Chapter 10 Chapter 3 1

Wang Xianke went to Chang'an City to look for Wushuang. Chang'an City is such a place: Overlooking from the air, it is a big square courtyard.In the big courtyard, there are many small courtyards, that is, Chang'an Seventy-two Square, which are all the same size.Each square has four gates, each square is the same as every square, and each square is like a shrunken Chang'an city, and each square is square.The square is surrounded by three-foot-high adobe walls, and each piece of adobe weighs thirteen catties, and there is no difference between up and down.There are some square yards in the workshop, and the houses of people without yards are also built in square shapes.Every house is facing due south, not more than one degree left and right.The real gentlemen in Chang'an have square faces and square steps.A real lady with square asses and square breasts who nurses her baby like she's taking a brick to kill her.In Chang'an City, anyone who dares to say "Pai", or 3.14, is an unforgivable crime.

When Wang Xianke first came to Chang'an, it was the beginning of spring.He rode into the city of Chang'an and found that Chang'an had undergone great changes.The last time he came, it was also early spring, and the roadside was full of flowers, but now those flowers are gone.It turned out that there were many purple magnolias on both sides of the avenue, but now not only the flowers are gone, but even the trees are gone, only the stumps are left.In some places, the tree stumps have disappeared, leaving a tree pit on the ground, and the roots of the tree are exposed in the hole, like the veins of a leaf eaten by silkworms, which is very ugly.It turned out that there were many pear trees growing in the alley, and the pear blossoms were like snow. Now the pear trees are gone, and there are many small sheds in the alley, which are built with pear trunks.The small shed blocked the road, so it had to be bypassed.It turned out that the road at the gate of the city was paved with hardwood bricks, and the bricks were nailed with brass tacks. The whole road surface was polished and smooth, like rock sugar; They saw that there was another horse under them.Now the nails have been mobilized to sell scrap copper, and the wooden bricks are like centipedes scalded by boiling water, turning into a mess.It turns out that the avenue is paved with steamed loess, which is as smooth as a mirror. Three times a day, morning, noon, and night, scavengers in livery level the hollows with soil and sprinkle pure sea sand.Now it's bumpy and watery and there are piggies hanging around.Everything is getting dirty and broken, but everything is still square.Wang Xianke also found that the women on the road were all dressed up very ugly. They painted their eyebrows like upside-down brooms, and painted half of their mouths with white powder, pretending to be a small cherry mouth.When talking to others, she always covers half of her face with a fan, pretending to be shy, and no matter what you ask, she will say she doesn't know.If you ask a man, he will frown and look around.When you finished speaking, he didn't answer your question at all, just said "stay with me", and left in a hurry.These circumstances indicate that Wushuang will be very difficult to find.

Wang Xianke went to Xuanyangfang in Chang'an City to look for Wushuang. It was very difficult to find Wushuang, because everyone thought Wushuang didn't exist, and because everyone hated Wang Xianke.A big man came to find a girl, and even said openly that he wanted to marry her home as his wife, which was shameless at all.Matters between men and women should be shy, how can there be such a yelling.In addition, everyone also thinks that Wang Xianke's thing is extremely ugly (I saw it in the bathhouse), thick and long, like a rolling pin; the glans is round and big, like a large mushroom; Like a donkey; lush pubic hair, like an old crow's nest.And the gentlemen in Xuanyang Fang are almost all phimosis, with pointed heads, sparse pubic hair, and the skin color in that area is also very light, maintaining the appearance of a boy.Genitals like this are owned by a gentleman and can be exposed in front of everyone.And something like Wang Xianke's growth can only show that he is a pervert.Everyone glared at him, and Wang Xianke also felt a little ashamed.Just go and say to others: Dude, this is my father's essence and mother's blood. I grew up like this, and I didn't intend to lengthen it.It means that heredity is at work, and he is not responsible.Others ignored his words, just glared at him, and then left without saying a word.This also confused Wang Xianke: My sparrow is not growing well, it is my fault.Where did I offend you?

When Wang Xianke came to Chang'an City, he rode a white horse.People who go out at that time need a horse, just like people in Beijing need a bicycle and people in Los Angeles need a car.You can get by without it, but it's inconvenient.After he stayed in the inn, he told the innkeeper to take good care of the horse.The innkeeper said, sir, are you riding this horse in the city?Wang Xianke said, yes.What's wrong with this horse?The shopkeeper said no.Then went downstairs.After a while, Wang Xianke heard the owner of the shop downstairs saying that the Shandong barbarian wanted to ride this horse in the city!Wang Xianke felt bad when he heard that, so he ran to the stable and inspected the horse carefully for a long time, looked at its hooves and teeth, and found that it did not suffer from arthritis, bronchitis, tuberculosis, and its hooves were not leaking.He was still worried, so he sent the horse to the veterinary hospital, where he registered for internal medicine, surgery, orthopedics, and ENT, and checked every department.It turned out that the horse was in excellent health.The doctor just said that it is best to wear a bag when riding it in the city.Wang Xianke thought, this probably means that it needs to be equipped with a dung bag, so as not to pollute the street with horse dung.So he went to buy a sack and tied it to the horse's butt.Later he rode it to look for Wushuang.The horse had an extra thing on its buttocks, so it lost its temper and tried to walk sideways on a wider street, but it didn't step on anyone.However, half of the people in Chang'an City glared angrily when they saw him, while the other half lowered their heads with blushing faces.Later, Wang Xianke finally found out that it was a woman who bowed her head when she saw him, and it was a man who glared at him.And his horse is different from any horse in Chang'an City. Others ride mares and geldings, but he rides a baby horse.Only then did he know where the bag should be put, but it was already too late.And he still lacks self-awareness.If you are conscious, you should bring a bag for yourself when you go to the public bathhouse to take a bath.

I don't know when, everyone in Xuanyangfang regarded Wang Xianke as a dangerous person, and all the women ran away when they saw him, including the ninety-year-old lady and the three-and-a-half-year-old girl.When the above-mentioned woman fled, she still covered her crotch with her hands, obviously because she was afraid that Wang Xianke would commit rape.As for all women between the ages of fifteen and fifty, they wear iron crotches.This thing was later spread to Europe, and it was renamed chastity belt.But from the image point of view, it is more appropriate to call it an iron crotch.It looked like a piece of armor, with a tiger's head, a leopard's head, or a dog's head painted on the front, all opening their mouths to bite.There is still a lock on the iron crotch, and the key is in the master's hand.But that kind of thing is quite cold, so I put various warm things inside.After wearing it for a while, it was a little damp, so I had to take it off to dry.Now it looked like the kind of little house that pigeons live in.There are two large holes on the front, which seem to be for pigeons to enter and exit.The bedding inside is like straw for pigeons to sleep on.Wang Xianke didn't realize that these things were against him at all, he was just surprised that there were so many pigeons in Xuanyangfang this time.

But Wang Xianke was simply worried about the fact that horse dung would pollute the streets. The citizens of Chang'an didn't dislike horse dung at all, and even had a lot of affection for horse dung.This is all because Chang'an Mizhu pays laurel, and even high-ranking officials and nobles are complaining about the high prices, let alone ordinary people.Although horse manure is wet when it first comes out, it can be burned when it dries.If a horse eats manure on the street, not only children will pounce on it immediately and wrap it up in their clothes, but even civil servants after work will take out the lunch box with lunch when they see it, and use chopsticks to pick up a piece of manure. clip in.But when it comes to burning shit, the big-bellied buffalo that pulls the carts of the countrymen into the city is more popular than the horse, because that kind of animal raises its tail in the street and hula-la is half a bucket.Seeing such a scene, the owner of the shop on the side of the road rushed out, took a sign with his name, hometown, and address in his hand, and slammed it into the dung.This brand has to be inserted on the dung for a long time, until the cow dung is completely dry and can be taken home, then it is pulled out and wiped clean for later use.If a sign that reads "Li Xiaoer" is inserted into a pile of cow dung, it will belong to Li Xiaoer after it dries.My cousin is well versed in the past and the present, and knows these things in detail.He told me about the bullshit.

My cousin also said that after one bubble of cow dung dries up, two pots of water can be boiled, and the heat power is equivalent to half a cubic meter of natural gas, or two pieces of briquettes.Another advantage of burning cow dung is that you don't have to deal with the gas company.So cows shitting in front of the door is simply a blessing from God.Of course, all good things take time, and there will be many hardships before a piece of dry cow dung reaches the kitchen.The dung beetle that eats cow dung wants to steal it and eat it. At this time, it has to send children to chase it away; sometimes when it rains, it has to wear a bamboo hat on it.The most annoying thing is that some people have low character and want to steal other people's shit.There are always fights between neighbors about this.Wang Xianke didn't know the details of these things. When he saw others fighting over cow dung, he laughed and said without shame: In my hometown, no one ever quarreled over cow dung.This made the gentlemen in Xuanyangfang very unhappy when they heard this.The impatient Boss Hou retorted him: Of course, you Shandong barbarians eat raw noodles and drink cold water, so you don't need to burn them.But Wang Xianke still didn't realize it after hearing such a robbing.He argued that our hometown is surrounded by mountains, the hills are densely packed, the oak trees are as high as a room, and the mountains are full of pines and cypresses that are thousands of years old, so there is never a shortage of firewood.But no one likes to hear that.Someone said to him: In this case, what are you doing here?Go back to your Shandong.After hearing such words, Wang Xianke stopped talking.According to the above situation, all the gentlemen in Xuanyangfang have the following conclusions about Wang Xianke: he is a pervert of unknown origin, a hooligan, and a mourner.