Chapter 60 Hollow Horror - A Song of Gloomy Survival Situations

The job of a doctor is to see a doctor, which is a job that delays death.And the doctor himself is consciously in the situation of facing death and procrastinating his life, in which he can hardly move a single step.On the one hand, everything around him (especially his heart) was so gloomy and hopeless that he was about to be completely overwhelmed; on the other hand, since he was a doctor, he would definitely take action.He doesn't know where the impetus for action comes from ("One never knows what one will find in one's own home").But he clearly felt that the drive was always connected with evil, that is, whenever action was accompanied by evil.Realizing the evil, the doctor still has to act—just because he is a doctor.So driven by the magical power, the doctor drove on the road again and again, as if forced, but obviously voluntary.

This time, too, as the emergency bell rang (an evil call to life on earth), the doctor sprang into action.His actions sparked a crime in the family.The doctor, who had witnessed the evil and was helpless, was taken to the patient's home by the two strong horses, which symbolized primitive power.The patient's family has a sick child, the parents and sister of the sick child.The contradiction formed by the two of them is the mirror of the doctor's own soul: the sick child wants to die, but his parents and sister want him to live.When the doctor stood in the position of the sick child, he deeply felt how stupid, narrow-minded and superficial his parents and sister were. They asked him to do the impossible thing-to overcome death. Their pleading and determination were disgusting.However, the anxious neighing of the horse prompted him to enter into deep introspection. Then he was moved by the worldly feelings of his parents and sister, and went over to check the sick child pretendingly, intending to deceive and perfunctory them.The horse neighed again, and the exploration of the soul deepened.Finally, he discovered the fatal wound, and also found that the sick child was using his life to nourish a worm with a small white head.Yes, he feeds these ugly bugs with his own flesh, and doesn't want to change, he must die.The doctor was even more disgusted with the family's entreaties, but he still had to act.As a doctor, as long as he is alive, he has to do things that have no results, although he is "just a doctor." The doctor finally reached the final stage of soul exploration-experiencing death. Taking off his clothes means going out to live again. He told the truth to the sick child on the occasion of this most authentic living experience, which is the sick child His life is valuable, and the beautiful wound on his body is a sign that he has lived to his heart's content. He is enviable. On this death bed, the doctor and the patient communicated in this way; and then one in rest Went to the other shore, and the other still had to struggle in the wilderness of life, wandering about in an earthly carriage and on mysterious horses that came from nowhere. The doctor complained of being cheated. But now everyone knows , this career is entirely his voluntary choice.

Judging from the development of the doctor's ambivalence in several ups and downs at the sick child's house, the sick child is the most core part of the doctor's essence-the embodiment of the destination of life.He has lived, seen through everything, and will never be fooled again, he wants to be completely free.The parents and sister, on the other hand, embody the doctor's own tenacious will to live, which will only disappear with the coming of death.So they knew that the sick child was hopeless, and they brutally stripped off the doctor's clothes, forcing the doctor to perform another miracle—the miracle on the bier.Then a miracle really happened, and the dying sick child realized the meaning of existence under his inspiration.Looking at the doctor's own dark life, isn't it also very similar to the festering wound on the child's body?Anger, regret, introspection.Self-blame, these insects of life are also wriggling in the wound of his heart, making him dizzy.The bugs sucked all his energy.On the surface, he lives for meaningless duties; but in essence, like a sick child, he lives for bugs, for beautiful wounds in his soul.During this nightly adventure, every powerful squirm of the worm that lived in his soul had so shaken him.

The doctor sighed and counted, as if he wanted to die, as if he didn't want to be cheated anymore, as if everything had come to an end, but in fact that was just an exaggeration.We can be sure that as long as the deceitful bell of the emergency room rings again at night, there will be mysterious horses falling from the sky (because people can never figure out what is in their own home) to assist him in the deep exploration of the soul again.This is his inescapable fate. He was terminally ill, and worms were gnawing at his vitals—the soul.Perhaps it was because he was born with a terminal illness that he chose the profession of a doctor.Of course, this profession can't cure the disease, it's just a procrastination technique.But how tempting is that evil ringtone!Be ready, the carriage will be there, the horse will be there; everything you want, will appear before you, even if what you want is the last thing you want!

November 25, 1998, Yingcai Garden