Chapter 2 Primer

I don't know how many days I haven't seen the sun, and I don't know how many days I haven't seen anyone. I curled up on the sofa, waiting helplessly and weakly for the arrival of spring like a dying hibernating goose.The world seems to be far away, and everything that happened is like a beautiful and prosperous dream, distant and vague.My once warm family, my once lively life, my once infatuated husband, my once passionate lover, my once warmhearted friends...all are slowly leaving my life, farther and farther away, Only some painful memories and endless sentimentality are left to torture me in my body and soul.

I opened my misty eyes and tried my best to recall what happened these days, but my chaotic mind couldn't remember how I ended my work in front of the computer and how I fell asleep on this small soft sofa.I just remember telling people I was going on a trip, and I remember disconnecting the phone cord.I remember at first there was a cycle of day and night, there was a repetition of three meals a day, and then it seemed to be just tapping the computer.I still remember the pain and joy in my heart when I typed the last word and reviewed my extraordinary experience: I suddenly felt that the world is still beautiful, and I have lived in this beautiful world. , I have experienced it, I am satisfied!

Then I remembered that I only had to sleep and dream.I slowly looked at everything in front of me, and I saw that crooked black telephone cord lazily crawling on the armrest opposite the sofa, drooping silently into the crack of the wall like a dead snake, as if to remind I will pass everything, everything will disappear. Yes, everything will disappear, along with my body and soul, disappear in the long river of time and memory, leaving only the text in the computer.Perhaps in some accidental opportunity, I can prove to the world that my life once existed, I once lived, I once loved deeply, and I once gave up.However, my life may not have come to an end.When I was drowsy and dizzy again, there was finally a rapid knock on my door, and the knock became louder and louder.Then I heard my daughter's cry, the thin voice came from outside the tightly closed double doors, like a flying arrow, it shot open the door of my longing, my death who was walking in the distance The soul on the road became fragile in an instant, and the soft heart shattered, and tears drifted down instantly.I turned around the way I came, and felt that I wanted to say yes very much. However, I hadn't spoken for a long time. When I exercised my throat, I suddenly found that I could no longer make a sound.

The door opened and I saw my husband, or rather my ex-husband.He rushed in like a hungry tiger pouncing on his prey, wrapped in a whistling cool wind like a surging sea.Suddenly, a sudden chill submerged me in the cold.The daughter squeezed out from behind her husband, and jumped in front of me like an anxious little rabbit.I can no longer see who is following behind.Because when I tried to get up one last time, I fell asleep again. When I awoke, I found myself reclining in the warm arms of my ex-husband, on the way to the hospital with my daughter and brother.The familiar scent of my ex-husband emanates from every corner of my body, permeating around my body, forming a thick warm protective wall.I heard the dull beating sound of his heart, and my neck was tickled by his breath. I suddenly experienced a sense of security and favor that I had never had for a long time.I couldn't help but burst into tears and mixed with regret.In my drowsiness, the sound of the car driving was transformed into the buzzing sound of the computer host in my mind, and that unforgettable experience was once again like a group of clear lenses in front of my eyes.

If you're looking for changes in your life, it starts with a boring weekend night last spring.The husband has been on a business trip for more than ten days, and the daughter was picked up by her mother-in-law.For a long time, I have been content with my family and neglected my career, living quietly in my own world like a silent snail.Although in some sleepless nights or some lonely time, I have occasionally felt sad and lonely for my dull and boring life, however, the result seems to be only a helpless sigh, and then continue the monotonous repetition and nothingness. Turbulent days.Just like this weekend, when the channels on the TV were turned down by me and there was no program to watch, when I was tossing and turning in bed and having difficulty falling asleep, I experienced this unbearable emptiness and melancholy again.I can't help but ask myself once again: Is life really just that?Should I also quietly repeat this boring and monotonous like the housewives around me?If so, are housewives like me really happy?No answer!No one told me!Only the darkness in front of me stretches endlessly, and the long lonely night stretches endlessly.Even the outside world is silent under the cover of night, just like the tung trees that are full of gardens in winter, withered and desolate.My empty and confused heart became melancholy and sad in this desolate darkness, like a lonely bird in a cage watching helplessly in an endless life in a cage.When I was alone in bed in the dark, tormented by the fog-like confusion, I felt a growing desire in my heart, a desire to communicate.This longing is gradually approaching like a train speeding from far to near, approaching at a faster and faster speed, and constantly impacting and shaking my heart.

I was tormented by this restlessness, like a hungry beast struggling in vain when facing the temptation outside.I finally got off the bed and onto the floor.I took steps, like a condemned prisoner dragging a heavy chain, kicking, kicking, mechanical and sluggish.I walked aimlessly from the bedroom to the living room, and then from the living room to the study, and then I saw the computer in the corner that had not been used for many days.Almost instantly, I also thought of the lively chat room.Until then, I suddenly felt that the anxiety and uneasiness in my heart began to subside, and a feeling of excitement gradually rose.I felt like a desert safari who suddenly sees an oasis and grows excited by the discovery in the torment of a long night.

Maybe there really is a so-called fate, otherwise why would the "fate of a thousand miles lead by a thread" be handed down for so long?That night, like a night wanderer, I suddenly broke into a strange room after midnight, and named myself "Sleepless Tonight".When I was looking for my favorite name in the right column, I was taken aback: I saw another name "Sleepless Tonight"! Perhaps this coincident mood and name attracted me all of a sudden, and I hit him almost without hesitation.Then this accidental point became a turning point in my life. He said he had just finished a thesis and had not said a word for two days and two nights, and he said he couldn't sleep because of the excitement.I told him that I hadn't said a word for a day and a night, and I said I couldn't sleep because of being bored.That's how we started.Then he asked if my name was named after him. After I explained, we were all curious about our coincidence and meeting, and the distance seemed to be shortened all of a sudden.When we chatted further, we found out that he was a professor of my major.The same major enables us to have many teachers and experts we know in common, as well as many common topics.In the ensuing conversation, I was constantly impressed by his erudition and amazed by his quick thinking.In the imperceptible chat, the east began to turn pale, and the first ray of sunlight came quietly from behind the pink curtain: we chatted for nearly four hours!

I'm already very tired, but for the first time I feel a sense of reluctance.I didn't know whether to leave or continue, so I said, I saw sunlight on my window.He responded quickly and said, are you tired?I was reluctant but said yes anyway.While I was worried about saying goodbye, I was also worried about what he would say next.Finally, as I expected, he asked me carefully if I could keep in touch. We exchanged mailboxes. For the next day, I felt an indescribable longing in my heart.This kind of concern is like a time-telling clock that keeps ticking in a corner of my heart, and reminds me from time to time how many hours we have been apart and that it is time to check the mailbox.I've always wondered about this feeling.Because of the Internet, especially online chat rooms, although I don’t come often, I also know some stories or game rules from many media.Therefore, I have never believed that there will be real friends or lovers online, and I don't want to bother about people or things online.This time, however, I seem to have completely forgotten.If I were to analyze the reasons, maybe we met too coincidentally, maybe he performed too well, maybe we talked too happily, and more importantly maybe I was too boring. In short, I couldn't let go of this matter during that empty day.Intellectually, although I told myself over and over again that he would not write to me so soon, I still couldn't resist the temptation.At noon, I finally checked the mailbox with a fluke mentality.The result was my big disappointment.So I once again admitted that the things on the Internet are just games, and suspected that he might have forgotten me long after he got off the Internet, just like I never cared about the people on the Internet.

However, the strange thing is that I still can't forget the meeting last night. My heart is pulled by an inexplicable emotion, and I have an indescribable longing and fantasy in my subconscious. I feel that there will always be some stories Happened, between me and him, at least it won't end like this. When dusk comes, I feel that kind of longing is quietly growing against the darkening sky outside the window.When it was all dark outside the window, I felt full of myself.I finally opened the mailbox.There really are his letters in it! It was two hours before eight o'clock, and I felt a sense of impatience.I wanted to confide, and I felt that he was the one I had always hoped to confide in, so I quickly wrote him a letter.

I don't know why I expressed such an emotion in this letter, let alone why I expressed such a faint emotion at the end of the letter, and I don't even know how he will think of me after reading this letter.But at that time, I almost finished writing the letter without hesitation and sent it out. At exactly eight o'clock, we talked on the phone.If the online chat the day before was mainly attracted by his knowledge, then this authentic voice moved me instantly.With his cadenced, warm voice and tone, I quickly formed an impression subjectively in my mind, that is the kind of charming man that I had fascinated me so many times in my dreams when I was young.I feel that this is the feeling that I have been longing for and looking forward to for several years. As for what kind of feeling it is, I don’t know, and I don’t want to. I just know that I want to get to know him , I hope to continue to associate with him, talk to him, and be intimate with him.I seemed to be familiar with the voice on the phone for a long time, and I didn't have any precautions or preparations for the voice I had been waiting for. I opened my heart to him and talked about everything.I told him about my boring life, my dead-end job, and even my hopelessness.And like a friend who has known me for many years, he told me without reservation about his struggle, his distress, his sustenance, and his helplessness.We both had a feeling of seeing each other lately.

The next night, when I wanted to write to him, I saw the letter he had written me the night before, late at night after our phone call: Sitting in front of the computer, gusts of cool wind blew through my hair, my clothes, and my cheeks. I felt that the weakest place in a certain corner of my heart seemed to be gently moved by him.I raised my head, and suddenly saw a shooting star quietly crossing the sky outside the window and falling into the dark night sky.I thought it must be the shooting star he was talking about.I was touched, and two tears slipped down gently.