Chapter 7 Chapter 7 Breaking out of the cocoon and becoming a butterfly

Some people live to complete the unfinished stories of the previous life.Some people live to live a life of endless streams.Some people live in the past, some people live in the future, what is ignored is always today.All the relationships, starting from childhood, are the most beautiful.In the end, the sincerity was either lost to life or handed over to the years.But we can't go back to the past, just like falling flowers can't go back to the branches, and the streamer can't go back to yesterday. Sanmao is lucky, even though she wasted a few years of the most beautiful time.But her literary dream started when she was a teenager, and this dream has been with her for a lifetime.Since reading the magazine that Gu Fusheng gave her, Sanmao seems to have returned to the world.After reading those modern works, she found that there were similar feelings and overlapping thoughts in this world.

In the past, she was the one who watched the sky from a well. Her unique personality and leaping thoughts were always incomprehensible to others.Today, she reads moods and stories close to the soul in fashionable and trendy magazines.Later, San Mao talked a lot, and she was no longer the cowardly and reticent girl she used to be.Sometimes, when she sees Gu Fusheng, she can't help but express her inner surprise and touch.And Gu Fusheng listened to her patiently every time, with appreciation and encouragement in his smile. Therefore, in those mornings with light smoke and drizzle, afternoons when the wind slanted, and nights when the moon was sparse, San Mao would always have spontaneous inspiration.She sits quietly by the window, and the table is full of manuscripts that have been written and revised, and revised and rewritten.Over the years, Sanmao has read all the classics, ancient and modern, Chinese and foreign, but there are not many chapters that have actually been written.It was those modern publications that really opened the window of her stubborn heart.Let her understand that being infatuated with words is not a whimsical thing.

After a while, Sanmao handed Gu Fusheng the first manuscript.At the bottom of her heart, she has recognized the teacher as her confidant, and she can hide her inner inferiority complex.Until one day, when Sanmao went to the studio for class, Gu Fusheng suddenly said to her: "Your manuscript is at Bai Xianyong's, "Modern Literature" monthly, do you agree?" An understatement of words, fell in the bottom of San Mao's heart, and the waves startled. "The first work is very rare, and it will be published next month." Gu Fusheng's words were still so light, so light that San Mao almost stopped the overflowing feelings in her heart.But this sudden affirmation made this woman who had been autistic for several years and was completely ignorant of the outside world, this woman who had no voice and no color, was so happy that she couldn't hold herself back.

After waiting for nearly a month, it seemed like a few lifetimes had passed for her.When Sanmao ran home from the studio holding the volume of "Modern Literature", he uttered a soul-stirring cry to his parents. "What I wrote has turned into typeface. You see, my name is on it..." San Mao, who was usually reticent, admired it ecstatically at the moment. My parents read the magazine together, and couldn't help but burst into tears.The second daughter who had always worried them had finally found her own piece of sky.She is not that autistic or even imbecile child, she is talented and can even surpass many children of the same age.

A stream-of-consciousness novel called "Confusion" changed Sanmao's life.If it is not affirmed, Sanmao, who has low self-esteem, may close the hut again, regardless of age.Many years later, Bai Xianyong, the editor-in-chief of "Modern Literature", was very pleased to have discovered a talented writer for himself.With his unique vision, he appreciated and approved a young girl's debut work. When he recalled Sanmao's work, he felt that although the text was immature, it had a compelling aura.It was this aura and innovation that moved him, leading to Sanmao's long literary journey.

Bai Xianyong and Sanmao were neighbors. At that time, Sanmao was already trying to get out of the Japanese-style hut to see the sky, clouds, and people coming and going.At dusk, she met Bai Xianyong several times, walking by the deserted setting sun and wild grass.Sanmao is full of gratitude and admiration for this handsome talent, but shy, she always turns away.It's not that she is reserved, but that she feels that she has no connotation. This girl who is as lonely as a wild goose and as lonely as a butterfly hides herself so deeply that she even forgets how to smile with others.Her only friends are the teacher and her books, and the insects and ants that occasionally hit her window sill.Later, when Gu Fusheng saw that Sanmao had changed from his former loneliness, he handed her an address.

Chen Xiumei, a beautiful name, pen name Chen Ruoxi, writer.Bai Xianyong's female classmate and Sanmao's future friend.Later, it was this girl who made Sanmao the second elective student of the Cultural Institute.Sanmao, a girl who wasted seven years, was finally able to return to school.But Sanmao at this time, although willing to get acquainted with the spring breeze, has not yet come out of the long and humid rainy season. The Gu family has four daughters who are as beautiful as flowers and jade. On weekdays, Sanmao is studying painting, and they can always hear their clear and sweet laughter.One evening, San Mao walked out of the studio with a painting box.It just so happened that these four girls were about to go out, just rubbing shoulders just once, and the shocking back made Sanmao feel that he was so ordinary.Their brilliance and her bleakness are different lights on both sides of the strait.

It turns out that it has been dusty for too long, and I have forgotten it when I reach the age when I should dress myself up.Sanmao, who has always regarded herself as beautiful, hides in her world alone, and no one ever compares with her.There are really too many temptations in this world of mortals, even one color can make her confused and infatuated.Looking back suddenly, she had failed herself for too long. After returning home, looking in the mirror, I was shocked to realize that I was a young girl at the beginning of her youth.Mother took her to order leather shoes, and she chose a pair of light rose red.Since then, Sanmao's world has become colorful.She was wearing a dress, as if rushing to a promise in late spring, decorating the originally dull days with beauty.

"In that studio back then, a girl who didn't want to speak, couldn't walk, couldn't hold a brush, and didn't care about whether she was beautiful or not, was nourished and irrigated into the first rose in summer." Bestowed by blessings.But Sanmao couldn't say a word of thanks for his kindness.But she decided in her heart that this fate was the most important chapter in the annals of life.She can't forget in this life, dare not forget, and can't forget. The naive Sanmao didn't know that Gu Fusheng was just a person who was in the same boat with her.One day, the fate was over, and she was left on the lonely water bank.Since then, the world is far away, who will guide her in the maze.

During that time, Gu Fusheng held a solo exhibition.Apart from concentrating on reading and writing at home, Sanmao just hangs around the teacher's art exhibition center again and again.She seems to be content with this kind of life, where it is like a dream full of charm, but it really exists.She thought she was the woman who could travel in the wind and rain, and there were words to hold an umbrella for her poetically, and a teacher to open the tent for her. I don't remember the day when Gu Fusheng suddenly said to Sanmao: "I will travel far in ten days, and I won't be able to teach you in the future." Such sudden words made Sanmao not have the courage to continue listening.Just remember, he is going to Paris, a capital of art, to fulfill his dream and his mission.No one dared to say the words that made him stay, especially Sanmao.

San Mao knows how important dreams are to an artist.In order to realize his dream, Gu Fusheng decided to cross the ocean and go to Paris to find his paintings and his city.Maybe one day, in the center of that world, he will be famous.Perhaps he was buried in a small studio in obscurity.No matter what the ending is, he has no regrets and will treat each other calmly. Even if you don't give up, what can you do.Sanmao remained silent, only smiling faintly.Later, she left the Gu family compound and walked out of the long alley.The way home suddenly became so long, and she finally walked it alone.Under the dim lights, everything in this city is so hazy, only her back is so clear.The monotonous footsteps seemed to repeat her lonely mood.At that moment, Sanmao understood how unsafe it was to pin her dreams on others. A large ship called "Vietnam" took away the young man chasing his dream, and also took away Sanmao's other soul.She has grown up a lot in an instant, and knows a lot, but it is difficult to express it in words.For Gu Fusheng's kindness, Sanmao always feels that there is nothing tangible to repay, only touching, and keeping it in his heart. Ten years later, Sanmao was at the University of Illinois in the United States.The mentor and apprentice, who hadn't seen each other for a long time, agreed to meet again in Chicago.On that snowy night, Sanmao wandered alone under the lights of the city. As long as she was braver, she would be able to meet her mentor who had been separated for ten years.But her low self-esteem is still the same, ten years later, she still has nothing.For the person she valued the most, the person she should be most grateful for, what should she give to explain? The only way to fulfill her cowardice is to miss the opportunity and break the agreement.Under the flashing neon lights, Sanmao is still so lonely.The silent snow has been falling, tireless and unwilling to stop.But what can it promise?What can you afford? The meeting in this life is like the parting in the previous life.Those familiar, distant stories are still going on.