Chapter 2 Chapter One

That should be the year that changed the most in my life.First of all, the publication that I completed in my spare time for nearly half a year realized a so-called literary dream I had been dreaming since I was a teenager, and at the same time changed my mentality of not having any sense of accomplishment for many years; After graduation, I was hired as the chief engineer of a major project in the province. So far, I have ended my three-year life as a single mother.These two events have affected my life so much that I almost feel like the happiest woman in the world.I am not only ecstatic because of the initial progress in my career, but as a woman, I also have psychological and life support.

These two things, no matter from that angle, should be two things worth celebrating.But the combination of two things caused a shock to my otherwise peaceful life, not a joyful change, but a terrible shock.Perhaps this is in response to the old adage, "Misfortunes never come singly, but good fortune comes like never."When good things come one after another, disaster may not be far away. In the first days when the work was published, I was in the excitement and joy of success all day long, although this success is insignificant to many people and cannot be mentioned.But for me, who has been mediocre since I was a child, it should really be a milestone, because I feel small and humble, I climbed the first small mountain in my life for the first time, and tasted the joy of achievement. hapiness.On the days when I could laugh out loud in my dreams, my life was in trouble because of the second happy event, the return of my husband, the doctor.I sometimes wonder if the first-person narrative of my divorce about a woman who had an extramarital affair because of loneliness foretells my fate?Is this a kind of fate?Just like what the heroine in that work believes in, I really feel some doubts.

In those days, the joy of husband and wife reunion gradually calmed down with the change of day and night. When we gradually got used to the life of having each other, this ominous cloud gathered quietly from an unknown corner and floated over silently. The first signs came late one night in early autumn.At that time, I was no longer full of enthusiasm every time my husband came home like when he first came home.After experiencing the emotional burning at the beginning of the reunion, my husband and I were like two burning charcoals. Although our bodies were flushed, they had gradually calmed down.In the middle of the night, I heard the sound of my husband entering the room in my sleep. I was half awake and half dreaming, and I fell asleep while waiting for my husband to go to bed with a face full of happiness and love in my body and mind.After an unknown period of time, I felt a depressing silence, and a strong smell of alcohol invaded my nasal cavity, floating and wandering around, making me seem to be floating on a pool of alcohol in a half-asleep state.I turned my head and tried to break out of this half-sleeping state, trying to open my eyes and look at my husband.The feeling told me that he was not lying beside me, but was standing by the bed watching me.However, I was so sleepy that when my eyes were only half open and I just saw the darkness, I dropped my heavy eyelids again and fell asleep.

I don't know how much time has passed, but I had a colorful but ominous dream.I dreamed that I was running barefoot on a beautiful beach.There are white clouds above the head floating in the sky like piles of cotton, there is a soft sandy beach stretching under the feet, and the humid breath of the sea around you comes with the waves over and over again.My black hair was blown by the sea wind into a black sea bird behind my head, flapping its wings to follow and fly.There was a stranded ship blocking the way ahead.I stopped, turned my head, and looked back along my crooked footprints, when I heard a voice calling my name.Then, I started to follow the footprints and run back against the sound.I don't know when I discovered that there are beautifully bound books hidden in the deep footprints.I looked down and saw that it was written.Wow!I'm yelling, it's published!I yelled frantically while picking it up happily.Suddenly, a huge wave roared, and my body lost its balance for a while, and fell into the sea.When the sea water around me receded, the books in my arms, my footprints on the beach and the books in the footprints all disappeared, and the beach returned to its original level and tranquility.I crawled there and burst into tears.In the crying, I heard the voice calling my name again.I woke up.

The moment I opened my eyes, I found myself in a dim light.But the thick newspaper piled up on the bedside table in front of my face, and the four big characters of "ordinary woman" prominently on the page made me dizzy.I rubbed my sleepy eyes and looked around, and saw my husband and his gloomy face in the shadow of the lamp.I was shocked and sat up. My husband spoke in the shadows under the lampshade. He opened his mouth and raised his hand at the same time. Only then did I notice that he was holding a card in his hand.While shaking the newspaper in front of my eyes, he said in a low voice, this is your story?

In the silence of the night, the sound of "cracking" and "cracking" newspapers, like a flickering fan, blows the deep drowsiness in my mind.I was surprised and couldn't figure out what he wanted to know.Regarding this work, my husband has never read it.Partly because he was too busy, and partly because he had no interest in these kinds of stories.After he heard me tell the outline of the story, he never asked about my novel again.However, in the middle of the night, I don't know what happened to him?I turned around and turned the lamp on the bedside table to the bright side, and said calmly, of course it is fiction, it is just a novel written in the first person.

Why do some details seem to be ours? Faced with his narrow understanding of literary works, I find it ridiculous, so I can only easily say that it is normal, but that does not mean that everything the protagonist does is done by the author.Maybe many people can find their shadows and even the details of their lives from novels.I took the dangling newspaper in his hand and threw it aside, and said with a smile, you are still well educated, why don’t you understand the difference between life materials and artistic processing? He didn't speak, and the gloomy face just now was mixed with more and more suspicious expressions.I don't know if he was persuaded or impressed by my relaxed gesture.I said while the iron was hot, why don't you read it again?

True to my persuasion, he has been reading newspapers in the study at night.But I was lying on the big bed, but I was always restless.When my consciousness gradually became misty, I accidentally remembered the dream of running on the beach.All I worried about that night was that the dream might be an omen.In the end, it turns out that this dream really foretells my rough future, and the stranded ship should be my family, those submerged books and my footprints, which means that I will bid farewell to my just-started writing career, and even many what you have in your life. The next morning, because I didn't sleep well all night, I woke up when my son yelled that he was going to be late.After sending him away, I felt my mind was so heavy, I wanted to sleep for a while, it was only seven o'clock, and then I fell asleep on the sofa.It was past nine o'clock when I woke up from a confused dream.I jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom to wash up in a hurry. When I was running around, I found that my husband was sitting in the study still reading the newspaper, as if he was growing on a chair.I couldn't help but rushed to his side and asked loudly, Yu Zhi, why didn't you call me?

My husband didn't react to my anger.He slowly twisted his generous back, twisted the swivel chair and turned around, staring at his dull eyes, and said slowly as if he was talking in sleep, it seems that what Yuan Yilin said made me care about you is secondary, while others Just to remind you, I have been away from you for three years, how much you have changed is what I should understand.I think we should also think about our future... what future?I interrupted him hastily, and asked a question by the way, and before I could hear his answer, I rushed out of the study again, and started to take my bag and change my shoes.When I was about to leave, I still didn't forget what he said just now, I rushed back to the door of the study and asked, Yu Zhi, what future are you talking about?

He still maintained the posture just now, and looked blankly at the door where I was standing, as if he didn't see me.He said in a soliloquy tone, I'm thinking about whether we should separate. separate?I ran away in a hurry again, opened the door and rushed out.As I ran downstairs, I fumbled for the keys from my bag.In my mind, I was subconsciously repeating my husband's words "should we separate".If the sluggishness of my mind is due to the haste just now, then when I got on the bicycle, I discovered the true meaning of this sentence.And this discovery made me suddenly flustered and short of breath. I thought of my husband's abnormality at night, his absent-minded expression, and the reminders from others that my husband mentioned.Then I jumped out of the car.I thought I should go home and ask Yu Zhi again, what happened?

I pushed the cart and turned around and went back against the flow of people in a hurry and panic. I almost ran into people a few times, and an elderly man gave me a hard look.I didn't care, I just stomped on the pedals full of thoughts.The autumn sun hangs high in the sky, slanting on the flow of people, and the elongated shadows of people and bicycles on the ground are like a group of giant pythons flying wildly.This flying picture is just like my chaotic thoughts, blown to pieces in the early morning autumn wind.When the green light was off and the yellow light was flashing, I kicked a few times and crossed the forbidden line under my feet when the red light rose.As the police yelled, I stopped, but suddenly remembered another thing.And this incident is an important reason for my anxiety about being late this morning.That is, yesterday I took the initiative to ask Ying to undertake the task of taking my director Li Zifeng's mother to see a doctor.In order to curry favor with Li Zifeng, I managed to find my classmate's wife's elder brother, who was the chief surgeon of a hospital, through many connections.Thinking of this, I think it's not a big problem to rush home now just to clarify the vague concepts in my mind just now.After all, my husband always lives together, but how determined is it that I take the initiative to curry favor with Li Zifeng?What's more, this is the first time? In fact, this kind of flattery has always been the thing I hate the most in my nature, and it is also the thing I despise the most.However, after many years of life experience, after I deeply realized what the so-called pride and aloofness are in exchange for, I had to put aside my usual self-esteem and bow my proud head to the world and reality.Especially after the bureau formally issued the organizational reform documents two months ago, the conflict between Chang Tianli and me has risen from a trivial fight to a fierce competition.The document stipulates that a group of veteran cadres in some departments of the bureau will retire early, and some young and middle-aged cadres are expected to fill the vacancies.If this part of the department includes the research institute, then the deputy director Huang Lao will obviously be included in the list of early retirement, and I will become the most competitive opponent with Chang Tianli.In terms of power comparison, Chang Tianli and I can be said to have their own strengths and strengths, and are evenly matched: Chang Tianli was rated as a deputy high school two years earlier than me, but there are almost no research results in books and papers; my title of deputy high school has not yet been evaluated. However, I have published three papers in core journals, two of which have won awards, which made up for my disadvantage in terms of professional title. Regarding the promotion, I didn't take it seriously before, it was only because of Chang Tianli's hidden extreme desire for this position, and in order to achieve her goal, she carried out various overt or covert attacks on my predecessors and future generations, plus The feud between us for a long time has finally prevented me from calmly letting things develop freely.Just a week ago, I finally made up my mind to accept the challenge I faced. In order to win this breath, and of course for this position, my most important task is to discard the lofty arrogance of many years, and I will be promoted to the deputy high school at the end of the year at the end of the year at any cost.As long as this goal is achieved, I will have an absolute advantage in the competition.And in order to get promoted to the deputy high school, my only way out is to curry favor with the director Li Zifeng.This is the only reason why I took the initiative to accompany Li Zifeng's old lady to see a doctor. After thinking about the problem at hand, I noticed that the green light had already turned on, and the pedestrians on the opposite side had already rushed behind me.In a hurry, I got on my bicycle and pedaled forward amidst the crowd coming towards me.When I first rushed near the police post, I understood my mistake.I have to go to work! I slammed on the brakes and stopped, turned the direction of the bicycle under the dumbfounded eyes of the policeman, and galloped back.When I finally stepped into the car, there seemed to be a policeman walking towards me yelling at me, and I couldn't care less about it. About half an hour later, I finally rushed into the lobby of the unit and ran up to the research institute on the fourth floor.However, the door to the director's office was already locked.I sat at my desk frustrated, and more than depressed, I almost felt like God was playing tricks on me: Why was it just such a coincidence?Why did I encounter such a thing when I made up my mind to give up Qinggao?Does this coincidence mean that my hopes are in vain again?According to the conditions and the results of the thesis, I was qualified to be promoted to the deputy high school three years ago. It turned out that Chang Tianli, who can only show off, was on the list in the first year, but I was still in the second year and the third year. The name fell to Sun Shan.I have always foolishly believed that senior professional titles should be based on research results and papers. After repeated failures, I realized that all the results are human factors.After bumping into the wall three times, and after the conflict with Chang Tianli became more and more acute, I finally told myself, let's be more worldly, and I might as well be more despicable.I am not such a noble person, and nobility is not my lifelong label, why do I have to restrain myself?What's frustrating is that this is extremely unfavorable for the first time.It seems that in the face of my sudden change, God has not yet turned the corner... A sound of high-heeled shoes came from outside the door, interrupting my cranky thoughts.In this familiar proud rhythm, I smelled the unique scent of this vain woman—Chang Tianli.I hated this woman, hated this woman who felt good about herself, and the smell of perfume that wafted around her all day.Just like this woman hates me.Ever since one of my papers was awarded and I was nominated by the director to be transferred to this institute, this woman is like an electronic detector behind me, staring at a pair of critical eyes all day long, waiting for opportunities to find faults. The scent of the perfume is like a sea wave mixed with various seaweed plants, and the dark green foam brushes past me.Out of the corner of my eye, I saw those two waterfowl-like pointed heels passing by, and the plump and sexy buttocks trembled and twisted under the vibration of the high heels.Then, came her gloating voice: After all, the director is well connected, and his classmates helped him find a vice president. I tried my best to squeeze a calm smile on my face, and said in an indifferent manner that I had something unexpected this morning, and I didn't have time to notify the director.Although I said so, I was quietly making up my mind. Later, I will explain to the director and express my apology. After all, I have to rely on the director to evaluate the title this year. That day, the director didn't come to work, and I couldn't explain it in the end.I think tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, I must explain clearly, so as not to be misunderstood further.And that whole night, my husband didn't sleep by my side, he actually slept in the study all night.I think I must also find out what happened to my husband. When I woke up, it was already dawn, and I found that there was nothing around me, just like when I slept the night before, except that a gap was torn in the night outside the window, and beams of light were shining indistinctly from afar.I hurriedly got up, put on a large nightgown, and walked through the dark and cool living room, just in time to see a faint light in the study room coming through the gap in the door.The husband is crawling on the table.He fell asleep! I went into the study and tried to wake him up, but what I saw next surprised me: there was a blank piece of paper with "Agreement" written on it on his desk.I couldn't help but think of Yu Zhi's words of "considering the future" and "considering separation" the morning before, and I felt terrified.I woke him up cautiously, and asked my sleepy-eyed husband, what agreement are you writing? He slowly turned to me from the swivel chair, only looked at me with bloodshot eyes, then turned back and fell silent. The sky outside the window was already bright, and the voices and movements of the morning exercisers downstairs drifted in through the window with wisps of cool wind, fluctuating from light to heavy, and a few locks of curled hair on my husband’s head were shaking slightly. I know it's because of the wind.He was still like a clay sculpture, with his back turned to me, motionless and silent, not knowing what he was thinking or looking at, let alone what he was going to do? The study room is also getting brighter little by little, the dim desk lamp is getting weaker and weaker, shrinking more and more in the corner where the table and the wall are squeezed together, as if it is about to be drained.I stood behind him, staring at the words "Agreement", feeling the air-conditioning in the wide nightgown, I couldn't help shivering.This chill awakened my consciousness again, and I was determined to figure out what was wrong with my husband before going to work.I reached out, stroked his shoulder, and said softly, dear, what happened? He seemed to wake up from a dream, stunned for a moment, then suddenly took my hand away, stood up, looked at me with a condescending attitude and said, I was thinking, would it be better for us to separate? He spoke with remarkably calm demeanor about a subject of great importance and dread, and it was the discordant combination of the two that really threw me off.I raised my head and stared at my husband's eyes carefully, as if I wanted to see something in his eyes?See if he's joking?I watched it over and over again, and found that his eyes were nothing but indifference, and I finally had to admit the reality I was facing: he was serious! I couldn't help shouting, why? He stopped looking at me, but walked around me and walked towards the door, he said, don't ask why, think about my proposal carefully. I followed behind him, pulling on my slippers, and kept asking, no, I just want to know why? He walked out of the study, did not go to the bathroom as I imagined, but walked directly to the hall, then picked up the handbag and began to change shoes.When I was about to ask him why he left so early, he had already opened the door and suddenly stopped my opening mouth.He said, you understand! Before he finished speaking, the door was already closed behind him.I stood in the lobby, looking at the closed door, and suddenly lost control.I suddenly hated my husband, hated this taciturn and serious man.I yelled loudly at the door: "Smelly airs, what kind of airs are you putting on? You're just Dr. Sour!"You think I'm your subordinate, you think I don't know, I know what your crazy brain is thinking.It’s not that I hate writing emotional novels, or it’s that I use the first person.It's just a story, a story.Why are you so stupid, you are simply illiterate, a paranoid... I suddenly stopped talking to myself and realized that my husband's words "you understand" were absolutely true.Deep down, I was worried about my husband's reaction.After all, my husband left for three years, but during the days when my husband left, I wrote a novel about "I" looking for extramarital affairs because of loneliness.This just corresponds to the saying that some female writers like to write biographical novels.However, after all, no one has publicly talked about the loneliness caused by separation, and of course no one has used the first person to interpret this loneliness into a "own" extramarital affair story.In the past three years, when the last youthful brilliance of my life quietly disappeared in the lovesickness of the sun and the moon, and disappeared in the distant gaze after another, in order to pass the long loneliness and endless waiting, I just When you can't sleep at night, use some words to fill your empty heart and soul without sustenance.It is not far-fetched if my husband accuses me of my shadow in the book. I have experienced the emptiness of doing nothing, the boredom that cannot be dismissed, and the desolation of the spiritual world, all of which I have deeply experienced in the monotonous repetition day after day.But what can a shadow say?Nothing!Because this work not only has my shadow, in fact, thousands of women can find their own shadows in it.Just like in the days when the works were published, many women felt that they were the protagonists in the works, with a dull life and boring work, and some women even thought that they were the protagonists in the works.However, for a husband who is taciturn in character and scientifically rigorous in thinking about things that many people can understand, it may really become some unpredictable guesses. When I first wrote this work, I was worried that describing the psychological process of extramarital affairs and the process of marriage change in the first person might cause some people’s misunderstanding, especially that it might cause some bad-hearted people around me to slander and even humiliate.In fact, after the work was published, some readers did ask me whether the novel had a biographical nature. I remember that as soon as a reader answered my phone, he asked me a question in a very concerned tone, which surprised me. question, she said: How are you doing now?Obviously, she has identified me with the protagonist in the book.Since someone had such a misunderstanding, it would be unavoidable for this rigorous, introverted, unsmiling man to have such a misunderstanding. I once had some doubts, but I never expected his reaction to be so strong that it was so serious that the marriage broke up.Yes, it is a marriage change, which is actually what Yu Zhi said about separation.I was taken aback myself when the word "marriage change" popped into my head.I don't want to believe that a man will give up his relationship and family because of such a trivial matter, but I really can't grasp this man.Because he is the kind of person who doesn't do anything, and once he makes a decision, it is difficult to change. I have already learned this deeply in my many years of life.In the end, I comforted myself by saying that after a few days my husband calmed down, maybe he would give up such absurd thoughts.After all, we have been married for more than ten years, and our relationship has always been very good. We also have a smart and healthy son. He will not ignore these. After thinking this through, I finally breathed a sigh of relief from my nervousness.After seeing off the child, I put on a newly bought dress, dressed up carefully, and decided to talk to my husband at noon. I wanted to appear in front of him with a brand new look, hoping to impress him with my charm.However, my wishful thinking was wrong: he used the excuse of having a social event, and he didn't even see me at all.And instead of bringing me a family turnaround, my new clothes sparked another fight. In the afternoon, Yang An from Corey saw me with a new look and praised me in front of Chang Tianli. Although Chang Tianli controlled the expression on her face just right, I could still see the innermost feelings in her heart. Injustice and jealousy.She has a kind of extreme vanity that no one can beat her, and she has a terrible insidiousness, that is, she hates you and makes you feel like a family with her.Especially on this latter point, I have suffered a lot.When Yang An and Zhou Zhuwen inquired about the price of my clothes, I immediately took out the trick I learned from Chang Tianli a few years ago, and said nonsense, I bought it from Guangzhou for more than one thousand yuan.In fact, I bought my clothes in this city, and they only cost three hundred yuan. It was a very stupid and utterly boring ploy, a kind of absurdly childish vanity.In my relationship with Chang Tianli, I don't know when we fell into this trivial fight and vanity.In the first days of getting along with Chang Rili, she always "pityed" my "low" consumption in a condescending attitude, or "commented" my "frugality" in front of many colleagues.At that time, I thought she was out of friendliness and kindness. Later, I realized that it was a kind of ridicule and contempt.Whenever I wore the clothes that ordinary people used to wear or used substandard daily necessities, she would exaggerately "pity" my life and "sigh" her own luxury.In her propaganda with ulterior motives, when I almost became a synonym for cheap and low-end consumer goods in the mouth of my colleagues, my poor self-esteem was finally stimulated and awakened.I finally understood that she was laughing at my poverty rather than accusing myself of being extravagant.The funny thing is that once I saw her buy a very ordinary underwear in the mall, but the next day, in the office, when I pointed to the lace underwear exposed in front of her lowered collar, she sighed With a loud voice, she "blame" her husband for spending four hundred yuan on such a simple piece of underwear from the south.I was taken aback, and in front of her smug face, as usual, I was "envious" with several other colleagues.The next day, I put on the same one when I was happy, and then told her that my husband also bought one from the South for 400 yuan.Since then, we have started this tacit game.Besides that, she has a spirit, a fighting spirit that takes great zeal for such little things.This makes me always admire her patience and painstaking efforts.A few days later, I bought a set of clothes from the mall again, and then changed the three hundred yuan to seven hundred yuan. Just like Chang Tianli, I "sighed" my "luxury" once again with great fanfare.Suspicious about my understanding of my economic situation and consumption habits, she went to the shopping mall to confirm it at noon that day in the scorching heat.In the afternoon, with a smug expression, she told her colleagues in the office that she saw that my clothes were only 400 yuan.I didn't feel ashamed, just amused.Since then, after buying clothes, I often raise the price casually, mention a brand casually, and then, while snickering, I wait for this aggressive woman to go to the mall to search and confirm it patiently. This is the game we often play. I sometimes feel that we have almost concentrated all the vanity, philistine and psychological darkness of the petty bourgeois, especially the common women: hating others for being richer than themselves, and laughing at others for being poorer than themselves.I was originally an indifferent woman, a woman who lived a frugal life because I grew up in a poor family. It was this secular struggle and the resulting repeated stimulation that made me hate this shameless vanity and struggle. I unconsciously developed my own vanity, and finally broke away from the original frugal habits while a certain dark psychology was growing little by little.In the process of growing up, Chang Tianli was like a very seductive wizard, leading me into this quagmire of vanity day by day.I know very well that other people's compliments on me are the biggest challenge to Chang Tianli.If she doesn't come out to fight, and doesn't look for something to wait for an opportunity to destroy me, it will be the most intolerable failure in her heart.For her, there is nothing more unbearable than the humble and poor rural people surpassing herself.In fact, according to people, Chang Tianli herself was born in the countryside. She came to the city with her mother and her father when she was around ten years old.I think that Chang Tianli at that time must have also suffered discrimination from urban people for a long time. Perhaps it was this kind of discrimination that made her get rid of the dust in the countryside in the future, especially when she married into a so-called With a darker psychology, he distanced himself from the countryside far away, and looked down on the rural people to cover up his humble origin.If it is traced, the small-scale peasant economy for thousands of years has given China an absolute advantage in agricultural population for a long time.Especially in our newly developed city, how many people can truly be called urbanites?As the saying goes, three generations create a nobleman, but how many urbanites can there be in our cities who are created by three generations? After the laughter in the office, when I was wondering how Chang Tianli would attack, she finally crawled out of the hole like a vicious and sinister snake, stretching her soft waist.She swayed her sexy body on the desk, looked around our faces, let out a long sigh, ah, it seems that the saying is good, men become bad when they have money, and rich when women become bad.Then she turned around and asked Yang An, are you right?Yang An said, yes.Then she turned her head again, looked at me with a proud expression and said, what do you think? I know what she's up to.Although I don't want to get entangled with her any longer, since I provoked this woman's desire to fight today, it seems that I can't escape, and I have no choice but to stay with her.So, I followed her and said, maybe. She suddenly became mysterious, gestured to us, and said, I will show you something.She lowered her head, and I saw that the lotus in her neck shone brightly and dimly under the sunlight obliquely coming in from the window, and I also smelled a scent of fragrance wafting out of the drawer when she opened it.When she looked up again, she was holding a stack of newspapers in her hand, and the four big bold characters of "ordinary woman" came into my sight. I was taken aback, it was my novel serialization.I sat there smelling the rich fragrance from her body, looking at the proud face that had been wiped white, and was at a loss.I had no idea what this woman was going to do next, much less how I was going to cope with what was happening.When I started writing novels, I just tried to write something to enrich myself because I was bored. After I started writing, I realized that I like sitting at home and making up stories so much.It's just that this kind of thing is incompatible with my work on the one hand, and on the other hand, the first-person emotional story is easy to cause misunderstanding, so I adopted a pseudonym.I believe that ordinary people will not be so narrow-minded, and people with a little bit of knowledge and cultivation will also treat the contents of the book correctly.But in the face of a sinister woman who is waiting for an opportunity to find fault and frame me, I really don't know how she will attack me. Yang An and Zhou Zhuwen had already focused all their attention on that white face. She proudly held up the newspaper again. I heard that it was written by a woman from our system. Do you know what it was written in? Yang An and Zhou Zhuwen shook their heads blankly and said in unison that they did not know. At this time, I was already in a state of confusion and felt like I was sitting on pins and needles. I didn't know whether I should avoid this kind of discussion or listen to it.Zhou Zhuwen came over and took the newspaper. At this moment, I saw the triumphant expression on Chang Tianli's face.And this look on her face suddenly woke me up.I told myself, I am sitting upright, what am I afraid of, I want to see how you perform! Everyone in the office was whetted by her, Chang Tianli's excited white face showed a blush, she glanced at me again, then fixed her eyes on Zhou Zhuwen and Xiao Yang's desk, and said triumphantly: This woman actually wrote out her shameless experience of looking for a lover, and the lover gave her a diamond ring... I felt that the blood was rushing to my face, and my anger was rising. I couldn't bear it anymore, and almost wanted to slap that white face twice.I know this woman.In ordinary days, what she is most passionate about is to catch rumors and spread gossip.In this special period, when the competition between us is becoming more and more intense, and when she is looking for my faults, I actually wrote a story of "my" extramarital affairs in the first person. A very powerful offensive weapon.At this juncture, I really asked for it.In order to suppress my anger, I kept telling myself, endure, endure.After all, this is a unit, a place with culture, and I am a researcher with culture.In this self-adjustment, what Zhou Zhuwen said next gave me a little comfort: Sister Chang, this is a novel, a made-up story. Chang Tianli ignored Zhou Zhuwen, but turned to me brazenly, put on an attitude of intimacy and trust, and said to me, there must be an extramarital affair, otherwise how could it be written?Am I right? I hate Chang Tianli, this aggressive and vicious woman, I think I will settle a debt with this woman one day.So, I said, yes, Sister Chang is right.For example, Jin Yong must have killed someone. For example, Qiong Yao must still be in love. For example, the author of a novel about drug addiction must take drugs.And the woman who wrote this novel, I, must also have extramarital affairs. When I said the first few sentences, both Zhou Zhuwen and Yang An laughed together. They thought I was refuting Chang Tianli, so while reconciling me, they refuted Chang Tianli and said, yes, you can do it without going through anything. Can't write anything, so it seems that what writers go through is terrible.However, when they heard my last words, the expressions on their faces froze for an instant.They glanced at each other, then at Chang Tianli, and finally stopped on my face.There were people talking loudly in the corridor, and I recognized that one of them was the director.I suddenly remembered that I hadn't explained to the director about seeing a doctor.So I decided to end this conversation. I said, Miss Chang, isn't this what you most want to know? 看着常天丽满脸的骄傲和得意开始变得尴尬起来，我想，你也有难受的时间，你也有搬起石头砸自己脚的时候，今天我也让你尝尝被羞辱的滋味。我乘胜追击，不留情面地报复她对我的抵毁：今天我可以正式告诉你，我有婚外恋，这你满意了吧。不然我如何写得出，不然怎么满足你的阴暗心理呢？不然，你拿谁的阴私来过你的传播瘾呢？ 在她气恼的表情里，我像一个得胜的将军昂首挺胸走了出来。站在走廊的一刹那，我突然意识到已将与常天丽之间关系的最后面纱撕去了，几乎同时我也发现自己的两腿发软了。我说不清这种突如其来的两腿发软，是缘于害怕与常天丽的彻底决裂，还是因为刚才超常的激动。我无法想象办公屋里现在将是如何的一种景象，常天丽将会作何种姿态，我更无法想象接下来这个女人将会如何疯狂地抵毁我。既然走到这一步，我就应该坚持下去，我觉得自己没错。 走廊里安静极了，我几乎能够听到自己疯狂的心跳。在难以遏制的激动情绪里，我觉得自己像一只涌上浪尖的海洋生物，几分钟后便从刚才胜利的峰头跌落下来。除了发泄时的淋漓体验外，便是满心的沮丧和灰头土脸的感觉，我甚至忘了自己走出来的目的。 楼梯上传来说话声了，我才想起是听见所长的声音才出来的，我是准备向所长解释前几天的事情的。然而，我已经因为刚才的冲突变得有些神智不清了，我不但忘了自己当初想好的解释，而且无法使情绪平和下来，好在所长办公室的门仍是锁着的。这使我有更多的时间，理一理自己的情绪……于是，带着一腔无奈，我快步走进了空无一人的卫生间。我并没有上厕所的欲望，只是茫然地注视着镜子里那个不知所措的女人，不停洗手。 厕所里有人走了进来，我只好慢腾腾关了水龙头，走出来。就在我一面低头思虑着是否回办公室，继续与常天丽招架时，突然发现对面一个小个子男人正从楼梯处拐来。正是四十开外头顶已谢的所长。 据说，头顶早谢的男人一般都性欲亢进。这是我每次看见这个头顶，几乎下意识地想起的一个说法。至于它是否有科学根据，我倒是从来没有追究过。只不过这个说法总是影响我在看见他时想一个问题，那就是，这个性欲亢进、而又在几年前失去老婆的男人如何解决自己的私人问题呢？对于这种不由自主的想法，我有时觉得自己内心有些无聊和肮脏，虽然如此，我还是很尊敬这个有才学的所长。 我仍然没有从与常天丽的冲突中缓过神来，当我站在所长的面前时，我发现自己除了心慌气短，语无伦次外，沮丧的脸上竟挤不出一点儿讨好和奉迎的神态。好在走廊里光线暗淡，所长除了感觉到我的语句不通外，并没有注意到我丧气的神态。我说，昨天，我夜里有点急事，睡过了，耽误了…… 所长以一贯沉静神态，打断了我的话，噢，不要紧，我想你肯定是有急事，正好有个同学介绍了另一所医院里的副院长…… 他的下一句话还没有说出，眼睛已开始越过我的头顶向后看着什么，在我疑惑的片刻，我闻到了既熟悉又厌恶的香水味，随着香味，传来娇柔四溢的声音：所长，伯母怎么样了？要不要帮什么忙？ 我本来还在想着已经措好的解释词句，准备再说几句的。但当这个女人的声音传来时，我觉得身后似乎有一束强烈的激光，正照在后背和后脑上，使我有种被射穿的疼痛和难受。于是，我想，我要离开她，离她越远越好。然而，在我还没有行动的时候，这个女人再一次让我感到吃惊和自惭不如了。她走上两步，站在我旁边，与我左肩相并，甚至在与所长说话之前，突然扭过身对着我甜甜地微笑了一下，就像我们之间什么都不曾发生过一样。而她这一笑，顿时让满怀厌恶之情的我找不到北了。 面对这突如其来的笑脸，我感到自己表情僵硬尴尬、脑子糊里糊涂，虽然使足了劲，挤着脸部的肌肉，却仍然没有办法微笑出来。就在我对自己这种笨拙丢人表现感到无限失望时，常天丽潇洒地扭着丰厚的屁股与所长并肩进了所长的办公室。在他们进去的同时，常天丽随手将门轻轻地带了一下，只留下一丝缝隙证明屋里有人，也同时告诫没我的事儿了。 我慢慢走回办公室，沮丧地坐回桌前。周铸文已经出去了，只有小杨正在埋头读报。看见我进来，他向我举了举报纸，说，我正在拜读你的大作，开头就吸引了我，文笔不错。 我没有说话，只是用力挤了挤脸部的肌肉，然而，僵硬的脸仍然没有挤出什么笑容。杨菴还在说着什么，但我已经没有任何心思了。除了对自己在所长面前的表现失望外，便是对常天丽诋毁我的猜测，以及在她的诋毁下，周铸文和杨菴将会如何看待我的预测。我相信她会以她那种三寸不烂之舌给我扣一盆子屎。不然的话，她不会以如此快的速度从我对她的嘲讽中转过态度，并变得心平下来的。我知道她这样的女人，在她将对仇人的气出够后，她会用另一种令人难以置信的态度对待仇人，从而使仇人感到惭愧，重新调整自己对她的看法和态度，然后在你不再提防她，不再恨她时，逮一个机会再将你整治得灰头土脸，这也是我与她多年相处得来的经验。