Chapter 18 Chapter 17 Death
In mid-November, it rained.When I took Wang Ba to my grandma's house, the car slipped accidentally and almost broke my bones, but luckily the car was fine.This incident gave me a very bad feeling.At my grandma's house, I saw Vincent again, it was still the same, this cat was very nostalgic, and when it saw me, it would actively rub against me, circling around between my legs.Hei Hei, who was beaten away by Lao Fei, never came back.
I asked for leave again that day, because it was a hernia anyway.In the afternoon, I sent one stewed bastard to the hospital, and saved the other for tomorrow.I entered the ward with my raincoat and bastard, Lao Ding's bed was empty, and the unconscious middle-aged man next to him was still yelling.I ran to the nurse's desk and asked, "Where's the person in bed 21?" The nurse looked at me and said in a calm voice, "He passed away this morning."
I shook my head and said, "People die every day here, don't make a mistake, check again. I saw him the day before yesterday and he was fine."
The nurse said, "Bed 21 is called Ding Bacon, isn't it?"
"right."
"I'm sorry, he did pass away. Very suddenly, his condition was stable before, but he suddenly died this morning, and there was no time to rescue him."
I lost my mind, walked into the ward again, and sat on the white sheets.The sheets had been changed, not the ones the old man had slept on.I opened the drawer, and there were two rolls of straw paper inside. At first glance, I thought it was a book, but everything else disappeared, including him.The slight rain hit the windowpane, and looking out from here, there were yellowed trees and a house with a red roof, the red was very dull, but the yellow of the leaves was glaring.The sky is empty, so white that it has no content, but I know that the white with no content is actually the clouds, and that is where the rain comes into the world.I was very sad, and the palm of my hand holding the raincoat felt cold and biting.Later, I put the stewed bastard on the bedside table, and said to the empty bed, "Old man, why don't you just leave? It's so embarrassing."
I ran to the water room, flushed my face, went back to the nurse's desk, and asked, "Where is he now?" The nurse said that he was already in the morgue.I said I would go and see him, but she refused to let me go, saying that I had notified the unit, and according to the rules, I could only see him at the memorial service.I cried in front of the nurse.
Back in the ward, I slumped on the stool, with my back against the wall, looking at the unconscious patient next to me, the beeping heartbeat in the instrument.The sound is reassuring.I hope the old man can also have this kind of voice, even if he is unconscious, even if he dies in an hour, it is better than dying so suddenly.Before I could say goodbye to him, he was taken to the morgue.I remembered what the old man said, it was a sprint race between him and the Grim Reaper, but this time it was different, the Grim Reaper was waiting for him at the finish line.
I remembered how many times he talked about me and Yu Xiaoqi with a sigh. He always said, you are still so young.I couldn't figure out what he meant by this sentence, and I planned to ask him whether it was a hint or an exclamation.Now I can't even ask farts.To die is to put everything aside and embark on another journey, all doubts and all grievances are wiped away.I love this old man very much. If he were my father-in-law, I would love him to death. Now I can only grieve for him with an ordinary love, but it is simply not enough.Why am I crying so hard?
I walked for a long time in the corridors of the hospital, and went downstairs to smoke. The first floor was quiet, and there was no excited father in front of the delivery room.The death of the old man seemed to block everything.I walked to the small grocery store in the rain, picked up the public phone, and dialed the area code of Shanghai.At that time, I hesitated, should I make this mourning bird?Later, I insisted on dialing this group of numbers, and the aunt in the dormitory went to call Yu Xiaoqi. I took the phone and lit another cigarette for myself. I quietly waited for her voice in the rain.
In late November, the weather was fine.That morning, I squatted outside the cremation workshop of the funeral parlor and smoked. The memorial service was over, but the old man’s farewell exhibition was quite lively. People came from the school, the newspaper office, and the Federation of Literary and Art Circles.The eulogy was read for a full ten minutes.The old man lay there very peacefully, wearing a suit and tie, which is better, I don't like to see him wearing a shroud, like the God of Wealth in the New Year pictures.In short, he left with dignity, which is not too much to ask for a small intellectual. Yu Xiaoqi stood beside the coffin. During the farewell ceremony, everyone walked over to shake hands with her, and I was the last one.Her eyes were swollen badly, but she didn't cry.In this scene, I never saw the former teacher's wife, nor did I see the current teacher's wife.It was Yu Xiaoqi's aunt, who lay on the ground crying and howling, saying that brother, you let that woman cheat you of all your money, she is a heartless person, and she won't come to see you when you leave.Yu Xiaoqi's uncle said indignantly that he must find that woman.I know who they are talking about, the female master who is still looking for oil.After crying, they were quiet, as if they had never cried before. Then there was the collection of ashes, which took a long time, and everyone else went to eat tofu rice.It was originally collected by Yu Xiaoqi's uncle, but later he muttered, saying that he had diarrhea, went to the toilet and never came back.Yu Xiaoqi and I entered the cremation workshop, and she was holding a prepared urn in her hand.That morning, Lao Ding was cremated alone, so it was a private room.Our funeral parlor in Daicheng is very perverted. You can go and watch the dead being dragged in and burned.A staff member said loudly to us: "Do you want to watch it?" Yu Xiaoqi shook his head, and I said to the staff angrily: "Thank you, let's just sit here." The process was very long, we went outside to get some fresh air, I smoked, and Yu Xiaoqi asked for one too.We squatted in the bright November sun, listening to the roar of the workshop and the smoke from the chimney.Yu Xiaoqi looked up at the smoke and said softly, "Father." I said: "When the ashes are collected later, you must not cry, and tears cannot fall on the ashes." "why?" "Because he will never be at peace." "I didn't cry much. Did you see me cry?" "No." For some reason, when the smoke floated up, the leaves fell, and a lot of them fell on our heels.Smoke drifted into the southern sky.Yu Xiaoqi said: "Father has gone to the south." At this time, I suddenly remembered the poem written by Ouyang Hui, my dear, don't place my coffin in the north, I will go to the south in winter.A chill came over me. I asked Yu Xiaoqi, "Why didn't his wife come?" I added, "I'm not asking about your mother, it's his current wife." Yu Xiaoqi said: "My aunt sent a telegram to inform her, but there was no response. She is probably still looking for oil in the wild. Of course, my mother refused to come at all, but she also cried last night." I said, "Li Xiang didn't come either." Yu Xiaoqi said: "I informed Li Xiang, but he didn't have time to come here today. Anyway, my father is going to be buried in Mo Town. Li Xiang has already taken care of the cemetery there, and he will pick up my father." After a while she said: "Li Xiang talked about you, saying that you are a very nice person." I said, "I like him too." Yu Xiaoqi said: "It's so disgusting." I said, "Where is Zeng Yuan? Didn't she come to accompany you?" Yu Xiaoqi said: "Zeng Yuan went on a trip and hasn't come back yet. I didn't inform her." I said, "Okay, then the two of us will send the old man away." She told me that according to the rules, only the winter solstice and the Qingming Festival can be buried. Before that, the ashes were deposited in the funeral home, and the winter solstice is only one month away anyway.When the time comes, she will go to Mo Town and bury Lao Ding with her grandparents.When a person dies and returns to his hometown, it is warmer there. Yu Xiaoqi said: "I broke up with the college students." "How come? Your father is quite proud when he heard that you found a college student." I said, "Why did you break up?" "Let's talk about it later, I don't want to talk about it today." I nodded and said, "Anyway, that college student is also very stupid. If we break up, we will break up. There is nothing to miss." Yu Xiaoqi shook his head and said, "Talking nonsense." Talking like this, the time is not so long.Later, the staff called us in, and it was the guy who didn't know how to speak. I looked at him and thought, if you dare to say "burned", I will push your head into the stove.Unexpectedly, he was very polite this time and said, "Please." I won’t say anything about collecting ashes, I’ll omit it, otherwise I’ll be that perverted crematorium too.We didn't go to eat tofu rice that day, and kept the ashes in the funeral home. Yu Xiaoqi knelt in front of the row of iron cabinets that looked like changing boxes, with his hands folded, and he didn't know what he was chanting.I knelt down too, and I said to the old man in my heart, old man, let’s say goodbye forever, let Xiao Qi take care of me for the time being, if I don’t take good care of you, don’t blame me. We left the funeral home empty-handed.I drove a motorcycle and brought Yu Xiaoqi back to Daicheng from the suburbs.For some reason, I suddenly returned to this city from the crematorium, and felt that it was very strange, like a stranger in my land.On the way, she was wearing a helmet, her head was always leaning on my back, and she held my waist tightly with both hands.She said, drive faster.I picked up the speed and concentrated on driving. The wind made my limbs feel cold, but I persisted and drove back to Daicheng. When I arrived in the city, I felt very hungry. I asked her if she was hungry. She also said that she was hungry, but she couldn't eat anything, so she wanted to find a place to drink water and sit down.I saw a coffee shop, which is a very famous place in Daicheng, called "Liren Xiaoyi", which means to slaughter people, and the things in it are ridiculously expensive.I decided to go all out once and take her to squander.I ran in, it just opened at noon, and there were only two of us customers.I ordered coffee and drank a few sips to feel even hungrier.Yu Xiaoqi said to the waiter: "Do you have any light meals here?" The waiter handed over a menu, glanced at the black armbands on our arms, and said: "There is only bread with bacon at noon." changed.Yu Xiaoqi stared blankly at the menu, and suddenly, with a snort, he finally couldn't help crying.
In the late autumn of 1991, someone came to my house to look for me.I thought she was familiar, but when I thought about it later, she was my current teacher's wife, that female master, Lao Ding's last love.She looks very similar to the photo, with black hair and black brain, and not very beautiful.He has a good temperament, wearing a leather jacket, a pair of boots, and a black armband on his left arm.This style of leather jacket is my dream item, it's the ultimate style to wear on a motorcycle, but I can't afford it. Because I was so envious of this leather jacket, I asked her to sit at home and made her a cup of tea.I have a problem with this woman, she won't show up even after her husband dies.I didn't want to be so polite to her. "It's really hard to find your house. I have circled three times in the new village." "This new village is bigger than a psychiatric hospital," I said. As soon as she sat down, she said, "Your house is quite a mess." I looked around. There were two ashtrays on the bed, dirty clothes and smelly socks strewn all over the place, leftovers and empty beer bottles piled up on the table, and motorcycle parts. and maintenance tools took up all the open space in the room, and dozens of video tapes were piled up on the desk.Since my parents went to Shanghai, this house has completely turned into a doghouse.I said to the female master: "It doesn't matter, let's mess around first, my mother is sick and in the hospital. I can clean it up when she comes back." The female master said: "You are good enough, can't clean up yourself?" He taught me as soon as he entered the door, a little angry, and said deliberately: "I saw Lao Ding's house before, and it was as messy as a kennel. I was very puzzled. Later I learned that if there is no woman in the house, it will become like that." After hearing this, the female master stared at me to fight back, and then swallowed the words abruptly. She said: "Yes, Lu Xiaolu, Ding Bagen said that you are the best at sophistry, and you really didn't embarrass him." I found a small bench, sat across from her, and asked her what's the matter, just tell her directly.The female master picked up a pack of cigarettes from the coffee table, looked at the brand, took out one, lit it, and pointed to the ashtray on the bed.I handed the ashtray to her, she took a puff of cigarette, and said: "It was too late when I received the telegram, everyone was cremated, it took three days to rush back to Daicheng, last night I had a quarrel with their relatives I just took the time to find you today." I asked her why she was arguing, and she told me that Yu Xiaoqi's aunt suspected that she had hidden Lao Ding's savings, and she also took out an IOU for 5,000 yuan, saying that it was borrowed by Lao Ding before his death, and she wanted the female master to pay back the money.Lao Ding himself still has a passbook of 8,000 yuan, which is the salary and manuscript fees he saved from living frugally.This account is not clear at all. Should I repay the money first and then divide the money, or divide the money first and then pay back the money.Yu Xiaoqi was also there at the time, didn't say anything, then picked up a broom and hit her aunt and uncle on the head. I asked the female master: "Then have you hidden any money?" The female master said: "Of course I hid it, but Ding Bagen left the money to Xiao Qi, and I gave it to Xiao Qi privately." I said, "You're very interesting. You're here today to tell me this? It's nothing to do with me." The female master said: "I came to see you specially. When he was alive, he often mentioned you, saying that you changed his gas and took good care of Xiao Qi." I said, "It's nothing, it should be. Have you talked to Xiao Qi?" The female master said: "Yes, we had a good chat. The first time I saw her, I used to hear him talk about you and Xiao Qi. I was still thinking, when I come to Daicheng, I want to see you and Xiao Qi." Qi. He described you as cute. I really didn't expect to see you in this situation." She was a little sentimental, but not full of grief, which made a good impression on me.To be honest, I expected to meet a weeping old widow.A thirty-eight-year-old old maid got married, and her husband died within a year. In fact, she is quite memorable, but I really don't want to see her with a sad face. I have become numb to sadness. She and Lao Ding have known each other for ten years. They were just friends in the past, and they communicated by correspondence, and they met several times during this time.She came to Daicheng last year, chatted with Lao Ding, and suddenly decided to get married.This is quite similar to online dating after the advent of the Internet. It can be seen that online dating is not something brought about by the Internet. As long as there is a postal system in the world, this thing will happen.Anyway, it seems a bit crazy to me, not like what people in their 30s and 40s do.But when people in their 30s and 40s fall in love, I don't even know how to talk about it.With Lao Ding's conditions, if a woman is not crazy, I don't think she will marry him. She said that she planned to transfer to Shanghai after the new year, so she wouldn't have to travel all over the world. Unexpectedly, this happened, and it seemed that she had to continue running in this world.There is no way, human life, it is useless to try to turn it around, no kind of happiness can withstand a little joke of fate. I told her that I was just a young apprentice, currently working in a chemical factory.There is not much else to say. The female master suddenly asked me very seriously: "Do you like Xiao Qi?" She threw this question out of the blue, and I nodded.The female master looked at me like a sister looking at her brother.She said: "Then you have to treat her well." I said I got it, and I didn't bother to explain anything.She said: "Not much else to say, I'm leaving, see you later." I stood up and walked her to the door, and she said no more.I suddenly asked her, "Do you love Lao Ding or not?" She froze for a moment, her eyes suddenly turned red, and said, "Of course." I said, "He told me when he was alive, you are cute." "anything else?" "Gone." "Goodbye, then."
Lao Ding was buried on the winter solstice of 1991.I was supposed to see him off, but my mother was undergoing surgery in Shanghai a few days ago, and I went to take care of her, so I didn't have time to take care of Lao Ding.Afterwards, I found out that the things over there were settled by the disabled family, and Yu Xiaoqi and the disabled took Lao Ding from Daicheng to Mo Town.The female master didn't show up, and she went back to where she was supposed to go alone, and I'm afraid she would never come to Dai City again.I guess she loves Lao Ding, she will not lie to me about this, love is enough, as for whether he can be buried for him, in this boundless world, in the fate entangled with pain, in fact It's not that important. His grave is in the cemetery area of Mo Town. I also saw photos later, Yu Xiaoqi and the disabled, standing solemnly in front of the tombstone, with the undulating hills behind.The tombstone is shining brightly, like the side of a machete. I have always planned to go to Mo Town to see Lao Ding, and drink with the disabled, but I forgot about it for so many years.I don't know what I'm busy with. In short, they are all irrelevant things, but whether the important things must be done is another matter. I was eccentric when I was eighteen, and a lot of people asked me to take care of it.For example, my mother is sick, Lao Ding is dead, or Yang Yi's woman is going to have an abortion, my grandma's cat is kicked, the disabled is ridiculed as a coward in a restaurant, Zeng Yuan needs a temporary boyfriend when he is broken in love... …Some of these things are very important, and some are very unreliable.Anyway, I was idle at the time, so I accepted it all.Later they asked me to take care of Yu Xiaoqi, which was very sad, and I accepted it.It was already the end of 1991, and this unlucky year was finally coming to an end. In the days after Lao Ding's death, Yu Xiaoqi finished his training in Shanghai and returned to Daicheng.According to Daicheng's rules, when a person dies, he has to eat seven times a day, eat a big meal every seven days, kowtow and burn paper, making it extremely enjoyable.I went to see it a few times, and only when I arrived at Lao Ding's house did I realize that the old man had so many relatives in the entire room, and I didn't know who was who. The only one I could recognize was Yu Xiaoqi's aunt.This group of people occupied Lao Ding's house like bandits. The men smoked and drank, the women gathered together and chatted, and the children screamed and crawled around in the adults' crotches. There were two mahjong tables in the back room, surrounded by many people. Gambling there.I ran to the toilet to pee. When I looked at the place, it almost caught up with the public toilet at the train station. There was no water in the water tank, and the toilet was full of filth. I put the old book next to the toilet, tearing off a page to wipe my butt.When I saw the title of the book, I was so frightened that I almost peed on my pants. The old man must be so angry that he wanted to sit up, but unfortunately he couldn't, he was already burned to ashes.I ran to his portrait and said silently: Don't think too much about it, resurrection is impossible, I'll change it for you.The portrait of the old man stared at me with a fierce look in his eyes. This group of people would not let up until midnight, some left, some lay down to sleep, and some continued to play mahjong until dawn the next day, leaving a messy scene for us to clean up. That day I found Yu Xiaoqi in a crowded room. She was squatting in the kitchen, gnawing on a chicken foot, gnawing on it very seriously, biting off the bones of the chicken's toes one by one, and gnawing on the bones on it carefully. Flesh and cartilage.I walked over, squatted down, and said to her: "Why are you hiding here and eating chicken feet?" Yu Xiaoqi remained expressionless, dipped his fingers into his mouth and took a bite, and put half a chicken foot in front of me, saying : "Eat." I said: "You don't want to give me half a chicken foot, right?" Yu Xiaoqi said: "If you don't eat it, it will be gone. If you are hungry at night, go make instant noodles by yourself." Surprised, because I went to buy all the dishes that night, there was a big round table full of cooked dishes, why did they all disappear in a short time.Yu Xiaoqi said: "I managed to grab a chicken foot." I asked her, "Your mother didn't come?" Yu Xiaoqi shook his head and said, "How could she come? She won't come until she dies." I don't know what kind of hate it is.I told her a little bit about the female master's degree, she looked blank, and just said: "That woman is quite kind." There was a lot of noise outside, and then Yu Xiaoqi's aunt rushed in and said loudly: "Die, we have kowtowed too much, why are you still hiding here?" Yu Xiaoqi said "Oh", holding the chicken feet Go out and kowtow.I leaned against the door frame of the kitchen alone, watching her kneel in front of Lao Ding's portrait, hitting her forehead on the ground one after another, the dust on the ends of her hair. Stay up until the seventh day. At that time, I also went to work in Matai Town, and then took a long vacation to take care of my mother in Shanghai.When he returned to Daicheng, Lao Ding had already been buried.Duanqi is on New Year's Day, which is very festive, and the new year is coming.That winter was very cold and there was a lot of snow. I braved the snow to go to Yu Xiaoqi's house, and when I entered the house, I saw that all the guys who couldn't freeze to death were there.I also lost to them, isn't it just to eat some cooked food, but they never lose every game.An aunt asked me, "Are you Xiao Qi's boyfriend?" I said, "No, you forgot? I am the godson of your cousin's aunt." The aunt rolled her eyes to count seniority, and I I took the opportunity to slip away. When I entered the room, I saw that a large circle of people were betting on money, betting on twenty-eight.Yu Xiaoqi was also gambling. I went over to see that she had lost more than one hundred yuan, and her face was red.There is basically no skill in betting on 28, as long as you don't play tricks, you can win money purely by luck.Looks like she's out of luck.I said to Xiao Qi: "Come down, I'll win it back for you." Yu Xiaoqi muttered: "What should I do if I lose?" I bought a dozen or so, and my pockets were full of ten-cent bills. Not only did I get back the money Yu Xiaoqi lost, but I even earned my own motorcycle gas money.The uncle sitting in the village bared his teeth.Later, I didn't want to gamble anymore, and they didn't stop me. They probably thought that my luck was too flamboyant, and it's better to get out as soon as possible. I stuffed a lot of bills into Yu Xiaoqi's pocket, and kept a few for myself.It was already late at night, and many people had gone away.Yu Xiaoqi ran to burn paper money in the corridor. In a washbasin, the flames rose and fell, reflecting her face.I helped her burn it together, and threw the folded paper money into it, and they silently turned into ashes. Yu Xiaoqi said: "It's finally over." I said, "Yeah, even dying is so hard." Yu Xiaoqi said: "At first I felt noisy and dizzy, but then I also thought about it. It's better to be more lively. It's too sad if it's deserted." I stayed with her that day until dawn.After everyone was gone, a few rough workers came and started moving furniture.I asked what was going on, and Yu Xiaoqi said: "These furniture are all given to relatives, and the house has to be returned to the factory." Only then did I know that this house was still from a rubber factory. People, they have to return to the public.At that time, there was no private housing reform.Yu Xiaoqi said: "Move away, I don't want anything." It was her uncle who directed the move. I said, "Leave something as a souvenir." Yu Xiaoqi said: "I kept everything that should be kept, and I don't want these anymore." After a while, the room was completely empty, and there were some sundries left, which even relatives didn't want, scattered in the room, making it a mess.Later, her uncle pointed to the pile of moldy and torn books and asked Yu Xiaoqi if he wanted any.Xiao Qi said no, there is no place to put it.Her uncle said: "Then sell it, and it can be worth tens of dollars." Xiao Qi's face was livid, he took out a lighter from my pocket, and burned books in the empty room.A shelf of books burned continuously, and the ceiling was blackened.Later, it was found that the burning could not be finished at all, Xiao Qi said, forget it, let's sell it.The room was full of ashes, and when the wind blew, it looked like a scene in hell. That night, we burned Lao Ding's clothes, this time just the two of us.Xiao Qi and I piled up the clothes by the flower bed in the new village, poured a little kerosene, lit a fire, and the flames rose into the air, blowing into the bullfight, and igniting the branches in the flower bed.The old man doesn't have any good clothes, but they are still quite heat-resistant.When I opened the last package, I found that there was still a leather jacket inside. I had never seen him wear it. I compared it with my body, and it fit me quite well.Yu Xiaoqi said that this leather jacket was given to Lao Ding by a female master.I like this dress very much, but Yu Xiaoqi said: "It's unlucky, you really want it, I will give you one later." After speaking, he threw the leather jacket into the fire, and it gave off a bad smell. Later, Yu Xiaoqi took down another stack of manuscript paper, saying that it was Lao Ding's manuscript, and burned it too.I said: "No, it's a pity to burn it. Maybe he will publish a book for him in the future." Yu Xiaoqi said: "These are all waste manuscripts. I put away the manuscripts for the book. Burn it." "I said: "Then if you publish a book for him, you must give me a copy." Yu Xiaoqi didn't speak, and threw the manuscript into the fire as soon as he raised his hand.After this matter is done, the traces of Lao Ding's life will completely disappear. Xiao Qi said, "Why do I feel so happy?" I said, "Xiao Qi, you seem to have grown up all of a sudden." She glanced at me in the firelight and said, "You too." I asked her, "Where are you going next?" Xiao Qi said: "I have to go back to the American school. Before the winter vacation, I have to take make-up exams for two courses. They are both cultural courses. The make-up exams are just a cutscene. I will pay the school an extra few dozen dollars. Then I can look for a job. gone." "Where are you going to work?" "I went to Wu County, the senior sister who took you to see her last time, she was willing to take me into the industry." She said, "What about you?" "I still go to Matai Town to work." She took my hand and said, "Then we can hang out together for a few more days." I said, "Yeah, it's really not easy."
In late November, the weather was fine.That morning, I squatted outside the cremation workshop of the funeral parlor and smoked. The memorial service was over, but the old man’s farewell exhibition was quite lively. People came from the school, the newspaper office, and the Federation of Literary and Art Circles.The eulogy was read for a full ten minutes.The old man lay there very peacefully, wearing a suit and tie, which is better, I don't like to see him wearing a shroud, like the God of Wealth in the New Year pictures.In short, he left with dignity, which is not too much to ask for a small intellectual. Yu Xiaoqi stood beside the coffin. During the farewell ceremony, everyone walked over to shake hands with her, and I was the last one.Her eyes were swollen badly, but she didn't cry.In this scene, I never saw the former teacher's wife, nor did I see the current teacher's wife.It was Yu Xiaoqi's aunt, who lay on the ground crying and howling, saying that brother, you let that woman cheat you of all your money, she is a heartless person, and she won't come to see you when you leave.Yu Xiaoqi's uncle said indignantly that he must find that woman.I know who they are talking about, the female master who is still looking for oil.After crying, they were quiet, as if they had never cried before. Then there was the collection of ashes, which took a long time, and everyone else went to eat tofu rice.It was originally collected by Yu Xiaoqi's uncle, but later he muttered, saying that he had diarrhea, went to the toilet and never came back.Yu Xiaoqi and I entered the cremation workshop, and she was holding a prepared urn in her hand.That morning, Lao Ding was cremated alone, so it was a private room.Our funeral parlor in Daicheng is very perverted. You can go and watch the dead being dragged in and burned.A staff member said loudly to us: "Do you want to watch it?" Yu Xiaoqi shook his head, and I said to the staff angrily: "Thank you, let's just sit here." The process was very long, we went outside to get some fresh air, I smoked, and Yu Xiaoqi asked for one too.We squatted in the bright November sun, listening to the roar of the workshop and the smoke from the chimney.Yu Xiaoqi looked up at the smoke and said softly, "Father." I said: "When the ashes are collected later, you must not cry, and tears cannot fall on the ashes." "why?" "Because he will never be at peace." "I didn't cry much. Did you see me cry?" "No." For some reason, when the smoke floated up, the leaves fell, and a lot of them fell on our heels.Smoke drifted into the southern sky.Yu Xiaoqi said: "Father has gone to the south." At this time, I suddenly remembered the poem written by Ouyang Hui, my dear, don't place my coffin in the north, I will go to the south in winter.A chill came over me. I asked Yu Xiaoqi, "Why didn't his wife come?" I added, "I'm not asking about your mother, it's his current wife." Yu Xiaoqi said: "My aunt sent a telegram to inform her, but there was no response. She is probably still looking for oil in the wild. Of course, my mother refused to come at all, but she also cried last night." I said, "Li Xiang didn't come either." Yu Xiaoqi said: "I informed Li Xiang, but he didn't have time to come here today. Anyway, my father is going to be buried in Mo Town. Li Xiang has already taken care of the cemetery there, and he will pick up my father." After a while she said: "Li Xiang talked about you, saying that you are a very nice person." I said, "I like him too." Yu Xiaoqi said: "It's so disgusting." I said, "Where is Zeng Yuan? Didn't she come to accompany you?" Yu Xiaoqi said: "Zeng Yuan went on a trip and hasn't come back yet. I didn't inform her." I said, "Okay, then the two of us will send the old man away." She told me that according to the rules, only the winter solstice and the Qingming Festival can be buried. Before that, the ashes were deposited in the funeral home, and the winter solstice is only one month away anyway.When the time comes, she will go to Mo Town and bury Lao Ding with her grandparents.When a person dies and returns to his hometown, it is warmer there. Yu Xiaoqi said: "I broke up with the college students." "How come? Your father is quite proud when he heard that you found a college student." I said, "Why did you break up?" "Let's talk about it later, I don't want to talk about it today." I nodded and said, "Anyway, that college student is also very stupid. If we break up, we will break up. There is nothing to miss." Yu Xiaoqi shook his head and said, "Talking nonsense." Talking like this, the time is not so long.Later, the staff called us in, and it was the guy who didn't know how to speak. I looked at him and thought, if you dare to say "burned", I will push your head into the stove.Unexpectedly, he was very polite this time and said, "Please." I won’t say anything about collecting ashes, I’ll omit it, otherwise I’ll be that perverted crematorium too.We didn't go to eat tofu rice that day, and kept the ashes in the funeral home. Yu Xiaoqi knelt in front of the row of iron cabinets that looked like changing boxes, with his hands folded, and he didn't know what he was chanting.I knelt down too, and I said to the old man in my heart, old man, let’s say goodbye forever, let Xiao Qi take care of me for the time being, if I don’t take good care of you, don’t blame me. We left the funeral home empty-handed.I drove a motorcycle and brought Yu Xiaoqi back to Daicheng from the suburbs.For some reason, I suddenly returned to this city from the crematorium, and felt that it was very strange, like a stranger in my land.On the way, she was wearing a helmet, her head was always leaning on my back, and she held my waist tightly with both hands.She said, drive faster.I picked up the speed and concentrated on driving. The wind made my limbs feel cold, but I persisted and drove back to Daicheng. When I arrived in the city, I felt very hungry. I asked her if she was hungry. She also said that she was hungry, but she couldn't eat anything, so she wanted to find a place to drink water and sit down.I saw a coffee shop, which is a very famous place in Daicheng, called "Liren Xiaoyi", which means to slaughter people, and the things in it are ridiculously expensive.I decided to go all out once and take her to squander.I ran in, it just opened at noon, and there were only two of us customers.I ordered coffee and drank a few sips to feel even hungrier.Yu Xiaoqi said to the waiter: "Do you have any light meals here?" The waiter handed over a menu, glanced at the black armbands on our arms, and said: "There is only bread with bacon at noon." changed.Yu Xiaoqi stared blankly at the menu, and suddenly, with a snort, he finally couldn't help crying.
In the late autumn of 1991, someone came to my house to look for me.I thought she was familiar, but when I thought about it later, she was my current teacher's wife, that female master, Lao Ding's last love.She looks very similar to the photo, with black hair and black brain, and not very beautiful.He has a good temperament, wearing a leather jacket, a pair of boots, and a black armband on his left arm.This style of leather jacket is my dream item, it's the ultimate style to wear on a motorcycle, but I can't afford it. Because I was so envious of this leather jacket, I asked her to sit at home and made her a cup of tea.I have a problem with this woman, she won't show up even after her husband dies.I didn't want to be so polite to her. "It's really hard to find your house. I have circled three times in the new village." "This new village is bigger than a psychiatric hospital," I said. As soon as she sat down, she said, "Your house is quite a mess." I looked around. There were two ashtrays on the bed, dirty clothes and smelly socks strewn all over the place, leftovers and empty beer bottles piled up on the table, and motorcycle parts. and maintenance tools took up all the open space in the room, and dozens of video tapes were piled up on the desk.Since my parents went to Shanghai, this house has completely turned into a doghouse.I said to the female master: "It doesn't matter, let's mess around first, my mother is sick and in the hospital. I can clean it up when she comes back." The female master said: "You are good enough, can't clean up yourself?" He taught me as soon as he entered the door, a little angry, and said deliberately: "I saw Lao Ding's house before, and it was as messy as a kennel. I was very puzzled. Later I learned that if there is no woman in the house, it will become like that." After hearing this, the female master stared at me to fight back, and then swallowed the words abruptly. She said: "Yes, Lu Xiaolu, Ding Bagen said that you are the best at sophistry, and you really didn't embarrass him." I found a small bench, sat across from her, and asked her what's the matter, just tell her directly.The female master picked up a pack of cigarettes from the coffee table, looked at the brand, took out one, lit it, and pointed to the ashtray on the bed.I handed the ashtray to her, she took a puff of cigarette, and said: "It was too late when I received the telegram, everyone was cremated, it took three days to rush back to Daicheng, last night I had a quarrel with their relatives I just took the time to find you today." I asked her why she was arguing, and she told me that Yu Xiaoqi's aunt suspected that she had hidden Lao Ding's savings, and she also took out an IOU for 5,000 yuan, saying that it was borrowed by Lao Ding before his death, and she wanted the female master to pay back the money.Lao Ding himself still has a passbook of 8,000 yuan, which is the salary and manuscript fees he saved from living frugally.This account is not clear at all. Should I repay the money first and then divide the money, or divide the money first and then pay back the money.Yu Xiaoqi was also there at the time, didn't say anything, then picked up a broom and hit her aunt and uncle on the head. I asked the female master: "Then have you hidden any money?" The female master said: "Of course I hid it, but Ding Bagen left the money to Xiao Qi, and I gave it to Xiao Qi privately." I said, "You're very interesting. You're here today to tell me this? It's nothing to do with me." The female master said: "I came to see you specially. When he was alive, he often mentioned you, saying that you changed his gas and took good care of Xiao Qi." I said, "It's nothing, it should be. Have you talked to Xiao Qi?" The female master said: "Yes, we had a good chat. The first time I saw her, I used to hear him talk about you and Xiao Qi. I was still thinking, when I come to Daicheng, I want to see you and Xiao Qi." Qi. He described you as cute. I really didn't expect to see you in this situation." She was a little sentimental, but not full of grief, which made a good impression on me.To be honest, I expected to meet a weeping old widow.A thirty-eight-year-old old maid got married, and her husband died within a year. In fact, she is quite memorable, but I really don't want to see her with a sad face. I have become numb to sadness. She and Lao Ding have known each other for ten years. They were just friends in the past, and they communicated by correspondence, and they met several times during this time.She came to Daicheng last year, chatted with Lao Ding, and suddenly decided to get married.This is quite similar to online dating after the advent of the Internet. It can be seen that online dating is not something brought about by the Internet. As long as there is a postal system in the world, this thing will happen.Anyway, it seems a bit crazy to me, not like what people in their 30s and 40s do.But when people in their 30s and 40s fall in love, I don't even know how to talk about it.With Lao Ding's conditions, if a woman is not crazy, I don't think she will marry him. She said that she planned to transfer to Shanghai after the new year, so she wouldn't have to travel all over the world. Unexpectedly, this happened, and it seemed that she had to continue running in this world.There is no way, human life, it is useless to try to turn it around, no kind of happiness can withstand a little joke of fate. I told her that I was just a young apprentice, currently working in a chemical factory.There is not much else to say. The female master suddenly asked me very seriously: "Do you like Xiao Qi?" She threw this question out of the blue, and I nodded.The female master looked at me like a sister looking at her brother.She said: "Then you have to treat her well." I said I got it, and I didn't bother to explain anything.She said: "Not much else to say, I'm leaving, see you later." I stood up and walked her to the door, and she said no more.I suddenly asked her, "Do you love Lao Ding or not?" She froze for a moment, her eyes suddenly turned red, and said, "Of course." I said, "He told me when he was alive, you are cute." "anything else?" "Gone." "Goodbye, then."
Lao Ding was buried on the winter solstice of 1991.I was supposed to see him off, but my mother was undergoing surgery in Shanghai a few days ago, and I went to take care of her, so I didn't have time to take care of Lao Ding.Afterwards, I found out that the things over there were settled by the disabled family, and Yu Xiaoqi and the disabled took Lao Ding from Daicheng to Mo Town.The female master didn't show up, and she went back to where she was supposed to go alone, and I'm afraid she would never come to Dai City again.I guess she loves Lao Ding, she will not lie to me about this, love is enough, as for whether he can be buried for him, in this boundless world, in the fate entangled with pain, in fact It's not that important. His grave is in the cemetery area of Mo Town. I also saw photos later, Yu Xiaoqi and the disabled, standing solemnly in front of the tombstone, with the undulating hills behind.The tombstone is shining brightly, like the side of a machete. I have always planned to go to Mo Town to see Lao Ding, and drink with the disabled, but I forgot about it for so many years.I don't know what I'm busy with. In short, they are all irrelevant things, but whether the important things must be done is another matter. I was eccentric when I was eighteen, and a lot of people asked me to take care of it.For example, my mother is sick, Lao Ding is dead, or Yang Yi's woman is going to have an abortion, my grandma's cat is kicked, the disabled is ridiculed as a coward in a restaurant, Zeng Yuan needs a temporary boyfriend when he is broken in love... …Some of these things are very important, and some are very unreliable.Anyway, I was idle at the time, so I accepted it all.Later they asked me to take care of Yu Xiaoqi, which was very sad, and I accepted it.It was already the end of 1991, and this unlucky year was finally coming to an end. In the days after Lao Ding's death, Yu Xiaoqi finished his training in Shanghai and returned to Daicheng.According to Daicheng's rules, when a person dies, he has to eat seven times a day, eat a big meal every seven days, kowtow and burn paper, making it extremely enjoyable.I went to see it a few times, and only when I arrived at Lao Ding's house did I realize that the old man had so many relatives in the entire room, and I didn't know who was who. The only one I could recognize was Yu Xiaoqi's aunt.This group of people occupied Lao Ding's house like bandits. The men smoked and drank, the women gathered together and chatted, and the children screamed and crawled around in the adults' crotches. There were two mahjong tables in the back room, surrounded by many people. Gambling there.I ran to the toilet to pee. When I looked at the place, it almost caught up with the public toilet at the train station. There was no water in the water tank, and the toilet was full of filth. I put the old book next to the toilet, tearing off a page to wipe my butt.When I saw the title of the book, I was so frightened that I almost peed on my pants. The old man must be so angry that he wanted to sit up, but unfortunately he couldn't, he was already burned to ashes.I ran to his portrait and said silently: Don't think too much about it, resurrection is impossible, I'll change it for you.The portrait of the old man stared at me with a fierce look in his eyes. This group of people would not let up until midnight, some left, some lay down to sleep, and some continued to play mahjong until dawn the next day, leaving a messy scene for us to clean up. That day I found Yu Xiaoqi in a crowded room. She was squatting in the kitchen, gnawing on a chicken foot, gnawing on it very seriously, biting off the bones of the chicken's toes one by one, and gnawing on the bones on it carefully. Flesh and cartilage.I walked over, squatted down, and said to her: "Why are you hiding here and eating chicken feet?" Yu Xiaoqi remained expressionless, dipped his fingers into his mouth and took a bite, and put half a chicken foot in front of me, saying : "Eat." I said: "You don't want to give me half a chicken foot, right?" Yu Xiaoqi said: "If you don't eat it, it will be gone. If you are hungry at night, go make instant noodles by yourself." Surprised, because I went to buy all the dishes that night, there was a big round table full of cooked dishes, why did they all disappear in a short time.Yu Xiaoqi said: "I managed to grab a chicken foot." I asked her, "Your mother didn't come?" Yu Xiaoqi shook his head and said, "How could she come? She won't come until she dies." I don't know what kind of hate it is.I told her a little bit about the female master's degree, she looked blank, and just said: "That woman is quite kind." There was a lot of noise outside, and then Yu Xiaoqi's aunt rushed in and said loudly: "Die, we have kowtowed too much, why are you still hiding here?" Yu Xiaoqi said "Oh", holding the chicken feet Go out and kowtow.I leaned against the door frame of the kitchen alone, watching her kneel in front of Lao Ding's portrait, hitting her forehead on the ground one after another, the dust on the ends of her hair. Stay up until the seventh day. At that time, I also went to work in Matai Town, and then took a long vacation to take care of my mother in Shanghai.When he returned to Daicheng, Lao Ding had already been buried.Duanqi is on New Year's Day, which is very festive, and the new year is coming.That winter was very cold and there was a lot of snow. I braved the snow to go to Yu Xiaoqi's house, and when I entered the house, I saw that all the guys who couldn't freeze to death were there.I also lost to them, isn't it just to eat some cooked food, but they never lose every game.An aunt asked me, "Are you Xiao Qi's boyfriend?" I said, "No, you forgot? I am the godson of your cousin's aunt." The aunt rolled her eyes to count seniority, and I I took the opportunity to slip away. When I entered the room, I saw that a large circle of people were betting on money, betting on twenty-eight.Yu Xiaoqi was also gambling. I went over to see that she had lost more than one hundred yuan, and her face was red.There is basically no skill in betting on 28, as long as you don't play tricks, you can win money purely by luck.Looks like she's out of luck.I said to Xiao Qi: "Come down, I'll win it back for you." Yu Xiaoqi muttered: "What should I do if I lose?" I bought a dozen or so, and my pockets were full of ten-cent bills. Not only did I get back the money Yu Xiaoqi lost, but I even earned my own motorcycle gas money.The uncle sitting in the village bared his teeth.Later, I didn't want to gamble anymore, and they didn't stop me. They probably thought that my luck was too flamboyant, and it's better to get out as soon as possible. I stuffed a lot of bills into Yu Xiaoqi's pocket, and kept a few for myself.It was already late at night, and many people had gone away.Yu Xiaoqi ran to burn paper money in the corridor. In a washbasin, the flames rose and fell, reflecting her face.I helped her burn it together, and threw the folded paper money into it, and they silently turned into ashes. Yu Xiaoqi said: "It's finally over." I said, "Yeah, even dying is so hard." Yu Xiaoqi said: "At first I felt noisy and dizzy, but then I also thought about it. It's better to be more lively. It's too sad if it's deserted." I stayed with her that day until dawn.After everyone was gone, a few rough workers came and started moving furniture.I asked what was going on, and Yu Xiaoqi said: "These furniture are all given to relatives, and the house has to be returned to the factory." Only then did I know that this house was still from a rubber factory. People, they have to return to the public.At that time, there was no private housing reform.Yu Xiaoqi said: "Move away, I don't want anything." It was her uncle who directed the move. I said, "Leave something as a souvenir." Yu Xiaoqi said: "I kept everything that should be kept, and I don't want these anymore." After a while, the room was completely empty, and there were some sundries left, which even relatives didn't want, scattered in the room, making it a mess.Later, her uncle pointed to the pile of moldy and torn books and asked Yu Xiaoqi if he wanted any.Xiao Qi said no, there is no place to put it.Her uncle said: "Then sell it, and it can be worth tens of dollars." Xiao Qi's face was livid, he took out a lighter from my pocket, and burned books in the empty room.A shelf of books burned continuously, and the ceiling was blackened.Later, it was found that the burning could not be finished at all, Xiao Qi said, forget it, let's sell it.The room was full of ashes, and when the wind blew, it looked like a scene in hell. That night, we burned Lao Ding's clothes, this time just the two of us.Xiao Qi and I piled up the clothes by the flower bed in the new village, poured a little kerosene, lit a fire, and the flames rose into the air, blowing into the bullfight, and igniting the branches in the flower bed.The old man doesn't have any good clothes, but they are still quite heat-resistant.When I opened the last package, I found that there was still a leather jacket inside. I had never seen him wear it. I compared it with my body, and it fit me quite well.Yu Xiaoqi said that this leather jacket was given to Lao Ding by a female master.I like this dress very much, but Yu Xiaoqi said: "It's unlucky, you really want it, I will give you one later." After speaking, he threw the leather jacket into the fire, and it gave off a bad smell. Later, Yu Xiaoqi took down another stack of manuscript paper, saying that it was Lao Ding's manuscript, and burned it too.I said: "No, it's a pity to burn it. Maybe he will publish a book for him in the future." Yu Xiaoqi said: "These are all waste manuscripts. I put away the manuscripts for the book. Burn it." "I said: "Then if you publish a book for him, you must give me a copy." Yu Xiaoqi didn't speak, and threw the manuscript into the fire as soon as he raised his hand.After this matter is done, the traces of Lao Ding's life will completely disappear. Xiao Qi said, "Why do I feel so happy?" I said, "Xiao Qi, you seem to have grown up all of a sudden." She glanced at me in the firelight and said, "You too." I asked her, "Where are you going next?" Xiao Qi said: "I have to go back to the American school. Before the winter vacation, I have to take make-up exams for two courses. They are both cultural courses. The make-up exams are just a cutscene. I will pay the school an extra few dozen dollars. Then I can look for a job. gone." "Where are you going to work?" "I went to Wu County, the senior sister who took you to see her last time, she was willing to take me into the industry." She said, "What about you?" "I still go to Matai Town to work." She took my hand and said, "Then we can hang out together for a few more days." I said, "Yeah, it's really not easy."