Chapter 10 Section 10

Turning off the lights, lying skin-to-skin on the same bed with a woman in the dark, talking about the Cultural Revolution, nothing is more boring than this, and only such a Jewish girl who learns Chinese and has a German mind like this is interested. "Are you still going?" You asked. "Listen," she said. You said that there was a middle-aged female editor who worked in the same office as you, and a political cadre called her and said that the security department had her phone number.A few minutes later, she returned to the office, tidied up the proofs on the table, looked at the people in the room with blank faces, and said that her husband committed suicide by burning gas at home, and she went back to deal with it.The chief of the business section of the same office has been separated, and the chief of the department, Lao Liu, has also been labeled as a class dissident who has infiltrated the party, so she had to ask everyone for help.Early the next morning, she had already written the big-character poster in the office, and at the same time

Her husband, who "excluded herself from the people, let herself be alienated from the party," drew a clear line. "Stop talking, it's very sad to hear," she whispers in your ear. You say you have no desire at all. "Why is that?" she asked again. "We need to find enemies. How can the regime be dictatorial if there are no enemies?" "This is the Nazi!" she angrily said, "You should write it all down here!" You said that you are not a historian, and you are lucky enough not to be eaten by this history, and you don’t have to buy and give it to history.

"Then write your personal experience, your personal experience. It should be written out, it will be very valuable!" "The value of historical materials? When thousands of tons of archives can be published one day, this is just a pile of waste paper." "But Solzhenizin—" You interrupt her to say that you are not a fighter, not a standard bearer. "But it will change one day! Don't you believe it?" She needed faith. You said that you are not a prophet, you do not live in vain, you do not expect to be greeted in the aisle, you will never go back in your lifetime, and you do not need to waste your remaining life.

She said sorry softly, brought back these memories of you, understands your pain and understands you, don't you understand? You say you came out of hell and don't want to go back to hell. "But you need to speak up, so you may be relieved," her voice softened, trying to reassure you. Did you ask her if she played sparrows?Or have you seen children playing sparrows?Tie the foot with a rope, and hold one end in the hand, flapping its wings all the time, the sparrow that couldn't fly, fiddled and fiddled, closed its eyes at the end, and hung on the rope without moving.You said that you once caught a praying mantis when you were a child. Its green body, slender legs, and two pliers held up like big knives looked very proud. When you put it in the hands of a child, tie a thin thread, toss it two times and three times, and it will be dismembered after a few strokes. up.Did you ask her if she had a similar experience?

"Humans are not sparrows!" she protested. "Certainly not a praying mantis," you say, "I'm not a hero, I can't resist power and violence, I can only run for my life." The room was filled with darkness, so thick that it seemed to be flowing. "Stay close to me." Her voice was thick and soft, tossing you, and giving you some comfort.You sideways her nightdress and hugged her chubby body, but you really couldn't arouse your desire.Then she touches you, her palms are gentle, feeling her tenderness. "Then, tell me about a woman, when she whispers softly in your ear, like a thoughtful lover. Tell me about it.

"Who?" "Your woman, is her name Lin?" You say that is not your woman, but someone else's wife. "It's your lover after all. Have you had many women?" "You know, it was impossible in China at that time." You said, that was your first woman, and she wouldn't even believe it. "Do you love her?" she asked. You said she was the one who teased you first, and you didn't want to get involved in this kind of hopeless love. "You still miss her?" she asked. "Marguerite, what are you asking for?" "I want to know the position of women in your heart."

You said she was of course cute, she just graduated from university, and she was pretty, even sexy. At that time, there were very few people dressed like her in China. She was wearing a tight dress and half-heeled leather shoes, which were very ostentatious at the time.Because they are the children of high-ranking cadres, they are in a superior situation, proud and self-willed, and what they lack is a little romance.And you only live in books and fantasies, and the work of following the rules is extremely boring to you, but there are always those activists who want to join the party and become officials, and after get off work they have to work overtime to set up silly study groups, soliciting people to accompany them, Anyone who does not participate thinks that there is something wrong with their thinking.Only when you return to your room after nine or ten o’clock in the evening, at your desk, under the lamp, immersed in reverie, and write your own things, is that you.In that alien world during the day, because you stay up late every day, people always see you in a trance, and you always doze off in meetings. There is a nickname called

"Dream", I call you sleepy and you agree. "Meng, this name is beautiful." She giggled, her voice trembling in her thick chest. You said that this is more or less a cover for you, otherwise you would have been caught out long ago. "She called you that too? Falling in love with you just like that?" she asked. "Maybe." You said that of course you also have a crush on her, not just sexual temptation.You were wary of all the girls who went to college in those days, they were chasing the light and trying to act as pure as angels.You know that you have dark thoughts, and you have already experienced the little love experience in college.If some of the weird things you said in private are confessed by girls when they report their thoughts to the party and league organizations, you will be enshrined to the altar by the way.

"Aren't they women?" "If you haven't lived in that environment, it's impossible to understand." You ask her if she would want to have sex with a Nazi who might expose her Jewishness? "Don't mention Nazis!" "Sorry, metaphorically, it's the same, psychological," you explain, "Of course Lin is not like this, and because she enjoys many privileges brought by her family, she does not seek to join the party. Her parents and her family are the party, so there is no need to pretend to go to the branch leader's diary to report her thoughts."

You said that the first time she invited you to dinner was in a very elegant internal dining room, which is not open to the public, and you can only enter with a voucher. "Understood," she whispered. You said that Lin wanted you to get her husband's military ID, "I went to open a room in the hotel in the Summer Palace for senior officials and their families to let you pretend to be her husband. You said you want to find out? She said she wouldn't do it, or, You put on her husband's uniform. "She's really brave," she murmured. But you said you weren't so bold and that you were uncomfortable with this risky affair, but you made love to her anyway.The first time was at her house.Her family is a single family, a large courtyard, only her parents and an old man who is a full-time janitor, cleans the yard, and burns the boiler. They all go to bed early at night-the yard is very quiet.She's the one who made you a man, anyway, and you're very grateful.

"That means you still love her," she said, throwing her arms up, examining you in the dark. "She taught it." You think back to those scenes and love her beautiful body more than anything else. "What did it teach you?" Her hair is on your face, and you can see the whites of her eyes are slightly shining, and her big eyes are looking down at you. "She's more active, just a young woman." You say, "At that time, I was in my early twenties, but I hadn't touched a woman yet, isn't it ridiculous?" "Don't say that, everyone in China had to be a Puritan at that time, I understand: two." She plays tiny games with her fingers on you.You say you're not a Puritan, and you think so. "Because you are suppressed, you want to indulge?" "Just want to indulge in a woman!" You said. "You also want to indulge women, don't you?" Her soft, fuzzy voice is in your ears. Then you just fuck me, like those women who fucked you in China. " "Who?" "Lin, or that girl, the girl whose name you forgot." You turned over and hugged her, lifted your nightgown, and slid into her body... "If you want to vent, vent it..." "Who is it to vent on?!" "A woman you want..." Two lustful women? " "Don't you want to?" "A bitch?" "that is." "sold" "Yes, more than once..." "Where?" "Italy..." "To whom" "Whoever wants it -" "Real purchase!!" "No, you can't afford it, what you want is your pain..." "It's all over." "No, right next to you..." "The depths?" "yes." "Deep, to the end, to the end... I'm afraid you won't be able to reach it..." "That's why you squeeze, drink and suck?" "Vent it all out, don't worry about it..." "You are not afraid of one." "What are you afraid of?" "If pregnant?" "Kill it again," "Are you crazy?" "It's you who are afraid, want to indulge but dare not, don't worry, I'm taking medicine." "when?" "In the bathroom." "Before bed?" "Yes, I know you're still fucking me." "Then why did it take so long?" "Don't ask, just use it...this body..." "The flesh of a bitch?" " "I'm not a whore." "not understand." "Understand what?" "Just said." "What did you say?" "They said it was sold." "You can't understand, you don't understand, you can't know" "You must know everything inside!" "Use it if you want, don't hurt me." "Isn't she already a bitch?" "No, just a woman, too early to be a woman." "when?" "Thirteen…:." "A nonsense story?" She just shook her head.You asked her to say, she murmured that she didn't know anything, and didn't want to know... She needs pain and seeks pleasure in pain.You need women, you need to vent in women, desire and loneliness.She said that she was also lonely, so she was eager to understand and gave.Good for love and enjoyment?Yes, ask, give, and give.Also betrayed?right.Also lascivious?You mean she rolled on top of you, before you closed your eyes, you saw her glinting eyes in the dark, and then opened your mouth to call...