Chapter 5 Chapter 5 The school is humiliated

Time, because of a distance of mountains and rivers, was divided into two banks.This bank is the cold mist of autumn water, and the other bank is red like rain.It may be a bit hasty to recall all the past in the time of a burner of incense, but it is enough to make an indifferent girl grow up to the golden age of cardamom. In the past, people always waited for it to become the most beautiful scenery, because I walked through it, so I was calm.And for those unknown encounters in the future, I don’t know how many breezes and drizzles they will bring, and melancholy has already been born without encountering each other.We always feel that Sanmao is a resolute woman with a big heart, so she dares to walk on the wind and sand thousands of miles away.Even though the dust was everywhere and the mourning was everywhere, she did not retreat in the slightest.

Didn't they know that before this, she was also a thin woman who had many timidity and hesitation.Every dream has been burdened with shackles, and every period of youth has contained bitterness.Later, Sanmao bet all her chips and started her journey in the desert, also to re-examine her own destiny.Whether she wins or loses, she will not leave halfway.This seemingly boundless and desolate woman is actually so tender in her heart. All retribution has an antecedent cause.Sanmao is a mystery. To solve this mystery, one must go back to her past.Twelve-year-old Sanmao was admitted to Taipei Provincial No. 1 Girls High School with her talent and intelligence.She felt that she spent almost all her time in elementary school reading extracurricular books. Such a result was really a pure accident. Perhaps God gave her special favor, and she readily accepted it.

Sanmao's homework in the first year of junior high school was already unsatisfactory, and he barely passed.Still, she doesn't bother with her studies.As soon as I have spare time, I spend all my pocket money and take home books from ancient and modern Chinese and foreign books from the bookstore.First, Chinese classical novels,,,, and later, old Russian novels, "Anna Karenina" and so on. From thin to thick, from shallow to deep, Sanmao's desire for words seems to never be able to be filled.It has always been thought that a talented person intersects with words by virtue of his innate talent and spirituality.But I overlooked that those days of plowing and plowing are the source of creativity.Sanmao, this stunningly talented woman, has thousands of accumulations behind her words.

Perhaps, each author understands the text differently, so the process is also different.Some people are looking for inspiration, while some people are looking for him for inspiration.I don't know which type Sanmao belongs to.But her talent has been recognized by many people, and it is her life journey that touches readers' hearts. Sitting on the shore of the text, embracing the bright moon and the breeze in your arms.At this time, Sanmao is not yet qualified to be calm and dream about poetry and books.In the second year of junior high school, because she was obsessed with "The Six Patriarch Altar Sutra", she failed four subjects in the first monthly exam.Especially mathematics, those inexplicable numbers have become Sanmao's biggest concern.

Under the diligent persuasion of her parents, Sanmao reluctantly relented, and temporarily put down her extracurricular books to catch up with her homework.With an extraordinary memory, Sanmao memorized all the homework carefully.Because she memorized the math exercises by heart, she actually scored full marks several times in a row.When she was full of joy, thinking that the math teacher would look at her with admiration, unexpectedly, she experienced the first great humiliation in her life. The math teacher became suspicious of Sanmao's perfect marks in several exams.In order to seek the truth, she gave Sanmao a sudden test, and ordered Sanmao to make the papers she had prepared within ten minutes.Difficult questions, a puzzled Sanmao, directly ate a duck's egg.And that unforgettable humiliation was caused by this duck egg.

"In front of the whole class, the math teacher, holding a brush dipped in ink, told me to stand at attention, stood in the chalk circle she drew, and said with a vicious smile: 'You love duck eggs, the teacher will give you Two big duck eggs.' On my face, she painted two big round cakes with ink around my eye sockets, because there was too much ink, they flowed down, along my tightly pressed lips, and seeped into my mouth go." Not only that, but also let Sanmao look like this, go around the playground.After reading the text recorded by Sanmao, for a while, I didn't have the slightest desire to praise the teacher, but I sighed deeply for this proud girl.If this kind of punishment is used on other students, perhaps, it will be forgotten in a few days or even a period of time.But the introverted and rebellious Sanmao could no longer get out of the shadow of this humiliation.She can't forget the incomprehensible smile when the teacher punished her, and the mocking eyes of the classmates.

The tolerant Sanmao hid the humiliation in his heart and never shed a single tear.She didn't tell her parents about this, but went to school as usual.But when she walked into the classroom and saw the tables and chairs, she fainted inexplicably.Since then, Sanmao has suffered from autism.This symptom is getting worse day by day.Sometimes, just getting up in the morning and thinking about going to school, I would faint and lose consciousness in an instant. She didn't want to tell all the reasons, and she didn't want to go to the classroom again.The only way is to skip school.At that time, San Mao's heart was already like a wild horse in the dust, and she dared not rely on the mortal world anymore.She is eager to wander, afraid to face familiar people and things.But in the world of mortals and the vast sea of ​​people, where can she escape other than home?

"There is nothing safer in the world than being with the dead. They are very gentle people." This is what Sanmao said, which makes people feel sad and sad.Sanmao played truant from school, instead of going to scenic spots with beautiful mountains and rivers, and instead of going to the bustling downtown, he chose to go to the cemetery.Because she felt that the dead are gentle, they can't speak, and Sanmao feels at ease when getting along with them.She is afraid of being hurt and does not need care; she is afraid of meeting enemies and does not need friends. That period of humiliation has become a wound that will never heal. Whenever Sanmao recalls it, it will be painful.In the following days, Sanmao wandered around Liuzhangli Cemetery, Yangmingshan Cemetery, Mr. Chen Jitang Cemetery in Beitou, and unnamed cemeteries near the municipal funeral home.Holding a book and reading without any scruples in the cemetery, San Mao felt that this was a great happiness.

The cemetery was the coldest and most compassionate place she had ever seen in her life.The cemetery was silent, only the whispers of the wind could be heard, and she seemed to be able to see the concerned eyes of those dead souls.Here, there is no beginning, no ending; no separation, no joys and sorrows.She even thought about being a grave keeper here. In this life, she no longer needs to start a journey, and no longer needs to pretend to be happy. In fact, the cemetery only gave Sanmao a space to temporarily dream.Here, why was she really willing to take her in.Sanmao knew that only by death could he truly be inseparable from the cemetery.This extreme and stubborn girl did a few stupid things in the end.The first time he committed suicide, he was rescued.But in the last time, she finally got her wish, and got along with her so-called gentle person forever.

Sanmao's escape reminded me of some scattered fragments of my childhood.At that time, I often hid alone under the stone bridge in the countryside, listening to the sound of running water, and being with flowers and plants.The difference is that I don't want to skip school, nor do I want to avoid the chaotic world, but I just like the tranquility that is not disturbed by others.The gurgling water can take dreams to distant places, and the clouds passing by occasionally are so mysterious and gentle. The memory is light and shallow, only in a casual situation, it will be vaguely remembered.Back then, the flowing water just went away without looking back, and what was taken away was the most beautiful time.Over the years, I have looked down on the scenery, tired of human feelings, and can no longer find the old way back.The stone bridge where I hid, and the cemetery where Sanmao wandered, are still there every year, but who is the passer-by and who is the master?

The days of playing truant, although relaxed and at ease, were also frightening.At first, he was absent from school for two or three days, and Sanmao would go to class for a day.Later, she disappeared for three to five days, more than a week.She saved up the pocket money given by her parents to buy books. The cemetery was silent, and she was the only one awake. A few months later, the school sent a letter to Sanmao's family, and her skipping career ended silently.She refused to go to school again, completely closed herself up, and hid in her own world, only then did she feel at ease.Her autism made her parents feel unbearable, so they had to go to school to go through the formalities of suspending school. So far, Sanmao has suspended school and stayed at home. This break is seven years.For Sanmao, these seven years have been painful and long.Although she was free, she put a lock on her heart.Not only can no one open this lock, but it is also rusty due to the accumulation of time.The clouds outside the window, the moon in the sky, each have their own waiting, each will go or stay.Only she, like a leaf lost by the seasons, is lost, unable to find the age, unable to remember the past. Suddenly, life became a wordless book, as dazed as she was, not knowing how to annotate it, how to let go of it.