Chapter 9 Contemporary Julien

In 1966, a 17-year-old male sophomore in a middle school in T City The first family in T city to be copied--drawing a line with the family--running to the frontier and carrying the burden of family background--marrying the daughter of the "red five categories" for revenge--everything has changed: job transfer, joining the party, going to college- - today's distress What I want to tell you is that you can’t say it at home, you can’t say it to your friends, even the best friends, this is the pain in your heart.It's not the intense pain in front of me, but a deep, deep pain that I can't get rid of.But I want to tell you, why I don't understand myself.But there is one thing I know, because you said that you will hide all the names of the places, so I am willing to say it.

My fatal flaw is my bad background.I had a premonition of the existence of this thing when I was in middle school. That was during 1964 and 1965, when I was in the first and second grades of high school.I'm still a student who is serious in study, politically demanding, and close to the organization!But I don't know what kind of smell emanating from my body makes those students with good backgrounds in the class avoid me, not like a mouse hiding from a cat, like a person avoiding the plague.even discriminated against me.I don't know what's going on, but naturally I got closer to two or three people from bad backgrounds in the class, and vented my dissatisfaction together.In this way, several of our classmates were branded as "gangsters" in 1966.I'm not talking about this "gangster", I'm not complaining, I don't like complaining, I'm talking about my situation.

Another thing, my house is good, suddenly the government told us to move.My grandparents, parents, and mothers were all timid. After moving out, it was said that high-ranking officials lived in that house.It also puts pressure on me, a kind of political pressure, psychological pressure, which shows on which political level I live. When the "Cultural Revolution" came, everything became clear.My family was the first to be copied in this city.My grandfather and my father both worked in banks, and they are well-known capitalists.I found out later that my mother was responsible for the first ransacking of the house.At that time, the bank froze the deposits of the capitalists, and they were not allowed to withdraw them. They said it was money for exploitation, and the names of the capitalists were announced at the bank gate.My mother went to pick it up, and the bank immediately notified the Red Guards, and the Red Guards would arrive right away, so they copied it.I didn't dare to go back, so I ran to find a good classmate and asked him to go back with me to have a look.He didn't dare to go either, he was probably a staff member, but at the time he wasn't sure what his attitude would be towards his background.He said: "Your neighbors all know me, and I'm afraid that if I go to fix it, our family will be ruined." I went back by myself. From a distance, the big-character posters were all muddy, and my mother was criticized at the door. A pile of people, smashed, burned, and smoked.I am only seventeen years old, I have never seen this world before, I dare not go near it, so I wandered outside all night.I don't know how my mother and grandparents came here.My younger brother is crippled, and it is him that I am more concerned about.Wandering the streets all night, I don't know how I got here.

The next day I bit the bullet and went to my middle school to look for the Red Guards. At that time, I thought, "I'll admit it if I fight or scold me."I have to beg them to tell me to go home and have a look. Apart from my grandparents, my parents, my other brothers are all out of town. No one cares about the disabled brother. He has been growing up with me since he was a child. I taught him how to write and draw, how to live , with the deepest affection for him.There was a Red Guard who was not bad and led me home.It was a mess from downstairs to upstairs.I just took a look at a few houses along the stairs and aisles. The houses were full of Red Guards.Many things are tattered and torn.My favorite things are postage stamps and correspondence with some Soviet friends.In the early 1960s, contact with the Soviet Union was encouraged.These treasured things were thrown all over the floor, but they didn't move me at all. At this time, there was only a desire to survive, and I forgot whether I should eat or not.I asked the Red Guards to take my brother away.I said that the Red Guards were in favor of leaving the family, it was a "revolutionary action" to draw a line with the family.Seeing that my younger brother is young and lame, he allowed me to take him away.I took two quilts and took my brother to live in the school.At the end of the day, they gave me five yuan and some food stamps, which I wanted.But they gave it to me, and I'm still very moved.I don't know how long the five yuan can be spent. In the past, my family was very rich and never knew the specific value of the money.

My brother and I lived on this five yuan for more than a month.During this period, the school did not allow us to live there.But my house was "swept out".Mom and Dad lived in the old man's house, and the old man's house was actually sealed off. My mother slept in a small place in the passageway of the old man's house, with a curtain and a few wooden boards.When I went to see her, her head was shaved, and I was more impressed by that look than she had ever been.My grandparents were sent to live in a small house on another street.The Red Guards told us to move there; because of the five yuan, my family and I had a misunderstanding.I used the money to buy pancakes and fruits for my younger brother, but not to grandma and grandpa. They watched from the side, and later they told my aunts and uncles about it.At that time, the money was given by the Red Guards, and I really didn't dare to give it to them.My mother had no source of income at the time, so I don't know how she got here.I admit that I dare not touch this family, I can't care about them anymore.Think about it, I'm only seventeen years old, and suddenly I've come to this point, seeing this world for the first time, who knows what to do, I just want to keep my brother and myself.It seems that this misunderstanding has not been completely eliminated until now.After the five yuan was spent, I had to go to the Red Guards again and get some back. This money can only be used by my brother and me, and we must distinguish it from them. That's the only way.

In this situation, I am not reconciled.I think I must at least maintain my life, maintain my existence, and maintain my own position in society.I myself should enjoy the same as others.Seeing those classmates arrogant, why can't I, am I lacking in physical strength, ability or intelligence compared to them?It is because of my innately deficient background.I hate my origin, even my parents, and my ancestors.But I am not reconciled to the pressure of my birth, I am not convinced, and always want to fight back.In 1968, the first batch went to the mountains and countryside. I said that my family really didn't have the financial strength to support me, so I signed up.

I went to the frontier, twenty miles away from the border, so desolate.Once there, it felt like I had finally thrown away my hapless parentage.But the leader of the same team told me about my background and reported it to the party branch of the brigade, and everyone knew it all at once.what to do?Work hard, this is the only way.The countryside is different from other places. After all, you still have to work. If you work, you will have food. If you can work, people will look down on you.People see everything on the line of survival.Well, if you can do it, I can do it. If you can do four points, I can do eight points. If you can do five points, I can do it ten points.With my family background on my back, and coughing my teeth, I want to gain a foothold in the countryside.At the end of the year, everyone went home to visit relatives, and they also asked me to go home. If I didn’t go back, I said I had no home.The only one who pays the most dividends is me, and I get 27 yuan.I left ten yuan and sent the seventeen yuan home.As long as the brigade asks me to do it, I will do it no matter how hard it is.In winter, they asked me to paint big slogans and write calligraphy on the wall. The northwest wind was blowing. The northwest wind in Inner Mongolia was much stronger than here. "Long live Mao Zedong Thought" and "socialism is good", I really feel bad.No one even lent me a cotton coat to keep my body temperature.Is it so difficult to gain a foothold in the wild land of Inner Mongolia? I am not complaining, but my situation.

To say that farmers are serious things.Three years later, I was transferred to teach.Then began to tune.I know what's wrong with me, it's useless not to fight, I'm not qualified.The first two batches of good backgrounds were all selected and transferred, and in the third batch, our group removed the women, who were a little disabled.As for our team leader, he was the leader who said that I had a bad family background when we first came here, but he was not selected. I heard that his father is a small business owner, and there was something unclear about it. I was actually selected as the third batch up.When I arrived at the railway bureau of a big city here, I first went to the station and worked as a porter.This is much better, although I am tired, but I have no acquaintances, no one knows my origin, mixed among people, we live, eat and sleep together, it is quite warm, and enjoy the feeling of no distance between people.

But one day, it was said that an air-raid shelter would be dug.Ask everyone to line up on the platform, and then say that some people with bad backgrounds will go up the mountain to collect stones, and some with good backgrounds will stay and dig air-raid shelters.Follow the roll call, and those with bad backgrounds will stand up.I thought, it's broken, it's about to reveal my secrets, my face "swiped" and became hot all of a sudden, and I couldn't lift my head up.In the end, I was the first one, and my name was called. As soon as I stood up, my background was revealed, and it was over again.The shadow of my birth follows me everywhere, it seems that there are no illusions in this life.To quarry rocks up the mountain is to explode them with gunpowder first, then wrap the stones around with a big wire, and use a big shoulder pole with thick wrists to pick them up, down the mountain, walk on the springboard, and get them into the carriage.I have exercised in the countryside, and I can do this job.But my birth is really heavier than this rock, and I feel a little immobilized.

Later, he asked me to teach at the Railway Middle School.I am a third-year high school student, and I have more than enough teaching skills.When I was in middle school, I did what I was asked to do. I seldom spoke in meetings, and I had no right to speak. I sat where no one was sitting, and sat in a corner, because I knew that I was born lowly, and the world told me to live.But where you can give full play to your abilities, you can't help but try your best to do well.I'm conflicted, sometimes discouraged, sometimes rebellious, always trying to impress others with my worth, always trying to build up my own self-esteem, even though it's hard to do so in a humiliated position.It seems that a mud pillar is to be erected in the middle of the torrent.

At this time, there were two girls who were very nice to me.One is more external and the other is more internal. The relationship between the two of them is also very good, so good that they are almost inseparable. This extroverted girl is very capable, talkative, and intelligent. I agree with her, and the more we talk, the closer we get.It turned out that we were still in the same city.Once I asked her where her family lived, and when she said it, I was shocked. I never thought that she lived in the house where we were kicked out first. What a coincidence, it's a bit dramatic.Ask her again, she is still a high-ranking cadre family, her parents are quite high-level cadres, and she was a Red Guard in the early days of the "Cultural Revolution", the Red Guard who ransacked her house, and she was also the leader of the Red Guard.To my death, I would never have thought of making friends with such a red five category, and falling in love with a female Red Guard, which is quite exciting.I was moved, and I thought I had no future.Everyone says I'm a son of a bitch, but this time I want to see if I can combine with the five reds.If combined, see what the end result is.I think this will definitely be opposed by her family, but the more opposed, the more I want to do this.Frankly, I have a vengeful mentality.With this purpose in mind, I made friends with her.I also want to see how this thing is done, how you people of the fifth category treat me.At that time, my sense of depression was quite strong, and I just wanted to explode. If I exploded in society, I would definitely be a counter-revolutionary. I had to use this method, which was more harmful.I said I'm going to marry you red five classes, marry your daughter, didn't you say no, you have to see it, you have to see it, see if it works, it's up to me. This is true.Combination of red and black. As far as we are concerned personally, I also have feelings for her. She is straightforward and smart, especially if she dares to make friends with someone from my background. In that situation, it is a very real comfort.I am very grateful to her.Naturally, this is also related to her special situation.At that time, both her parents were criticized, and her situation was at its lowest point. She was alone in such a far place, helpless, very lonely, and we were able to talk again.Also, the more introverted girl was also chasing me, which prompted her to combine with me faster.I don't like that shy girl very much, but sometimes I express my liking deliberately, which stimulates her to establish a relationship with me, and I do it sincerely.because I need.I want revenge, and I want to run upwards. Our family considered this marriage unreliable.Because the family is not in the right place, one is red and the other is black, the gap is too big.All kinds of habits are different, and there will definitely be problems in life in the future.Of course, her family was more resolutely against it. If I said no, I had to go to your house.I have a bad family background, but I am your son-in-law.Although on the surface, I still don't feel good about my energy.Am I not alone, why my resistance is even stronger without proper marriage rights. The first time I met her mother, I called her mother.She ignored me, I think you ignored me, I called too. After I joined her, I really felt that many things had changed, wonderful changes.At school and in the unit, it seems to treat me differently.In fact, I am still me, which is ridiculous when I think about it.But I'm really no longer a pup in their eyes.However, when I got married with her, I didn't focus on eating and drinking, and didn't want to live a high-level life. I wanted to change my own situation, change my job, go to school, and complete my own path.In the past, I couldn’t do anything, couldn’t go to school, couldn’t join the party, couldn’t join the army, didn’t have the right to speak in seminars, and didn’t trust me politically.Doesn't this marriage change? Soon I transferred back with her. This is the second time that there has been a change.Hey, the job has been transferred back, and the status will change immediately. How can our family have such great ability.Those classmates who laughed at me in the past, what should I do now?I have observed carefully, those who are not well-born, their status in society is still far from today.It was different for me. I took advantage of the status of this family, went to university, and joined the party.As for my origin, no one mentioned it at all.I am neither of a good background nor a bad background, inexplicably a privileged background.You think, people of my background said that joining the party should be done in the past, wouldn't everyone take me as a joke?Think about the road I have traveled before, I have suffered so much, and I have sacrificed my life so much, when will I be able to earn this step.Although the relationship between me and her family has always been bad, and the relationship between her and mine is even worse. She looks down on my parents to the core, and her red five kinds of smell have no common language with my mother.But for me personally, it's quite satisfying. Then it changed a bit.Especially after the "Cultural Revolution" ended, her family's situation improved, and her emotions became complicated. After a while, she regretted it, because her old friends, old classmates, and high-ranking cadres all recovered. , her husband is not very honorable.I can’t compare those people who went abroad, who were promoted, but the only thing I can comfort her is two things: one is my current status, I am the person in charge of a unit, and I can tell; the other is Graduated from college.She was fine for general social intercourse, but not so good on the upper rungs, especially among friends of her class.Good thing we have a baby.Children are the strongest bond between husband and wife in a family.But so far we have frictions in our living habits, especially when her sense of superiority in status is manifested, the obstacles in the relationship are more obvious. I seem to have stopped there.My good times were all delayed during the "Cultural Revolution".It is impossible to be successful in business, and can only take the path of politics, but on this path, a good background is still unique.I earned it on my own, and when it came time to really strive for a goal, I couldn't do without a strong family background.I don't want the support of their family. If my background is not direct, it can't play a real role.Although I had the glory of her origin at the beginning, when their status came into play again, I was overshadowed.After all, I didn't get red right from the root.I know a man whose father is the director of the police station, and he has become a big boss.No background, no one to support, no matter how big the ambition is, it is difficult to realize.On the surface, I seem to be doing pretty well in this family, but when I know my ins and outs, I lose my energy. Speaking of this, I don't know what it feels like, let's talk about something else, okay? *** Distorted love, distorted life