Chapter 25 Twenty Four Reviews (2)

So, that day, she took "Secretary Gu"'s special car home for the first time, and she had to sit alone in the back row with "Secretary Gu", she was nervous.uneasy.She was afraid that there would be some special unhappiness. The "tall image" that had always made her feel intricate and difficult to grasp collapsed, and she absolutely did not want it to happen.But I don't want nothing to happen in this short period of time = if this person "has created the history of a region's development" and "changed the historical trend of a certain region".Along the way, I just chatted with myself a few times in a normal way, and then, like no one else, I sent myself to the door of the house like a thing, and knocked on the car window to say goodbye as if I was on an errand.That's something I absolutely don't want it to happen.

So, how do you want him to treat you? have no idea. When she got into the car, she was really flustered: What are you panicking about today? When the car just started, the young secretary didn't seem to care that there was a guest sitting beside him, and it was a very young female guest.He completely relaxed himself, and the smile that he had to have in front of everyone just now was removed from his face, he looked a little tired, and his eyes were half closed.Sit in silence for a while.Of course the lights are not on in the car.The two of them sat silently in the dark.At that moment, Cao Nan was really embarrassed and unhappy.Later, I suddenly heard the secretary say something like this: "Can you put your handbag on the seat? Relax. No one here is going to snatch your bag." After a panicked glance, she See, when he said this, his eyes were still half closed, he was still leaning on the soft car seat back, and he didn't even turn his head to her side a little.

After he said this, she realized that after she got in the car.He has been sitting very nervously by the car door, and has been holding the small leather bag tightly in his arms.She blushed and quickly "thrown" the bag down.Unexpectedly, the "throwing" was too forceful, and the bag rolled to the ground and rolled to Secretary Gu's feet.Because it was close to Secretary Gu's feet, she felt inconvenient to bend down to pick it up immediately. When she was extremely embarrassed and hesitated, Secretary Gu had already picked up the bag for her, and at the same time, he did not neglect to help erase it. There is no dust on the bag.

"Thank you..." She blushed again when she took the bag.The secretary then asked some questions about her daily life, such as, "How long have you lived there?...'Whose house is that?" "How much is the monthly rent?" "Is there any possibility of demolition?..." Is there anyone who has been laid off at home?” “In addition to the dead salary every month, can the provincial cultural system give you some extra subsidies?” When Cao Nan answered these questions, although his eyes were no longer half-closed, But he still doesn’t look at Cao Nan, only occasionally turns his head to look deeply at Cao Nan; but when he asks “what new jingles and political jokes have been circulating in the society recently”, he turns his body completely around , not only concentrated, but also looked at Cao Nan with great interest, waiting for her to answer.After talking, Cao Nan found that she knew far less jingles and political jokes than he did.Moreover, he can use the authentic Northeast, Henan and Sichuan dialects of "Guizi" to recite those jingles and tell those political jokes in cadence, which produced wonderful on-site effects, which made her not only laugh out tears, but also hurt her stomach from laughing. I couldn't breathe.But he didn't smile, he just spoke calmly and gently, as if he was talking about spring breeze, spring rain, sunset and sunrise.The car was approaching Quay Street, he stopped talking, and asked suddenly: "Is there anything you want me to do?" Or he asked casually out of habit.It can really be said that it is "habitual" for him to ask this question.Over the years, countless people came to him, approached him, went around and talked about the world, and in the end it was nothing more than "begging" him to do something.So, he got used to it, as long as someone comes, after a simple greeting, before the other person opens his mouth, he will first take the initiative to ask: "Is there anything you want me to do?" If not, talk about other things.If so, talk about “to do things” quickly.This saves a lot of precious time.For him, this has become routine and routine like ordinary people asking "Have you eaten" when meeting each other, without the slightest condescension and condescending meaning.But this sentence was quite uncomfortable to Cao Nan's ears.She felt that the other party put her in the position of those girls in society.It seemed that when they came to approach the leader, they all "asked" for him.At this moment, she felt a little awkward, and even faintly felt that she had suffered some kind of "hurt"...

Of course, it was impossible for her to react otherwise. She just smiled, shook her head and said, "Nothing. I don't have anything to ask your secretary to do." "It's all right?" He still didn't believe it. "No. Not really," she answered.The smile at this moment has already made the muscles on the cheeks feel a little stiff.But keep it up. The car soon arrived at Dock Street and stopped in front of the crossing gate of the courtyard.Maybe he didn't think how such an outstanding girl like Cao Nan could live in such a dilapidated courtyard. He looked carefully at the dark and dirty street house through the car window, and then looked back at the house that was about to be opened. Cao Nan, who got out of the car, hesitated for a moment, and asked again: "Are you... are you okay with me?" The implication seems to be: a girl who can only live in such an old house will be fine. What should I do? Cao Nan didn't answer aloud, just smiled silently, and got out of the car.When she was about to walk into the doorway that looked very dark under the street lights, Gu Liyuan's Audi car hadn't started yet.It seems that by this time, Gu still doesn't believe that she really lives here, so he has to wait and see.They waited until Cao Nan entered the yard and stepped on the rickety wooden stairs leading to the third floor.The Audi drove away reluctantly.

For a long time afterwards, Cao Nan did not see this "Leader Gu" again.Of course Gu Liyuan would not take the initiative to call Cao Nan.soon.Gu was transferred to the province.After a while, Zhu also left the Provincial Institute of Finance and Economics.Transferred to the deputy mayor of the provincial capital.Later, she just heard that Yi Liyuan, who was promoted to vice governor,Especially after becoming the acting governor later, the whole person has undergone great changes.Although he still acts swiftly and swiftly in handling affairs, he is obviously much more cautious and prudent... What has changed in him and why has it happened? Of course, she will not know so clearly, and it is impossible to know so clearly.After Zhu Lei became the deputy mayor.The change is not big, but he is very busy, but he is still willing to take a little time off.Find a quiet place and stay with this "goddaughter" for a while.When he got along with Cao Ji.Never like Gu Liyuan, who would involuntarily make some "too kind" actions.He always sat not far from the little girl, listening to her beautiful mezzo-soprano with great interest. (Sometimes, when he is very tired, he wants to stay with Cao Nan for a while. He really just wants to hear her crisp voice and see her cute smile. As for what she is talking about and what she is smiling, for him It's not important at all. But he understands the psychology of such a girl with high self-esteem better than Gu Liyuan. He won't tell her that I just want to hear your voice, and don't care what you are talking about at all.)

Once, when Cao Nan went to see Zhu Lei, she happened to see Gu Liyuan and Zhu Lei arguing. Not too long after the quarrel, Zhu Lei shot and killed her, which cast a heavy shadow on her heart... ... At that time, she already felt that something seemed to have happened between Zhu Lei and Gu Liyuan, and the relationship was no longer as harmonious as before.This confuses her.Because after Gu Liyuan went to work in the province, his relationship with almost everyone has improved a lot: People used to be afraid of him, but now they feel that others have become peaceful, and many things can be discussed and discussed with him. .Only Zhu Lei, who used to be the most considerate of him, has become estranged from him.Of course, this "alienation" between them is not something ordinary people can feel.But Cao Nan could clearly feel it.Once, she inadvertently talked to Zhu Lei that recently people often talked about the changes that had taken place after "Vice Governor Gu" was transferred to the province, and wanted to hear his opinion.Zhu Lei seemed quite impatient about this.Zhu Lei rarely showed "impatient" in front of Cao Nan.Because of Zhu Lei's "impatientness", Cao Nan was particularly disturbed and did not visit him for a long time.She wasn't angry, but she didn't want (dare?) to upset the deputy mayor again.Later, it was Zhu Lei who called her first. He first said that his wife had gone to Australia to attend an academic conference;I couldn't resist today, so I rested at home.Ask her if she can visit him. "Sick? What's the matter? Have you taken your medicine? I'll be there right away." She put down the phone in amazement, called a taxi, and left.Taxi is not allowed to enter their family courtyard.After getting out of the car, I completed the registration and meeting procedures in the reception room, and hurried inside.

The yard is huge.It was once the seat of a very important aviation research institution.When the Sino-Soviet border was tense, the research institute was evacuated, and it became the headquarters of a certain main field army.After the atmosphere at the border eased, a large number of field troops withdrew: the research institute did not move back, and the courtyard was closed for a while.It was later taken over by the city.During the research institute period, some small buildings were built in the courtyard for Chinese and foreign experts.After Zhu Lei was transferred to the deputy mayor.Of course, the housing problem must be solved for him.The comrades in the city government office tentatively asked Zhu Lei if he would like to live in the courtyard of the "Aviation Station".It's a big place, but it's a little farther away.The house is also a bit older.Many city leaders would rather wait for the new house than go there and "make do with it".Unexpectedly, Zhu Lei was very happy and went.Why not go? No matter how far away, it will never be as far away as Taurigan, right? In this way, he has taken a good lead.After that, some city-level leaders, including some retired deputy provincial cadres, lived in this courtyard one after another: in fact, it is quiet here = open.There are some century-old trees scattered around.The back mountain is not far away.The air is fresh: As for life, as long as there are provincial and municipal leaders to live in, someone will rush to discuss this matter, so there is no need to worry.The comrades in the office affairs management office originally wanted to redecorate the small building for Zhu Lei, but Zhu Lei refused, and just painted it all.Because there are still some slogans such as "Down with the capitalist roaders of Soviet revisionism and the United States" left on some corners.Too bad.

Due to the large yard and walking, Cao Nan also brought a can of pre-simmered wild mushroom soup that day. As far as I remember, it seemed to be a long walk.When she got to the small building, she suddenly found that someone had already "robbed" Zhu Lei to visit her before her.It was a big black Audi with a familiar license plate number and a familiar driver.It was Gu Liyuan who came. She has not seen Gu Liyuan for a long time.At that time, people in the circle were spreading rumors that Gu Liyuan would soon "rectify" and be promoted to governor: She wanted to make a phone call several times to express her congratulations, and by the way, joked with him, saying something like "The more officials do The older I get, the fewer and fewer friends I have.” and so on.but.Every time he hesitated for a long time, he picked up the phone and put it down again.I don't want to bother an elder who is about to be promoted.But at this moment, I suddenly saw the familiar car number and body.She was still a little excited; she greeted the driver quietly and made another gesture.Ask if the deputy governor and deputy mayor are in the house? After getting an affirmative answer, she quickened her pace and walked towards the small building.The door of the small building was indeed left open.Put down the things in the hand in the hall.Putting on plastic shoe covers, she walked lightly to the door of the living room. Just as she was about to reach out to knock on the door, she heard bursts of fierce arguments coming from the door.At the beginning, she thought that apart from Gu and Zhu, there would be another (some) people in the room.Because in her impression, if there were only Gu and Zhu, it would be absolutely impossible for them to quarrel.She has seen Gu and Zhutong on the same occasion many times.They always get along very well.Of course, this kind of harmony is dominated by Gu, and I wish you cooperation and coordination.The two masters and assistants are distinct and complement each other.Even if there were disagreements on any issue, Zhu's patience and silence were always used to maintain the harmony and consistency necessary for the scene.

...But after "listening" outside the door for a while, she was shocked to find that there was no one else in the living room, and it was Gu and Zhu who were arguing.Now, she was completely stunned, and she didn't even dare to knock on the door.Just like this, he stood outside the living room door for a long time.What surprised her even more was that although she couldn't understand what they were arguing about, among the two, it was not Gu Liyuan who spoke louder, more intensely, and talked more endlessly. Zhu Lei, who always appears gentle and modest in front of everyone on weekdays, is low-key.Why? She was totally confused.She heard them keep mentioning "Tao Ligen", "Sheng Tang Company", and "Rao Shangdu".From time to time, she heard Gu Liyuan repeating this sentence in a mocking and sarcasm tone: "This is so ridiculous...it's so ridiculous..." Every repetition will lead to a long and extremely impassioned rebuttal from Zhu Lei .Since Zhu Lei's rebuttal was extremely fast and intense, and the things she said were completely unfamiliar to her, the sentences that she could catch were the ones mentioned just now: "Tao Ligen", "Prosperous Tang" and "Rao Shangdu"... Also, Zhu Lei keeps using the plural referent pronouns "we" and "they": "we" and "they"... In fact, If she could calm down and listen carefully, most of the conversation could still be understood.After all, there is only one door.The small building is relatively quiet.Their voices are so loud.However, at that time, she couldn't calm down anyway.It was the first time in her life that the main leaders of a province and the city were facing each other, fighting at the top of their voices like two middle school students whose face had been torn apart.completely unbelievable...

She knew that she shouldn't "eavesdrop" like this outside the door, but she was unwilling to leave quietly like this.She knew that she neither should nor could ask him about any conflicts and differences between the two.But no matter how aggressive the tsunami is, there will always be a moment when the tide ebbs.As their common "children", I can't do anything else, so I put a small piece of cool dressing on their hot "wounds" in time to relieve the throbbing pain; The same refreshing drink, moistening their anxious throats, can always be done, and it should be done, right? So after a little hesitation, she picked up the soup pot and a net bag of fruit, and tiptoed gently Up the stairs.On a corner platform of the stairs, he quietly sat down.After more than twenty minutes, the quarrel in the living room finally stopped, and it stopped suddenly.Jing seemed to be overlooking a large city with tens of millions of people from the sky at night, suddenly struck by lightning, and a large-scale power outage occurred. All the bright spots disappeared from the sight in an instant.After a few minutes of silence, the door of the living room rang, and Gu Liyuan came out alone, and immediately got into the car and left: Zhu Lei didn't even come out to see him off.Then, the small building became completely quiet. ... When Cao Nan walked into the living room.Zhu Lei was still leaning on the sofa motionless, his face was gloomy, and his eyes were staring blankly at the few pots of cycads outside the floor-to-ceiling windows that were not carefully cared for.The whole person is like a ruin cast in cement, it's just forced to put on a living person's clothes.He stayed like this for a full ten minutes, and he didn't give any "Hui Yi" to Cao Nan who was standing solemnly beside him = completely turning a blind eye.At first, Cao Nan thought that Zhu Lei hadn't noticed her coming into the house: After a while, when the sky was getting dark, he suddenly fought.Jumping up from the sofa, he said to Cao Nan, "What shall we have for dinner? I'm not hungry at all. But you have to eat something..." That day, she stayed there very late: she always hoped that Zhu Lei would take the initiative to tell her why he was arguing with Yi Liyuan just now.If he doesn't tell, she can't ask.But Zhu Lei always acted as if nothing happened, and showed Cao Nan the photos his wife sent back from Australia one by one.Maybe it's because of weakness after illness.Maybe it was the aftermath of the moment just now that was still secretly disturbing his state of mind. Cao Nan could clearly feel that his hand holding the photo was trembling slightly, and there was some element of absent-mindedness in his expression.Cao Nan knew that he desperately needed to be alone for a while.He had to calm down and think about the sharp conflict between himself and the "deputy governor", but since Cao Chu was called by himself, it was inconvenient to send her away immediately.He is painfully "perfunctory" himself.What else could she say? What else could she do? She served him a bowl of soup.Put the rest in the refrigerator, then roughly tidy up the house for him, and then left.Sure enough, Zhu Lei didn't express any intention of staying.This was the last time she saw Zhu Lei.It was almost half a year in between.At that time, Gu Liyuan had already served as the "acting governor".Then Zhu Lei shot and killed... After the incident, Cao Nan was shocked.Couldn't turn a corner for days.I always felt like I was dreaming.a nightmare.A kind of intuition told her that Zhu's crime this time should have some strange connection with the "battle" he and Gu fought in the small building that day.For this reason, she once went to look back at Liyuan. That day, she first called Gu Liyuan, using a cell phone number that Gu Liyuan had left for her when he was the vice governor.She hadn't used it much, not even once.That day, when Gu Liyuan's voice came out from the phone, Cao Nan was so nervous that he trembled a little.What was even more unexpected was that Acting Governor Gu actually agreed to her request to "meet each other" after a little hesitation.They met at the acting governor's office. They didn't really talk much that day.Not only because Cao Nan was a little cautious, but also because Gu Liyuan was a little tired and heavy, but more importantly, probably because Gu Liyuan had undergone a variety of changes that everyone praised after he became the acting governor: he became more cautious, more stable, But there is no vividness and casualness when working at the grassroots level.No longer lively, no longer casual, this is necessary for a senior leading cadre, and it is a manifestation of "cultivation".But if you want to communicate with him as a "person", you may feel that something very important is missing.Perhaps because of this, that day, Cao Nan felt that he looked a little bit out of place.He had already forgotten how he gave such a "confidential" mobile phone number to the "little girl" in front of him. "Look for me, what's the matter?" He smiled wearily and asked gently. "It's okay, so I can't come and see you? Comrade Governor..." Cao Nan was a little nervous, but she still pretended to be relaxed and joked. "Yes. Of course." Gu Liyuan smiled and replied.Then, keeping that necessary smile, I didn't say anything more.It seemed that he was still waiting for Cao Nan to tell what was the reason for coming to him. "You probably forgot about me, right?" Cao Nan asked with some embarrassment. "Cao Nan. Are you right?" Gu Liyuan said her name calmly.Gu Liyuan's memory is still good.As long as he wants to remember things, he can remember a lot quickly and firmly. "I used to have an identity. Do you remember?" Cao Nan gradually relaxed at this moment.But she knows that this is not a place for you to talk nonsense, and the timing is not right, so you have to get to the point quickly. "Please speak." Sure enough, Gu Liyuan seemed a little impatient, and casually went to the desk to flip through the documents to be reviewed, but he still tried his best to maintain that smile on his face.If it weren't for the fact that the girl standing in front of him was a young girl with a relatively pure temperament, he might have simply asked her to leave.How could he have the time to gossip with an idle young kid?! "I'm still Zhu's goddaughter and Zhu Lei's goddaughter." Cao Nan said quickly. "..." Cao Nan mentioned the word "Zhu Lei".The smile lines on Yi Liyuan's face trembled immediately, and he froze.At the same time, a trace of vigilance was immediately added to his tired eyes.Of course, regardless of that "flutter".Whether it was "stalemate" or "vigilance", it only lasted a very short moment in Gu Liyuan's expression.Then, everything went back to normal. "You told me in the past. In the future, I will encounter something that I can't even think about, or a life problem that I can't solve. I can come to you at any time: "Cao Nan reminded slowly. "Really?" Gu Liyuan smiled inexplicably again, and a hint of vigilance flashed in his eyes again. "About Vice Mayor Zhu's incident..." Cao Nan just whispered such a half sentence, and Gu Liyuan immediately sat up straight.He interrupted her without hesitation, and his expression became quite serious.He warned: "The judiciary has been involved in this matter. Therefore, no one should intervene anymore. We can only wait for the conclusion." "I just want to know. What happened to Deputy Mayor Zhu? You know him better than any of us. How could he shoot someone like that? How could it be possible..." Cao Nan asked unwillingly. "As I said, the judiciary has already intervened. No one should intervene." He interrupted Cao Nan again.Then I heard him ask, "Is there anything else?" which obviously means, "You can go".She stood up.leave.go outside.One step... two steps... three steps... She suddenly felt that she was about to be crushed by a huge disappointment that she had never experienced before.Yes, he's absolutely right: Judiciary intervenes, waits for conclusions, no one should interfere anymore, etc. etc.That's all right.But... but... how could he speak so calmly (sternly, grimly) about all this? As if talking about a rotten piece of wood that had nothing to do with him.Everyone knows that Zhu Lei was once his best friend, closest colleague, most loyal subordinate and most effective right-hand man.You don’t need to reveal to me the inside story of Zhu Lei’s crime, but can’t you just lament and regret it together? As the “acting governor”, ​​must you “draw the line” so quickly? Such “principle” and “firmness” ?When she was about to walk to the door, she felt a little suffocated, unable to breathe, and her mind became a little dizzy due to the lack of oxygen and blood for a while.The floor began to shake a little.She instinctively stretched out her hand to support the door frame, and instinctively turned her head to take a look.Why do you want to go back? What do you want to do when you go back? I don’t know... It’s completely driven by instinct and habit.But then, during this glance back, what she saw surprised her greatly, and made her heart tremble for a long time.She saw Gu Liyuan standing blankly at one end of the desk, staring straight at her back, his face was gloomy and gloomy, although his eyes were still flickering, but what was flickering was a kind of guilt that Cao Nan could not forget And embarrassing... When he found that Cao Nan suddenly turned his head to look at him, he immediately turned his gaze, lowered his head, and at the same time quickly turned around, turning his back to Cao Nan... It turned out that he was restraining his emotions.He had to—that was the only conclusion she could draw at that moment... Yes, he had his problems.It is true that he cannot be asked to "do as he pleases" in the way and degree of personal emotion expression like ordinary people like us-this is what happened when she walked out of the provincial government building and looked back at the window of Gu Liyuan's office again. Another idea, and use this idea to soothe his heart that is suddenly in severe pain... But why did he express a kind of "guilt"? Why was his face so "grey" at that moment? It was because the office Is there not enough light in the area, or is it because he has just been transferred to the acting governor at this stage, and the work is too heavy? I don't know... When she walked out of the provincial government building, she hardly did any humiliation, and walked through its central square with a sense of modern architecture.She walked quickly to the gate: from the moment she went downstairs, she made up her mind not to come here again.At least they won't enter this square or this building just to see this leader surnamed Gu.She had entered their circle by accident, and even got very close to them.But when you think about it carefully, it's like our tiny planet has been relatively close to a comet with a beautiful long tail.The so-called "close" is only a relative term, it will still roar away from us after all.Similarly, the "acting governor" and "deputy mayor" are too far away from a "young librarian".Just like no matter how close we are to that beautiful comet, the law of survival and development of the universe determines that we still have to keep a considerable distance between us.Loyalty is the basic law of how everything in the universe gets along.What's more, human beings who are far from getting rid of the nightmare of "selfishness" and "the jungle"?! When she walked out of the huge iron gate of the provincial government compound, she let out a long breath.I feel so relieved that I can make such a decision.If it weren't for another incident that happened later, Cao Nan would have slowly escaped from the heavy "gloom" of Gu and Zhu.As people in high latitudes often say: what should I do? ...The incident happened after Zhu Lei was sentenced to death in the first instance.One day, the phone on Cao Nan's desk rang.It was a man's voice, which sounded a little hoarse and low.He said he wanted to meet Cao Nan.Discuss something.Cao Nan asked who he was, he hesitated and said, I am a friend of an acquaintance of yours.Cao Nan immediately asked, which acquaintance? He hesitated and replied, can we meet again? Cao Nan asked again, do I know you? The other party answered honestly, no.Cao Nan immediately said, since I don't know you, you won't tell me who the acquaintance is.How do I know whether I should meet you? The other party was silent for a while and said.Things are important.I would very much like you to take some time to see me.It's not that I don't want to tell you who that acquaintance is.I'm worried that if I say it now, you may not want to come out to see me.But I must see you.How about this, if possible, you come to the reception room of your library right now, and I will tell you in person who entrusted me to find you.In the communication room of your unit, you don’t have to worry about any accidents, do you? Cao Nan thought about it and asked again, can you tell me what you do? When the other party hesitated for a while, he said, I is a lawyer.Cao Nan's heart stopped beating.She immediately guessed who might have entrusted this person to find her, hurriedly tidied up the desk, and hurried to the reception room. It turned out that the person who came was Zhu Lei's lawyer.Of course he knew that there were surveillance cameras installed in the reception room.With his back to the camera, he wrote the word "Zhu Lei" on a small note, handed it to Cao Nan, and when she saw it clearly, he immediately took the note back. "Why did he ask you to come to me?" Cao Nan asked in a low voice, suppressing the beating of his heart. "Could you find another time to have a serious talk?" Although the lawyer's voice was low and he maintained a high degree of vigilance in his heart, he put on a casual expression on his face, as if he was just talking to Cao Nan. Talking about the weather outside the window.Cao Nan didn't hesitate at all, and immediately agreed.After get off work that day, she went directly to a tea room appointed by the lawyer.In the tea room, the lawyer told her about Zhu Lei's request to safely transfer the materials he wrote in prison... Of course Cao Nan knew that doing so would take a risk, and this risk was a violation of the law.But she comforted herself that she did this to "serve justice" and "hold justice."She believes that what Zhu Lei wants to say at this moment must be the truth, and it will definitely help to reveal a certain truth to the world.Like everyone else, she felt that there must be some ghostly "mystery" hidden in this matter, which was confusing, faintly visible, and even fleeting.If you can use the power of the "Aladdin's magic lamp" to reveal the truth, this "risk" is certainly worth taking, and this "fault" will eventually be forgiven.At one point, she was even faintly excited that she was lucky enough to be selected to participate in such an adventure, and of course she was also apprehensive.Since her nerves have been under high tension during this period of time, once she encountered a series of unexpected incidents and a series of major setbacks, her mental defense line, which was not very strong, collapsed "naturally"... … It was Uncle Lao who gave her the first major blow.For a long time, she didn't know why Uncle Lao suddenly resigned and went to Taurigan.But she believed that he must have accepted some "secret mission".Being able to do something she really wanted to do at any cost, and when she was approaching the age of sixty, she felt that Uncle Lao was "extremely great".There are not many Chinese, especially Chinese men, who can bury their heads in one thing.Chinese men's football can best illustrate this point.This group of young men enshrined by generous salaries, if they won the first half, they would definitely start to feel complacent.Start to flicker, and then encounter "black three minutes" again and again, and end in defeat: If you lose in the first half, you will rarely see the tragic scene of the Jedi counterattack.Chinese men's football is not lost in technology and physical strength, but in the absence of real men's spirit.There are too few real men like Rong Zhixing, Gao Fengwen, Hao Haidong, Fan Zhiyi, and Li Tie = this is why Cao Nan always wants to meet some "big men" in life.For this, she admired Uncle Lao.Therefore, once she heard Uncle Lao suddenly say that all this is "useless" as if discouraged, it really made her very sad.Over the years, countless people around her have given up, or despised "idealism" in the first place.Among her colleagues, relatives and friends, she usually takes pleasure in mocking and sarcasm "idealists", and often shows her disdain for this with others, but subconsciously, at the instinctive level On the other hand, she often focuses and stays on the opposite sex who can persist in her work. Those who are "dedicated to doing" are those who are "dedicated to death" mentioned above: they are not necessarily "idealists".In the specific operation process, idealists may not necessarily be able to persist in doing one thing.But such a person often makes a girl's heart flutter in her.Presumably this is also one of the "manliness" that girls usually understand and demand.But today Uncle Lao actually said "all these efforts. It's useless". "It is impossible to really change anything", actually rewritten Zhu Lei's "last words".He "surrendered" mentally.This made her feel extremely sad.In the end he was "murdered".If we say that killing a persistent opponent is still a "feat".So even if a person who has made it clear that he wants to "surrender" is not spared, what is that? During that time, Uncle Lao often called her from Taoligan to warn her to be more careful in all aspects.She said, you have changed the material of Deputy Mayor Zhu so that it is not a threat to anyone.What are you afraid of? Uncle Lao said that things will not be that simple.You'd better be more careful = result.He was scheming, but he fell first... Then Li Min fell into a trance...the bank safe was bombed and the security guard was killed...then Father Qi's "betrayal"...then the provincial police repeated himself "Interrogation"... yes, I haven't arrested myself yet.But it is not from their mouths that they have heard such a statement many times.to arrest her.In fact, it is a very simple matter, just complete the formalities... Why do so many things happen that I really can't understand? Why do we tell us so much light in school, on TV, and in newspapers, and always promise us that we will definitely be able to move forward in the light in this life? OK; push us out of school, but let us alone face the doubts and incomprehensions in reality? Why not make the same effort in school, on television, in newspapers, to tell young people that there are doubts and incomprehensions in our reality? at the same time, how can we often discuss with them how to deal with these doubts and incomprehensions in reality? I heard that the provincial TV station has also made such a decision.黄金时段播出反腐败的电视剧和涉及社会黑暗面的涉案警匪片。真是不可思议，都什么年代了，还这么自欺欺人?还表现得如此“弱不禁风”?还使用行政手段干预文艺创作?!! 当齐神父跟邵长水谈完话回来，立即打电话告诉她，他已经把那份材料交出去以后，她一下呆住了。当时的感觉只有一个：“最后的审判日”到了。但那时，她还没想到要离开这世界，只是不知道该跟谁去说说心里的恐慌和郁闷。劳叔不在了。祝磊也已经抱憾地离世了。顾，她是绝对不会再去找的了。还有谁?父亲?老师?图书馆的领导?他们就更不是谈这种层次问题的人。她想到了李敏分，想起了很多回小雨梨花下，傍晚幽窗前……虽然他不是个十分有主见的男人。实事求是地说，他为人并没有坏心，就像这世界上无数没有坏心也没有特别大的决心去做大好事的男人一样。“制造”他们，让他们最后定型的，只是环境、机遇。他们并不属于他们自己。仔细想想，他从没有伤害过她。也许能跟他谈谈?她拨通了白杨深处的电话。这是她在给齐神父打电话前，拨出的最后一个电话。李敏分在家，在修理一把多年前从古旧市场淘买来的一把硬木藤椅。好些年已经决心洗手不玩古董的他，近来因为家藏一匹唐三彩马被一个行家鉴定为晚唐时的“真品”，而再度激发了他收藏和把玩的热情。这时谁要上家里来看到他，一定会认为看到的只是一个修旧货的老工匠——戴着老花镜和深蓝色的袖套，穿着皮围裙，脚边放着斧凿锯刨一整套工具，手指头和指甲缝里都沾满了腥臭的骡皮胶。李敏分一边接电话，还一边歪过头去悉心地打量着那把只修了一半的椅子。最近也有人拿着一张早已发黄的照片来告诉他，这把椅子很可能是从当年关东军侵华总部流失出来的“珍品”。 应该说，李敏分的这个电话最后促使曹楠下决心去拿起了刀片。曹楠向他诉说了自己的那样一种心情．说自己原想能从“你们这些长者和前辈们身上找到自己人生起步的精神依托，想得到一点'借力'，但是……”曹楠刚说到这儿，李敏分抱歉地、但又略带一点讥讽地对她说道：“小楠，能容我技一个别的时间来再跟你探讨这些人生哲理，行不?我这儿手头有个急活儿……”'难道说修理您的那些老古董，比跟我探讨这些人生哲理还重要?”曹楠说道。她听出他在“人生哲理”这四个字上所附加的讥讽意味来了。“你……你怎么知道我在修理老古董?”李敏分换了一只手拿电话，并把整个身子都转了过来，去面对电话机，大声说道．“你们这些小年轻啊，就是把自己看得太重：世界上除了你们的事，好像就再没有别的更重要的事了：我跟你说过多少回了这样下去，你一定吃大亏。”“……”曹楠不作声了，李敏分也不作声了。过了好大一会儿，他问：“你还在听着吗?”曹楠答道：“我听着。”李敏分说道：“你说你希望这些长者和前辈还要怎么对待你?你怎么老是那么天真?你们要'依据'，你们要'借力'，这愿望不错：但你把他们当作谁了?幼儿园里的阿姨?中学校里的教师?还是大学校园里的政治辅导员?他们喜欢你，是因为他们在处理种种繁复沉重的人事纠葛和经济事务之余，需要一个短暂的清静的歇息。他们需要你这种清纯和单一来消解中和稀释那些让人难以忍受的'繁杂和沉重'，你的'清纯和单一'恰好是这样一种最美妙的'消解'、'稀释'的中和剂。你难道从来也没想过．那么多女孩都想接近这些同志，都想进入他们的圈子。为什么偏偏让你进入了．让你接近了?这些话，我本不应该跟你挑明了的。我也不想替他们来说些啥。但我发觉小丫头你近来好像有点不大对头．说话傲事，有点不知道天高地厚了。有时说出话来，还挺刻薄的。这就不好了嘛。你要失去了原先的那点'清纯和单一'，这些长辈还会喜欢你吗?还能放心地来让你接近他们吗?谁愿意身边搁一个尖酸刻薄的刁蛮婆子?即便再年轻，再漂亮，也不行啊。嗯?你在听我说吗?”“……”曹楠没回答。“小楠，我问你呐。”李敏分又问了一遍。“……”曹楠还是没回答。等李敏分再问时，那边“咔嗒”一声，却把电话挂了。李敏分还以为“小丫头”犯倔劲了，无奈地苦笑了笑，挂了电话，又去修理他那把“珍品椅子”去了。 应该说，李敏分的这一番话有一点说过头了。这个阅历不浅的大男人可能也是带着情绪在跟“小丫头”说话，想借此刺激和教训一下这个“小丫头”，压压她的“傲气”。如果要放在往常，曹楠也许还能掂出对方话里哪些是符合客观实际的，哪些是蓄意夸张和歪曲的。但这时她已经站在了“悬崖”边上，一阵最细微的风也能让她跌落下去。而李敏分的这一番话恰恰就起到了这阵风的作用。虽然他的原意绝对没有想把她怎么样。如果当时他不急于修理那把椅子，兴许还不会说那么多刻薄的过头话。就像曹楠对他的评估那样，李敏分本不是个不容人的人。 他们只希望我清纯和单一。只把我的“清纯单一”当作一个在繁忙和沉重中能帮助他们稍稍消解和中和那些繁忙、沉重的点缀物。就像某些当官的，在宴席上，常常喜欢叫一些歌星影星或艺校的女学员来陪着吃饭喝酒一样，我就是那饭桌上助兴的“星”?没有人真正想帮助我，真正能帮助我。我倒是也想清纯单一下去。但据此，能清纯和单一得了吗?笑话…… 然后她终于下决心给齐神父打了最后一个电话…… 放下电话后，她想了很多方法，怎么死才不丢人不痛苦。她原是想小试一下的。于是拿起了刀片。没想这是一把老头牌的双面刮胡刀片。是谁留在这儿的，她已经想不起来了。总之是男人的用品吧。冰冰凉，麻酥酥。就那么一下，几乎没怎么用力，洁白细嫩的皮肤就张裂开了。这时她才看到，也才知道，年轻人的血一旦不受皮肤和血管壁的阻碍而往外喷流时，是同样可以做到很汹涌，很澎湃，很不可阻挡的......