Chapter 18 death row

you come out of the flower bed you have no feet at all you told me not to step on it I heard you go away without a sound, into life, which is something I hate.I am amazed why people are willing to live, and to live is to live.I also went into life, and then came out again, standing on the sidelines.I tell you that it’s not very good, I’ve been there, but you don’t believe it, there are so many people in life, and life puts those little toys on the street, and you go and see them; put those little snacks on the table, and you go and eat them ; put those shoes on the ground, and you will wear them; put them on, and you will go away.

I was not born for life, I live in my room and never go out on the street.I paint in my room, don't look at the scenery outside, I speak my words, I don't understand other languages, but there is no one.See me, I don't have the voice of a soul, all I keep is what can be left in a kitchen, in a hallway, between me and life.I go there, you also come here. You tell me the things in life, I am very happy; you say that children run barefoot along the street, and then push those heavy gates, you say they play ball, you sprinkle sand on the street, spray water On the bark, I'm happy; you say he's grown up and gone to school, you say he has a house, a wife, you say he...

We are all born of our parents, and at that moment, we don't know.But when I came to this world, I brought my soul with me.It makes me unable to taste the taste of life, it makes me feel that it is indifferent.Those colors are fake and painted on, and those bricks and stones are piled up. I have been sitting in my room, sitting in the middle of snow-capped mountains and jungles, sitting in the castle I imagined.I put some flowers and plants around, and took the stones and water cups I picked up. I didn’t have a friend who could play this game with me since I was a child. They all went home when it was dark.

You are born of life, and so am I.But my soul is born of death, it wants to go back there, just like you want to go home, it's a thing that can't be changed, that's why we meet and part, sometimes I see you, sometimes I love You, but what you see in my eyes say: let's go.I saw you and I said: I love you, I want you to come in, come into my cell.I'm not saying I'll give you all my days as they say, I'm saying I'll give you my soul and my death.No one needs this gift, not one.Because you are born of life, you don't need to die. I need to die because this thing is real to me, I need to give it to you, because I think it's a good gift, I have nothing, you know, I can take things in the world Here, take a piece of cake, a dipper, a machine, a house by the sea, put it on a plate, here you are.But I know this is not mine, nor is it what I gave you. Anyone can give you this gift, and you can accept it. When you accept me, you accept others. This is what life stipulates.I have nothing, you know, but my soul, and a not too long life with this soul.you want it.

I am of death, I know it.But I don't love it, I want a soul to get me, I hope I can be saved, not so lonely.I don't know if soul with soul is still death.But I know, that's what I long for.That's something death can't make, life can't make love, death can't make love, but when we meet, it becomes possible. You walked away gently, I lay still, I heard your voice coming down the stairs, even softer; I heard the sound of you walking in the rain, even softer; it was only when you walked far away that you resumed your normal footsteps . You have all gone into life, and there are so many people in life, why do you want to know me?