Chapter 17 Confessions of an Old Red Guard (Part 1)

In 1966, a 20-year-old male student at a normal university in S City Reactionary students in the early days of the Cultural Revolution--the uprising on the night the "Sixteen Points" was published--Meet Chairman Mao on August 31--Beijing Writers Association criticizes Tian Han--Great series--Army supporters rob ammunition depots--Gongxuan Each member of the team enters the school with a mango in his hand--a typical example of the teaching route--after watching "The Queen of the Red City", he is completely depressed--"I don't regret being a Red Guard" When we came, some old Red Guards said, you go and tell him what we are bored in your heart!I didn't come to you to confess.I feel that it is unfair to us even today.If you dare to write, I dare to speak.Of course, according to your request, I will also start from my own experience.The experience itself is everything.Is that all right?

As a person, what I said may not be cohesive. Let me briefly talk about the situation in the year or two before the "Cultural Revolution", because this is the basis.I was a high school graduate in 1964. At that time, my goal of taking the exam was Nantah University.I prefer classical literature.But at that time, the deeds of Hou Jun, Xing Yanzi, and Dong Jiageng were publicized everywhere. It was a preview of the climax before the "Cultural Revolution."I am a person who has always listened to the words, because I have been educated to listen to the party's words since I was in elementary school.I came from a good family background, my father was a three-wheel puller, my mother grew up in a peasant family, and my second sister was brought back by the government.Before liberation, my group of sisters were sold to Liu Xiangjiu, one of the top ten capitalists here, and after the sale, my mother went to work as a nurse for them.

To tell this is still a story, so let’s not talk about this digression.The government managed to find my second sister after many twists and turns. My feelings for the Party are very simple. What the Communist Party says is what it is.However, there was a twist in the middle that I remember very clearly: In 1954, wow, I was in the second grade of elementary school, and there was a female teacher who was very kind to me.In 1957, she suddenly became a rightist.I was very young at the time, but I wondered, was the female teacher nice? Why did she become a rightist?After that period of time, I have a vague feeling that the leaders are very powerful, and I can't offend them. At the same time, I shouldn't offend them. They are the party.Later, I secretly went to see our rightist teacher, she was crazy.Her surname is Yan, and she is a Chinese teacher.I remember that female teacher was still wearing a cheongsam and had short hair, just like the "May 4th" in the movie.When I went to her house, she hugged me and cried. She said she really wanted to cry. Now it seems that she became a rightist at that time and she just asked some questions outright. But since then, my thinking has been very contradictory.Two roots have been planted in my heart, one is that superior leaders are great; the other root is that one cannot oppose the party, the party is always correct, and the party cannot make mistakes.Later, when I was in middle school, I always listened to the party and did whatever the party asked me to do, until I was assigned to "graduate" from the university in 1970.Over the years, I have never filled in the voluntary forms assigned by me, but I have resolutely obeyed the party's assignments.But now that I think about it, whoever listens deserves to be unlucky, and those who are disobedient are doing quite well now... Now let’s talk about 1964 again.

After the spring and summer of 1964, I suddenly decided not to take the college entrance examination, but to go to the mountains and the countryside.Of course the family is against it.There is also a Chinese teacher who is not happy.But she also has to support me.At that time, who dared to say that they were not allowed to go to the mountains and go to the countryside!At that time, the situation still had to be expressed!Isn't it an objection if you don't express your opinion!If you are not happy, you have to say you are happy, especially agree.I went to Baodi County.A total of seventy-one people went there, and they were truly revolutionaries.The farewell party held in the Bayi Auditorium was sent off by the mayor.We arrived in Baodi County, where there was a flood, and it was Lao Baishi who carried us there.Once there, once you enter the village, it is not the same as the imagined village at all.Still happy to have passed.The first month, the second month, and the first two months of work, still inspired by that kind of sincere revolutionary energy, I feel boring after doing it.The most serious thing is not getting enough to eat.Because after going down, there are forty-five catties of grain, teenagers, forty-five catties of grain and no non-staple food, just sticks and wheat.Later, the wheat disappeared, and there were only cobs.In winter, when there were not enough sticks, I pushed the peanut skins and ate them.To be honest, this is unbearable.So when I read Zhang Xianliang's article about the situation of starvation, I felt that when people are really hungry, there is nothing they can do.This has not shaken my heart of going to the mountains and going to the countryside. The worst thing is the Siqing that started later.Alas, I remember harvesting sorghum from the field when it rained once—in Baodi County, harvesting sorghum, how to harvest it, is to fish sorghum from the water.The land on both sides of it is a ditch, and people have to walk through the ditch when they go to the ground. The water is so deep that the sorghum emerges from the water to a height of two feet.How to close it, two people tie a rope, and put a rod in the middle, called a pull rod.As soon as he walked and pulled, the sorghum was just pressed down. He held an iron sheet in his hand, called a sickle, stuck it off, put it on his arm, and hugged it into a bundle.Those of us who don’t know how to work just carry them out in bundles, it’s hard to walk.After the sorghum is cut, there are stubbles one by one, which is a bit like the bamboo thunder array in Vietnam, and you can't step on it at all.Bitter wow, tired.One day I went to a small school in the village to find a teacher to borrow some books for reading. When I opened the door, alas, some officials were drinking in the room. when.At that time, the thinking was very simple, and the class struggle was all pictorial.In fact, it doesn't matter now that I think about it, those cadres are quite tired, so drink some wine.Three or two eggs are fried, there is a tea mug in the middle, and some sweet potato dry wine is poured. Seven or eight people go back and forth in this round.But at that time, when they saw their cadres' enthusiasm for drinking behind the peasants' backs, they immediately realized that this was a bad thing, and they couldn't help saying it when they went to the fields.Unexpectedly, there are only two surnames in the whole village, one is the surname of the secretary, and the whole surname is Sun; the other is the surname of the deputy secretary, and the whole surname is Jiang. When I came back, the secretary stood on the street and cursed at the street. That night, the party branch secretary, the women's director and others counted my crimes together.One of the counts is, why don't you obey the assignment?Why do you always rush to do heavy work when you are working?Did you do the heavy work?Can you take responsibility for something wrong?If this is the case, I won't be able to stay in the village right now.At this time, the Siqing work team entered the village, and I immediately stood by the Siqing work team.But at that time, the Four Cleansing Team was called "Cu Si Qing", also known as "Rough Lines and Four Cleans", and they left after two months of work.I will be unlucky as soon as they leave, alas, that is simply unbearable, the secretary told me to pluck the wheat.In Baodi County, there was no talk of harvesting wheat.In order to clean up the wheat field and save trouble when planting the second crop, they are good at pulling it out.This is punishment, we can't pull it out at all, wow, pulling it out overnight, I was shaken.

In the spring of 1965, the State Council issued a notice to the special agencies to specially recruit young intellectuals who had gone to the mountains and countryside to go to college.The commune came to me and said, let me go on a recommendation basis. I said I would take the exam if I was recommended, but the commune said it would take Chinese and politics. I said I was too willing to leave.When I left later, the appraisal done by the village was actually very good.During the "Cultural Revolution", we searched for materials in the dark. We found this appraisal in the school. It said that I have deep class feelings, endure hardships and stand hard work. It is very good. I was too unexpected.Why?It was the people in the village who drove me away in this way.Now that I think about it, I probably still have a life to go to college.Because if I didn't leave in 2065, I would never be able to go to the last period of the old university before the "Cultural Revolution".1965 was the last call.

But it's not necessarily fate.I entered university in September 1965, and in June 1966, the "Cultural Revolution" began. It was less than ten months.After I went there, the school was very interested in me, an "educated youth sent to the countryside", and became a labor committee member in the class.That school is newly built, and everything is made up of several schools, from Normal University to Peking University from various places.Besides, when I entered school, I first learned from Wang Jie.What book do you read?Modern literature only talked about "The White-haired Girl", and later told a reportage about Dazhai; before the history was told, it was revolutionary and sharp.No matter how sharp I am, I am not afraid. I mainly think that I have a good background, no braids, and I don’t care.In addition, I have always listened to the Communist Party, right? I am not afraid of listening to the Party.I never think about it anymore, I don't need any "curved thinking" at all, just rely on conditioned reflex.I love Yu Cheng.Really write your own diary seriously.Which day did you do something right?Like Wang Jie, I asked myself fifty "Why?" questions every day, and I wrote them entirely for myself, not for others.Unlike some people, as soon as they write a diary, they think about publishing it in the future and gaining fame.

However, some people in the department always thought that something was wrong with me, mainly because some students from bad backgrounds got along well with me.And there is a classmate in our class who is bitter and bitter, who is really several generations of poor peasants, but he is really unreasonable--I stayed in the countryside for a year, and I especially felt that the real troublemakers in the countryside were not the landlords and rich peasants, but the poor and lower-middle peasants .Because the landlords and rich peasants dare not make troubles at all; if they don't make troubles, they will never end with him, how can he make troubles! --So I have a very bad impression of this person.A political counselor at school talked to me and said that you should pay attention to the class line, ah, you should pay attention to who you associate with, ah.I said what's wrong with them?You said, if I contradict him all the time, can he have a good impression of me?In addition to getting up at four o'clock every day to go upstairs to study by myself, they secretly counted me as a "white man".I have a very good relationship with the library. In order to build a good relationship with the library and borrow books, I often go to the library to sweep the floor.There is an administrator in the library, who was a Right opportunist in 1959, also known as "Old Right".I have a lot of admiration for him, which is also a problem.But if it wasn't for the "Cultural Revolution", it wouldn't be obvious. In this case, we will talk about the "Cultural Revolution" in 1966...

At the beginning, we didn't know what the "Cultural Revolution" was all about, it fell from the sky, and there was a rush.Tell us to expose the inside of the department, what to expose?I just went there for a few months, and the school was established very young, so I had no choice but to not post big-character posters.If you don’t post it, you’re not active, right? If the Party asks you to post big-character posters, post them.Before the editorial of "Sweeping All Ghosts and Snakes", I just put up this useless big-character poster, but after that, the struggle within the department began, and I really fell behind if I didn't do it anymore.I remember that around June 30th, because I didn't know what was going on, I only wrote a big-character poster targeting the head of our department.Who knew that this was a really important big-character poster.The main reason is that our department head and party branch secretary always oppresses other teachers, and trouble comes.One day, a report from a leader was circulated in the school. The central content was, "It is a misunderstanding when a good person beats a good person", "It should be a good person to beat a bad person", and "It is revenge when a bad person beats a good person".The loudspeaker blared, saying that all party and league members should listen, so I quickly came down from the fourth floor and headed for the auditorium.I just walked to the entrance of the auditorium, I am also a member of the league, right? There is a chubby female teacher from the Political Department at the door, who is chubby with glasses; there is also a secretary of the Political Department; Listen, in batches.I still listened to the party at that time, thinking that the party would not let you listen now, there must be an arrangement, so I walked away.But when I walked halfway to the teaching building, the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable it became.I went back at night and didn't fall asleep all night. I felt a little bad.Because there were letters from students in Beijing at this time, and the Beijing movement started relatively early, and they began to arrest people among the students, arrest reptiles, arrest rightists and so on.The next day I went to the secretary of the school party committee, a cadre at the twelfth level, but he said that you don't understand your situation and so on.I was very puzzled, and I was very angry when I went back, so I wrote a big-character poster about not being allowed to listen to the report.That afternoon, I was lying down in the dormitory. I didn’t sleep. I was lying down. Suddenly, a classmate came. As the saying goes, he was the dog leg of the department.I had a premonition that something was wrong, so I hurried to the office on the fourth floor. Although I said I wasn't afraid when I went there, my heart was still pounding.Anyway, they are powerful.Go in and take a look, the situation in the room is almost a circle, there are department chairs, department chairs, deputy secretaries, political counselors, and a working group assigned by the college party committee to the department, several teachers, The formation was extraordinary, but he was too scared and went all out.To be honest, students nowadays don't care if they encounter this scene.At that time, students rarely went to the leadership office.It seems that I can’t go to that place, it’s a place that is particularly formidable and great, so it’s the first time for me to go there as a student.If you are too scared, you will not be afraid.They didn't even let me sit down, so I pulled a stool and sat down.I said what can you do with me?You don't usually dare to talk like that, do you?At this time, there was a history lecturer—he was a very good man with a very good eloquence, and he had served as a volunteer army.His sitting posture is very elegant, he said, why don't you find some reasons from yourself?I said that you would not let me listen to the report and deprive me of political rights, huh?Then they exchanged glances.That Mr. Li didn’t mention listening to the report. He said, I heard that you have read "Evening Chats in Yanshan" and bought a copy for notes, right?It's true, I admit it.The teacher also said, "Have you publicized to many classmates about women's long hair?"It is also true that I told them to catch it.However, I calmed down immediately. I said that you teach history. How many books by Jian Bozan have you read?He said that I read Jian Bozan's books because of my work needs. Do you know what Deng Tuo does?Deng Tuo is anti-Party and anti-socialist, so if you read this book today, shouldn’t you examine it from this perspective?I said from which angle to check it?The political counselor next to him picked up the quarrel, saying, from the anti-party and anti-socialist inspection.I said that the teacher should check that he has read Jian Bozan's book from the perspective of anti-Party and anti-socialism?The working group of the party committee of the academy said how can you talk to us like this, calm down, young man!Hey, he came around again and said, ah, don't talk about this matter, don't talk about it, isn't it good for you to admit your mistakes!He started to explain the policy to me, and the political counselor below said again, I heard you also said "the bourgeoisie of the world unite", huh?Don't you know the weight of these words?I remember that the political counselor was a woman, very beautiful, a Gao Shusheng who graduated from a famous university, and she was pretty cool, I really couldn't handle her.But I will never forget that time in my life. If a person really goes all out, then he will be easy to deal with.I said, can you remind me about this?I don't feel like I said that.She said, do you need it?I said yes.She said, on the farm, you told your classmates.My memory at that time was pretty good when I was in my twenties. When I think about it, I said it was purely slander.I said let’s put it this way, there was indeed a classmate who was ignorant and an idiot, and asked me when I was working in the countryside, why did Marxism-Leninism’s book start with the words "Proletarians of the world unite"?We were very arrogant when we were young!I said you don't even know this?want to hear it?If you want to hear me, let me tell you a few words.This sentence begins with the "Communist Manifesto", the first book co-authored by Marne.At that time, there were various reactionary parties in the entire European bourgeoisie, and they were scattered among themselves. Once the proletariat rose up, they would unite to deal with the proletariat.Back then the proletariat had nothing but solidarity, see!That's what I told him.I don’t know how to report this, and it’s out of flavor.This became my second crime in the future.The first crime is to publicize "Yanshan Evening Chats".These crimes were finally compiled into materials and reported to the province.Later, I was labeled as a reactionary student, which was also the second basis.The third basis, they said, you still want to be the secretary of the party committee, have you said this?I said no.I said that I didn't know how many bowls of dry rice I ate, and I was still the secretary of the party committee? !This is the political counselor saying, what's wrong with you?May I remind you, in the woods!There is a grove to the west of our school, which is a reading area.Oh, I remembered. I said that there was such a thing. The party secretary of the college, he was loose as soon as he entered the school. One day, when we got up in the morning to study, he took a small-caliber gun and shot birds.I told my classmates that this secretary is good enough to be a secretary, as long as you shoot birds with a shotgun every day.This was also reported later, and if it rises again, it means usurping the party and seizing power. This is the third article.As for the fourth article, it is said that I said "rebellion is justified".They didn't know at the time that "rebellion is justified" was said by Chairman Mao, and I heard it vaguely rumored by my old classmates in Beijing.They asked me, huh?Rebellion is justified, but which class should rebel against?But later, Chairman Mao's quotation "There are thousands of principles in Marxism, but in the final analysis it is just one sentence: rebellion is justified." When it was published, it was not included when compiling the materials, and it was not regarded as a crime.In this way, I was appointed as one of the three reactionary students in the Chinese Department of the school.Those two, one student, because he wrote an article that disagreed with an article written by Tao Zhu; and another classmate, because he loves Tchaikovsky's music, he plays the violin every day when he has nothing to do, and stays in the room.He came from the bourgeoisie.It seems that among the three of us, one is directly attacking the headquarters of the proletariat; the other is a dutiful son and grandson of the bourgeoisie;After this incident came out, I was put under house arrest.I couldn't even get out of bed the next day.Even when I went to the toilet at night, someone followed me secretly.I felt very uncomfortable at the time, and I cried several times behind my back, thinking in my heart, how could I oppose the Communist Party?Won't.I am against it, I know best wow.But he checked himself sincerely again.At this time, my mother wrote me a letter saying, "We are poor people. You must not do anything during the Cultural Revolution. Follow the Communist Party and love Chairman Mao." She didn't know that something happened to me.They also sent me twenty yuan.At that time, twenty yuan was very rare. I was really sad when I received this letter. What is sad, my mother didn't know that her son had caused such a big trouble here!At that time, I couldn't eat every day.The strange thing was that I couldn't eat, and many people were mobilized by the department to visit me by the bedside.This time I'm angry, I said you don't come here, I said I can't get up because I'm lying here today, the reason is because of you.The head of the department said: "The body belongs to the body, ah, the problem belongs to the problem, right? The Communist Party still treats prisoners preferentially." This is what a Communist Party secretary said, yes.Alas, as soon as I heard this, I thought about it. I said that since they are so unreasonable, then there is nothing wrong with it. What is so great about the rightists.I am in good health and able to work, able to work and support myself.What saddens me the most is that if your family also says you are against the Communist Party, how will you explain it to your family?I am getting thinner and thinner day by day.At that time, there was a female classmate in our department. I won’t mention her name. Her grandmother was a court lady of Cixi, and her father was a member of the Kuomintang, so her status in the department can be imagined.Before the "Cultural Revolution", I didn't want to talk to her at all, and she sat behind me, like Miss Jiao, of course we see it that way.I remember one day when I went upstairs, there was a platform upstairs, and there were posters posted on the corridor all over the place.I stood on the platform and looked down. The city is not big, and I can see the edge at a glance.I have vague thoughts of death.Right, after jumping down like this, everything will be clean.But I thought again, if you jump down like this, you won't be able to explain it clearly.And I have a particularly deep affection for my mother.My mother's life has been so difficult, and she has suffered all the hardships that everyone has suffered.She once told me that before she sold my second sister, she ran to Jiefang Bridge and wanted to jump off with her child several times.My father pulled Sanlun at that time, and it was time to strengthen law and order.1942.It’s not enough to buy a pound of sorghum noodles after a day’s driving.I was hesitating when the female classmate came and she called my name.This person is usually so hot with men.I was 20 years old at the time, and she was 18 years old. Well, she was very handsome, and she had a very good figure. She belonged to the dance team in our department.I said why are you calling me?She said why are you here?I said just take a look.She said she heard you were sick?I said you didn't go to see it!Unexpectedly, she said a sentence, which I remember very clearly.Because this matter is what we did at the time.I'm in my forties now, so I'm a bit embarrassed to say that.It was very emotional at the time.She said, why do I think you don't look like a bad person!At that time, when I was able to say such a sentence to the Internet, I felt in my heart—as if all the blocked things were opened at once. .Because no one cares about you at this time, let alone my very good classmate.When eating, there used to be eight people on a table with four plates, but now they avoid you.But since then I have experienced the situation of "the wall is falling and everyone is pushing".All my life I've been looking for friends who are true to myself.I always feel that a true good friend has to form a "best friend".But I also feel that many people are friends in good times, and they are all over in adversity.People, it's really hard to understand.So, when she said this, I was really... But it was six or six years after all.I said don't make fun of me.She said that I have told many lies to others, what do you think of me, I know you look down on me.This means that I know you look down on me, but in fact I am not on the same side as them.To be honest, this girl was very attractive at the time, especially this sentence, which aroused my special, how should I put it, it was, this, this, emotion.So I said, do you have time tomorrow?I want to go out and have fun.Where is she going?I said you may not dare to go.Where did she say I dare not go?I said let's go to the Bethune Martyrs Cemetery.She said how to get there?You have so many bodyguards; and where are you going?To worship?I said, why do you say that about martyrs?At that time, even though I thought she was very kind to me, I still had different ideas about her.We went the next day.She is not afraid of anything.We're on it.Oh, I'll never forget that.This female classmate is really smart. When criticizing me in the criticism meeting, she always rushes to speak first.What she said was even more extreme than the leftists. Once it is too much, it will be difficult to criticize it in the end.What's more, when she sees that people are pushing me hard enough, she will change the conversation and talk about the problem just now.This guy especially likes to fight with this hand.

She said that you have made up your mind, you can hang up with me, the daughter of the Kuomintang, after today.I said I don't care.It's all here, what else do I care about?Anyway, the Communist Party doesn't want me anymore.To be honest, in terms of image, she couldn't possibly like me.I don't know what's going on.But in the end, she and I can only share adversity but not happiness.I feel that from the current point of view, she seemed to be pursuing such a legendary relationship at the time. Maybe, whether this understanding is correct or not, I can’t tell until now, um.But without her at that time, I don't know how empty my heart is.I was moved by her courage, and I was even more willing to go all out.It's over, I thought, that's all, what's left?In addition, there is such a big attraction here, after all, it is a feeling.With her, I am not alone, but two.I don't care if I criticize it again, as if I am engaged in a particularly great thing.One day we were sitting in the pine forest behind Bethune's tomb, and I said that I couldn't imagine that you were so kind to me.She said, blind, what am I, don't think too much of me.In fact, sometimes our women are much stronger than your men. What is this?I didn't know how to express it at the time.But after all, I am also a senior high school graduate, and I have read some foreign literature books, and I also have petty bourgeois sentiments. I think this is the first time in my life that I really sprouted emotions.At that time, I thought very naively, thinking that of course she would stay with me all her life, so nothing would change, and I would be more energetic in the struggle at that stage, and I felt that I was not isolated, this is the stage with her.This is the period in the early days of my "Cultural Revolution". During the period of being suppressed, it was accompanied by such a small romance. This was probably a first love.At that time, I remembered reading a Soviet novel called "Snowy Winter". When I got up, it was still...or what?that is.

After this period of time, I was sent to the farm.Those who work with me include old rightists, right opportunists, people from the Kuomintang, and Leighton Stuart's horses.At this time, Beijing has already begun to fight against teachers, and the movement in our area is half a beat slower than that in Beijing.In August, the peanuts in the field are tall, and the leaves of sweet potatoes are quite lush.Alas, at that time I didn't know why I suddenly wanted to get close to the old rightists.One night, I secretly went to the place where an old rightist lived. This person was the one in the library I mentioned earlier.He lives in a house next to the pigsty.As soon as I went in, he was reading the English version of Selected Works of Mao.I don't know why I was looking for him.To be honest, I'm also a strange person, but I can't hate them all the time.He said what are you doing here?He's pretty nervous.I said let me see you come!He said not to come here, do you know that I am a rightist?I said you are a rightist so I wanted to come, can't the rightists approach you!Rightists are human too!I said what are you reading?I took the initiative to tell him about my simple situation. He looked at me first, didn't say a word, didn't say anything, and when I left he still didn't say anything.I went back the next day, and it was still the same, without saying anything.It was the third time I went to him, and this is something I will never forget in my life.I said, I have come to you for the third time, and I just want to ask you... He immediately said, I am guilty, I am guilty.I said I don't want to hear this from you, so I just want to know, how can I not make mistakes?He watched me for a long time before telling me.He said that you love reading, don’t you? Remember, if you want to avoid making mistakes in the future, any book you especially love to read must have problems with that book.This sentence sounds like Zen language to me, right? I don’t understand it at all.He said, there are too many revisionist and bourgeois things in our minds, so as long as you like to read the book, as long as you particularly appreciate those places, you are right to criticize.Later, I have been judging by these words, especially when writing critical manuscripts, they are sure to be successful once they are written.

On August 10th, the farm suddenly had to listen to important broadcasts.At that time, it was based on editorials, and later it was based on quotations.The "Sixteen Articles" came out today, and several articles in this editorial really touched my heart.I can even remember the voice of the announcer very clearly.I think the voice of the announcers during the "Cultural Revolution" was particularly high-pitched and exciting, which is not the same as it is now.There are two paragraphs in it, that is to say, in this struggle, the general direction of the revolutionary young generals is always correct. Although they have made mistakes of one kind or another, they should be careful not to be labeled as counter-revolutionaries, and they should also be strictly guarded against political pickpockets. These words.And the real focus of this movement is to rectify those in power within the party who are taking the capitalist road.To be honest, every word and every word is really deep in my heart, and my relationship with Chairman Mao is really deep.That night after listening to the radio, we revolted.I walked from the farm to the city by myself, it was more than 30 miles, and then it was ten miles to our school, forty miles. I ran back to school that night.Those forty miles were very desolate, my good guy. I remember walking the bumpy banks of the Hutuo River, but the more I walked, the happier I was.When I arrived at school, I immediately connected with students from other departments.I don't know how to know a student of the Department of Political Science and Education. He is also the same type as me, and he is constantly giving advice to the department and being punished.At that time, it was "the same people who have fallen in the end of the world", that is, "why did we know each other when we meet again".I said, have you seen it through, or not!At that time, I had a very deep understanding of the central documents. On that night, we set up an organization with a few students from the Department of Mechanical Engineering. Four large-character newspapers were pasted together to write a word. From the fourth floor down, it was "" I am willing to cut myself to pieces, and resolutely pull the gangsters off their horses."I also wrote a big-character poster that night called "Accuse the Head of the Department of Persecution of Me".To be honest, this big-character poster actually has no content, it is all facts: What do you do on a few days, what do you do on a few days, how to punish me.Alas, this big-character poster was posted upstairs in an inconspicuous place, but as soon as it was posted, the whole department exploded.Our group started to make trouble on the night when the "Sixteen Points" were announced.At that time, most important news was published in the evening, not in the morning.Isn't there a "News Network Program", the news is earlier than the morning, at 8 o'clock in the evening, the whole country listens.During the daytime of the next day, our department was turned upside down. After all, there were still people who secretly supported me in the department. Alas, they all came to me now.At that time, to be honest, we didn’t have the strategy of the proletarian revolutionaries, so why don’t you unite them right now?At that time, I felt that I was right a long time ago, saying that you are doing this again now!I myself thought that only that female classmate was the only comrade-in-arms, and the relationship with her was made public.Posters were posted at five o'clock in the morning.After I finished writing, I was so tired, so I laid paper on the ping-pong case of writing big-character posters, and lay on it with my body stretched out. It was a feeling of liberation.Ink and paste were all over the gown, which was a mess.As soon as she came, she hugged my head, not like men and women who were afraid of being seen by others.There is no such thing.Alas, she said it made me worry to death.That blissful mood was not only a kind of political liberation, it seemed that I was a real revolutionary, and I was a revolutionary earlier than you all, and I even forgot my past fears.The situation of the whole department turned around in an instant, and big-character posters of support came like a snowflake.It's very strange, it turns out that those leftists also support me in turn.What I hate the most are the chairman of the student union and the secretary of the Youth League branch.I am also very arrogant sometimes.I said who will win the deer, now we can probably see the outcome!I strongly demanded that the department immediately hold a confrontation meeting. We did not expect to find out the leaders of the department at that time.To be honest, I am quite humane, so revenge is over.At that time, I saw that the head of the department was also deaf and out of his mind, so I felt a little fair play.Unexpectedly, once this spontaneous meeting of the Contradictory Committee was held, the whole school would go without any summons or loudspeaker shouting several times.The meeting was held in the auditorium, and there was no procedure for the meeting. Who would organize it? The rebels still didn't know anything about it, and it was organized by the Youth League branch secretary.It's interesting that you said how confining your mind is.Up to this time, I still dare not kick him away, as if I feel that only his leadership is logical.I told the facts at the meeting.Let me say one more thing, when I first set up the table, I didn't dare to put it on the stage. I thought that the stage was not what we should go up to, so I ended up setting it off the stage.Use a microphone. This microphone was temporarily installed with a cable pulled out by a classmate in the Department of Infrastructure.As I said above, there were so many people sitting there, and I was afraid when I went up.It was really hot that day too, it was the twelfth of August.I told the whole process, and the more I talked about it, the more wronged I was, and I burst into tears.Because all of a sudden it aroused so many thoughts in me, even about my mother, even about this matter, even about that matter, this talk really has a strong effect, it is not a man-made effect.Everyone is angry.Moreover, as soon as the "Sixteen Points" were announced, everyone's courage was also summoned up, and slogans were rang out.Shouting, "Resolutely protest the persecution of the revolutionary young general by the comrade of the department head!" At first, he still called "comrade", and shouted and shouted, the word "comrade" disappeared.This also has a process, and the cadres are not knocked down all at once.Looking at the opposite side, the good guy and the others saw that it was not working, and half of it caused a fault, and the speaker cable was pinched.Bad things become good things.好家伙那个时候正处在革命高潮的时候，巴黎公社刚刚起来，你竟敢制造故障？这时根本用不着我上手，机电系的小伙子就上去啦；中文系说老实话，还没有那么粗野。一会儿玻璃哗啦就下来啦，群众运动往往都是酿成的，不是预谋的就是。这天晚上全校革命达到高潮，立刻宣布说，革命造反团占领广播室；跟着我们发布了第二道通令，限院党委书记，院领导立刻都到会场来。现在想起来都不知道胆子哪来的。以前哪，根本不敢招呼他名字是吧。叫他们来，他们老奸巨猾，不敢来呀，来了弄不好让学生打一顿。实际学生还没那个胆量。说老实话，这还只是跪着造反。他们来了一表态，支持学生就完啦，我们还没有批斗什么的。不来，不来结果这个会就开不下去啦，整个这帮人就拥进院党委办公室。从来没进去过，那一层楼是办公区呀，从来都没敢进去过。这一次呀，真有点像《湖南农民运动考察报告》里那个劲头，一下就冲进领导办公室里去啦，根本也没见过这么豪华的场面。现在看沙发再普通不过，那阵沙发却代表高贵的象征。进去之后，一看都有点胆怯了。那个院党委书记是个挺瘦挺瘦的老头子，问同学们干什么呀，我们走在前边的都想往后退了，可是后边的倒有点勇敢。后来在两条路线斗争检查的时候，说我这人还不是一个彻底的造反者，因为对他们恨不起来。他还是党嘛，对不对呀。可是他说，你们的情况我不了解。这下可激起火来啦。我说你们不是不了解情况吗，马上都到会场去。他们一走之后那个屋子就归我们啦，都上了沙发。咱也坐坐这个。就是这个情况，小姐的牙床也要滚一滚哪，就是那种感情。那屋就成了"文化革命委员会"临时呆的地方啦。我总觉得这事就完了。对"文化大革命"真还不懂。这个树欲静而风不止啊，或者说无风树也摇哇。我们这个学校是一个新建学校，老师们来的时候就分三派势力：进修学校的、工业学校的、师范大学的，还有各地的志愿兵，各地来的领导，来一个领导带来一拨人，我们一闹好像扔了个炸药包，他们互相干上了。他们互相知底细，愈闹愈大，愈升级。这时候，到了"八·一八"了。毛主席接见红卫兵，全校的斗争就开始高潮了。这个时候我们更是左派啦。不能不革命呀！就开始批斗党委书记。实际上我现在认识到，我们学校的这个"文革"是怎么回事呢，学生的这个革命跟这个老师宗派的派性斗争，搅在一块啦就是，而我们呢，就成了人家利用的工具。可又身不由己，整个时代往前发展也许只能那样做了。你上了台你就下不来了。可是这时我有点腻了。因为学校斗争一到高潮之后，开始有打的啦，打的厉害呀。我从来在"文革"没打过人，我对你这么讲当然也没用是吧。我就这样说，你就这样听吧。那阵就越是保守的人起来造反越是打的厉害，这就是"文革"当中的现象。这样说，我也不知你爱听不？这是说原来你没造反，保当权派的，现在起来造反，打的反而最厉害。他们只有用这个来表现他们最革命。本来他们就是"左"的根子，本来他保你，等后来一看大势已去，不行啦，批斗你比我还凶还左。这是"文化大革命"我见到的一个现象。就拿斗系主任说吧，我总觉得他就迫害我那一段啦。但我知道他是三八式的老革命，是华北联大那阵出来的人。再有他学问特别好，对鲁迅的杂文很有研究。我在业务上崇拜他。我这人也怪事啦，一看见能耐人哪真是不管别的怎么样，也崇拜人家。再说他又跟我道过歉，恨不起来了。打人这叫什么呢。我记得那次斗系主任，"啪"一下弄个大纸篓扣上了。纸篓糊帽子好糊哇，就着那个纸篓的空间，一糊纸就成啦。说老实话这时我再批判系主任已经没嘛新鲜东西啦，没什么新词啦就是。可不能不批呀，只能在原来的材料的基础上上纲。你再老说那段，人家也不高兴听啦是吧。批得连我自己也底虚，没底气也得批。所以我发现这革命也会促成人品质上发生变化。当时，系主任高血压，五十多岁的人啦，他们一边斗，一边叫他站在椅子上转。你可怜他是不行的，当时我发完言之后就走了。说老实话，我总是下不去手，你下不去手还得装得特别狠，因为那阵谁越凶狠无产阶级感情越鲜明；要不为什么斗的特别厉害呢。有一个女的，别提她名字啦，是班上的团支部书记，上去拿手指一戳就戮到系主任的脑门上，那女同学的指盖子多尖啊是吧，一戳一块肉就下来啦。我实在压抑不住啦，人的感情啊！我跟你说这些不是美化自己，美化也没用，我还不知道我怎么回事。完事我到系主任屋里头，他正在那哭。我进屋呢，还得保持那无产阶级革命作风啊，我先说有嘛问题自己好好交待。实际感情很复杂，是吧。我又说对你的事当然都得实事求是，如果谁要不实事求是，我们也不答应。这都是好话没好话说。他说，你们要真批我，我口服心服哇，现在这样下去我可真受不了。我这一听心都发酸。我想想，就说你把语录拿出来，啊，记住语录多少页多少条，我们应该相信群众相信党，是吧，有了这两条革命原理什么都好办了是吧。实际只能拿这个当安慰话了，别的都没说，因为不能说。他当然明白。这就是为什么后来等我毕业的时候，系主任解放了，专门约我到饭馆吃顿饭哪。哪有系主任请学生吃饭的呀。这是插进来后来的一段事。