Chapter 13 Chapter Eleven

Summer is coming to an end, and the cool wind will blow through the verdant and dense groves outside the window without hesitation in the morning, and blow into the house, sending bursts of fresh scent with floral fragrance.Standing in front of the window and looking at it, the dense green is like a pool of clear water glowing green in the bright sunlight.I always wake up from some blurred dreams, dreaming of Sima Xiao, dreaming of her husband, dreaming of her mother yelling on the glass, and sometimes dreaming of Wang Zhenqiang. When I wake up, I always feel a kind of unsolvable melancholy , So, often, helplessly standing in front of the window looking at the green, looking at the green light flying in the wind.The details of the hurt story slowly began to fade in this repeated dream, as if the summer heat wave was disappearing little by little, and it was getting away day by day.Sima Xiao has almost become a vague shadow in the back of my mind, a distant dream, which I can't distinguish clearly even in some boring days and lonely nights.

I don't know whether I should thank fate or hate fate.The reason why I am grateful is because it allows me to have two men in my life, two men who make me love and love me, so that I can experience the true and pure joy and happiness in life; the reason why I hate It was because it allowed me to meet them but could not allow me to have both of them, and made me bear the pain and helplessness that hurt each of them helplessly. The husband is still silent most of the time, except for fighting with his daughter, there is no improvement at all.I think it may be a kind of maturity, after all, I am almost forty.My gratitude for the tolerance he showed added a kind of heart-breaking love.I know that I hurt him, and I think I will use my whole life to compensate him, love him, and love him. I am also willing to use my life and even everything as a price to bear the diseases and disasters in his life.

An ordinary Saturday morning.Mother and daughter went to buy breakfast while taking a walk as usual.The sleeping husband is peacefully dreaming his own dream on the bed, his expression is like that of an innocent child.I stood in front of the window again and stared at the fresh green under the window blankly. A gust of refreshing and pleasant cool wind blew across my face and neck quietly, and lifted the hair that was already hanging past my ears.I suddenly remembered that Sima Xiao once stroked the stubble of my short hair with his hand and said, "You look pretty with short hair, but I don't know what you look like with long hair."I said at the time, let me grow long hair for you once.I stroked my hair hanging over my ears, and couldn't help turning my head to look at my husband sleeping soundly on the bed, feeling guilty.Husband, please forgive me.

There was a sound of unlocking the door, and the mother and daughter came back.There was a strong smell of fried dough sticks in the room, and I immediately felt hungry.The daughter ran excitedly, holding a bulging plastic bag in her hand, her little face was flushed, and she shouted in a thin, sharp and bright voice, Mom and Dad, look, look, look what I bought . I lowered my head and looked at the plastic bag half filled with clean water in my daughter's hand, in which there were black, red, and white fish and animals floating.Mom hurried over with a small basin, and while she was busy, she said, "Pour it out quickly, otherwise the whole room will leak water, and the fish will be suffocated."

The bag was empty, and a few small animals swam steadily in the basin after a few struggles.When I saw the appearance of the little animals inside, I couldn't help but turn pale with fright—there were two little black turtles inside, crawling steadily on the bottom of the water like two black stones.It was already late, and the snoring husband had already been pulled up by the elated little girl. He was rubbing his sleepy eyes and moving over from the bed.My heart was already in my throat, and I was waiting for his reaction in fear. He lowered his head and looked hard at the small animals in the basin, his face expressionless.The daughter kept chirping: This is a little goldfish, the same as the little goldfish in Andersen's Daughter of the Sea. This is a tropical map fish... It's my favorite. There is also a little turtle, grandma said, which can ward off evil spirits. ...

The husband's face began to turn pale, and he was completely awake.However, he did not act, nor did he speak. The stone in my heart began to slowly drop, and I let out a long breath.After all, several months have passed, no matter how painful the memory is, it will fade with time.I am about to stand up and pick up the small basin.But when I stretched out my hand, but before I touched it, my husband picked it up.I can already hear his breathing, he took it, did not go to the living room, bathroom, but to the window, and then forcefully opened the aluminum alloy window, only to hear the window creak, the small basin is like a bird It flew out of his hand and disappeared without a trace, only a few vague sounds of splashing water and the sound of a basin hitting something.It all happens like lightning, only a few seconds, before people have time to do anything.Except for the husband, we are all stupid.

Wow—the daughter finally realized that she opened her big round mouth, just like the round mouth of the little goldfish she bought in the basin when drinking water, and kept crying sadly one after another, Tears rolled down his face like strings of crystal beads.The husband still didn't say a word. He was like a robot, expressionless, in the midst of his daughter's cries, and he was fully dressed in just two or three strokes, and then swept away like a gust of wind in an instant.he's gone. The daughter coaxed her mother over and over again, and in the promise of going to buy it tomorrow morning, she slowly stopped crying, sobbing, stepping on her little slippers and going to the kitchen to eat. Fried dough sticks.When I turned around and was about to go to the kitchen, I suddenly saw my mother standing at the kitchen door looking at me with uneasy and confused eyes. I knew she must be suspicious.

I hurriedly got away, but my mother called me in a strict tone this time: What's going on, you must make it clear today.I can't say it clearly, and I can't say it at all.I vaguely diverted my mother's attention, saying that I am hungry, let's eat quickly, and I have something to do in a while, and squeezed into the kitchen from my mother. My daughter seems to have forgotten about the little turtle and little goldfish just now. Her little cheeks are puffed up, and she is concentrating on handling a thick fried dough stick in her hand. Many places on her hands, mouth, and little face are shiny with oil. of.I hurriedly picked up a deep-fried dough stick while soaking it in soy milk and ate it vigorously. I already felt my mother's eyes piercing my face like needles.So within two minutes, the deep-fried dough stick and the cup of soy milk in front of me had already entered my stomach.

Without waiting for my mother to speak, I rushed into the bathroom, turned the faucet to the maximum, and finished washing as quickly as possible.Then, after my mother came and went, I opened my mouth and asked more questions, and escaped. It was gloomy outside, and it looked like a mountain rain was about to come.The weather turned so fast, I remember that when I looked out of the window in the morning, it was still sunny and sunny, but it was only a breakfast, which made a big difference.The wind started to get stronger, and it was already painful to hit the face.People on the street are adjusting their expressions.Pedestrians quickened their pace, and cyclists also bowed their waists and pedaled harder, but the motorists seemed not to panic.This reminds me of Wang Zhenqiang who drives a car.

Since he interrupted me and Sima Xiao last time, he called me twice, but every time it was answered by my mother, he seemed very afraid of my mother.He explained that he was afraid that his mother would misunderstand.I said that my mother is not so narrow-minded.But since then he hardly ever calls me.But he never asked me for the unit phone number, and I didn't want to give it to him. There are raindrops caught in the wind and constantly hitting the face, head, and body. In a flash, umbrellas grow everywhere on the street like magic, like multicolored mushrooms. Full ponchos come and go.Looking around, there are very few people like me who are walking alone without rain gear.So, like everyone else, I started looking around for shelter from the rain.Along the edge of a commercial building, men were standing there, and the women must have gone in for a stroll.I think.

So I walked over too. The rain is getting heavier, but the wind is getting smaller.The street was suddenly foggy with water, only countless rain pillars shining with silver light stretched to the boundless world like a beautiful water curtain.The moist water vapor floats gently from the gap of the water curtain to the cheeks with the wind, like countless pieces of gentle and moist feathers gently brushing past. It seemed that someone was calling my name, and I looked around blankly, except for the foggy world, there were a pair of fat or thin faces with clamped or indifferent or empty eyes around me.My body turned a full circle with my eyes, but I didn't find any familiar faces.Must be an illusion.I couldn't help but draw conclusions for myself.But a few seconds later, I heard someone calling my name again, and I looked around suspiciously again. This time I saw clearly that a car that had just stopped in the rain was supported by a man in black. A black umbrella rushed towards me.That is Wang Zhenqiang. We entered a very tastefully decorated tea house, in a small cozy room with an antique mahogany table and four chairs in the same style.We sat opposite each other, guarding a pot of clear tea, watching the white, looming heat rising from the blue-flowered fine porcelain cup, and then slowly and aimlessly scattered in the air.As a result, a pleasant fragrance permeates the entire room, soaking into the heart and spleen.I took a deep breath and my mood began to improve. A strand of hair in front of Wang Zhenqiang's forehead drooped wetly on his forehead, showing a mischievous and frank look.He smiled slightly, showing his white teeth, and said: It seems that we meet everywhere in the world, why did we meet you by such a coincidence?I have been thinking about you these days and want to contact you! I couldn't help but think of meeting him on the first date with my lover, meeting him on the third date with my lover, and meeting him again today. I couldn't help but smiled curiously and said, it seems that you are really everywhere. He suddenly put away his joking demeanor, and said solemnly: How are things at home recently? My heart suddenly sank, as if I fell into a well, I felt cold all over, and couldn't help but think of my husband's behavior in the morning.I know that like Wang Zhenqiang said, the husband needs time to fade.Because he loves me deeply, it will take longer.So, I said darkly, fortunately, he has forgiven me.I looked down, feeling extremely embarrassed. Wang Zhenqiang seemed to be infected by my emotions. He said in a low and slow voice: Sorry, I have always wanted to say this to you.I raised my head in surprise, not knowing where he started. The rain outside the window is still rushing down, forming countless thick or thin trickling streams with no obvious tracks on the window glass, giving people a mottled feeling.Wang Zhenqiang took a sip of tea, his Adam's apple was propped under the thin skin like a terrible joint, rolling up and down with the movement of drinking tea, as if it was about to break through the skin and rush out.There is a looming red slowly flooding his white cheeks.He moved his thin lips, but said nothing. Seeing his shy expression made me even more curious.I think what would make this thick-skinned man in the business world ashamed to say it?I once again expressed my curiosity and confusion: what's going on? He took another sip of tea, grunting again as if his Adam's apple was about to burst out.He spoke, but stared blankly at the water in the glass in front of him, as if he was about to sink into the water, and his eloquence was replaced by stammering: Last time I... last time I didn't drink much, I... I was caught between you on purpose... He pulled his eyes out of the water in the cup, quickly glanced at mine, and then sank back into the water again: Sorry!He spoke again, his voice getting quieter. Wang Zhenqiang, who has always been eloquent and fearless, suddenly showed such a ridiculous expression that I couldn't help laughing, and laughed: I knew you did it on purpose, and I hated you so much at that time.I couldn't help but amused by the look of this childlike man who had done something bad and was about to be punished. I smiled and said: If I stay with you guys again that day, I'm afraid I will lose my temper with you.Amidst my laughter, the expression on his face began to relax, but in just a few seconds, he became preoccupied again.He sneaked a glance at me and said in a whisper, I haven't finished yet! He said that when he had dinner with Sima Xiao, he subtly mentioned me, my marriage and family.He said he told Sima Xiao about my marital status and my problems with my husband, and he also told him that I had made up my mind to be a good wife and mother... My brain began to grow bigger, and the emotions that had become bright just now were washed away without a trace.No wonder Sima Xiao wrote me a farewell letter after he left?It turned out that Wang Zhenqiang was doing something strange!Although I have always hoped to end this relationship to save my marriage, deep down in my heart, I have always been afraid of this day, so when I knew that the rapid arrival of this end was due to Wang Zhenqiang, I had an instant feeling for him in my heart. Incomparable anger.When this angry emotion started to burn in my body, I felt that Wang Zhenqiang's white face in front of me was more and more like the white face of a treacherous official in a play. As hateful as two health balls.When he said cautiously that it was because he didn’t want to see me suffering from this kind of emotion, I finally couldn’t bear it anymore, and rushed out as if I had found an exit: Why do you care about me?Who are you to me?Why do you talk about me and my affairs behind his back?I tell you what's on my mind, because I trust you, because I think you can keep a secret... The more I speak, the more angry I become, and the more I speak, the more ruthless I am, like a shrew in the market, yelling loudly, and many harsh words are like running water It flowed out continuously. Wang Zhenqiang's face was flushed red, and he opened his mouth several times to defend himself, but every time he opened his mouth, I choked him back even more angrily.When he argued again that it was for me and my family, I stood up awkwardly, pointed at his nose and cursed: Bah, for me, for my family, ghosts believe it. On the opposite side, Wang Zhenqiang's face was red and white, like a poor child who has done something wrong, sitting there silently.The more I spoke, the angrier I became, the resentment that had been simmering in my heart for so many days suddenly seemed to be activated, and turned into a series of vicious words and sprayed on Wang Zhenqiang's head and face: I hate you, I hate you.I hate your meddling, your self-righteousness, your old woman talking behind my back about my privacy, my family, my marriage.Who do you think you are, you are nothing, you have nothing, except a few bad money... I couldn't figure out why I was so furious at that time, I thought, it must be because Wang Zhenqiang completely drove Sima Xiao away from me, which caused me to have great hatred for him in an instant, which once again proved that I had a deep feeling in my heart. Chu doesn't want to break up with Sima Xiao completely, I still love him deeply. Maybe it was my last few words that angered him, or maybe I scolded him too much, Wang Zhenqiang who had been silent on the opposite side finally stood up, and I saw that the shameful expression on his face had disappeared and replaced it. It was a kind of anger, he stretched out his white finger to me, pointing to my nose: you...you... I stared and still cursed at him viciously, what's wrong with me, I just hate you, the guy who spreads other people's privacy... "Crack", Wang Zhenqiang's white hand suddenly withdrew from my face, and he picked up a white porcelain cup with blue flowers on the table and threw it out, a white and blue straight line In the blink of an eye, it passed in front of my face and flew behind me, and then there was a sharp cracking sound, and then there was the sound of falling debris.When I dodged the cup, I was so petrified that I stopped there.Wang Zhenqiang on the opposite side seemed to be petrified by his actions. We stood on both sides of the table like two fighting roosters, facing each other.However, at this time, there was no anger in the eyes other than horror. A terrible silence permeated the small room, getting thicker and thicker, only the sound of the rain was still rushing, adding a wet heaviness to the silence.The rain on the windowpane behind Wang Zhenqiang still flowed into thick and thin strips, and above the middle obliquely, there was a stream of rain that became wider and wider, forming a pool. I stared at this pool of rain that was so blurry that there was no edge, and felt More and more like a human face.There even seems to be a pair of tearful eyes above, and its tears are mixed with the rain.That's mom.I suddenly remembered that dream.I shook my head vigorously, as if trying to get rid of the nightmare in my consciousness, I opened my eyes wide again and looked at the window. There was no sign of a human face there except for the rainwater flowing vaguely all over the window.On the opposite side, Wang Zhenqiang's face slowly changed from panic to a sad expression. He stood there, looking at me sadly, like a wounded animal.Once again, I felt that these eyes seemed to have been seen in that dream, so familiar and so sad.I felt extremely regretful for my vicious words just now, and I suddenly understood what Wang Zhenqiang said was for me and my family.I stood there at a loss, looking into the eyes of the injured Wang Zhenqiang, a kind of abnormal heartache suddenly came to my heart, my feet began to become weak, and I found that I had no strength to stand there.Like a tired traveler, I sat down on my buttocks, and then wept. Why are you being nice to me?Why are you willing to listen to my talk?Why stay with me when I'm alone?Why are you helping me?Why do you care about me?While crying, I kept muttering, I know I am weak, I am bad, I am neither a good wife, nor a lover, nor a friend.The lover is gone, the husband still hates me, and I have offended you again. A soft hand touched my shoulder and patted it lightly a few times. I raised my face blurred with tears and said sadly: You all just ignore me, leave me alone, leave me alone Fend for yourself... Wang Zhenqiang still patted me and said in a hoarse voice: If your family still makes you suffer, and your husband still cannot forgive you, you may consider marrying Sima Xiao.I froze there all of a sudden, and even forgot the continuous crying just now. Seeing my confusion and surprise, Wang Zhenqiang said in a low voice: Sima Xiao's wife has already asked him for a divorce, and he is in great pain.Because he didn't want to go abroad, and she didn't want to go back.I just met him half a month ago.He just had an illness and was in a bad mood. Hearing about Sima Xiao's situation, my heart felt like a knife, and tears poured down my cheeks frantically again.I kept thinking in my heart, did someone take care of you?Has someone brought you food?Is there someone in bed?My worrying scholar, how are you doing now?Wang Zhenqiang continued to say in a low voice, he asked about your situation.But I told him you are fine.Because from my analysis, it is impossible for you to have a future, so it is better to break it early than to break it later, because your husband has already found out.Your most important task at present is to help your husband forget the pain. In this regard, you'd better make fewer mistakes, and you shouldn't make mistakes, otherwise all previous efforts will be wasted. I know that Wang Zhenqiang is right, and I also know that even if Sima Xiao gets divorced, even if I get divorced, we may not be able to get married.Because we face too many difficulties, children, work, and living customs.Even if we break through the obstacles and we get married, I don't think we will necessarily be happy.After all, we know too little about each other, and the current dream-like lover relationship seems to be precisely because of the existence of this distance, and it is precisely because we know so little about each other that what we show each other is all shining things, That's what makes us fall in love with each other.I regretted my rudeness again, and said in a low voice, sorry!I shouldn't have treated you like this.A helpless and melancholy smile appeared on his face, and his protruding Adam's apple rolled up and down again. He said, you are welcome, we are friends. My eyes became hot, and two tears flowed out again, and I couldn't help asking, why are you so kind to me?How can I repay you? He still smiled wryly, nothing, as I said, we are friends. It was almost four o'clock in the afternoon when Wang Zhenqiang brought me back.The rain has stopped, and the whole world is fresh and clean. A few small trees in front of the building are holding a tree. The emerald green of the tree is swaying gently in the cool wind, only a few pieces of yellow or green slightly rolled The leaves make people feel a little bit of autumn rain.The few grasses under the wall have grown long after a summer, and they are puffy, forming an independent landscape at the root of the wall. When I just emerged from Wang Zhenqiang's car, I suddenly heard my daughter's shrill voice coming from a distance.I turned my head and found that my daughter was running towards me from a distance behind the car, followed by the aging figure of my mother who was toddling farther away. The daughter is wearing a pink dress, her small body is like a small spinning windmill spinning from far to near, and the two braids on her head are jumping up and down like two happy little squirrels while running.She was out of breath, but kept calling mommy, mommy, happily.Then plunged into my arms. Wang Zhenqiang had a loving expression on his face, admiring the cute little girl. When the daughter heard the compliment, before I could speak, she happily turned around and shouted, "Hi uncle!" When Wang Zhenqiang heard his daughter's greeting, he was so happy that he couldn't close his mouth from ear to ear. He pulled out a snow-white fluffy puppy from somewhere in the car like magic, and gave it to you! The daughter hugged the puppy, looked left and right excitedly, Xiaozui did not forget to say thank you uncle. My mother came staggeringly, and I said, my mother is here, let me introduce you.Wang Zhenqiang seemed a little reluctant, and while talking about it in the future, in the future, he got in and was about to start the car.However, Mom saw him clearly before he even started the car. Mom stood in front of the car with a frosty face, and said seriously to me, your friend?I nodded and said his name was Wang Zhenqiang. Mom seems to know this Wang Zhenqiang, her face is full of surprise, Wang Zhenqiang? I nodded, ready to introduce his work.However, my mother suddenly ignored me and turned around and walked to the window.She said coldly and unfriendlyly: Are you Wang Zhenqiang? At this time, Wang Zhenqiang opened the car door and got out. He seemed to be a different person suddenly in front of his mother, showing a very cautious and fearful look.I couldn't help laughing at him in my heart: I didn't do anything wrong, but ordinary friends, as for being so scared? Wang Zhenqiang called his aunt cautiously while preparing to sit back in the car.It seems that my mother really misunderstood. Since my husband lost his temper for no reason in the morning, my mother has already suspected me. My mother must have regarded Wang Zhenqiang as the object of suspicion. I hurried to my mother and smoothed things over and said: Mom, he helped me a lot. My mother didn't listen to me at all, she stared at Wang Zhenqiang without blinking and said bluntly: It seems that our family has to thank you? Wang Zhenqiang smiled unnaturally on the side, not polite.Then, he said in a panic as if escaping from something, "Auntie, I still have something to do, so I'm leaving first." Under our watchful eyes, amidst the sound of the humming engine and the friction between the car and the road, the car turned a corner like a big black dog with its tail tucked between its sides, and drove straight away. After turning the corner, it disappeared without a trace.Mom turned around, and I saw that the frost on her face just now was being replaced by many worries. I followed my mother and went upstairs slowly. I was afraid that my mother would interrogate me again like in the morning, so I carefully and quickly searched for topics to divert my mother's attention.I kept asking where did my mother go?Is it raining yet?What did you have for lunch?However, my mother was still silent and sad, and did not answer my question at all.Only the daughter was still immersed in the excitement of getting the puppy without knowing it, singing and chanting non-stop, her high-pitched voice was particularly loud and piercing in the quiet corridor. As soon as I entered the house, I plunged into the study, trying to avoid my mother.But the door opened without a sound, and I knew it was my mother.I pretended to be busy reading and didn't look back.But I clearly heard my mother's slight sigh, and felt her stinging eyes on my back like needles.I still lowered my head, turned the pages of the book clattering, and kept making marks on the pages with a pen.The sound of clattering books in the silent room became more and more monotonous, dull and flustered, which added a kind of tension and uneasiness to the silent atmosphere in the room. Mother finally spoke, her voice low and hoarse, like a worn-out machine: Tell me, how did you meet him? Mom, what's the matter with you?We are ordinary friends, and he has no bad intentions.I put on a relaxed posture, raised my head from the book, and looked at my mother.Mom had a heavy, mournful, and sad expression on her face, as if the sky was falling.She stood beside the door sadly, like a leaf in the autumn wind, old and haggard.I couldn't help but feel sad, and looked at my mother lovingly again. I saw something flashed in my mother's eyes, and then an extremely old look began to seep out from the wrinkles on her forehead, onto her face. Dian Yan lingered, and the white hair on the temples was in strands, dry and dull.I couldn't help standing up, helping my mother to sit down: Mom, we are really simple, he has no intentions. My mother became more and more serious, her silent face was gray and bottomless like a pool of stagnant water, only the endless pain seemed to be hidden in the criss-cross wrinkles, and it began to leak out.She finally spoke, as if after a violent psychological battle, and said wearily: Promise me never to see him again.Whether you have anything with him or not.You should understand that horsepower and home are the most important things to you.You shouldn't hurt him.When my mother mentioned my husband, my mother and I fell silent at the same time, and neither of us said anything. It was late at night, and the husband still hadn't come back.I fell asleep restlessly, tossing and turning, only to wake up in a sad dream.In the dream, I seemed to see Sima Xiao lying on the hospital bed. He was very thin, his eye sockets were sunken, his beard was black and black around his mouth, and even his head seemed to have white hair.I couldn't help but crawled on the side of his bed and wept bitterly... In the end, I was pushed out by a group of people and out of the hospital.I stood humiliated and wept in a weedy field near the hospital. The cold wind blew my hair and cheeks, and blew the corners of my clothes.In this cry, I woke up. There was no movement in the house, it was dark, only the window screen screened in the moonlight outside, making the house vaguely coated with a layer of silver gray.Through the veil and glass, no stars could be seen, only a half-circle moon hanging alone in the sky outside the window, surrounded by a hazy haze, making the moon seem to be hidden in a cloud. I slowly sat up from the bed, with tears rolling down my face.Thinking of the scene in the dream just now, Sima Xiao's thin face clearly appeared in his mind.I suddenly missed him so much and worried about him.During the day, Wang Zhenqiang's words stimulated my fragile nerves again: he just fell ill and was in a bad mood.I felt a strong desire to see him, to know how he was... When the thought came, I felt that I couldn't help it. I couldn't wait to turn on the desk lamp, it was already half past twelve, I wondered if he was asleep.However, the impulsive character flaw that is difficult to control once again made me call him desperately.My heart tightened with the ringing of the phone, and I felt that I was about to suffocate.The ringing of the phone finally stopped, and a hoarse voice "Hello" rang out. This long-lost voice pierced into my heart like a sharp arrow along the radio waves, and my tears burst out of the bank along with this colic. out.The voice on the other side repeated two sentences feebly: Who is it?Who are you?It felt like a piece of cotton was stuck in my throat, and it hurt so badly.I opened my mouth and moved my lips several times but didn't say anything, but when I finally felt my throat clear and I could speak, I suddenly remembered the poisonous oath and determination I had made, and my marriage, our end .Then, I hesitated. He asked again and again, please speak! The tone of voice was as polite and restrained as ever, revealing the kind of tenderness that fascinates me.I still couldn't speak, only streams of tears slipped from my eyes, ran down my cheeks, and slowly dripped from the corners of my mouth.Just when I was so flustered that I didn't even understand it myself, I made up my mind and hung up the phone suddenly. I sat in a silent room, sitting in a dark place, weeping quietly.The desk lamp glowed faintly, illuminating my blurred silhouette on the wall next to me.I regret it so much, why don't I speak?But what should I say?I lay in bed recalling his voice over and over again, recalling his only few words.I clearly know that I can't contact him anymore, and I know that facing him, I have no ability to resist him, resist his love, resist my love for him.When my husband has not recovered from the pain, and when my husband is angry at my betrayal, I cannot betray him again.So I lay down again and closed my eyes. However, everything seems to be irrational.I couldn't sleep, couldn't talk myself out of wanting him.His voice was always in my ears, and his figure was in front of my eyes.I feel that I am sinking into an abyss of pain caused by longing little by little, unable to extricate myself.In this unforgettable yearning, in this bitter struggle, that kind of spiritual and physical pain is constantly twisting, twisting, oscillating, and growing in my body, finally like a baby in spring. It protrudes from the ground like a bud, and when it finds that there is a free world outside, the power of this growth rapidly expands, and then it spurts out like a powerful fountain.This misery then sprayed the whole room, staining everything around it with misery and melancholy. My tears are running, lovesickness is flooding.With my godless eyes open, I unconsciously picked up the Walkman next to my pillow and put it in my ears. When I pressed the switch, it turned out that Whitney Houston was singing "I Will Always Love You" sadly and painfully. ".The entire side of this tape is covered with this vocal, which I found in a large CD store.This beautiful song reminds me of the last time we were together, Whitney was singing it when we were eating in the restaurant, and it played me on the phone when he first expressed his love for me "This Love Can Be Waited", I still think of his dream he said when we were in the suburbs-my tears surged out with my memories time and time again. I will Always Love You Lyric meaning: If you want me to stay, I will only be your stumbling block, so I want to leave you, but I know that no matter what I do, I will think of you, and I will always love you.Darling, I take only sweet and bitter memories, say goodbye, don't cry, we both know, I'm not what you want.I will always love you. Whitney was still singing heartbrokenly. Under the strong infection of this emotion, I felt that I suddenly had great strength. I thought frantically, I must show something, I must give him something.I cried and looked for all kinds of excuses for myself, looking for all kinds of psychological comfort: I just made a phone call, and as a normal friend, I can also greet him; he is sick, as a normal friend, I can’t care too much, etc. I finally felt at ease, and I finally excused myself.I picked up the phone again, endured tears that were on the verge of bursting, and re-dialed the number that haunted me. I heard him suddenly say: Yun, is that you?I feel like I can no longer control my emotions.Facing his familiar voice, I once again felt so excited that I couldn't speak. However, I thought I must express it, and I must let him know something.So, at the moment when I was about to collapse, I suddenly pointed the earphones at the microphone, where Whitney's "I Will Always Love You" was playing repeatedly. To this day, I still don't understand why I suddenly thought of doing this.I was sitting on the bed, holding earphones and microphones, grinning uglyly, and imagining his expression and mood when he heard Whitney's "I Will Always Love You" with tears streaming down his face. Whitney's voice gradually stopped, and the microphone on the other side fell silent for a while, only the faint sound of rapid breathing.After about ten seconds, he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse and low, full of sorrow, like the whining of a lone goose passing by the distant sky: Yun, I miss you, do you know how I miss you? I kept wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes and choked up, but I still didn't speak.When he begged me to speak in a dark voice again, saying that he wanted to hear me, I couldn't control myself anymore, just when I opened my mouth to say something, I suddenly became hard-hearted, and once again hung up with tears all over my face了电话。然而就在一两秒种后，电话铃响了。我知道那是他。于是我又一次狠心将电话拿起，重新挂掉，并将电话撂在一边。 那一夜，我一直睁眼看着月亮从窗口向西移去，一直移到我看不见的地方，然后，我又看着第一缕晨曦从窗口出现。我一夜未睡！