car, and vigorously got into the car from the other side. Deng Ying sighed softly and said, "Are you going back or where are you going?"

"Where else can I go now? Go back." The car turned around slowly and headed towards the road it came from.The two were silent, Deng Ying stared at the front, there was nothing on the street except the dark night, dim street lights and a few taxis running wildly.Dali whistled beside her, "Night in the Suburbs of Moscow": "Late at night in the garden, everything is quiet..." Deng Ying thought she could sing this Soviet song when she was still in elementary school.Their family used to live in a mansion abandoned by capitalists. There were five families living in that mansion. One of them, named Lu, was a college graduate, a short and ugly bachelor who could not find a wife. Face was humming a song thoughtfully and sadly, and the voice came out of his window from time to time, like swarms of bees flying out, which made her ears familiar. "You remind me of my childhood," she said.

Dali stopped whistling, "Why?" "No reason." She didn't say why. The car drove to Labor Road and stopped in front of an alley. "It's not easy to back up inside." She said softly. He looked at her sideways, and she looked at him, and he smiled softly—a kind of gentle and intimate smile unique to men, which reminded her of a gentle thoroughbred.He said, "Can I kiss you? I think you are so beautiful." "No." she said. In fact, why did he need to ask her if he wanted to kiss her?She looked at him, and she saw the lust in those eyes on his long face, a fire that made her heart beat.She really wanted to change her words and say "you kiss", but she would never say such a thing. "Get out of the car." She said seriously, she felt like an old hen at that moment.

He got out of the car. She parked the car, raised her head and glanced at the window of her house, and a piece of yellow light shot out proudly, smearing on the tops of the plane trees in front of the window, making the tops of the trees a dim yellow in the dark night.This is a house with four bedrooms and two living rooms, with a construction area of ​​160 square meters. The living room can be called "vast", with a size of more than 40 square meters; , including doors and windows, the whole gives a luxurious and comfortable feeling.The light was on in the living room, but no one was there. My husband was sitting in the bedroom, which was also brightly lit, and the bathroom next to the bedroom was also brightly lit.Husbands are more afraid of the dark than women. As long as he is at home, he always turns on the lights in this room and that room.He asked her, "Where have you been?"

"Sitting in a coffee shop with some friends drinking tea," she replied, "you turned on the lights again." "I like lights." The man said, snapped the lighter, and lit a cigarette. While he was lighting his cigarette, she walked to the window, and a red rose bloomed through the window.She looked at the red rose with a smile, and she thought it bloomed so beautifully.Her good mood was brought to her by Dali, not the man behind her who was afraid of the dark.This man was very dry and thin, like several firewood sticks connected together - it was because the drugs had robbed his body of nutrition.He took drugs, which she hated.She felt that in her life, she hated this man the most.

The man smoked a cigarette behind her and said, "You haven't dated your husband for a long time, don't you want to?" "In no mood." She thought he spoke very rough, with a downright hooligan tone, but she couldn't get rid of him.His face used to be very handsome, but now it is very ugly, so thin that it looks like a sick dog.She caressed the red rose carelessly, and moved the flower out of the window, hoping it would be comforted by a little dew.The scene in the car flashed in her eyes, and she thought that if she kissed her vigorously, she would not resist.She longs for love to embrace her All these years, she has never felt love or warmth.After so many years, it seems that she has never needed the presence of love. Why can't she resist Dali's eyes this time?She felt that his gentle eyes entered her heart, as if a ray of sunshine shot into the desolate heart.Before that, she didn't feel desolate.The man said behind her: "Let's have a fight? Why are you still standing there in a daze?"

Deng Ying turned around and glanced at her husband, who had already taken off his sweater while she was standing at the window looking out into the night, leaving only a yellow plaid wool shirt on his body, covered by a satin quilt printed with dragon and phoenix patterns Most of his body—it was a body as thin as a dead chicken, with ribs or something that could be used as a washboard, and two nipples that were black, as if they were condensed with his internal poison.She really didn't know how he became like this, and she didn't understand why she didn't leave him early.She looked at his face with disgust, that sharp face full of selfishness, greed, and lust, and every wrinkle told a dirty story about him.He's a man walking dead."I have no emotions," she said.

The man put his arms around her neck, stretched out his hand to her breast augmentation and squeezed, "I want to fuck you." "No, I'm not emotional." "I'm in a mood," the husband demanded of her. "I just took the Pill, and you know it's working for me. I can't wait. Let's get undressed." His hand was on her Kneading on her breasts, he began to undress her.She pushed his hand away and said, "I'm so tired." "I want to fuck you, but you won't, what the hell are you?" He was annoyed, "What the hell are you women doing? Do you want me to go out and play with chickens?"

"I'll follow you." She went into the bathroom to relieve her hands, and after removing her hands, she stood in front of the sink to wash her hands while looking at herself in the wall mirror.She felt the flesh on her face sag a bit, and there seemed to be a tired fog around her eyes.She also felt that she had lost weight these days, and her face was sharper than before.When she came out of the bathroom, her husband lay down on his side, looking at her.She hesitated for a while and began to undress, and said to her husband: "Don't touch me..." The husband interrupted her and said: "Don't worry, I will have a place to vent, there are live chickens everywhere outside."

She was very disgusted that he used the word "vent" to her, and even more disgusted that he threatened her with "chicken". She sneered, stepped out of the bedroom, and walked into the study next door. The bed, covered with quilt and bedspread, is for sleeping in case guests come.She took off the bed cover, got into bed, glanced at the Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva in the bookcase, and closed her eyes to sleep.Ten minutes later, her mind was just drifting off to sleep, like a carp swimming towards a water hole. The door opened, and her husband, wearing that plaid wool shirt, rammed in with his lower body naked, and lifted the bed Jumped on her.His body was hot, and the smell of his body was released from the pores, which was similar to the smell of chickens and ducks.When she was a child, her mother asked her father to build a chicken coop in the kitchen from the perspective of saving, and raised a few hens, hoping that they would lay more eggs.She was all too familiar with the smell, it was the smell of her husband.When he was close to her, she often couldn't help but want to stop breathing.In her eyes, he was transformed from a rooster, and in his previous life he must have been a fluffy rooster with a well-developed comb.She turned her face away, and he said something nonsense in her ear that she didn't want to hear: "I'm going to kill you today!" Then he did it roughly... her husband was not such a man before, his change is five Heroin reversed his humanity and turned him into a beast who was in league with pigs and dogs.

"What is the difference between humans and animals? The only difference is that humans are worse than animals." He made no secret of his badness. "How much is life when you sing about wine? Eating, drinking, and having fun is the true meaning of life." He used Cao Cao's pessimism To explain his depravity with arguments, his original gentleness is gone, there is only a kind of blasphemy against society and the gods, and an act of extreme contempt for wealth and human value, and he does not even take it Become a human being. "What am I?" He sneered at himself, "I'm just a dog, and I'm only half a meter high if I jump again. I can't jump up!" This is his reason for humiliating himself. If she hadn't been sent to the countryside in 1973, she wouldn't have known her husband Tian Sheng, and if Tian Sheng hadn't been so kind to her back then, she wouldn't have married him if he cared about her so hypocritically.After she went to the countryside in 1973, there were three male educated youths chasing her at the educated youth spot. Tian Sheng was only the middle one, and he was by no means the best in appearance, but he had the father of the deputy director of the Revolutionary Committee. , which allowed him to occupy a place in her heart.Deng Ying's father died in the hospital six years ago when a group of young rebels in his unit beat him with sticks and belts. He was a battalion commander of a major in the Kuomintang army before his death. As a daughter, Deng Ying couldn't lift her head up after she became sensible.In that red terror era when the "Left" was lawless, a hundred people were discriminated against if they were born in a reactionary family, and this kind of discrimination was deeply imprinted on her young heart, as if ink was splashed on a white wall. .Tian Sheng's father was a worker-turned-leader who was a leading member of the revolutionary committee of the new group into the X Bureau, and the X Bureau was also the superior department of Deng Ying's mother's unit. "My father is the second in command of the Revolutionary Committee of Bureau X." Tian Sheng disclosed his father's position to her and said, "Your mother must know that the catering company where your mother works is directly under my father's management." On a bright day in October of that year, they were assigned to the production team for the autumn harvest. When they were resting, they sat under a tall maple tree at the head of the field, she sat on this side of the maple tree, and he sat on the other side of the maple tree. Beside them, they breathed the air that conveyed the aroma of rice, and lingered in their ears the joyful cry of sparrows-they were ecstatic about the piles of millet, flying above their heads and in the fields, that was their festival.He said the above words to her, and he said it in a flamboyant tone, to show his father's prominent position in Bureau X.At that time his face was not the dusty pointy face it is now, but a round black face with self-righteousness.At that time, a few wild pigeons started up from the field not far away and flew high into the sky. They flew very proudly, flying out like arrows. "It's a wild dove," he told her, "not a domestic dove. A wild dove is also called a turtledove." It has been half a month since they went to the countryside together, but it was only on that day that they met for the first time.There were eleven male and female educated youths in their group, who graduated from different schools, and they all had a "gilded" mentality.At that time, if you didn't go to the countryside, you would never even think about recruiting a job in your life.Tian Sheng's father is the deputy director of the Revolutionary Committee, which made the seventeen-year-old her feel a glimmer of hope, like a person drifting in the sea suddenly seeing an island.When Deng Ying went to the countryside, her mother had a conversation with her. It was a conversation that she decided to go to the countryside, but her mother had no confidence in her future. "Mom is afraid that you will be a farmer for the rest of your life." Mother said solemnly, "Mom is the wife of a former Kuomintang puppet officer. With this status, you can't hold your head up..." "Stop it." She didn't want to hear what her mother said. It is such a humble saying, "If you stay in the city, you will have nothing, but if you go down, there may be a glimmer of hope." If Tian Sheng's father hadn't been the deputy director of the Revolutionary Committee, she thought she wouldn't have married him. It was only when she went to the countryside that she really felt the hardships of the countryside. In March, the water is so cold that even if you have your period, you have to jump into the field; For grain or rice transplanting, you have to carry a load of rice to the rice field at the brigade headquarters to beat rice and so on.Leaving all this, the only thing to do is to wait for the recruitment to return to the city.Tian Sheng is almost two years older than her. He started studying at the age of seven and followed the steps of the class, while she started school at the age of six and skipped another level in the second grade of elementary school. First-year graduates.Tian Sheng is older than her, so he is naturally more courageous than her. The nineteen-year-old Tian Sheng is like a field mouse digging a hole, digging towards her step by step, aiming to capture this "fortress".He seemed confident from the beginning, he came to sit in her room and cook for her, and when she had her period in winter, he would wash her trousers, wash her face and feet, which moved her and disgusted her.At the end of 1975, when she was recruited, it was not because of her good performance that she was appreciated and recommended by the brigade cadres, but because of Tian Sheng.Tian Sheng told his mother that if she did not recruit workers, he would not recruit workers, so the two of them were recruited to the Changsha Hotel together. She was a waiter and he was a buyer, and they were still together every day. She started thinking about marrying him.One day, when he came to her house, he looked down on this and that during the chat. Deng Ying's mother worried that he would offend others and educated him: "You still have to respect the leader." However, Tian Sheng didn't care about the temptation of his future mother-in-law. Said: "I still care about our manager? What level is he? A department-level cadre." "He's so proud, Yingying." After he left, his mother commented on him. Deng Ying's mother passed away from stomach cancer in 1985. Deng Ying loves her mother who has suffered all her life.She doesn't approve of her marrying Tian Sheng, she thinks he has no talent.In 1982, after she graduated from the School of Finance and Economics, when they were planning to get married, her mother said something to her. "Tian Sheng doesn't seek to make progress," said her mother, sitting on her bedside one night, "Xiao Xiao is a nice person..." Xiao Xiao was her college classmate, and he pursued her all the time during college, and visited her house several times.She was shaken before, but this wavering was quickly washed away by Tian Sheng's tears.With tears in his eyes, he said: "When you go to college, you look down on me." When he obtained the "marriage registration certificate", he also entered her body with a bit of rape.The smell of chicken and duck on his body made her so uncomfortable that she even wanted to vomit at the time.But she thought it was the smell that men should have, and he also said that "men all smell like this".She only blamed her nose for being too sensitive to smell, and he also said that her nose was too sensitive, and he didn't think he smelled anything.Now she not only has a sense of disgust, but also a strong sense of humiliation.Did she ever love him?she thought, staring at the shrine. There are two bookcases standing against the wall, the partition of one of which has been removed and turned into a shrine for Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva.This is a statue of Avalokitesvara she asked for from Mount Heng.Three years ago, when she was thirty-six years old, a woman who knew a little about the Book of Changes told her that if it was convenient for her, she should go to Mount Heng to seek blessings from the Bodhisattva.After listening to the warning of this woman who knew the Book of Changes, she lost her soul and couldn't sleep at night. She always felt that there was a ghost staring at her outside the window, waiting for an opportunity to harm her.So she went, and came back with the Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva in her arms, and kept it in this study ever since.She regarded the house as a sanctuary for divine manifestations, yet her husband stripped her of her clothes and did it roughly, while Avalokiteshvara watched.This is the look that tarnishes Avalokitesvara, she thought sadly, I'm going to take a bath.She got up, put on light green cotton pajamas, walked into the living room, then into the kitchen, and turned on the Shenzhou water heater.This is the kind of large bathroom with dark green tiles on the walls, shiny black non-slip floor tiles on the floor, a flush toilet, a sink, and a large white bathtub.She stepped into the bathtub, and stood under the shower head of the water heater, allowing the hot water to bathe her body.After taking a shower, she came out, and her husband sat on the leather sofa in the living room, smoking a cigarette. "What are you doing?" He glared at her. She was too lazy to pay attention to this man who smelled like chicken and duck, she was so disgusted that she didn't even want to look at him, she went straight into the study and closed the door.She took off her pajamas, got into bed again, and her husband opened the door and walked in. "You hate me very much, I know." He looked at her with a sinister face, "I'm not human, I take drugs, I'm a vampire hated by the world...but I will always be your husband, you will always be my wife, I Tell you." She turned her face away, and he said again: "I was killed by you. You are better than me in everything. From the beginning, others only look up to you and look down on me. I took drugs because of you. You never gave me Love, you never took the initiative to have sex with me. We have been husband and wife for more than ten years. Every time I make a request, every time. You don’t love me, you make me suffer..."I loved this person ?she asked herself.In 1979, if his father hadn't stepped down from the position of the second-in-command of Bureau X, she might not have married him. She had considered a lot of things back then, and was afraid that others would say that she was snobby and that she and him were good friends. Because his father is the leader of Bureau X, if he is not the leader now, it is better not to be with him.She is afraid of this kind of public opinion.It was on this basis that she married him.People's thoughts are both complex and simple, and people live in this world, most of the time they live for others, and you cannot ignore other people's eyes.As long as you are living in this world, others become your mirror, and you can see yourself at any time.she thinks.For the first time in her life, she slept under the statue of Guanyin Bodhisattva, and she felt that she slept peacefully.When she woke up, she faced Guanyin Bodhisattva and thought for a long time. She felt that she should not live like this in her life, and should live in a different way!She has given a lot for this man, and this man has become a human-looking dirty dog, a trash can who uses the money she earns to do drugs.I'm going to leave him, she thought, I'm going to hide from him.When she was about to go out, the mobile phone rang, she turned on the mobile phone, and the other party said: "Hello." She recognized Dali's voice, "It's you." She just said these two words, she was afraid that her husband would hear.She answered him, "I'm still at home, and I'm getting ready to go out. What's the matter with you?" Dali said, "It's nothing, just give me a call to greet you." "Oh," she said, "I'm going to visit the construction site now." "Have dinner together at noon?" Dali said. She hesitated for a moment, and replied: "Call my cell phone later, we can't decide yet." She thought he had brought her inexplicable troubles. A big portion!In the past few years, she has often made fun of some women who are lingering in the relationship between men and women.Now she has become the kind of person she once looked down upon, a courtship female chirping in the treetops.She seemed to see that she was a female bird, perched on a locust tree full of white flowers, and kept chirping, but the wind carried its courtship sound far and far... After a quarter of an hour, she came out. the door.Probably the existence of God is to make people's lives flawed. If you succeed in your career, your love will show its flaws. If you get happiness in love, your career may be in a mess.she thought, driving the car.These questions used to patronize her brain, but in the early years, these questions just passed her mind like a cloud shadow.Now these problems are like knives, smashing the value concept she once had, making her unable to think with the previous thinking, as if when you become a rich person, you no longer have the concept of money in your mind like a poor person up.When the car was driving on Furong Road, an oncoming taxi almost collided with her, and her heart twitched. It was because she was distracted while driving, and her thoughts were at her grandmother's house just now.The local driver stopped the car, poked his head out and scolded her, saying, "Do you want to die?" Without saying a word, she turned the steering wheel and the car drove forward.I have to be careful, she thought, just now is the danger signal sent to me by the sky, love is not a game for women my age.The car drove to the construction site, she parked the car, looked at herself in the feedback mirror on the roof, and felt that the eye shadow was darker when she went out, so she opened the very exquisite Italian leather bag, took out a pack of fragrant napkins, and took out a pack of napkins. Zhang wiped his eyes on both sides, and saw that the eye shadow had faded a lot, and he didn't feel like he was wearing heavy makeup, so he opened the car door and walked out.This is a seven-story dormitory building, and it has now entered the stage of whitewashing the walls. Some migrant workers are standing on scaffolding to paint the outer walls of the building, and several migrant workers are burning asphalt on the roof.A contractor came up to her with a flattering smile on his face. "Boss Deng." Deng Ying glanced at him and said to him, "You just want them to pay attention to safety." "I told them again and again," said the contractor, "it will be fine."