Chapter 6 Chapter Six

Ah——America, with its powerful modern civilization, washes and swallows Miss Dai Er, and at the same time uses its incomparable morbidity and deformity to develop something deep in Miss Dai Er's heart.She originally thought that the modern American civilization could relieve her inherent sorrow and loneliness, and thought that there would be freedom and excitement there.Madness would balance her spirit.So she regards herself as a kite who has left her hometown and lost her homeland. With a sense of hopeless joy and enthusiasm, she flutters in the streets, bars, supermarkets, casinos, small theaters and red light districts of New York.However, she got tired of it within a month. She walked alone in the bustling and desolate streets of New York, but dreamed of the city on the same latitude on the west coast of the Pacific Ocean. When New York City was aging at dusk, it was dawn in Beijing!She missed the crowded and dusty street scene in Beijing.So Miss Dai Er began to shut herself in the apartment again as she did in China, with the curtains closed tightly, isolated from the world, hiding in the room to adjust the radio and TV, but there was no shadow of China, as if in China. There is no such a large piece of land in the world as China.The radio and television are full of the craziness of foreign devils, or the sorrow and sorrow of foreign devils lingering like weeping.Dai Er hid in the dim room thinking about the distance, but it was clear that she had just escaped from that distance with all her strength.Miss Dai Er was deeply disappointed in herself. She didn't belong there, nor did she belong here. She was out of tune with the world, and she felt that she was a failure.

The relationship between Miss Dai Er and John Jones is particularly delicate.She did get the trivial details about the world from this tall foreign man.Jones is a veteran of sex, with rich experience, no matter whether Miss Dai Er is emotional or not, he can mobilize her enthusiasm until Miss Dai Er is so tired that she almost faints.John Jones said and did his sex life very thoroughly and nakedly, without any obscene or obscene meaning, as if the copulation was only done by him alone without the existence of another person, and he also opened his eyes when making love. Eye.Miss Dai Er was very uncomfortable and felt uncomfortable, as if she was stripped of her coat in public.With her eyes open, Miss Dai Er felt that there was a layer of black glass covering the wonderful scenery, making it difficult for her to see the scenery clearly and enter the artistic conception.Although Dai Er and Jones are very involved in making love every time, there is always a faint feeling of shame in Dai Er's heart afterward.This shame is still caused by mental factors.Miss Dai Er feels that she and Jones have no common emotional experience except sex, and they have no other common world except the world created by instinct as a man and a woman.Dai Er felt that she was just a sexual device having sex with John Jones, but something inside her was never awakened.

Jones disagreed with Miss Dai Er's statement. He believed that he valued Dai Er's intelligence, appearance, and talent, and they were not just the blending and satisfaction of two sex instruments.And he believes that sex with Miss Dai Er is the most profound form of human emotion.Dai Er felt that what he said made sense, but her heart still felt empty. To prove his affection, Jones took Dai Er to an adult toy store one day.Looking at the piles of living artificial genitals, breasts, and thighs, Dai Er felt sick.The lifelike shape, the real texture, and the richness of the models made Miss Dai Er stare blankly.Jones said that if he only needs the satisfaction of sexual organs, he can buy all the needs of his desires by going here.

Miss Dai Er felt that she had nothing to refute Jones.She was also amazed by her own sense of inadequacy and emptiness.In the end, she concluded with a lack of love.She firmly believes that love and making love, love and sex are two related things.At the same time, she recognized her true colors, and she has always been a very unmodern woman. Dai Er also tried to break away from Jones' arms, become independent, and create another world.But thinking about her weak physical strength, meager financial resources, poor English, and the philosophy that she couldn't discard that was useless in the United States, and then looked at the helplessness of Yankees, men, women, young and old, like lonely ghosts. They immediately lost their revolutionary courage.She hid in a dark house in a foreign land, did not turn on the lights, and used her excellent imagination to look forward to her future in the United States. In the end, it was nothing more than this ending: earning money (mechanically)——— Tiredness (physical and mental) --- sexual intercourse (for the purpose of alleviating anxiety) --- loneliness (morbid) --- suicide (relieving).

So, in less than three months, Miss Dai Er left a short and sad letter to John Jones, and resolutely and resolutely, like an anxious lover, she flew back in a embracing posture like a lone bird. China.The letter she left Jones, which she has memorized by heart, is the most desperate letter in the world. Miss Dai's rapid back and forth left her acquaintances stunned.Modern civilization can't keep her, immigrants can't keep her, and John Jones' passionate body can't keep him. Some relatives of Miss Dai Er complained about Dai Er's mother: Look, Dai Er is spoiled, and she can't bear a bit of hardship. .They originally hoped that Dai Er would lead the battle, and then file out one by one, but they never thought that Dai Er would be so worthless, that she would not stay in the prosperous world, and would have to return to this dilapidated small alley in Beijing to live a miserable life.Everyone was quite disappointed with Dai Er.Miss Dai Er's heart was filled with all kinds of emotions, but she couldn't tell the truth.She thought, even if she said it, no one else would understand.So, just say nothing.To ordinary acquaintances, she just said: "I'm not used to it." To close friends, she just said: "Too lonely."

Dai Er locked herself in her former room again, locked in the habit of reminiscing about the past and fantasizing about the future.It's just that the only passion left in the past has also been exhausted.Throughout the deep winter, she hid in her sunny room, snowflakes or wind and sand knocked on her glass window, the air was extremely dry, Dai Er was lying on the sofa like a stereotyped and monotonous woman, Holding Proust's meditation day by day, I feel the distant sadness in the plain; Cui Jian's rock music that she loves is slowly pouring out from the tape recorder. The young lady's sentimental body flowed, and she couldn't help crying, listening to it over and over again:

you want me to stay here you want me to be like them I looked at you and he said silently not like this i want to go back to the old place i want to walk on the old road ......... Mai San had a small fashion model viewing performance at the Great Wall Hotel. Mur Fei made an appointment with Miss Dai Er and Miao Yi, saying that please be sure to come and discuss important matters. In the evening, the sky turned yellow, and then there was a strong wind, and the dust covered the city in chaos.Going to a party in this kind of weather requires a special motivation. If Mo Fei hadn't said that he had something important to discuss, and if Miao Yi hadn't also gone, Miss Dai Er would have retreated in front of the strong wind and yellow sand.

Miss Dai Er curled up in the thick black windy night, with an unconcealable worry and bewilderment on her face.She hid her eyes behind dark glasses, and the sky and the earth became dim. Dai Er went to Miao Yi first.She rang the doorbell of Miao's family covered in wind and sand.This is Dai Er's first visit to Miao's family after returning to China.After waiting outside the door for a long time, a timid old woman's voice finally came through the door: "Who is it?" Dai Er said that she was looking for Miao Yi, and the old woman opened the door.After all, it is the home of "so-and-so's son", and even the nanny is more proud than the nanny in ordinary families.The old lady asked Dai Er to change her slippers and shake off the dust from her body before leading her into Miao Yi's bedroom.

Miao Yi had a disheveled head, sunken eye sockets, sad and loose eyes, leaning on the bed with a haggard complexion.When Dai Er entered the room, Miao Yi had just vomited a lot, and now she calmed down. Dai Er did not expect Miao Yi to change so much, nor did she expect her pregnancy reaction to be so severe.Dai Er does not agree with Miao Yi's choice of life, let alone wanting this child, but Miao Yi shows a very rational and unwavering determination in her decision.Dai Er wisely said nothing more.Miao Yi's expression appeared indifferent, mixed with inferiority complex and secrecy, which naturally contained something very personal but unspeakable.Dai Er was well aware of the complexity and contradictions of human beings, and the difficulty of being a human being, so she didn't want to ask more questions. Miao Yi's indifference in maintaining her self-esteem made Dai Er quietly hide the pity that had just surged up in her expression. up.Dai Er really wanted to say that if she needed anything, she would try her best.But she finally did not say.

Miao Yi said that she couldn't go to the fashion show together, she would have to vomit for a month or two. Dai Er sat on the sofa and took a few breaths, then got up and left.She returned to the strong wind, her long hair fluttering, so that those hiding in the shops and restaurants on both sides of the street could see the wind.The streets are crowded with people, shoulder to shoulder, and noisy.Dai Er looked at the crowded stream of people in front of her and behind her, and felt that she was always alone in China.