Deng Ying only became interested in Zen six months ago, and it was also influenced by her younger brother.Her younger brother is a middle school teacher who teaches Chinese in a certain middle school. He often publishes articles in newspapers to comfort himself, and these articles are always related to Buddhism. , to analyze and discuss with their own opinions.Every time Deng Ying's younger brother published such an article in the "Changsha Evening News" or "Sanxiang Metropolis Daily", he would always show it to her elder sister to show that he had made some small achievements.When Deng Ying read her younger brother's articles, she gradually became interested in Zen, so she took a copy of "Zen Haizhen" at his brother's house on his 37th birthday.She put it on the bedside table, together with a copy of "Reader", two copies of "Girlfriend", and several newspapers that published her brother's articles. have a look.She thinks that a person must have some kind of sustenance, and his spirit must have a foothold, a harbor to moor, otherwise, a person will be like a headless fly flying around in the city, or like a broken ship that has lost its rudder, in the sea of ​​people. Lost.This is the knowledge she acquired from her brother's articles, and she feels that these ideas are pertinent and correct.

This evening—it was a weekend evening in March, the sun had been out all day, and the sun was mild, white, lovely, and scented with herbs.After returning home, she found that on the window sill of the bedroom, there were two more roses in the pot wrapped around the silver-gray iron window shield. They were bright red, and she could smell a faint fragrance when she smelled them carefully, which made her obsessed. .After dinner, she lay down on the bed to rest, while flipping through "Zen Hai Zhen Yan", she read this passage: Someone asked Ma Zu: "What is Buddha?" Mazu replied: "Neither mind nor Buddha."

Someone asked Mazu again: "Why did the teacher say that the mind is the Buddha?" Mazu replied, "That's to coax children from crying." The monk asked again: "What happens after you stop crying?" Mazu replied, "That's non-heart and non-fulo!" Zen is the heart, and Wuxin is the Buddhadharma. There is no heart at all...Deng Ying read it again and felt confused. What does it mean? "There is no heart", she thought, so what is the heart?Everyone has a heart, how do you say "there is no heart"?She thought about it and felt confused.The phone rang, and she was about to answer it, but her son answered it in the living room, and the son called to her: "Mom, you answer the phone, I'm looking for you."

She picked up the phone on the bedside table, "Hello?" "Sister Deng," a sweet female voice came from the other end of the phone, "I called your mobile phone, but your mobile phone was turned off. I thought you were playing mahjong. You were in the house?" "Originally someone asked me to play mahjong, but I felt very tired, so I didn't go." Deng Ying said. "You still feel tired? That's an anecdote." The other said. The other party's surname is Fang, and her name is nearly ten years younger than her. She opened a beauty salon on Cai E Road, and now she is a relatively famous female boss in Changsha. The hairdressing center has applied for a discount card, and I always go to her center for a hair blow or a facial maintenance massage once a week.She is a college graduate who studies English and can speak German and Japanese. She used to work in a provincial TV station. Three years ago, she suddenly started self-employed, as if the God of Wealth loved her very much. She married a millionaire woman and bought a four-bedroom, two-living house in the Overseas Chinese Village in the suburbs, and a three-bedroom, two-living house in the city.As if she knew three foreign languages, she was surrounded by three men, a husband and two lovers.Her philosophy of life is to "seize opportunities and enjoy life". She once preached that "it is enough for a woman to live to forty", and later she pushed her age back by five years—maybe it was to take care of Deng Ying Emotions - Saying "Women live to forty-five..." She means that women die after forty-five.This is Fang Wei's entire file in Deng Ying's mind.The smile on Fang Wei's long face appeared in Deng Ying's mind. It was a well-maintained and beautiful face. When you looked at her face and her sly and bright eyes, you thought she was Only twenty years old.

"Don't mock me," Deng Ying said, "Your uncle, I am like you. I am already forty years old." "You still have five years to belong to me," Fang Wei said on the other end of the phone, "Come out, we are all sitting in the old man's coffee shop drinking tea, Brother Zhi, Xiaoli, and your brother Dali are also here Drink tea here." Brother Zhi is Fang Wei's public lover, a young man with a height of 1.8 meters, no matter where he stands, he is always half a head taller than the average person, so he looks like a tall and tall bodyguard, but in fact he is Fang Wei's bodyguard , is still Fang Wei's car driver, except that he doesn't follow Fang Wei into the women's restroom, basically he can go in and out freely wherever Fang Wei goes.Fang Wei's husband went to the United States two years ago to study for a doctorate in San Francisco, leaving a space for Fang Wei to enjoy without any scruples.Xiaoli is a girl who has just graduated from university a few years ago. She works as an editor for a newspaper and writes spicy articles. She is still a little famous in Changsha.Dali is the man who is pursuing Deng Ying. He is tall and tall, with a very energetic and thin face, a bold nose, square lips, and a funny smile on his face when he speaks. This is the first time for you. It feels great and handsome.Dali is three years younger than Deng Ying, divorced, but has a daughter who is in the fifth grade.

If it wasn't for Fang Wei, she wouldn't have known Dali. If she hadn't gone to Fang Wei's manager's office that day - it was a room the size of a pigeon cage and decorated in pink. It corresponds to another oil painting called "Turkish Bath". In the painting, several nude women are sitting or lying down, which looks very indecent—it is impossible for her to know Dali when chatting.It was more than half a year ago, on a hot and cloudy day in July of 1995. She was very tired that day. She basically didn't sleep the first night. She was entangled in the budget of a dormitory. The foreman discussed the budget and construction plan together, and she decided to go for a massage after lunch.In the afternoon, she has to go to Bureau S to do business. She doesn't want the men in Bureau S to see her haggard face. If it is a little bit longer, the time to stay can only be the setting sun, and she tries hard to keep it for a while.She walked into the youth beauty and hair salon.On a hot Wednesday in July (she could remember this day because she met Dali on this day), there were not many ladies and gentlemen doing facial massage. She was lying on the massage table, and the beauty lady was massaging her face and apply medication.She felt that she had slept for a while, in a daze, not really asleep, but in a state of rest, when the beauty lady finished working on her face, she got up and walked in, the two said After a few words, Fang Wei said, "Sit in my office and have a cup of tea."

If she hadn't gone to drink this cup of tea, of course she would have missed the opportunity to get to know Dali.Drinking more water is also a way for women to keep their skin looking good, says one newspaper.She walked into Fang Wei's office, and when she sat down to drink tea, her eyes swept across the two nude paintings.She also appreciates these two paintings, isn't that what women look like?In particular, the body and appearance are impeccably perfect.But in Deng Ying's opinion, isn't it a bit ostentatious to hang such a painting in the office to show people?Although there is no yellow sentiment in the painting, the question is whether the viewer will have obscene associations?Fang Wei said: "I like it, this is art." But can you guarantee that everyone will appreciate art with a pair of serious eyes?Deng Ying did not say such words.After drinking tea, she was about to leave when she heard a kind of strong footsteps coming upstairs, and then the door was pushed open by a tall man. "Miss Fang." The man greeted Fang Wei politely, and quickly glanced at Deng Ying who was sitting down.

He was Dali, wearing a silver shirt, a sky blue tie, and the shirt tucked into a pair of dark gray trousers.The very stiff trousers hang down straight on a pair of black leather shoes, such attire makes his figure look slender and good-looking. "Brother Li." Fang Wei happily answered his greeting.Smiling vigorously, he sat down on the sofa.He said: "This lady is—" He deliberately stretched the word "is" so that Fang could introduce it.Fang Wei smiled and said, "She is Boss Deng, a strong woman. How many female bosses in your life build houses? Boss Deng is a builder." He wanted to shake Deng Ying's hand.Deng Ying noticed that these were a pair of slender-skinned men's hands, a pair of fair hands, without any nails, revealing smooth pink fingers.And her husband, a drunk man, had long nails on all ten fingers of his hands, and they were scorched, which made her hate him.She shook hands with him, which she was obliged to do out of courtesy.He held her hand and shook it, which was a kind of intimacy to show acquaintance, with a smile on his long and tanned face, he said: "It's a pleasure to meet you." He didn't let go Open your hands and sit back on the sofa.Fang Wei said: "Brother Li works in life insurance, he is a pretty guy."

Deng Ying smiled, she didn't know why Fang Wei called him a "beautiful brother", there seemed to be an intimate relationship between them.She was speculating about their relationship.In Deng Ying's mind, Fang Wei is a woman who has a romantic, even intrusive, attitude toward beautiful men. She has two lovers who are public, and there may be a few "lightning bolts" behind her. Know her?Fang Wei said again: "Sister Deng, you can also buy a life insurance." She was still doing business for him, Deng Ying thought, and said disdainfully, "I don't buy it." She didn't have this kind of concept at that time. In her eyes, it was still a new thing that she was not interested in.Fang Wei said, "I bought one, and the insurance is 300,000 yuan." "Really?" She glanced at Fang Wei suspiciously.Fang Wei has a habit of lying, and often uses lies to prevaricate her husband who cuckolded her.She once told Deng Ying that although this kind of lying is unfaithful, it is at least well-intentioned.Because she didn't want to hurt Land, that was a scholar, a fool who took her very seriously, but took his own career even more seriously.That fool was ambitious and pursued, and she didn't want to break down his energy—she thought he would definitely become a scholar who made contributions to mankind, so she often buried his suspicions with lies. "You have to believe me, you can rest assured to read your book, no one can replace you in my heart." This is how she comforted her husband, just like we comfort our own children. "Since your husband is so smart, maybe he didn't notice it at all?" Deng Ying asked her.Fang Wei smiled, "His intelligence is spent on reading, he can read all night long, but he is a fool when it comes to making love." When she said this, the expression on her face was very enchanting, making you feel that she is naturally beautiful.She added: "I often feel that I am sorry for him. I handled all the procedures for him to go to the United States with him. I really want to be his career helper, that's all."

This is what she said with a smile when they were sitting together talking about men after she received a letter from her husband in the United States on a rainy afternoon a year ago.If Fang Wei, who loves beauty, hadn't opened this beauty salon three years ago, they wouldn't have known each other, and they wouldn't have become good friends who talked about everything.One of Deng Ying's female classmates suddenly became younger. When she asked why, she realized that this girlfriend often went to the Great Wall Hotel for beauty treatments, so she also had the desire to stay young for a while.One day two years ago, she walked into the Youth Beauty and Hair Salon with a glimmer of hope, and received the first facial massage in her life. Facing the mirror, she felt for the first time that her face was more radiant and smoother than usual. Moistened... Dali showed her a man's enthusiasm that day, "I'm from a life insurance company," he said, took out his business card from a black leather bag, and handed it to her with both hands, "Miss Do you have a business card?" Deng Ying hesitated for a while, wondering if it was necessary to exchange business cards, but an inexplicable psychology drove her to take out the business card from her handbag and hand it to the other party.Dali took it with a happy face, held it in his hand, glanced carefully and said, "Miss Deng, you have a company at such a young age, I really admire you." "You are laughing at me," Deng Ying said, standing up "I'm leaving, Fang Wei. I have to go to Bureau S in the afternoon to do some business." "Can I call you?" Dali looked at her friendly and asked.She suddenly smelled a nice fishy smell wafting from his hair, and she said, "You can hit him if you want."

A few nights later, when she was drinking tea and chatting with her husband and two real estate friends at Huatian Restaurant, she received a call from him. He asked her where she was on the other end of the phone. She said: "I'm at Huatian Restaurant." He said softly: "Are you doing business or chatting?" At first she wanted to say "no need", but she suddenly remembered his eyes, those eyes were shining when they stared at you.She also thought of his cleanly manicured hands, and she hated her husband's hands with such horrible nails.Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her husband was looking at him, and she said flatly: "You came here for nothing, I won't buy your insurance." She deliberately emphasized the word "insurance" so that she Husband can hear.Dali said on the other side of the phone: "I have a hunch that you will buy it." She smiled, thinking that this man was too confident. She glanced at her husband, who was still looking at her, and she said, "Okay, goodbye." She closed the phone, and her husband asked her, "Who called you?" "An insurance salesman." She didn't want to answer. look like answer. Ten minutes later, the insurance salesman came, wearing a short-sleeved white shirt, a blue floral tie hanging on his chest, and a pair of straight dark trousers, with a black briefcase in his hand, she ate. Startled, she didn't tell him where she was sitting, but he suddenly appeared in front of her.He said softly: "Ms. Deng, hello." In her eyes, she felt her husband staring at the man who came suddenly, and she said: "Hello." He said: "Can I sit down?" He He glanced at the empty chair beside him.He sat down, glanced at the gentlemen present, then unhurriedly opened his bag, and took out a folder, "Maybe I'm being presumptuous?" He glanced at several gentlemen, and they all stiffly Stare at him as if staring at a rare animal.Deng Ying smelled a fishy smell on his body again, and she said, "It's nothing." Her husband asked him with a dark face, "Are you in the insurance business?" "It's not in the insurance business, it's in the insurance business." He explained Said, "I'm a salesman for a life insurance company." He took a box of business cards out of his bag, pulled one out and handed it to her husband.Her husband refused to answer, pointing out disdainfully and unceremoniously; "You'd better go away." "Oh, then I won't bother you." He said, putting the folder he took out into his black bag , glanced back at Deng Ying, "Let's contact again." After speaking, he walked away with his bag. When she and her husband came home that night, she was very concerned about his rude behavior towards the insurance salesman. "You look so uneducated!" said the husband; "What's the matter!" "Of course you don't have anything!" She said angrily, "He didn't come to see you, but me. He handed you his business card, but you didn't answer it. You look so ignorant, don't you know?" "So what?" The husband stared at her angrily, "He sat down with a carefree attitude, I hate it when I see him." She glanced at her husband, he had a chicken and duck smell, sometimes it was nothing, sometimes it was very bad, Right now is the time to smell bad.She stopped talking to him, and the smell of chickens and ducks kept lingering in her nose, making her uncomfortable.When she was lying on the bed and reading a book, the scene of this man named Dali handing her husband a business card unexpectedly appeared in her mind. At that moment, it was imprinted in her mind, and she felt a little sad because of him for nothing... Now , she drove to the old man coffee shop.This is a shiny black Audi. This is a private car she bought in 1992. It has been driven for four years, but it is still maintained like a new car.In fact, she doesn't want to own a car. From the perspective of saving, the cost of taxi is much lower than that of buying a private car. Even with the hundreds of thousands of bank interest, the taxi is enough for you to float around every day. It can be exempted from road maintenance fees, vehicle and boat usage fees, urban facilities fees, annual inspection fees, insurance fees, gasoline fees, etc. for a car for a year.But (everything has a "but") as a construction boss, you don't feel like a boss without a car, but like a working girl.A car represents a person's "identity" and economic strength. It is different when you drive a car to discuss business and do not drive to discuss business.Having a car seems to establish a degree of trust with the other party. He trusts you, so the car becomes the "ID card" of the bosses.She drove on Furong Road, ran on Furong Road for a while, turned onto Renmin Road, drove forward for a few minutes, and drove the car to the sidewalk in front of the old man's coffee shop, and stopped.This is a rather elegantly decorated coffee house, with brown wooden doors, lattice windows, and red brick walls. It has a different atmosphere from big hotels and hotels.She opened the door and walked in, and saw Fang Wei, Brother Zhi, Xiaoli and Dali sitting together with a very comfortable expression.Fang Wei called her "Sister Deng" and made an affectionate gesture to her.In her eyes, that gesture was quite coquettish. She sat on a sofa, looked at Brother Zhi with a masculine look, and then glanced at Xiaoli. She deliberately didn't look at Dali, but she could feel Dali's shining eyes staring at her.Brother Zhi said, "Sister Deng, you are getting more and more beautiful." "Sister Deng is the object of my admiration." Xiaoli said with an exaggerated expression. Fang Wei grinned, "Who is Miss Deng?" It was a tone that emphasized Deng Ying's ability. "Did you take the wrong medicine?" Deng Ying smiled, "Make fun of me." They made a joke, Fang Wei cast his eyes on Dali, "Dali, why are you so shy and silent?" "You want me to dare to speak? Dali said, "I'm afraid she will lose her temper with me." " Deng Ying's eyes fell on Dali, and she found that Dali's handsome and slender face still had the remnants of that day's anger, like a ray of sun remaining in the twilight.Three days ago, when the two were dancing in the Butterfly Dance Hall, they left her vigorously and went to say hello to a beautiful lady in a leather jacket. After sitting for half an hour, this made Deng Ying very angry. If Fang Wei and Brother Zhi were not here, she would get up and leave, leaving him to have a good talk with that lady.He walked back and said with a smile, "A client of mine." He sat down beside her, and added, "She bought a life insurance policy worth 200,000 yuan." Looking this way, "What is she doing?" Fang Wei asked.Dali said: "She is in the clothing business and is the younger sister of a friend of mine. Last year, many people lost money in the clothing business, but she made money. She specializes in high-quality clothing. ""You know her quite well" Deng Ying said. Maybe Dali was too excited, maybe the singing and melody in the dance hall occupied his ears, so he didn't feel the thorn in her words for a while. He further praised his client Said, "She's really nice.She has studied fashion design before, and can draw..." Fang Wei smiled, she sensed Deng Ying's unhappiness, and added fuel to the fire, "Then I think you know her quite well. " "Oh," he said, cooling down to the woman he'd been sitting with, "she's my client, that's all. "But this kind of explanation can't convince Deng Ying who is in jealousy. She feels that she has no face, and she feels that she is abandoned by him. She feels that she should not come to dance. She feels that if she doesn't If you know this man, you won't have these troubles. "She's beautiful," she said. "She's only beautiful in this drowsy light," he emphasized. "Her features are rough, and her skin is rough. If you look at her in the daytime, you'll think She is very ordinary." This did not reassure Deng Ying, she said: "I think she is beautiful. You should be nice to her." He smiled, it was a kind of sneer, and looked at her, "You are a bit paranoid .Actually, it’s not necessary at all.” “You’re wrong, I’ve never been careful.” She let him look at her and said, “Look, I’m already forty years old, what else can I do?” He didn’t answer her, but He turned his head and whistled, watching the men and women dancing on the dance floor.Later, she drove him home in the car.Both stared silently at the street, which was wet and drizzled against the dark sky. When the car was approaching the street of Dali’s house, she finally broke the silence in the car (she felt that the silence was full of blood and almost suffocated her, and she also opened the window to let the driver The rainy air floats in) and said: "Actually, you are so precious, such a beautiful lady does not pursue, but pursues me..." He sighed: "You care too much about me." She slammed on the brakes and said to him : "Get out of the car, I'm going to turn this way." The car stopped in the middle of the street, a street lamp light poured into the car, and raindrops also came in.He looked at her, he already felt that he had said something wrong, and his voice softened, "Are you angry with me?" She opened the car door and he got out of the car.She drove the car forward, and from the feedback mirror, she saw him standing on the road, alone, surrounded by bitter wind and rain.I'm actually jealous, she thought angrily, what is he to me?What right do I have to be jealous?My unhappiness was not only transplanted to him, but also infected Fang Wei and Brother Zhi, so that what was originally going out to have fun turned into a breakup. In the past three days, she had no contact with Dali, he didn't call her cell phone, and she didn't call his BP machine.Fang Wei took a sip of tea from the long glass, and looked at the two of them friendly, "I don't think you two should disagree," she smiled, "It's so rare to have the opportunity to get along, and we should cherish it. Do you think What about Miss Deng?" Deng Ying glanced at Dali, who was looking at her with a cigarette in his hand, and the smoke lingered in front of his face.She thought his long thin face looked stern in the dim light, and he was a thoroughbred stallion, she thought, with a smile on his face, like a dragonfly flitting across the water. "I am a person who knows nothing but making money." She looked sideways at Fang Wei, "I don't know how to live. I was thinking last night that I am an idiot who only knows how to make money." "If you are an idiot, then we are all idiots." Xiaoli said, "You are too modest." They talked about this, and the atmosphere of the conversation gradually became harmonious.There are power amplifiers and DVD players on the bar, and saxophone music accompanied by light music is playing. The low-pitched and melodious music floats melodiously in the dark coffee bar, like a mountain wind blowing through the fields, giving Deng Ying a A sentimental association of lost youth. "It's very nice," she said when the saxophone song was over. "It reminds me of our educated youth spot, and the peach and chestnut trees in front of the educated youth spot." "Deng Ying, have you ever been to the countryside?" Dali asked her. "I have been down for two and a half years. I went to the countryside as soon as I graduated from high school in 1973. I was seventeen years old at that time." Deng Ying recalled what she looked like at that time. At that time, she had two With short braids and a pointed and dark face, it fully reflected a malnourished appearance. "Alas, the good life is getting farther and farther away from me." "I also went to the countryside," said Brother Zhi, "but I went to the countryside in 1977, which was the last train. I stopped going to the countryside in 1978. I recruited workers in 1979." "I have never been to the countryside," Dali said, "I worked as a temporary worker in my mother's unit as soon as I graduated from high school in 1977, and then I joined the army on the street. After two months of training, the army went to Vietnam, but our The division has always been a reserve division, and the troops withdrew without fighting a single battle in Vietnam, which was a waste of time." "Then you are very lucky," Fang Wei said, "If you were in battle, you might be killed by bullets." "Maybe it's possible for me to become a hero." He encouraged himself vigorously. "I feel like I'm a hero. At that time, I really wanted to make a big contribution, but God didn't give me a chance."