Chapter 18 end

The night in the ward was silent, only the slight ticking of the liquid medicine in the liquid pipe vibrated rhythmically in the air, and the occasional gas bubbles in the liquid bottle broke this rhythm from time to time.I sniffed the strong smell of Lysol, and it felt like a dream.For the first time in my life, I became the protagonist of life. After experiencing so much pain and feeling discouraged, I even felt that all the excitement, all the warmth, and all the kind thoughts were more like a illusory moon in the water.Perhaps at a certain time, I will wake up again in solitude, and then live in desolation.It has been many days and I am still not clear about my condition.The silence tonight and the improvement of my physical condition made me suddenly have more energy to recall the situation of these days, and for the first time, I strongly wanted to know what kind of disease I had.Everyone said they hoped that I would recover soon, and everyone hoped that I would go to work as soon as possible, but when I asked about my condition, everyone only said that I was malnourished and depressed, and that I just needed to be recuperated.But every time I was half awake and half asleep, I would hear people whispering softly. Although I couldn't hear the content clearly, I was sensitive and suspicious, and I clearly felt that it was talking about my illness. However, no one wanted to tell me.

My husband, by the way, was my ex-husband. He fell asleep on his stomach again at the head of my bed, and his slight snoring sounded evenly and orderly in my ears.The moon outside the window was like water, and the stars were sparse. I suddenly felt that a corner of my heart was deeply touched, and then a feeling of deja vu floated up instantly: where did I see this night?Then, I thought of Sima Xiao.Oh my scholar, how are you doing now?There was a thin wind blowing from the window, and I suddenly realized that this night was very similar to that night, the night when I met Sima Xiao for the first time.My mind was suddenly stunned because I remembered one thing.I glanced quickly at my watch, today is April 6th, the day after the day of the meeting, it is absolutely true.Scholars, I remember you once said, let us have today every year!I remember that you once said that no matter what happens in the future, you must contact me on April 5th every year. If you don't call me, I will try to find you the next day.It is now eleven o'clock in the night of the second day, my scholar, where are you, do you still remember this sentence?

My mind kept thinking wildly, and time took no pity on my fragility.The pointer finally went to twelve o'clock, and with that last jump, I felt like my heart was broken in an instant like a fully drawn bow, and I lay down in despair, staring at the dark ceiling, feeling exhausted. The heart is as dead ashes.A terrible thought rose again in my mind: what is there to miss in life! Without me, everything is turning in an orderly manner as usual, the sky does not fall, the earth does not sink, the husband has love, the daughter has a family, the scholar has his career and his new woman.Once again I was haunted by this terrible thought.I think, if we go to the bottom line, I think, it must be my father's genetics at work, and I finally decided to choose the way my father ended his life.

The fruit knife was cold and hard in my hand, and I couldn't help but shudder.I closed my eyes, and my hands began to tremble under the covers.In hesitation and fear, I used the fruit knife to move around the artery over and over again. The coldness of the fruit knife made me feel like it hurt before I cut it.I opened my horrified eyes, gritted my teeth, and finally stabbed down fiercely... The wind was blowing outside the window, and it was bleak, and the shadow of the moon slanted into the window among the swaying leaves, like a moving landscape painting, or a landscape film being shown, but it looked extremely bleak, mysterious and terrifying.My pain has disappeared with the moving scenery, only the mystery outside the window is seeping into my consciousness and soul little by little.I saw the figure finally appear in the landscape painting, from far and near, from small to large, slowly turning out from behind the shadow of the whirling tree, from behind the glass.It was a middle-aged man with delicate features, and he was his father!He stood there, looking at me quietly, his eyes, just like my childhood memories, were melancholy and miserable.When he stretched out his hands, I was already in tears.

I struggled to get up, however, my body was like an unconscious corpse.When I lifted myself up against my father's arms again, I saw my own shadow, light and weightless, slowly separating from my body. I was frightened, and suddenly realized that I had To die is what people call the soul. Father finally hugged me.I cried and lay on his shoulder, feeling a kind of warmth and security.When I turned around to look over the bed one last time, I saw the still body lying there unconscious.Only the red blood kept flowing out from that body, and it was quietly surging under the quilt. I seemed to see steam rising from the bright red liquid.Strands of white and red light continuously squeezed out from some small gaps, scattered and drifted.On the side of the bed opposite her husband, dark red blood was quietly flowing down the foot of the bed, puddling on the ground.Oh, husband, I'm sorry, I'm gone, let me repay you in the next life!This is the last thing I said to him, I don't know if he can hear it.

My soul stayed at home with my father in the courtyard by the window. I saw my husband and the doctor busy like crazy. I saw his red eyes and messy hair. I saw my mother's aging face and heard my daughter screaming. A thin cry, oh, my daughter has grown up. I was placed in the mausoleum area of ​​the funeral parlor, and I was not allowed to enter the grave of my mother's family.When the crowd dispersed, when everything returned to silence, I suddenly felt lonely like never before.On the first day, I seemed to be in fear; on the second day, I seemed to be in the cold; on the third day, I almost collapsed; When I was going anywhere, I suddenly saw a tall black figure standing in front of my grave...

My body became broken under his shaking, and I felt like a tree in the autumn wind, like a piece of fallen leaves.In the end, only a bare tree trunk remained in front of him. He stared at his blood-red eyes again, and roared, "Come back to me, do you hear me?" For the first time in my head, I felt that he wanted me back.I suddenly had a desire to come back, I miss him, I want to come back!So I opened my eyes desperately, and I saw the snow-white ward. I wake up from a nightmare! My husband stood by the bed and looked at me lovingly! I'm alive!The window is full of sunshine!