Chapter 28 Chapter Twenty-Eight

Life is like Ping, forget each other smoke and water.Those days of brocade clothes and night walks, wind and dew, finally came to an end.Along the way, watching the floating life in the world passing by, the thousands of phenomena of the world have all turned into dreams and bubbles.But I believe that, after today's broken branches and fallen leaves, tomorrow will be full of flowers and full moon. The bird is tired and knows how to return, and the flowing cloud is still looking for a home, let alone a person.In the busy and noisy world, there is always a need for a quiet place to live.Things in the world are inherently false and real, so why be too sober, and there is no need to indulge in sadness.Even if the person holding hands is far away from you, you have to smile and watch the situation alone.

Sanmao, who returned from a long trip to South America, also felt physically and mentally exhausted. In Taipei, she needed to find a quiet place to rest her soul.But as soon as he returned to China, Sanmao started endless symposiums, lectures, and dinners.Even the meticulous care of her parents, the inextricable family affection, made her feel a burden.When you are alone, only the time in your heart is clear and clear. Writing and teaching suddenly became everything in Sanmao's life.In September 1982, Sanmao returned to teach at the Cultural University.Taught two courses of novel writing and prose writing.Sanmao's life, apart from wandering around the world and writing at his desk, he only had the profession of teaching.She once said: "Teaching is a matter of hard work, harvest, and great happiness." She is not a person who likes excitement, but she is willing to pass on her life experience to those who have feelings.

Chinese literature is Sanmao's deepest love, and what she wishes in this life is to see all the world's scenery and write all the stories of separation and separation in the world of mortals.Ten years ago, Sanmao was an unknown German teaching assistant at the Cultural University.Ten years later, she is a well-known writer.Sanmao's first class was an unprecedentedly lively scene.The students who went to attend the lecture simply wanted to see the demeanor of this legendary writer. Sanmao teaches very seriously.Every night, read a lot of textbooks and make full preparations.With her many years of traveling career and her writing experience, she can bring a refreshing feeling to the students.Sanmao's class is extremely vivid. She uses her writing experience to inspire students' creative potential.Her lectures are like telling stories, full of fun and lingering aftertaste.

From to, Sanmao patiently explained these two favorite literary masterpieces to the students.The vicissitudes of life in the Sahara is also a story that students love to hear most.Sanmao often said that life does not lie in length, but in living happily.Although she has experienced too much wind and rain in her life, she has truly loved and possessed, so no matter what ending fate will arrange for her, she has no regrets. For writing and teaching, Sanmao overdraws her health and burns her soul.There is not a little time left in this way, because I am afraid that when I am lonely, I will involuntarily immerse myself in sad memories.Sanmao once said that the one who goes first is happiness, and the one who stays is not the strong.But when she experienced the pain of losing her lover, she said: "For the sake of love, let me drink this bitter cup of farewell!"

I always look forward to the day when all hardships will come to an end.Since she can't forget the old vows, the only thing she can do is to keep herself busy.Plowing the clouds and planting the moon is not for harvest, but only for the days filled with wind and smoke, so that you can be calm and clean. "Sometimes we have to be cruel to ourselves, and we can't condone our sadness and disappointment; sometimes we have to be cruel to those we love deeply, and put aside the memory of our love for them." Miao Jinlan, his mother, said: "Sanmao now teaches in the Literature and Art Group of the Chinese Department of Cultural University, and has three fixed columns to write every month. When he is interested, he has to write another seven or eight thousand words, and then read fifty books every month. The above, and the rest of the time, there are endless speeches and interviews. Seeing my daughter busy day and night, I can't bear it. I always think that she has returned home, ended her wandering career, and left the country full of tragic memories. On a small island, Sanmao can be happy on her own land, speak her own language, do what she likes, and start her new life."

However, is the busy life really a new life?After publishing the travel notes, Sanmao still refuses to stop writing. In addition to preparing lessons, she writes every day.She eventually fell ill, and Sanmao had to stay away from the turbulent Taipei and go to the United States to recuperate in order to recuperate.She resigned from her teaching position and embarked on a long journey. In this life, it seems that all roads are destined to be walked alone.The road of dream-seeking, the road of long-distance travel, even the ultimate road of death, is a lonely self.Sanmao was cured in the United States, took a brief rest for a period of time, and then returned to Taipei.She is determined to bid farewell to the pulpit and only concentrate on one thing, which is writing.

She shut out all the glitz and only made friends with words.She refuses all flowers, socializes with no one, answers the phone, or reads the newspaper.Even eating and sleeping have become dispensable things.When we make a cup of fragrant tea and read quietly in those moonlight and clear days, we don’t know the painstaking efforts of the person who manipulates the words. Perhaps what we can see is more the dazzling aura of this famous writer.But it is difficult to deeply understand the hardships behind her.Although I am also amazed by Sanmao's legendary life experience, all the joys and sorrows of honor and disgrace are the fireworks of others.What really hurts is the protagonist in the text.Buddhists say that ego is the root of suffering.Sanmao, on the other hand, has always admitted that he is a person with a deep ego, and no self can be written.

Sanmao's many works, word by word, bit by bit, are written about her own experiences, emotions and stories.She is unwilling to fabricate plots, and only feels that the words written with life are real and touching, and worth remembering in a lifetime.In the past few years, she has set a lot of writing plans for herself: San Mao completed many works such as , , and , in a very short period of time. Sanmao's overdraft of writing tomorrow made her already weak body even weaker.She lost her memory for a while and was in a trance.During that time, my mother and good friend Yang Shuhui both suffered from cancer and were hospitalized.The fickle things in the world and the ill-fated fate made the unsettled life worse.Once, Sanmao went to the hospital to visit Yang Shuhui, walking in the crowd, and forgot the way home.

After all the dust settled, it was already 1986.Mental weakness forced Sanmao to put down pen and paper and fly to the United States to recuperate.Stay away from the crowd, watch the birds fly from the corner of the eaves, watch the clouds walk in front of the window, watch the flowers bloom quietly and the leaves fall slowly.Only then did I realize that loneliness and tranquility are the greatest happiness in life.It's a pity that the complicated world affairs prevented her from spending the rest of her life in loneliness. In the days of wandering outside, it is inevitable that some plots and stories will happen.After losing Jose, Sanmao's heart is as still as water. She feels that there will never be any love in her future life.If you can't find real stability, just muddle along, and you can live a different kind of life.

This year, Sanmao also went to Canary Island, where she had been separated for two years.Coming here is not only to visit Jose's cemetery, but also to bid farewell to this beautiful island.This seaside hut has been closed for two years, except for a little dust, the furnishings in the house have not changed in the slightest. The person who used to listen to the tide, play chess, and watch the moon with her has long since fallen into the sky, heaven and earth.When the night is quiet, Sanmao still can't help but recall.Until the tears flow down my face, until the morning glow rises from the sea.All things can be reincarnated, only death is eternal death.

Looking at the sea from a distance, thinking of Hexi's past promises, it is so weak that it can't match a ray of breeze and a half-bright moon at this moment.He left, and the dark wound left in San Mao's heart could never recover.Love - a word that is beautiful but ethereal, warm but cold, intriguing to pursue and worthy of awe.In the limited years of this life, Sanmao has owned and lost. Let's go, say goodbye to everything here.Otherwise, the memories would entangle her relentlessly, otherwise, she would not be able to explain to her reborn self.Let the sleeping person sleep forever.But the living people, after a long period of time, will grow old after seeing all the desolation.At that time, all the stories were left for posterity to comment on. Jose, the most precious person in my life.Sanmao kissed his name for the last time, turned and left.She knows that from now on, worrying is unnecessary.She and Jose will not be separated for too long, and one day they will end up together by different routes. Farewell, La Palma; Farewell, Canary Island; Farewell, José.She sold the house and found new owners for all the treasures in the house.She left the turbulent Atlantic Ocean, completely forgetting the tragedy that happened here. No matter how beautiful the beginning is, it will end in the cold.She is willing to turn into a light boat, drift to the uninhabited shore, and grow old contentedly.From then on, I am willing to be a cocoon and never turn into a butterfly.