Chapter 4 third chapter

The improvement of my relationship with Li Zifeng temporarily relieved my depressed mood for the past few days, and even my dreams at night became more colorful.When I met Chang Tianli in the office, I was able to say hello, chat, and even talk about work like she always did. It seemed that I had forgotten the conflicts between us.But just as she was jealous of my intelligence, I was jealous of her beauty all the time.Especially after the dinner we had last night, I suddenly wished that I could be as beautiful, charming, and charming as Chang Tianli, so that Li Zifeng could not only appreciate my intelligence, but also like Chang Tianli because of my beauty. Tianli likes me that much.I don't know why, but what I want from Li Zifeng is not only respect and appreciation, but I also hope to be liked by him.Maybe all women have this common problem. They not only hope that the person they love likes them, but even hope that all the people around them can like her.

The crisp ringtone of the phone interrupted my thoughts, Chang Tianli's tender female voice exudes fragrance like a fresh and attractive strawberry in the office.Some people say that to appreciate a woman, you should not just look at it, but also listen to it. In all honesty, this hateful woman sounds as charming and lovely as she does.She held the phone without saying a few words, then put it down.Then she turned to me and spit out a sentence from her sexy lips, the director told you to come over. I stood up, puffed out my chest deliberately, and for the first time showed a little complacency and pride in my relationship with Li Zifeng.Then he walked out of the office under suspicion of Chang Tianli's jealous eyes and resentment.I finally started to approach the leader. I think, with my intelligence and ingenuity, I am confident that I can surpass Chang Tianli's position in Li Zifeng's mind. I also hope that I can make some achievements and progress in my work from now on. , and even hoped to defeat Chang Tianli in the competition for the position of director.I felt extremely excited, so the high-heeled shoes under my feet became bright and light.

Li Zifeng raised his bald head from behind his desk, and a few strands of hair covered the bald spot fluctuated a few times as his head was lifted, and the shiny hair hidden under the strands of black hair The scalp, under the light from the window, jumped like a few small silver fishes, and then disappeared in a few strands of black hair.Looking at the director's kind eyes, I felt a little embarrassed about my discovery and metaphor for a while.However, Li Zifeng didn't pay attention to the changes in my eyes and expression at all. He just handed over a document seriously and motioned for me to sit down.

It was a compilation outline of "Yannan Light Industry History".I don't know Li Zifeng's intention for giving me this thing, so I can only look at his shining eyes behind the white lenses in doubt, hoping to find the answer.The sunlight coming in obliquely from the window just hit his lens, and then refracted in all directions, and a ray of light just hit my eyes, which made my eyes feel dazzled at that moment. Li Zifeng smiled slightly, perhaps at my narrowed eyes due to the stimulation of the light, or at my puzzled expression.Then he said something briefly and looked at the content.

I avoided the ray of light again, lowered my head and carefully read the materials in my hand.It is divided into eight chapters, and each chapter lists subsections in detail, and then I read it section by section.After reading it, I raised my head to face the shining light and said, I've finished reading it. Li Zifeng's demeanor had become serious and solemn at this moment. He stared into my eyes and asked me in an affirmative tone, can I do it? I was taken aback, stared into the white lens again in doubt, and asked, what do you mean... Do it independently! I was taken aback.In the face of the sudden trust, I felt a little overwhelmed for a while.In fact, for many years, I even dreamed that I could make some achievements in my career, so as to be worthy of my reputation as a graduate of a so-called prestigious university, and as worthy of my reputation as an outstanding student in my four-year university.However, over the years, I have been like a flower growing in a greenhouse, hiding in my own corner, admiring myself, aloof and arrogant.I use the excuse of being tired of worldly battles to avoid conflicts and work.Not only did I never take the initiative to participate in the work, but I never took the initiative to express myself in front of the leader.As Li Zifeng said at that dinner, everyone has weaknesses, including leaders.If you don't take the initiative to find him, he will not take the initiative to find you.This is common sense and a weakness shared by all human beings.

I figured it out too late, and I wasted too much time.In fact, when I ate and chatted with Li Zifeng that night, I realized that leaders are no different from ordinary people. As long as you want to get to know him and get close to him, you can approach him in your own way.It is also normal to fawn on leaders, and there is no leader who does not like to fawn. However, Li Zifeng's trust came too fast, and I felt that I was hardly fully prepared for it.I lowered my head and looked at the outline carefully, and quickly searched my brain for the reserves of my abilities and knowledge.A small flying insect flew from behind me and landed on the material in my hand. I brushed it subconsciously, and the small flying insect flew away gently with its narrow transparent wings.

Two minutes later, I raised my head, looked at Li Zifeng gratefully, and said hesitantly, I was afraid that I might not do it well.However, after saying this sentence, I wanted to be strong and was extremely unwilling, so I said, let me try, I don't think the problem is particularly serious. Li Zifeng smiled, and the wrinkles on both sides of his mouth became deeper in the smile, his mouth was almost surrounded by an oval circle.He must have seen my worry and unwillingness. I have to admire his intelligence.He still grinned and said, don't worry, I will help you. I don't know how to express my gratitude, I just fawn on him awkwardly with a smile.At that moment, what I thought in my heart was that he was not only smart, but also very careful and considerate.When I walked out the door, I also drew a conclusion for him in my heart: this is a man who understands women very well.

On the afternoon of the second day after looking for Yuan Yilin, that is, the afternoon when the director gave me the task, I was in the reference room looking for the materials needed for the outline, when I suddenly received a call from Yuan Yilin.Chang Tianli answered the call again.She took pains to call me from two offices apart. Apart from expressing that I had a special relationship with me, I think her biggest purpose was to be curious about my phone number.I ran past her, brushed off the strong smell of perfume on her body, and knocked that charming body behind with the sharp clink of high heels.

I answered the phone quickly, and I wanted to settle the call before Chang Tianli arrived.However, Chang Tianli, a woman who likes to pry into other people's privacy, came in eagerly before I had a word or two with Yuan Yilin, almost before we got to the point and touched on the most important topic.She was sitting on the chair, and from the corner of my eyes, I could almost see her two tender ears trying to stand up.I thought viciously in my heart, since she is willing to listen to other people's privacy, let her ears grow into rabbit ears and forget it. Yuan Yilin said that he had already talked to Yu Zhi.But Yu Zhi's attitude was so bad that he hardly wanted to talk about it.He didn't want Yuan Yilin to intervene, saying that there was nothing about Yuan Yilin here.

Faced with such a result, I was once again overwhelmed.I heard my trance voice filled with uncontrollable fear, as if I was asking Yuan Yilin, or talking to myself, I said, what should I do? Zhou Zhuwen, who was closest to the phone, must have heard something, because the smart Zhou Zhuwen had already taken a document and went to Chang Tianli to talk to her.Against the backdrop of Zhou Zhuwen's thick black hair, Chang Tianli's crooked brown hair is more like the messy tail behind a horse's buttocks. Moreover, compared with Zhou Zhuwen's healthy complexion, Chang Tianli's white and greasy skin looks like it has lost blood Many sick faces.

Yuan Yilin was still comforting me, he said, actually, you don’t have to worry, he might slowly think about it in a few days... I couldn’t hear what Yuan Yilin was talking about later, because I remembered that dream again, and remembered the dream. Thinking of the stranded ship, thinking of the blank paper that only said "Agreement", the wind blowing in Yuzhi's office, and the simple anonymous letter, I felt extremely terrified.While Chang Tianli lowered her head and talked to Zhou Zhuwen, I felt my eyes start to get wet again. The phone was hung up at some point, and there was a busy beeping sound from inside.Zhou Zhuwen had already stood up from Chang Tianli's desk, and was about to turn around and walk away.So, I quickly adjusted myself, cheered myself up, and under the gaze of Chang Tianli's inquisitive eyes, I forced a calm voice into the microphone and said, that's it, I'll go find him later .Then I hung up the phone with a snap. The office became silent, only the wall clock on the wall was turning round and round, no matter how the world changes, no matter how many joys and sorrows there are in the world, and even no matter how the people around them fight and how they rise and fall , it always greets all the people coming and going with a peaceful attitude.I really don't know if it really has no thought, or because we don't understand it at all.Just like it will never understand us, if it is the same as us in its own world, will he think like I do now, whether this group of people really have no thoughts, or because we don't understand them. Until eleven o'clock in the evening, Yu Zhi still didn't come home.Because it is Friday, my son can watch TV for a while as usual.At about ten o'clock at night, my son finished watching his favorite show, walked past me stretched, and suddenly talked about Dad.He said, I haven't seen my father for several days. Didn't my father go on a business trip? My son yawned and fell asleep after hearing my explanation that "Dad is too busy at work".Facing my son, although my explanation seemed calm and relaxed on the surface, I still suffered from insomnia at night. Outside the window, there is a round of full moon gliding slowly in the sky, passing through the thin or thick clouds, driving flickeringly, and spilling into the room through the window a gray mist, just like my gloomy mood.Lying alone on the big bed, I felt more like a lonely passenger, alone on the ship of that dream.The helmsman left, and I was the only one who stayed on the stranded boat, watching helplessly and sadly the waves of seawater hitting the damaged hull.The sky and the sea are connected, the vastness is boundless, and the small me is like a water bird with its wings broken, sighing in vain at the vast sea full of dangers. The moon is still sliding, like a beautiful lighthouse in the vast sea, illuminating the stranded ship and me alone on the ship.When I thought of the word lighthouse, I suddenly felt that the moon was extremely beautiful, and at that moment, I was moved because of the enlightenment he gave me.The revelation is that I will use my own efforts to obtain everything that fate gives me, and I will find Yu Zhi. I ran out of the dormitory building, passed a few small restaurants that were closed in the quiet side street, and drove into the main street. The sound of martial arts could still be clearly heard from a video studio that was open by the side of the road. Occasionally, one or two people were Peeking out from inside to see something.Under the light of the moon, I rode my bicycle, like a navigator in a small boat, heading towards the direction indicated by the lighthouse.I know that at the end of that direction, there is my beloved husband, the man to whom my life is bound. I cannot tell why I loved him so strongly, perhaps he took my soul from the moment he wooed me.During almost two-thirds of the time in college, Yuan Yilin followed me all the time, and was so proud that he kept silent like a lonely prairie wolf in his gloomy world.When the students in the same dormitory, even myself thought that I would marry Yuan Yilin, I fell into the arms of this man on a hot summer night. It was a Friday night before graduation. I came back from the evening self-study in the classroom. I just walked through the familiar grove next to me when I was suddenly stopped by a figure in front of me.When that figure approached, I saw Yu Zhi's sharp-edged face under the moonlight. He stood in the shadow of the tree under the moonlight, and the shadows cast by the swaying leaves on his face were also fluttering, but on his uncertain face, there was still a thick melancholy and gloom.He reached out suddenly and handed me a small light-colored button.I lowered my head and carefully identified it inexplicably. It was a pink button.My doubts increased again, and I raised my head and asked the taciturn boy in front of me with my eyes. He stood firmly in front of me, and a few passing students looked at us with their eyes.He said, I hope to make friends with you, friends in the sense of love. I was dumbfounded and could hardly believe my ears.When I reacted, I had to look at the other person carefully with my eyes wide open again. I wanted to find out if this usually unsmiling boy was teasing me or making fun of me.The tree shadow was still shaking on his face. Apart from the melancholy just now, there was almost an irrefutable serious expression. Seeing my doubts, he once again said to me seriously, I hope you will be my girlfriend. I didn't know what to say next, I just gaped and said, I have friends. He didn't answer my words, but suddenly grabbed my hand. Before I could react to express resistance, he suddenly pulled me towards the dense woods.The moment his hand held mine, I experienced what people call an electric shock, something Yuan Yilin and I never felt.Perhaps it was because of this sudden excitement that I didn't react to resist, but passively followed behind him, awkwardly following his burly body and walking forward one after another with bare tree trunks.A man and a woman came across from us, and walked towards us without any shyness in their arms. Under a big tree, he stopped and let go of my hand.He stood at a distance of 30 centimeters from me, like a cheetah, his eyes swept away the melancholy just now, and shone with a strange light, that beam of light passed through the shadow cast by the forest, and shot directly into my body and my body. shaking heart.At that moment, there was a wave of surprise in my heart, and I felt that I was falling into the trap he set for me. He said, I don't care if you have a lover or not, I only know that I am your most suitable lover and future lover, and you are also my most suitable future lover and lover.He took my hand holding the button again and said, I have recognized you since the first time I saw you.Since then, I have guarded me from afar, so I have this button. I spread my hand and looked at the little button again with doubts.He told me that once in class, I walked past him through a table, chair and bench and dropped a button.He said it happened to be the second button of my jacket.From that gap, he saw my body.It was also from then on that he vowed to marry me and fight for me.Then the first goal he set for himself was to be admitted to a graduate school when he graduated from university. When the first goal was achieved, he wooed me. He stretched out his other hand, took out a thin piece of paper from his pocket, and told me that the postgraduate notice was officially issued today, so he came to fulfill his promise, which made him wait for nearly two years.He wants me to pretend to be his lover. That night, like a dream, I accepted the movie ticket he gave me, which was a popular love movie "Love Story".He asked me to make a decision within three days. If I agreed to be his lover, I would meet him at the gate of the cinema according to the date of the movie ticket.I vaguely remember that I asked him when I broke up with him, what if I don't agree? He had already turned around, and I clearly heard the voice floating from that burly figure: Impossible! I couldn't sleep that night, and I couldn't sleep the next night.By the evening of the third day, which is the time stipulated on the movie ticket, I was in a daze, as he predicted "impossible". After I decided not to go, only ten minutes before the movie started, Frantically off to a date.At the intersection in front of the cinema, I saw the young man standing in the sunset, silent as always, but with a burning passion in his eyes.At that moment, apart from knowing that he was a talented boy with a melancholy personality, I didn't really know him completely.Even so, I couldn't help myself from exploring his heart. Just like that, Yuan Yilin was thrown halfway by me.It took him two years to calm down from anger to anger to hatred.Then when our children were born and even started to grow up, he started to forgive us and started to get along and communicate like before. Analyzing it now, I think it may be because I am too familiar with Yuan Yilin, we have almost nothing to explore each other, maybe because of this, we have almost nothing to excite each other.And Yu Zhi's silence, melancholy and even gloom left me a lot of room for reverie.He always gives me unexpected gains, surprises, and even unexpected fears and surprises with a strong mysterious color at unexpected times, which makes me always have feelings of surprise, love, pain and joy for him. Feel.In particular, at the beginning, his practical action of fighting for me and his efforts to suppress himself completely moved me. I once talked about our relationship to a girl named Wang Xia who has been transferred in the office. She exclaimed at the time, Yuzhi is so cool. If I were you, I would go farther than you. At that time, I Will follow him without hesitation. Maybe the romantic element in women's nature always makes their restless hearts weird and incomprehensible.Yuan Yilin told me more than once that women are too incomprehensible. However, are Yuzhi and I really suitable, or is the family we formed really happy?I can't tell.As for the unique way of courtship, just like what Wang Xia said, is it really cool? After living for many years, I find it hard to say now.Because Yu Zhi's courtship is actually not the result of natural romance as we understand it, but a way of doing things like all his ways, just one of them.He is born like a high-efficiency machine, always creating the highest efficiency in the shortest time.He felt that my long-term dating and dating with Yuan Yilin and all the men and women, going to the cinema was a waste of time. He said that he used his method to fall in love with the fastest speed, which proved that he was more in line with the spirit of the times. Perhaps it is because of my understanding of Zhi and his familiarity with his work that I am deeply worried about his behavior today and our marriage.He always waits until everything is ready, and then reveals the conclusion beyond doubt. At that time, nothing can be changed. The night wind in late autumn has become a bit chilly, and in the dimmed moonlight, a few blurred shadows are cast by the drowsy street lamps.I remember that there is a shampoo called Kazekage, and the heroine in this work is called Kazekage.I have always wondered if the wind has a shadow.But tonight, looking at the few wisps of erratic shadows around me, I suddenly felt that they were wind shadows, the illusory, misty, light things in the lamp shadows that drifted like light mist were wind shadows.The night wind kept blowing, and the shadow of the wind drifted away slowly, leaving only my clumsy figure, carrying too much life load, swaying back and forth on the dark yellow land. My husband's unit is here, and my heart's burning desire has grown: I still love my husband!Love this husband who surprises, delights and scares me.Although he is proud, domineering, even arrogant, even though he is machismo, just as my original intention of loving him back then was because of his self-confidence and gloom, I still love him deeply today.Because his silent body always contains treasures that I can't explore clearly, and his melancholy expression always brings out my innumerable thoughts and feminine tenderness.In the space left by his gloomy silence, I was always full of romantic imagination, and tempted me to be close to him every moment. At the gate of the Yuzhi office building, the night watchman on duty let me in with hesitation.I didn't walk into the elevator like an iron cage, but slowly walked up the dark corridor. I think what I needed most at that time was not to see him quickly, but to use a period of time to relieve my complicated emotions and thoughts.And the winding staircase just met my needs in the dim light. I finally stood at his door, but my legs became weak because of guilt.At a time like this, I don't know how this proud man will treat me.But no matter what, I know that what I need to do, and the only thing I can do, is to compromise, as long as he comes back. The door opened, and he stood in front of it, looking at me expressionlessly, as if looking at an annoying intruder, and as I passed him and walked in, I felt the determination to gather on the road follow. Little by little his indifference was lost in the darkness.We stood silently in the dark room, almost the same as the two blurred shadows reflected on the wall behind, unable to distinguish each other's expressions. Yuzhi in the darkness was as gloomy as ever, without any relief, which made me feel helpless and resentful again.Over the years, he has been like a magical magician, always grasping my weakness at critical moments, and tightly controlling me in his palm, like a chess piece of his that moves or stops according to his direction.Like the night he first professed his love to me, I was barely in control of my abilities.Facing his silent space like a huge magnetic field, I myself was like a block of iron, always involuntarily sinking into it time and time again.However, just like I was unable to control him back then, today after living for many years, I still have no ability to control him.In his presence, in his proud air, I have never been able to place myself on an equal footing with him.Although it made me resent the man on special occasions or in moments of helplessness, it seemed to make me even more infatuated with him. He walked away from me and sat down in the black swivel chair behind his desk.Most of his body is half hidden in the shadows, only the chin is dyed with some light, which makes me feel a little afraid of him, but also has a strong sense of strangeness, just like the first time he confessed his love to me. that night. He said coldly, what's the matter in the middle of the night? I didn't answer, because I felt very wronged by his questioning.At that moment, I felt more like a poor waif, waiting for his charity and shelter.I couldn't find the right words to soften his heart. I could only wait for his kindness to find out with pitiful begging eyes. I even hoped that he would suddenly come over and hug me after being angry like we did in the past when we occasionally quarreled. Shoulder, said, it's all right, it's all over. However, nothing happened, and he was as motionless as the huge black shadow reflected in the darkness on the wall behind him.After this poor disillusionment, my feelings of aggrieved grew higher and higher.All the fear, worry, and grievances that had built up over the past few days came to my mind, and I started to sob. The whole time I was sobbing, he was silent, and he still kept his usual style: he never believed in tears.Just like in our many years of life, no matter how sad I am, my tears have never touched him.For him, there is only one thing, that is reason and truth, which can move him.Time passed in his silence, and my sobbing sound also slipped away in the disappointment of waiting. When the last tear was wiped away by the back of my hand, I decided to take the initiative again, and I wanted to use my gentleness to resolve this firm heart. heart, even if it is like ice and steel. I moved my steps, and the vague shadow was like a huge black monster constantly deforming and shaking on the wall and the ground inside the house, so that the dark office was like a boat floating in the waves at that moment.I walked around the desk and approached him without a sound.The moment I reached out to touch him, he suddenly lowered his head and walked away from my hand.Then I opened the drawer, took out a white envelope, and handed it to my hand that stretched out and emptied it but couldn't take it back. His erratic voice came from the darkness. In fact, you are a very strong woman. I hope you will become stronger in the future. I didn't analyze his words carefully, all my thoughts were on the white envelope.My heart was twitching, because I guessed it was another anonymous letter, and I don't know how it was a letter of spreading rumors.I went to the bright light and opened it tremblingly: It was not an anonymous letter, but a divorce agreement, and what was even more frightening was a divorce letter of introduction! No!I felt that the thoughts I had just sorted out were completely messed up. I kept yelling "no" and "no" in a hoarse voice, and then covered my mouth and began to cry. I can't imagine how I would live without my husband, and how my family counts as a family.I have been married for so many years, even though the families around me are constantly disintegrating, even though more and more men and women are getting divorced, I never thought that such a bad luck would happen to me one day, and of course I never thought about how I would live without my husband.My income is so low, how can I support my children? Why?Why do you care about outsiders' opinions?Why?Are you abandoning me and my child just because of an anonymous letter?Abandon our ten-year relationship?Abandon our home? It would be fine if it's just outsiders talking about it, why don't you take a look?As he spoke in a low voice, he threw another envelope. I thought it was another anonymous letter, and my heart trembled, and I was so frightened that I forgot to cry.However, after I opened it, I realized it was a photo: Li Zifeng was hugging me intimately, and I was smiling shyly. For a few seconds, I barely reacted.After I recognized the background in the photo, I realized that it was the only restaurant where Li Zifeng and I ate.I suddenly remembered the slip on the steps after walking out the door. Who did this!I roared, who? Yu Zhi seemed to have anticipated my reaction, he sat in the shadow without any movement or expression.I am completely devastated and overwhelmed looking at this horrific photo after the initial outrage.Although I am so wronged, but in the face of such a man, I know that my explanation will be of no use.But, I am not reconciled! I threw myself in front of him with tears streaming down my face, hugging his legs and crying, someone is framing me, please believe me, someone is framing me... Although I know that tears can hardly move him, but, here At this juncture, I don't know what else I can do, the only thing I can do is to justify and cry in front of him.I only hope that my explanation can move him, that my weakness can arouse his sympathy, his love, and even his reason.So, I cried intermittently again and said, can you really be fooled by others! I don't want to hear justifications, it's of no use.His cold and weary voice came from the darkness. I felt that he was determined, and said desperately, you are gone, how will I live with the child? He suddenly stood up from my side and broke away from my embrace. I suddenly lost my focus and sat at his feet.In the darkness, I could only see the two big black leather shoes flashing indistinctly through my blurry tears, like two black cats with wide-eyed eyes peeping at me in the darkness.But his firm and calm voice came from above: You are a very strong woman. I hope you can still be self-reliant and self-reliant in the face of difficulties.If you can't afford the child, I will. My last spirit completely collapsed with the sinking of his words, and only by the instinct of fear, I suddenly stood up and hugged his shoulder again and cried loudly, no, I don’t want self-esteem, self-improvement, and self-reliance, I As long as you, want you and my home.I smelled the familiar body odor of his body and felt his thick shoulders, and when I thought about this body that was about to be completely severed from me, that maybe another woman would feel him that day, my gut felt like it would break. I have been waiting for a miracle to happen, waiting for this man's conscience to be discovered, waiting for this man's moment of weakness.However, what was waiting was the man's more rational behavior.He stretched out his hand to hold my shoulder, and turned my tearful face to him, and then I saw the familiar melancholy and determination on this resolute man's face.He said in a low voice but firmly, this is the office, I hope you can be more rational, there may be people not far away. How can this man ask me to be rational at this time, either he is too ruthless, or he is too stupid, no matter what I don't want to.However, Yu Zhi is such a man, and I can't change him. It must be because I grinned and cried so ugly, maybe my crying upset him, and I saw growing boredom on his dark face through the tears.He let go, turned and walked away. Cry yourselves here! He wants to leave me alone and walk away!When I understood his intentions, I chased him, rushed in front of him, and leaned my body against the closed door. I wanted to block the exit, block his way out, and prevent him from leaving me. .He didn't stop, and stepped in front of me step by step.Our huge figures reflected on the wall overlapped together, the sound of our bodies and clothes touching, I even smelled the smell of his body, however, he didn't feel anything, he was still like a The rational and indifferent computer, according to the program designed by itself, gave me a new instruction clearly: Please get out of the way, I hate you crying like this, and I hate you being so spineless. Like two loud slaps on my face, his two vicious words made me lose consciousness all of a sudden.Then, like a puppet, I saw him reach out, pull my body away from the door, and disappear through the door. I walked out of the office building in a daze and came to the street.Traveling through the dark night, I almost forgot my plan to save the family and the conversation I had with my husband throughout the night. My mind was filled with those two disgusting words from my husband and the look of extreme disgust in his eyes.I'm about to cry, all my fears, sorrows, and resentments have turned into despair and anger. With the sobbing autumn wind around me, it blows stronger and stronger, penetrates the weak body, and grows into a strong self-esteem.When I was approaching the entrance of the dormitory building, I gritted my teeth and braked to a stop, then looked up at the bright moon above my head, and made a poisonous oath to myself: Yu Zhi, I will never cry in front of you again, and I will not cry until I die. will beg you!