Chapter 41 The Contest of Two Wills Part 2 (2)

1. Life without a protective mask After continuous psychological analysis, the contradictions in K's body finally exploded again.He made a bold decision without authorization. He wanted to fire the lawyer and take on the case alone.Though hesitant even in the outburst, he finally went to the lawyer's house.There he met another defendant, City Locke.Businessman Bullock was also a defendant of the same nature as K five years ago. He taught K his experience, and later showed his fear and loyalty to the law in front of K.As the defendant, the biggest difference between Bullock and K is that he lacks the protective instinct of self-deception.Everything he did was similar to what K had done, but the experience was completely different.He is too self-conscious, and every time he does the next thing, he is fully aware of what he is doing and what the consequences will be.Such a life was absolutely unbearable for K.He curled up in the servant's small black room, worried all day long, and had to read documents that he could never understand, and reflect on crimes that he could never understand; he abandoned all secular life and dedicated himself to the law. , day after day, waiting for the day of the gallows to come; he is also active in activities, but his understanding of activities is the opposite of K., not to fight against the law, but to be more loyal to the law; Su, who firmly believes that he is guilty, trembles whenever he hears about the case, and is out of his wits; in order to get closer to the law and clarify his crimes, he also has some small tricks and small fouls; Among the six lawyers, but the starting point was not boldness, but fear; he knew that the punishment was coming anyway, so he tried his best to find out the exact date, and the result of each inquiry was that he was more afraid and anxious all the time, so he pressed harder. Go find out; he's also fooling around with nurses under the lawyer's nose, but it's no pleasure, it's just part of his damn job.The exposure of Bullock's horrific private life is Fa's threatening gesture to K. Fa Zai aggressively asks K: Can you live like this?This is your tomorrow!The revelation of the truth plunged K into an extremely gloomy mood.He can't face up to the reality in front of him, and he will continue to walk his own way in self-deception.Bullock's life is an allegory, and worldly people cannot live like that.

Under the pressure of the law, Bullock became a mouse hiding in the shadows.He consciously sees himself as nothing, superfluous and in the way.Now that a person has become a defendant, he no longer has a foothold in the world, and the field of law rejects him; he becomes a beggar, hoping every day that the law can give him something so that he Can live on.The law, of course, is to refuse every time without exception, because giving alms is against the law.Unable to get any charity, he had no choice but to create his own spiritual food. These food reflected that the Fa might give him something in the future, so fantasy became the only nutrition for survival.The life of begging has tempered his will to be extremely tenacious, and because he can't beg for anything, the desire to beg is even stronger.So lawyers were hired one by one to spy, like a demon.The identity of the defendant is very delicate. He has been controlled by the law, but he has not yet been convicted. Both the law and the secular world reject him.Even a pious man like Bullock still keeps his own small business, otherwise where would he have the money to hire a lawyer?No one can completely avoid the fireworks of the world.So the abandonment of the worldly life is also relative, he transformed the worldly life into an effort to serve the Dharma.Life here is a life stripped of its liveliness, leaving only a hollow, pale shell, where even the most vivid sex becomes routine.So from the very beginning he and Leni said that it was inconceivable that K would be jealous of a man like him.And he himself did not envy K.'s desire for Leni.When he faces the law, he is a mouse; what about when he faces the secular world?At this time he became very arrogant.He has experienced everything, he spurned everything, and no layman is qualified to teach him again; because his body and mind have converted to the side of the law, and among laymen, there is no more pious and noble pursuit than him the ones.K, who just debuted, is still far behind him!

Fa presents a model defendant like Bullock in front of K. Does he want him to learn from him?Yes and no.Although Fa appreciates Bullock's idealistic piety (expressed through lawyers), but he also knows K's nature well, knows that he cannot become Bullock, and knows that he is going to take another road, although that road is in the It is essentially the same as Bullock's way, or one is an allegory of the other.Regarding the "weakness" in K's nature, Fa's attitude is contradictory. On the one hand, he despises it and hopes that it will disappear;Therefore, the lawyer's final worry about K's future is not pure worry, and there must be some kind of confident admiration in it.It was he who had pushed K to this point with his own hands, he had done his best, and he knew that K and the French would not be far away, so he could rest in peace.

Bullock's example reproduces the fierce struggle inside K.The urge to tear off the mask is getting stronger and stronger, and periodic outbreaks lead to a deepening of consciousness one after another; the old mask is torn off, and a new one is underneath, never ending, and the entity is never seen.Bullock, with his pure idealism, negatively stimulates K's evil instinct, making K keep approaching him while keeping away from him, and they will converge on the same goal. 2. The Other Side of the Lawyer Lawyers have two faces, one is facing K, the familiar face, full of worry, slow, heavy, even if it is excited, it can only be in the nagging chatter, and it will immediately become unfathomable stagnant water when it calms down A pond.Another face of the lawyer is only revealed occasionally.There are several places in the text where this face appears.When K decided to pluck up the courage to fire him, this wily man must have guessed K's intention long ago, but he kept talking about him, and expressed his love for him to K in a tactful way.He had said that the defendants were the most beautiful of all men, because their trials had made them beautiful.As long as you think about the profession of a lawyer, you can infer the old man's love, admiration, and care for K.It can be said that he lives for K, and K's case is his only sustenance in old age; he will never meet a defendant like K with extraordinary energy and dedication to the law in his life.So he must bow for him hand in hand, and even carry him on his back until the destination.And in order to achieve this goal, the lawyer's job is to provoke K, prompting K to resist himself, until K gets rid of himself.The lawyer's intention was concealed throughout.That is to say, K's act of dismissing the lawyer is actually the lawyer's wish. He has been promoting this matter, suppressing K with his slowness, heaviness, and stubbornness, putting K in an atmosphere of desperation, and causing him Only getting rid of the urge is the only way out.With such secret thoughts hidden, the lawyer was very excited when he heard the news that K was going to dismiss him; perhaps he was thinking that the young man was finally on his way.Regardless of the cold, he ran out of the quilt and sat on the edge of the bed, telling K how important his decision was, and because of his father's friendship and his love for K, he wanted to help him to the end, that is to say, to push K to put his decision into practice , and no regrets.What did he do to promote K?K is still educated with the nagging that K can't quite understand.The lawyer's hidden face gives people the feeling that it is both benevolent and extremely cruel.When he has deep love for K in his heart, he is kind enough to sacrifice himself for K without any reward; , he relentlessly pushed K to that road, all his excitement was on it, because only the road leading to death is the "right road".The contradictory will of lawyers is another reappearance of the will of law; those who stand on the border of law and defend mankind will also carry out the will of law to the end.

In order to lead K on the "right path" and appreciate the vitality in K's body again, the lawyer put on a play in front of K.The ostensible starring roles of the play are Lawyer and Bullock, while the actual starring role is K.Because K is not simply watching, his soul is performing in front of Fa, and this performance will soon reach its climax.The plots of the performance in the foreground and the hidden performance in the background seem to be opposite, but in fact they lead to the same goal by different routes.A lawyer is the kind of person who can see into K's soul.He took out the killer copper, and he expected this play to completely defeat K, and he also hoped to completely liberate K.Both of his opposing goals were achieved.When K walked out of the lawyer's house, he felt relieved, and his eyes were also dark.But it's not over yet.

In his relationship with the lawyer, K took an uncooperative and even disruptive attitude from the beginning to the end; he did not take the lawyer seriously.His move was secretly approved by the lawyer.So the lawyer didn't get angry at all when K insulted him, beyond K's comprehension.Also beyond K's understanding, the lawyer tried to prove to him that his behavior was not fundamentally different from Brock's, only in form.This is what makes K the most unconvinced. He can't bear to regard all his life activities as a form. What he wants is real joy, anger, sorrow, and joy, and he will never give up.Of course, the lawyer is sure to win in this matter, but he is also happy to be defeated by K; K's partial victory is the basis for his defense, not to mention how intoxicated he got from it!It can be seen that the lawyer standing on the boundary is not static at all; two forces act on him at the same time, and it is impossible to tell who wins and who loses; so he can be said to be relatively static.He remained where he was until K parted ways with him. Is K's case really standing still?What about a revolution in the soul?Didn't it happen?The profession of a lawyer is parasitic on a defendant like K.No matter how much K violated the law, he must defend it.He also hoped that K would continue to offend, mortally offend, so that he would have something to do and the excitement of adventure.His life can only be realized in this particular justification.This kind of defense is different from the general defense, it is not passive, it will be realized through the defendant's further offense.It is this relationship of twists and turns that makes the expressions on the faces of lawyers always extremely complicated.On the one hand, he wants to point out his offense to K, so that K can reflect; on the other hand, he expects K to do irreparable things again so that his defense can continue.In the end K's departure was both his wish and against his wish.This appalling offense gave him so much thrill and satisfaction that he was willing to stop his heart beating for it.But is it over too soon?He really didn't want to cut off his way so simply!Without this last accused, his career is over.

3. Lenny's relationship with Bullock and K Lenny's profession is a lawyer's nurse, but also a lawyer's assistant.Living with a lawyer for a long time, she already has the judgment and vision of a lawyer.Of course, because of her profession, she is more humane, more considerate of people's weaknesses, giving people the illusion that they can get close to her and rely on her.When it came to the law, she was as ruthless as a lawyer, sometimes more malevolent because of her gender.Bullock is an old defendant who has lived in the small room arranged for him by Leni for a long time; his gloomy life has long since lost his former vitality and made his thoughts so simple, persistent and dull.He was also the man Leni fell in love with when the case began.As the case went on, he became more and more docile and self-conscious; his flesh and blood continued to turn into an abstract idea (this idea is what Leni and he pursued together).So Leni's love for him has also undergone great changes; love has been filtered out of secular impurities and heat, and has become a blunt relationship between obedience and obedience.She and him are in love with each other, and there is a tacit understanding between them in every word and thing.However, it is undeniable that flat talk and boredom are also inevitable products of this kind of love.At last Brock was reduced to a slave, Leni's beloved slave; he had become insensitive to everything worldly, except for her extreme sensitivity to her eyes, and his taking her wishes as his own. K.'s relationship with Leni is very different, and Leni's love for K may be equal to her early love for Bullock.She is like a vampire, once she falls in love with someone, she will slowly suck that person's blood and turn him into an empty shell. K's vitality far exceeds that of Brock, and his relationship with Leni immediately turns into a relationship between reformation and anti-reformation, and his resolute refusal to accept reformation is what fascinates Leni.She loves him, sucks his blood, and despises his vulgarity in her heart. K's transformation process is realized through anti-transformation, so it is unconscious.This kind of unconsciousness is in stark contrast to Bullock, which makes Lenny love and loathe him at times, and the love and loathing are equally strong.The lawyer's residence is like a well-designed conspiracy network, and Leni plays an important role in it.She is the embodiment of desire, and she makes the idea of ​​a lawyer come true in K, allowing K to understand the relationship between all aspects of the law, and mobilizing K's subjective initiative to prepare for the final sprint.It turns out that Leni's status is not as low as outsiders may see. She plays a decisive role in the relationship between the lawyer and the defendant; without her, the lawyer's ideas can only stay in people's minds. The defense simply couldn't be fulfilled.Recalling that when K first came to the lawyer's office, his uncle tried his best to make things difficult for Leni and regarded her as a thorn in the side. Wasn't it just emphasizing her importance in the entire defense from the negative side?If you want to defend, you must commit a crime. The defense is not realized in the petition, but in the experience of action.The stunner, Leni, became the center of the defendant's actions, the object of desire for action, and dominated the ups and downs of the whole incident.Because all this is deeply hidden, the lawyer's attitude towards her is intriguing from beginning to end, and her obedience to the lawyer is not passive obedience, but full of creative play.The two are perfectly matched to form a perfect soul image.