Chapter 31 Chapter 31: Homeland of Dreams

Wait, a man who will never return.It is helpless, but also a kind of happiness.To meet is to have it, maybe we can't pray too much, and we don't need to gain too much.She chose to live in a secluded world, forgetting both in the world of mortals, and she has her own reasons.People who are alive, why are they afraid of being parted for a long time?Why not feel at ease? For Sanmao, the winter of 1990 had a kind of splendid desolation.At the wrong time, she and Wang Luobin were doomed not to be able to bloom beautiful flowers in that wasteland.When she attended the Golden Horse Awards Ceremony in a beautiful dress, "Rolling Red Dust" earned her back the pride and honor of her life.But she is not the protagonist after all, just like that, she gave joy to others for no reason, and left tragedy to herself.Since it is a play, there is no need to take it too seriously.

San Mao was ill. Years of wandering life caused her to suffer from many serious illnesses.This time she was suffering from endometrial hyperplasia.In fact, this is not a serious disease, a small operation will be enough. The day before she was hospitalized, Sanmao wrote a letter to Jia Pingwa, a well-known mainland writer.It was two o'clock in the morning on January 1, 1991, and it was drizzling outside the window.Sanmao told Jia Pingwa that among contemporary Chinese writers, he was the most relatable to his writing style, and after reading it, he felt a certain kind of loneliness.He also said that in this life, he will keep it well and cherish his gift book.

She wrote this letter only after taking painkillers, and was told that she would be hospitalized for surgery.I couldn't travel far for a while, couldn't work for at least a year, and had a bad illness.At the end of the letter, I also mentioned that if I am not so tired, I may go to Xi'an in a few months, and I look forward to meeting Mr. Jia Pingwa. This letter was actually San Mao's last pen.The news of Sanmao's suicide came earlier than the letter.When Jia Pingwa learned that Sanmao had passed away, he wrote "Crying for Sanmao".In a few days, he received the last letter from Sanmao before his death, and he was even more sad.He also wrote "Crying Sanmao Again" as an eternal memory.

On the afternoon of January 2, 1991, Sanmao was admitted to Taipei Veterans General Hospital.She asked for a single room with bathroom and toilet.During the admission procedures and medical examination, nothing unusual happened. That day, Sanmao said to her mother: "There are many children jumping around her bed in the hospital, and some of them have grown wings." Miao Jinlan, the mother, knew that Sanmao had always liked to fantasize, and thought she was talking nonsense again, so she hesitated. Jokingly said: "Just ignore them." Now that I think about it, did Sanmao really go out of his body at that time and see things that ordinary people can't see?

This is a minor operation and can be performed in ten minutes.Sanmao didn't have any serious physical problems, but he still used general anesthesia.After waking up, Sanmao asked her mother to freshen her up because she had an appointment with a psychiatrist.But the psychiatrist did not come as scheduled, and the mother didn't care too much. After eating the food brought by his mother, Sanmao suddenly felt refreshed.She clearly told her parents that she had recovered and asked them to go home and rest.According to the memories of Chen Siqing and Miao Jinlan, before leaving, Sanmao didn't say anything special.She looked so peaceful, a kind of calm that all disasters are over. At night, near eleven o'clock, Sanmao called his mother.All they talked about was illness, and Sanmao's tone was calm.But after a while, Sanmao suddenly said a lot on the phone in a loud and urgent voice, which Miao Jinlan couldn't hear clearly.Finally, I heard Sanmao say: "The children at the bedside in the hospital are here again!" Mother knew that it was her hallucination, so she could only coax her and say, "Maybe the little angel is here to protect you." Sanmao laughed at that time.Until later, my mother recalled that laugh on the phone, it was really sad. The mother who hung up the phone was still worried. She called a good friend in the hospital at one o'clock in the morning and asked him to see Sanmao.The friend comforted Miao Jinlan and told her that she had visited Sanmao at night, she talked and laughed happily, and everything was fine. That night, the doctor on duty made a ward round and found that the light in San Mao's ward was still on.Sanmao told the medical staff that she had a very light sleep and hoped that they would not disturb her at night. On January 4th, at seven o'clock in the morning, a cleaning lady entered the ward to clean.It was discovered that San Mao used a long silk stocking and hanged herself on the hook for hanging IV in the bathroom.Sanmao died at the age of forty-eight.When he died, he was wearing a red pajamas with a white background. Sanmao's body was carried to the bed, and there were deep strangle marks on the neck.The blood has sunk in the extremities, and the body is gray-black.Apparently, he had been dead for a long time before the medical staff found out.The medical examiner deduced that the time of Sanmao's death was 2:00 am. The prosecutors believed that in the bathroom where Sanmao committed suicide, the hospital provided toilet handguards. As long as Sanmao had a little bit of survival intention, he could immediately hold the handguards and save his life.It's a pity that she didn't do this. She was really tired after all. Sister Chen Xintian said: "Regarding her suicide, we all know that she may have this day, but not at that time. In fact, she is a very tidy and beautiful person. She never wants to show people in her pajamas. There is not much time, how could you pass away in pajamas?" Major newspapers in Hong Kong and Taiwan published the news that San Mao committed suicide by hanging himself.For a time, it shocked the entire Chinese world, and also shocked thousands of readers who love her.Shock, regret, grief, nostalgia, and more, vivid rumors and questions.The outside world began to spread the rumors that Sanmao was murdered, as well as many conjectures. The death of this legendary woman has become a mystery that can never be solved.In fact, life and death are but a moment.Everything is impermanent, and many things are difficult to explain with common sense.When Sanmao completely put down the burden on her shoulders, I believe that it was the kindness bestowed on her by God. Whether it is success or failure, it really turns around and is empty.She has been in this world, looking for the real hometown.It is only now that I know that all these years of wandering and wandering are for the purpose of returning to the way I came from.This practice of walking until the water was poor and sitting and watching Yunqi finally came to an end.In the years to come, it should be quiet, day and night.