Chapter 20 Chapter Twenty

Why do they say I am a vegetable? who? Those doctors just now. What do they say? They said that this was the third rescue, and that it was basically impossible for me to recover my consciousness, and it would be good to keep my life in a vegetative state. If the doctor says so, then you are in a vegetable state. fart!How can I, Zhou Han, be a plant? A vegetative person is not a plant, but a person like a plant. Isn't that just a plant?Hey, what is a vegetable? Vegetative people, let me check it for you.Oh, here it is: A vegetative person is a person who only maintains the basic vital center functions and has no advanced nervous activity.

What is the basic life center function? According to the book, the basic life center functions are: breathing, heartbeat, blood pressure and other general vital signs. What is that high-level neural activity? Advanced neural activity refers to thinking, language, etc... This is not enough!I want thinking with thinking and language with language, so why do I say I am a vegetable! Who can prove that you have a mind? You!Don't you know what I've been thinking about here? Who can prove that you have the language? It's still you!Haven't you been talking to me all the time?

who am I? You are an oil baby! But do I exist? you…… I no longer exist, so I can't prove whether you have thinking or language. But I do have thinking and language! No, for them, you have no mind and no language.It's like to them, I don't exist anymore. I can't just be like this, can I? I'm afraid that's what you'll have to do from now on. Can't think anymore? cannot. Can't talk anymore? cannot. Can't move anymore? cannot. Can't eat braised pork anymore? cannot. Hold!I can't do anything, so what am I still alive for? ! After all, your tone is still there, after all, you are still there, after all, you are still alive, right?

Is this considered alive? Forget it, don’t all vegetative people live like this?You didn't look at the patient next door, who has been lying in bed for eight years without knowing anything, isn't he living a good life? eight years!If that's the case, then I'll have to think about it. What are you thinking? Think about what should I do? What's the use of thinking?Is this what you think? Then what do you say? If you want me to say, you just face the reality and be your vegetable with peace of mind.Things in this world are not what you think you can do.For example, I want to plant beans and get beans, but how could I grow a wasp to sting myself to death?Another example is Huang Xingzhong, he also wants to sow beans to reap beans, so he has to work harder.But what happened, the result was that when he thought he would definitely get Doudou, a bomb flew out and killed him.Another example is you...

what's wrong with me? Don't think that you are different from us, that you are all the same. I…… Are you not convinced?Do you want me to show it to you? You speak. Remember what I said about me and the leader in the cave?I remember that I said at the time that people’s psychology is sometimes very contradictory. When they don’t know what to do, they often deceive themselves subconsciously and say to themselves, I don’t know, I didn’t see it, I forgot to hold the gun Put it in the hole... Remember. Then let me ask you, did you really not know that Yu Enhua went to Beijing to find Li Yefu?

I don't know, she said she was going to the 301 Hospital for a consultation. Think about it carefully, Yu Enhua went to Beijing at that juncture, didn't you expect it at all? I…… Think about it again, Yu Enhua lived in Li Yefu's house after arriving in Beijing, don't you still understand by this time? ... Don't worry, think slowly. I was really stopped by Youwazi.I am afraid of being serious about anything, and even I am a little confused when I am serious.Yes, do I know or not?Say I know, I never asked a question about this matter from beginning to end.Let’s say I don’t know. In fact, where things are going, don’t I always feel like a mirror in my heart?Yu Enhua said that he was going to Beijing for a consultation. I didn't say anything, but did I really not think about it?When Yu Enhua called to tell me that she was staying at Li Yefu's house, I didn't say anything except asking her to greet the old political commissar and his wife on my behalf, but didn't I have any anticipation in my heart?Especially after Yu Enhua returned from Beijing, he was in a hurry to match Nanzheng and Xiaojing together.Although I don't quite agree with this marriage in my heart, why have I been turning a deaf ear to it and letting it go?Isn't it because I know in my heart that this is also a tactical action, secretly hoping that all tactical actions will eventually have an impact on the outcome of the battle?

How do you see it?Is this still the bean you planted? ... Remember what Huang Xingzhong said about you? Later, under Li Yefu's intervention, my matter was put aside temporarily, and then it was postponed indefinitely until the "Gang of Four" collapsed. After the situation changed, this matter was over.Huang Zhenzhong said, Zhou Han, you can do it, who said you are just a fierce general who can only break through head-on?You use tactics very flexibly!There are both main attack and assists, both frontal attack and roundabout encirclement! How did you answer that? I just said to him confidently, Huang Xingzhong, don't always compare your crooked intestines to other people's belly.I, Zhou Han, never play tricks or tricks... Wait, wait, I remembered, no wonder Huang Xingzhong's eyes became very incomprehensible and thought-provoking when I said these words, saying Zhou Han, you can do it, You are more calm than me, Huang Xingzhong.It turned out that Huang Xingzhong never believed it!It turned out that Huang Xingzhong had already seen that it was not the original Doudou!

Dong came in. Just as the nurse was about to block him from the door like blocking others, she was pulled aside by this kid.He walked quickly to the bed with an earth-shattering expression on his face, what's going on?how is dad Chuanchuan said that he had just been rescued and was not out of danger. Did he not let his family members in? Only then did Dong Jin spit out a long mouthful of air, saying that he scared me to death, and met a listless driver, so anxious that I almost kicked him under the car. I said, boy, look at your sweaty face, quickly take off your big fur hat.Dong Jin really took off his hat.

I tentatively said again, come on, kid, sit beside me. Hey, this kid really sat down beside me obediently.That makes me so happy, maybe the kid can really feel what I'm saying. Dongjin leaned down and looked at my face for a long time.I have never seen his eyes like this, anxious, heartbroken, compassionate, and sad, unabashedly revealing the deep affection and nostalgia in his heart.I suddenly felt that a place in my heart that had been closed for a long time was hit hard, and a hot thing flowed out, surging and expanding in my chest.I really want to say, boy, I really love you guys, I really hate to leave you guys!But what I said was, boy, don't you feel ashamed to stop looking at me like an old woman? !

Dongjin still looked at me like that, and said, Dad, don't think that we don't know that you love us because you are fierce. I couldn't help but startled.Why did you kid put your nose on your face?What love love?Are these sour words also said by your old man?But I thought in my heart, son, father can't do anything about himself.I'm used to it, and I want to scold people when I open my mouth, so it's no wonder you children are alienating me. Dong Jin said, Dad, in fact, our hearts have never been alienated. I shouted hard, saying what happened to the alienation?What's wrong with not alienating?Alienation is not alienation. Lao Tzu is also Lao Tzu, and a son is also a son!But I confess in my heart that I still care about these children.I remember when Dong Jin hurt his hand once when he was a child, he ran to the office to find me bleeding, and I scolded him out without even looking up.But as soon as he went out, I lay down on the window and watched him run into the health center. When I turned around, I quickly sent guards to follow him to the health center to see if the injury was serious.The guard came back and told me that I hadn't hurt any bones, and I just fell to the ground with a stone.In fact, I also think that they care about them, but I would rather pay attention behind my back, but I don't want them to see it.

I know.Dong Jin said, before I went to the front line, you bluffed in front of me all day long, but in private, you asked the cook to cook me braised pork, saying that the boy had the same virtue as me, so that's it!Let him eat freely, he won't die! On the front line, tigers are fed meat, and sheep are fed grass. I have been avoiding you since I came back from the front line, and I always feel that I am ashamed of you when I went back to the battlefield without making any achievements.On the surface, you don't even look at me directly, but secretly arrange for me to accompany you to shoot a target every once in a while.At first I wondered why you were shooting so frequently now, but then the secretary quietly told me that you said the same thing every time: Call that kid up, let him release the depression in his heart from the barrel of the gun, don’t hold back the explosion Burst!Only then did I understand that on the surface, I accompany you to shoot targets, but in fact, you accompany me every time! Your father is someone who has experienced it, and has fought more major battles than you have participated in exercises.I know what it's like to walk off the battlefield empty-handed, and I know it's the worst time to be. It was when you shot the target for the last time, you told me the story of the half-length Hanyang.Dad, do you know how much shock I received at that time?The person I admired and admired the most since I was a child is you.Although there are differences between us, we have different views on many issues; although our father and son argue and quarrel when we get together, we can hardly get along and be compatible; It is outdated in military affairs, but in my heart, I have never dared to underestimate you. You are always a hero in my heart, and I have always used you as a role model to imitate.I didn't expect you to have made such a mistake, and I didn't expect you to tell me your mistakes together with regret.Dad, do you know what I wanted to do most at that time?I want to hug you, and I want you to hug me even more.I really want to lie on your shoulder and cry happily.But I hold back, I know I can't do it, I know you can't do it either.In order to hide my feelings so as not to lose my composure, I had no choice but to turn my body on my back to load the bullet, but my hands were trembling and I couldn't load it... I saw it, so I loaded a clip and handed it to you.Seeing that you took the clip without looking back, and hit all the bullets on the bull's-eye in one breath, I knew there was no need to arrange for you to shoot the target again.Sure enough, you reported to the border guards the next day. Daddy, let me give you a hug.I have always wanted to hug you, thank you for giving me life, thank you for injecting the blood of soldiers into my life, thank you for everything you have done for me.Dad, our father and son have never hugged before. We are too used to screwing ourselves, too used to suppressing and distorting our feelings.Now, I don't want to go against myself anymore, I want to hug you!I want to tell you, I love you! Dongjin suddenly threw himself on top of me, hugging my body tightly with both hands. I heard the beating sound of two hearts stacked together. This sound surprised me, excited me, and filled my heart with indescribable emotion.The blood in my body seemed to be boiling all of a sudden, burning like fire, and the family affection I had been longing for all of a sudden embraced me so suddenly, making me intoxicated in happiness and feeling a kind of psychological satisfaction that I had never experienced before. Very easily, I said what I thought was difficult to say: Son, Dad loves you too! It turns out that it is so easy not to suppress your feelings!It turns out that revealing the truth is so pleasant! The hot current in my heart rushed up, blocked my throat, blocked my nasal tube, and desperately wanted to flow out of my eyes.Seeing that I was about to lose my grip, I thought to myself, if this makes tears flow, wouldn’t it ruin Lao Tzu’s reputation?I said son, just let go, you must keep your old man late, right? Dong Jin let go of me, and I tried my best to hold back my tears, which made my throat, nose, and cavity hot and uncomfortable. Dong Jin suddenly asked me, Dad, did you call me back on purpose? I asked why?Why do you think so? He said, because at the moment before boarding the train, I suddenly felt that I shouldn't just leave like this.I think, maybe I should rethink some issues and make a new decision.But at that time the ticket check had already begun, and it seemed that I had to leave.Just when I was hesitating, I received a call from Chuan Chuan.You gave me a good enough reason to stay. I said, Dong Jin, you can understand it that way if you want.But in fact, you still don’t want to leave, or you don’t want to leave just like that.Even without me, you may not be able to go. may be.Dad, I thought I had convinced myself, but at the last moment I realized that I still couldn't screw myself. Son, Dad can't help you, in fact, no one can help you.You can only make your own decisions, because you can only bear all the consequences of your decisions. I don't know if I can afford it, so I have been hesitating, I'm afraid I made a wrong decision. I have been thinking that I have made many decisions in my life, some right and some wrong, but how many of them are out of my original intention, so that I can still be proud of them when I think about them?Very little, almost none.I think, for me, maybe that was the biggest mistake. What if this decision cost me everything? I'm afraid there isn't a single decision that will cost you everything or gain everything.Maybe one day you will find that the peas you planted have grown into a melon, and you will find that you have gained more while losing.Maybe you will be like me now, thinking that you have got everything, but when you look back, you find that you have lost a lot of precious things unknowingly while getting it. Dad, I've never felt so hard. In fact, Dad's current situation is the same as yours, and it is also very difficult.Dad also had to make a decision, either to die or to live as a vegetable. dad! What did you just say?Say you've always looked up to me as a role model.Son, your words make Dad feel very proud, and also make Dad feel ashamed.It suddenly occurred to me that maybe Dad had nothing to set an example for you in the past, but today Dad may be able to set an example for you once.Thank you for your words, thank you for helping Dad make the final decision! dad! dad! The door opened, and the bed was surrounded by people, and the doctors and nurses rushed to rescue him. I looked around, eyeing my children one by one.The children all came, son, daughter-in-law, daughter, son-in-law, and their children, even Mao Mao suddenly appeared out of nowhere.They looked very nervous, most of them were in tears, and Chuan Chuan was still holding my hand tightly.I know they don't want me to go, at least not right now.The nostalgia in my heart suddenly grew rapidly, and I almost didn't want to leave. At this moment, Maomao broke through the crowd and came to me, gave me a deep look with all-seeing eyes, and suddenly leaned into my ear and whispered, Dad, I already knew that you would not be willing to be a vegetable.I don't want to use tears to keep you, I just want to bless you and say goodbye to you! This ghost girl!She can always see everything clearly.I just love how superhumanly smart she is. My heart suddenly relaxed, and I quickly said, children, let's break up here.Dad is gone, but Dad will pay attention to you no matter where he goes, and sincerely bless you! Doctors and nurses are still trying their best to save my life. It doesn't work.I know that, in fact, human life is only tied to weak thoughts at this time. As long as you want to, you can cut off the thread of life as thin as a gossamer at any time... Who goes first? etc. What are you waiting for? have a look. This game of chess hasn't started yet, so what's so interesting about it? See what they do with my guns. Didn't you tell Secretary Lu? I only confess that Secretary Lu must open the box when the three of them are present. They went together.Heping walked in the front in a hurry, looking very anxious.Nan Zheng's face was grim, with a look of worry and depression.Dong Jin walked last, with a serious but calm detached expression. As soon as they entered the basement, they stopped in unison and stood there silently.They hadn't been in the basement for a long time. As soon as they entered this familiar environment and smelled this familiar smell, their childhood memories suddenly came back to their eyes.Looking around, there are still many mottled traces of breast rings on the wall of the basement, the bullet holes left by the guns that went east by the door and went off are still clearly visible, and the iron box that holds the guns is still lying quietly in the old place... Everything is the same, but the father is gone, but the person is no longer the person he was then, and the brother is no longer the brother he was then. open it.Nan Zheng's voice echoed hollowly in the basement. Secretary Lu unscrewed the lock and opened the lid, and the strong smell of gun oil immediately came out, filling the entire basement. Just as Heping was about to reach out, Nanzheng stopped him.Don't move, Nan Zheng said, there is a letter here. An unsealed kraft paper envelope was placed on top of the plastic sheet.Nan Zheng picked up the envelope and took out two thin sheets of paper. The first sheet simply stated: Two opinions on the handling of guns kept by Zhou Han: 1. All guns (except those made in Hanyang) All handed in; 2. Hanyang made has no value to hand in, and can be handled by the children at will. Zhou Han left a message at 2:42 a.m. on the 30th day of the twelfth lunar month. On the second sheet was a detailed registration of the firearms. For a long time no one spoke. Heping has been gnawing his nails, with a cold expression on his face.He has no interest in guns, and if it wasn't for that Ruger 08, and to save his business, he wouldn't be here at all!He didn't expect that the old man would not let go until he died, and even left a will asking them to hand in all the guns!He stole a look at his two elder brothers, he knew they both loved guns, and he knew they were even more reluctant to part with these guns.He figured that if they showed any interest, he could venture a workaround and get the gun.But neither of the two brothers said a word. Secretary Lu began to check the guns one by one according to the registration.Heping couldn't bear it any longer. When he faced Secretary Lu, he actually said to his two elder brothers, Secretary Lu, don't rush to work.In my opinion, it might not be appropriate to just hand in all the guns, right?My dad has left such a few things in his life, so we brothers have to keep one as a souvenir, right? Secretary Lu said calmly, didn't the chief have clear instructions? Heping said impatiently, isn't that just a piece of paper, anyway, my father is gone, anyway, no one except the family knows about these guns.If you don't re-register and hand in the remaining guns, you'll be fine!As he said, he grabbed the "Luger 08" in his hand and said, I want this one, you... Heping just turned around, and the second half of the sentence was choked back——Nan Zheng and Dong Jin With gloomy faces and angry faces, the two stared at him coldly from behind. Heping looked at Nanzheng, then at Dongjin, his face gradually became stiff.He subconsciously stuffed his thumb into his mouth and bit it, and asked vaguely, why?Neither of you want it? No one spoke. There was a chill in Heping's gaze, well, you don't have to if you don't want it.However, in peace, I want to! Put the gun down!Nan Zheng suddenly said. lay down?Why? !Heping sneered, I really don't understand, why are you so stubborn?Why do you want to have trouble with me? ! lay down!Dong Jin shouted loudly, shaking the walls of the basement to buzz. Looking at the two elder brothers who were also vicious King Kong in front of him, He Heping understood that he would never get this gun no matter what.He cast his desperate eyes on Nanzheng and Dongjin, gritted his teeth and said, OK, I don't need this gun.But remember, from now on, there will be no relationship between me and you!After all, he dropped the gun and left. After being silent for a while, Nan Zheng frowned and said to Secretary Lu, these guns will be handed over to you, and you will be responsible for checking them and handing them over. Secretary Lu asked what to do with the Hanyang made? Nan Zheng hesitated for a while and said, let's let it go first, and talk about it later? I need to!Dong Jin said suddenly. Nan Zheng raised his head and saw Dong Jin's resolute expression. Dongjin repeated again with an emphasis: I want that made in Hanyang! Then... Nan Zheng gestured wearily, you can take it. Dong Jin stepped forward, held the Hanyang made in both hands, and stared at it silently.Although this Hanyang-made gun is very old, the body of the gun is black and shiny, without any rust.I remember when my father led them to clean the gun when they were young, every time my father cleaned the gun himself and never let them do it.Before cleaning the gun, Dad always patted the body of the gun made by Hanyang affectionately and said, old man, come and take care of yourself.At that time, Dong Jin didn't understand his father very much. He didn't understand why his father had so many good guns, any of which was better than this one, but why he had a special affection for this half of Hanyang.It wasn't until he knew the origin of the half gun that Dong Jin understood his father.From then on, Dong Jin vaguely felt that he had some inexplicable connection with this gun in the dark.The moment he held the gun in his hands, Dong Jin couldn't help but feel a sense of long-lasting intimacy.He suddenly wanted to wipe every part of it with his heart like his father, and touch every scar on it with his heart. Holding the gun, Dong Jin looked around the basement where childhood memories were sealed for the last time, feeling infinitely sad in his heart.He knew that he would never come back here again, and he knew that all the past was gone forever. Nan Zheng has been silently watching Dong Jin from behind.He really wanted to stop Dong Jin, longing for the two brothers to open up and have a good talk like before.Father is gone, peace has turned against him, and he can no longer lose Dongjin.Although he knew that in Dong Jin's eyes, he was no longer the respectable elder brother he used to be, and although he knew that it was impossible for their brothers to return to the previous close relationship, as long as Dong Jin was willing to admit His big brother, as long as Dong Jin is still willing to be his brother, he can make an apology, even a plea for guilt!Let him do whatever he wants!But Dongjin has been avoiding him since that day, refusing to talk to him.Dong Jin's indifference was more unbearable than scolding. His heart seemed to be bitten by remorse and guilt every moment, and he felt the deep pain of hurting his brothers and feet every moment.He opened his mouth a few times but failed to utter a word. Seeing Dong taking a step towards the door, Nan Zheng suddenly realized that as long as Dong Jin stepped out of this door, he would lose his brother forever.A great sense of fear suddenly seized Nan Zheng, and Nan Zheng couldn't help shouting out: Dongjin——! Dong Jin just walked to the door, in front of the still clear bullet hole.He stopped hesitantly, stretched out his hand and gently touched the edge of the bullet hole.Gradually, his hands trembled, and the wall peeled off little by little in the trembling, and scattered on the ground, rolling up wisps of old smoke and dust. Dongjin finally didn't look back, he just turned his back to Nanzheng and said with difficulty, Big Brother, I'm leaving.After all, he strode out. The moment Dong Jin called out his elder brother, Nan Zheng's tears welled up, flooding his long-dry eyes. Who should go? It's your turn. out of the car. vault. Where did Dong go? have no idea. This move is not easy for him. Which move is not easy to go. You said, Dongjin can shoot guns? Hard to say.In the past, he might still be able to, but now he has too many scruples.The lethality of the cannon is too great, and if it goes out, there will be corpses all over the field. Can he vault? It's hard to say.This way of walking around and around is not in line with his temperament. Where will he go then? Maybe it will be an arch pawn? Which pawn to arch? His own pawn. As long as the pawn goes out, there is no way out! He should know. Few pawns can cross the river. He knew it. You said, can he really make up his mind to lose the pawn and save the rook? Maybe, maybe not, who knows? Which car does he want to insure? According to his original intention, he wanted to protect both of them. Disaster! is difficult. Can you keep that soldier? He can say that merit is merit, faults are faults, accidents are accidents, and heroes are heroes. Can you keep Wang Yaowen? He can take the blame all on himself. You said, will he still protect Nanzheng? You see it's so difficult for him to open his mouth, didn't he even call "Big Brother"? What a pity!Although Dongjin is only a pawn now, he has been stationed in the Chu River and Han border for a long time, and he is only one step away from crossing the river. Yes, as long as he crosses the river, Dong Jin will no longer be the pawn he was before, and maybe he will become a dragon, a tiger, a general, and a handsome man. Isn't there still a lot of steps to go? That depends on who it is for.For him, I am afraid that he is only willing to admit this step. Then he would never be able to cross the river. Perhaps then he would be able to actually cross the river. how to say? Don't you always say that winning or losing is not in the game but outside the game?The real river is often not in reality, but in people's hearts.The river of the soul is far wider than the river of reality. It can be said that crossing the river of reality is easy, but it is difficult to cross the river of the soul.Perhaps, only those who are not bound by the river of reality can cross the river of soul. Makes sense. The reason is one side.Listen, it's okay, don't listen, it doesn't matter. Hey, you also learned to speak this kind of interrogation? After chatting with you for so many days, I must improve a little bit, right? OK you! What to do, in fact, what I said is all speculation, and it depends on Dongjin himself which step to take. Yeah, maybe Dongjin will... Will! Hey, when are you going to kill me? Who let me draw your attention away from the game?This is the other side of reason: kung fu is played outside chess and becomes in chess! Good boy, you are playing tricks on me! (full text)