Chapter 13 Thirteen

Xingzi received Ji's letter a week after school started.Ji's letter is very long.First I apologized for my abruptness that night and said I would never dare again.Later, he wrote a lot about his parents' divorce.Jie said that it was for this reason that he was very busy and disturbed, so he hadn't seen Xingzi for a long time.Xingzi was also surprised by the divorce of his parents, but after thinking about it, he felt that this was actually better.What surprised Xingzi even more in Xi's letter was the fact that Xi's father got married again.He said that the "mother" was in her early forties, very coquettish, very beautiful, and very much favored by his father.He said that he sometimes went to see his father.His mother was a little angry at his behavior.He said that he was caught in the middle, embarrassed and depressed, and no one could talk to him, so he had to talk to Shen Ke about some things.Fortunately, Shen Ke took good care of him.Also very understanding of his difficulties.He said that there was definite news that Shen Ke would be transferred to the company as the deputy manager.Moreover, this deputy manager was just a foreshadowing for him to be the manager. Shen Ke had already talked with him in private, and hoped that after he left, he would be able to take on the work of the whole station.Jie said that Shen meant to let him be the station master.I can't guarantee that I can do it.When Ji's letter arrived here, the topic changed.Ji said that if Xingzi was by his side, he would be able to guarantee that he would do a good job.Because Xingzi's thinking about the problem is actually much more profound than his thinking.Then he said that he misses Xingzi very much.Think deeply.I plan to pick up Xingzi at the pier on Saturday.He stated that he has no other plans, but just wants to have a caring friend to talk to, that's all.

After reading the letter, Xingzi felt very melancholy.She obviously felt very, very sorry for Xie, although Xie's letter did not explicitly express that Xie loved her.But the lingering between the lines has made Xingzi reminisce over and over again the happiness and the long sadness when she was with him.Xingzi thought, you should understand that I love you more than anything, but I am used to toughen my feelings in front of you.I can't change my behavior, so I have to stay away from you and make you forget me. On Saturday, Xingzi didn't come home.She wrote a letter to her mother, saying that her homework was tight.But during the whole Saturday afternoon, Xingzi felt a dull pain in her heart when she thought of the scene of Ji standing on the barge anxiously waiting for her.When Xingzi's classmate on the upper bunk asked Xingzi why his face turned pale and whether he was sick, Xingzi couldn't help but shed tears.Xingzi cried and shook his head, but said nothing.

Xingzi soon received another letter from Ji.Ji's letter was plain.Ji said that he felt very sad for not receiving Xingzi, but he could also understand Xingzi's actions.He will no longer interfere with Xingzi, and hope that Xingzi can do it for himself.Finally, the letter said, "Man's fate is impermanent. Sometimes man has to make some decisions against his will. Although this kind of decision may cause him great pain, it may also lead him to a kind of Victory over this pain." The words at the end of the day were a bit out of mind, and Xingzi didn't figure it out, but Xingzi had a premonition that something was going to happen.Xingzi was a little inexplicably nervous and agitated.

At this time, Xingzi began to vomit for no reason. At first she thought it was stomach, until one day she also vomited in front of her mother during dinner on Sunday, and her mother asked a major question. Mother said, "When did it start?" Xingzi said: "It's been several days, and I feel so uncomfortable." Mother said, "Have you had your period this month?" Xingzi shook his head, Xingzi didn't understand why his mother asked this. The mother's face hardened.Mother said, "Have you and Ji ever had an intimate affair?" Xingzi said: "No wow', I have no relationship with him."

Mother said: "Then... Yiwen?" Xingzi lowered his head. The mother said: "There is no time to be shy at this time, did you have sex with him?" Xingzi nodded. The mother sighed deeply, and the mother said: "Yiwen is good, I agree with you and him, but you are too disrespectful. You can decide what to do, you must be pregnant." Xingzi stared at her mother with wide eyes in panic.What is so important in life has come so quietly.A child was actually conceived in her womb, a child of someone who had only known her for less than a month.Because of the momentary joy and enjoyment that day, she actually became a mother, raising a child with her blood.

Seeing that Xingzi was so nervous and scared, mother frightened her again.The mother said, "Go and have an abortion." Xingzi said, "Can't you raise it?" Xingzi suddenly felt a desire, that is, the desire to keep that child. Mother said: "Aren't you afraid of losing face?" Xingzi lowered his head.Xingzi thought, I should write a letter to tell his father. A week later, Xingzi underwent surgery.Yiwen couldn't ask for leave and didn't come.Aunt Yu Li, Yiwen's mother, came.Aunt Yu Li and Xingzi's mother sighed for today's young people.In the absence of Yiwen, give Xingzi and Yiwen an engagement.When Xingzi put on the engagement ring that Aunt Yu Li handed over, she thought, that's it.

Xingzi rested at home for two weeks.Mother went to school to ask for leave for her, saying that an old man died of illness in the country and she was going to attend the funeral.The school doesn't ask much.The classmates didn't care about it either. When Xingzi returned to school, he gained a lot of weight because he ate too much chicken soup.The classmates laughed at her.A classmate joked: "You look like you have been in confinement, you are white and fat." Xingzi felt a "thump" in his heart. The matter passed like this, and Yiwen wrote many letters about it—every letter would comfort Xingzi, telling Xingzi not to feel sorry for the child, and they would have another one in the future.Yiwen's letters often mentioned the good times they shared the bed together, recalling some details tirelessly.This made Xingzi think of everything that Shuixiang told her back then.Xingzi's classmates also knew that Xingzi's fiancé was a student of a military academy, who was handsome and loved Xingzi very much, so they all envied Xingzi.

Xingzi thought, am I worthy of envy? If it is, then these people who admire me may appear with expressions of sympathy for me? Xingzi felt that he hadn't seen Jie for too long.This is the first time she hasn't seen him for such a long time since she met him.Xingzi wanted to know how Ji was doing now, but finally suppressed his desire. On New Year's Day, Xingzi went to Yiwen's place by train desperately.They found a hotel and stayed in that small room for three whole days. This time they knew how to prevent pregnancy.In the early morning of the third day, Yiwen woke up Xingzi, and he was upset and said: "You screamed hard in the middle of the night, and then you crawled into my arms."

Xingzi was taken aback and said, "No way." Yiwen was full of jealousy, and said: "Did you imagine that I was a jerk and you made love to me?" Xingzi hurriedly defended, "No, no, no." But Xingzi thought it was possible, some time ago when he came to see Yiwen, he always felt overwhelmed by someone in his sleep, and every time he thought that person was a jerk.She came to Yiwen just because she couldn't stand that kind of suffering. This meeting with Yiwen ended in a bad mood.Xingzi felt helpless.Although Yiwen sent a letter soon, expressing his understanding of Xingzi, and criticizing himself for being too impulsive because he was afraid that Xingzi would still love Xiao, etc., Xingzi read the letter boringly, and did not reply in time.A few days later, Xingzi received a telegram from Yiwen, which read: "If you don't believe me any more, I will come to love you until death."The telegram caused a sensation among the classmates, and the students in the dormitory encouraged Xingzi to send a telegram as well.Xingzi was aroused by Yiwen's telegram, so he also called back.The telegram is: "I miss you and love you day and night.According to Yiwen's later letter, this telegram also made him famous among his classmates for a while.Everyone knows that he has a girlfriend who loves him very much.Xingzi thinks that my feelings for Yiwen are as high as which mountain?Like which water is so long?

On the eve of winter vacation, Xingzi meets Yongzhi by chance.Yongzhi and Xiaozhen go shopping at the mall.Yushi says they plan to get married.Xingzi subconsciously looked at Xiaozhen's abdomen, and Xiaozhen blushed, and said something in a low voice. Yong Zhi Da Fang said: "I have a baby, four months and seven days. We were careless that time, and we got pregnant." Xingzi said: "Just take good care of the child and give birth to him." Yong Zhi said, "Ji is married, do you know that?" Xingzi's complexion changed, and her breathing was a little tense, but she quickly adjusted herself and asked calmly, "Who? With whom?"

Yong Zhi said: "Shen Ke's younger sister. That girl is very beautiful but has a very strange temper. She fell in love with Xie, and Xie didn't refuse. Sometimes Xie is really obsessed with ghosts. It's not like he doesn't know that this ghost girl Shen is a little neurotic. She is an unmarried girl. Old girl out." Xingzi laughed coldly, and said, "Zi's mind is too clear. He is always sober and knows what he should do and what he should not do, but he always makes mistakes." Yong Zhi said, "He has succeeded Shen Ke and joined the party." He said that there are rumors that he will be transferred to the company. " Xingzi said: "Is this all given to Shen Ke as his younger sister's dowry?" Yongzhi said: "It can still be said that, after all, I am still capable. I said that he married Shen Ke's sister because of his pity. The younger sister of the Shen family wants to marry Xie. Otherwise, I would rather die." Xingzi said, "Then how did I know her?" Yongzhi said: "Jie said that he went to see Shen Ke one day, Shen was not there, his younger sister happened to be at home. I chatted with her, and the younger sister of Shen's family fell in love with him. I said you don't want to marry him anyway, Then it doesn't matter who he marries." Xingzi's heart shook after hearing Yongzhi's last words. Xingzi said, "When did you get married?" Yongzhi said, "It was probably early November. I felt uncomfortable, so I didn't go to the wedding." Xingzi calculated that it was the day not long after Ji wrote her last letter. Xingzi smiled wryly, and then said, "Where does he live now? Should I give you a present?" Yongzhi said: "Don't worry about it. Probably one time when I called your name at night, the younger sister of the Shen family asked who Xingzi I was, but I didn't say anything. Later Shen Ke told her what happened between you two. Shen Xiaomei had a nervous attack, hit her head against the wall and rolled on the floor, saying that I had deceived her. She also said that if she saw you, she would kill you first and then commit suicide." Xingzi said, "So serious?" Yongzhi said, "This is no different from a mental illness." Xingzi said: "A beautiful neurotic woman, very poetic." Yongzhi said: "Fart, this one is not even as fragrant as water." Xingzi smiled: After Xingzi broke up with Yongzhi, he stayed alone on the street.She felt that she was very lonely.Alone as a wandering soul in the wilderness.He, she thought, called my name when he was sleeping with someone else, too. fourteen This year's winter came very early, as if autumn had just left.Snow came under the coercion of the old north wind.When Jie walked out of the court and parted from Shen Xiaomei, he noticed that the world was completely white, so white that it was blinding. He boarded the car leading to his mother's house.Two years of busy career and two years of mediocre marriage are like a dream. On the wedding night, just because I meditated in front of the window for ten minutes, Shen Xiaomei's nervousness broke out.Crying and screaming, tearing clothes and beating chests, rolling and howling.It was really a shock.I just smoked a cigarette and quietly thought about the two women I loved and lost and had sex with after not loving, that's all.He didn't know what to do for a while, so he went to find Shen Ke, and he said, "So that's the case." Shen Ke said, "I will make up for what you lost in other ways. Please be careful. . " Ji didn't speak anymore.He went back to the house to appease Miss Shen.In the middle of the night, I opened my eyes wide and looked at the ceiling, recalling what my father said, and turned off the lights, all women are the same.I thought, that's exactly what happened. Ji got another kind of satisfaction.I think men should pay more attention to this kind of satisfaction.He is often bitten black and blue by the nervous little sister Shen, and he doesn't care, he devotes all his body and mind to a goal of struggle.It almost succeeded. Shen Ke was transferred to the company as the deputy manager. Before he took office, he told him that he would be the station manager soon.I was excited all night that day.He even summed up the experience of life: one must dare to lose in order to gain. But I didn't expect that there are often unexpected things in life.Shen Ke suddenly had an aunt who was far away in the United States.My aunt brought a pair of children back to China to visit relatives.The aunt's daughter fell in love with the married man Shen Ke in a weird way.My aunt has a little property, and my uncle is in the real estate business.The aunt asked Shen Keke if he would like to go to the United States to develop.Zhen Ke did not answer, but agreed to visit relatives in the United States for a period of time.Shen Ke left, but he never came back. Three months later, he filed for divorce from his original wife.Aggressive and energetic Shen Ke was expelled from the company.For a while, many people rushed to tell each other and clapped their hands to celebrate, but I lost sleep.He couldn't sleep for three whole nights.He felt that his heart was empty. On the fourth day, I went to the bureau.Shen Xiaomei left her brother, but she still had her uncle.Uncle was just going through the retirement formalities, so he was very indifferent to his visit.When Jie walked out of the game, he felt extremely sad, and an unprecedented chill hit every nerve and every pore of him.He knew that his power was over. In fact, it was only a few days before the station master Wang Liu notified him to leave the dispatcher's seat and return to the team.He asked why.Wang Liu smiled and said, "You didn't ask why when you came up." He was speechless. He still returned to his team A.In just one night, his complexion changed from black and red to gray and colorless.When I was towing the scooter for the first time, I felt that I was exhausted. After working for a few days, I became more and more tired.When I got home, I didn't even have the strength to go upstairs.So I went to the hospital.The doctor dismissed him in three minutes while chatting.The doctor diagnosed it as a cold.Ji still insisted on going to work, still feeling weak.Wang Liu said at the meeting that someone who has been a cadre for a long time is too squeamish to handle loading and unloading, and he really knows how to pretend.He didn't want to argue, he was just powerless. Finally, one day, Jie fell into a coma on the construction site and was sent to the hospital for rescue. After waking up, Yongzhi found an acquaintance to conduct a comprehensive examination for Xiao, and Xiao stayed in the hospital.After a few days, the whole station knew that he had cancer, liver cancer. When Jie heard the news, he leaned his body and head against the wall, closed his eyes and remained silent for five minutes.Ji sent all the tears back.When he opened his eyes again, he was very calm.He was discharged from the hospital immediately. When he told Shen Xiaomei the news, he filed for divorce.Shen Xiaomei's nervousness flared up again.In the end, Xiaomei Shen became quiet, and her expression returned to the state when I first saw her.She agreed to the divorce. He went back to his mother's house again, and the two years of bustle and bustle were suddenly erased from his life and memory, and he was the same as before.At this time, Xie thought of Xingzi so strongly again.Thinking of that summer when it was raining heavily, he held Xingzi in his arms on this bus, and he clearly remembered Xingzi's violent heartbeat and her pretending to be stagnant.Everything is like yesterday. The first thing I did when I got home was to write a text message to Xingzi.The letter said: "Xingzi, I have cancer, I want to see you before leaving." Jie's mother went to send a letter, and she came back after a long time away. Jie's mother said: "Xingzi will not come again, you should give up." He said, "Why not?" Mother said: "Xingzi went to travel and get married." He opened his eyes wide in surprise.He tensed up for several minutes.He didn't relax until his mother told him to take medicine and drink water.I thought: Why can't she get married?It was only natural that she should be married.Ji thought very sadly. at night.I heard my mother sobbing softly.He shed tears.The north wind outside was blowing very hard, one whistling followed by another, like the long cry of a sad gun.I think it should be like this.I came empty and left empty, getting nothing and leaving nothing behind.Lose what you want, but find what you don't want.I have nothing to miss, it is indeed time for me to go back. Ji's mother stewed ginseng for Ji the next day.After drinking it, I feel better.He didn't want to go out, so he found a deck of playing cards, and sat on the edge of the bed alone to play "Six Levels". When he finished the three levels, he suddenly felt moved.He felt that he felt something, and couldn't help standing up.His heart was beating "thumping" for no reason, and a rush of excitement suddenly rose into his brain.I thought, what is going on, what moment is this?He didn't have time to answer himself in the future.The door was slammed open, and a teary man appeared in front of him. He was so pleasantly surprised that he blurted out "Xingzi" and stretched out his arm involuntarily. Xingzi yelled: "粞--" and plunged into his arms. Holding Xingzi in his arms, with a smile on his face, Shangfo is enjoying a kind of endless satisfaction. Xingzi cried sadly.Xingzi swallowed, "What's the matter? What's the matter? You can't leave me and leave." I was very moved.Xie caressed her, wiped her tears, and said, "Hey, crying like this, I don't know if you have cancer or I have cancer." Xingzi said: "We just went out for a week, and I just wanted to come back. There was no reason, I just wanted to come back. I knew in my heart that I wanted to meet you. I just saw that letter. It's not true." He said: "It's absolutely true. But I don't want to talk about it today. Tell me, how are you? Are you happy? Who is he? Is he good to you? Do you really love him?..." Xingzi interrupted Xingzi, Xingzi said: "I won't talk about this today." Jie stared at Xingzi, and asked tenderly: "Then what are you talking about?", Xingzi said, "As you like." Xie said, "Like a husband talking to his wife?" Xie's scorching eyes roasted Xingzi's face. Xingzi closed her eyes and moved her lips towards him. The heart is shaking.I feel like I haven't had such passion for a long time.He almost lost his yearning and lust for all the women in the world, but at this moment, he seemed to fall into the abyss of first love again, as if he had never touched a woman in his life.He greeted Xingzi with his lips.They hugged each other and fell on the bed. Ji and Xingzi gradually explore each other.The fiery peach blossom was replaced by a blank in Xingzi's mind.Xingzi felt that what he gave her was an unprecedented feeling. In that short period of time, it seemed that the part of her life that she lost at birth returned to her body.Its return makes life so beautiful and moving, so full and full.All depression, disappointment, pain, all disappeared at that time.Xingzi sighed unconsciously: "How wonderful life is." Ji said: "Yes, that's great. I have never felt this way in my life. It seems that my life has returned to my hometown, surrounded by infinite tenderness and affection." Xingzi looked at him in surprise.Xingzi thought.He was exactly what I thought.Is he the other half of my life?Otherwise, how can we communicate so easily and be so hard to let go? When Jie's mother came back from get off work, Jie and Xingzi had fallen asleep hugging each other, and their clothes, large and small, were scattered all over the floor.Jie's mother sighed slightly, gathered up her clothes, and went out the door.Ji's mother did not return overnight. In the middle of the night, Jie and Xingzi woke up almost at the same time.Xingzi burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.He finally broke down the composure and calmness that he had been tough for several months.Jie said: "Xingzi, I don't want to die." Then he couldn't continue.And the person cuddled up and wept, silently watching the blackness outside the window gradually turning gray and then gradually turning white. In the morning, Xingzi made porridge for him, and insisted on feeding him.As if he was her child, she fed him tenderly and lovingly.After feeding him, he dressed him one by one and washed his face carefully.In the end, he kissed him and said, "For me, you have to persevere, do you hear me?" Jie smiled and nodded, but he was asking in his heart, "Where's your husband?" Xingzi said goodbye with a smile.Before I left, I said I would come again.The moment Xingzi was about to close the door, Jie stopped her.Tears welled up in Xie's eyes, but he controlled them, and Xie said, "Xingzi thank you. You didn't make me go home empty-handed. Xingzi went out.The wind was blowing hard outside.When the first gust of cold air rushed from her nostrils to her heart and lungs, Xingzi savored Ji's words.Xingzi thought, how did he say this! Ji's mother went to the market to buy a chicken in the morning before returning home. When she got home, Ji fell asleep.He left a note on the table.The note said: "Mom, I'm tired, let me sleep more, don't wake me up." Ji's mother thought about what happened last night, so she didn't call him. After Ji's mother came back from get off work, she was busy killing chickens and making soup.After she had done all these things, she went to see him again, only to realize that something was not quite right.She stroked his breath and "coaxed" her head.In a hurry, she called an ambulance and called Ji's father. Ji's father arrived before the ambulance. When he was moving Ji, he took out a note from under Ji's pillow.It said: "I'm leaving. Please throw my ashes into the Yangtze River. Boo. Ji's father said, "There is no need to save him." With a howl, Tiao's mother threw herself on Tiao.Ge's father patted Ge's face and sighed: "This son is too unlike me, he can't imitate." Ji's mother stood up suddenly, pointed at Ji's father and cried, "Get lost, this is my son!" When the memorial service was held, Xingzi went.She met Ji's mother.The two women were relatively speechless, and they both shed tears.Ji's two older sisters also went.The two people with sallow faces and dull expressions seemed to have experienced a lot of tragic things, and they no longer felt that there was anything sad in the world worth crying for.The two of them have always been very rational and calm, each doing some specific things to do. Xingzi saw a woman with a very beautiful face in the crowd.Xingzi thought that this person must be Shen Xiaomei.She walked up and asked, "Excuse me, are you Miss Shen?" The girl raised her eyebrows and her eyes flickered several times before she said, "So what?" Xingzi thought that something was wrong, Xingzi said: "It's nothing, I just want to get to know each other, my name is Xingzi." Shen Xiaomei seemed startled, she frowned and looked at Xingzi, and after a while she said: "You are not doing well, why do you only love you?" Xingzi smiled and said, "No, he doesn't love anyone, he only loves himself. However, there's nothing wrong with that." Shen Xiaomei looked at Xingzi with a confused expression. Xingzi felt that she was at peace with Ji's death, and she thought it might be better for him to be dead than to be alive. It's just that when Xingzi saw Shuixiang, his head went numb for a moment.The peach blossoms were like fire, quickly spreading throughout her body and mind.Xingzi quickly avoided behind the curtain.There, only Ji was lying quietly, eyes half-opened and half-closed, silent.Xingzi touched his face with his hand, holding his hand cold, and left early. Along the way, Xingzi thought, this is really fodder.The cancer cells swallowed him, the fire pulverized him, and the water washed him away, leaving no trace of him in this world.But, before that, who was eating him bit by bit?Is it life itself?Or himself?Or do they join forces?Or, is it the weakness of this kind of life that has not evolved to perfection and self-protection has been chewing on him?Thinking of this, Xingzi felt chewed.Xingzi thought, yes, this chewing started from birth. A large truck stopped abruptly in front of Xingzi.A driver with a disheveled hair stretched out his head and yelled, "You're looking for death!" Xingzi was startled, she moved away and smiled at the driver.