Chapter 7 Chapter 6 Death Game

If death can be a performance game, I would like to perform it once in every disappointment, and then hide behind death and watch others panic. However, this last visit of death, why should it start with a happy posture? The next night, Bei Ke asked Jiang Zhong if he wanted the girl's e-mail. Jiang Zhong smiled wryly, opened his own e-mail, pointed to an e-mail and said, "Her, you can read it yourself, today I I have seen a love that I have been waiting for for 22 years. It is also from today that I suddenly changed my view of the third party. It turns out that not all third parties are shameful. Some are true, even between husband and wife. can have."

Opening the email, Bei Ke found out that the girl's name was Qingqiu, and the email was written intermittently, with a large blank space between some paragraphs, and she seemed to be talking out of order. It could be seen that her heart was very chaotic, very pain. I was lying in the hospital with burrs and pain on my wrist, the white gauze covered the wound, I couldn't see it anymore, after a while, it will become a painless scar, I can't forget that I was in Spring, at the age of 20, was abandoned by love. Qingming supported his down-and-out head with both hands. This man with thin eyes and slightly melancholy eyes is my brother who is 8 years older than me. When I was young, I always broke his stationery and scribbled his textbooks to make my mother scold me, but, I have never been afraid of my mother. Every time she starts to scold me, my brother is always the first to jump up, pull me, turn around and make faces while running.We are not afraid of her, because she is such a cowardly and soft woman. She is not beautiful, let alone has any temperament. She never speaks loudly in front of her suave and increasingly wealthy father, and even her father suddenly coughed , will startle her.When we grow up, we regret that we always bullied our weak mother when we were young. She is so helpless. Apart from a decent home, the thing that makes a woman most proud and warm——love, she never had, she wants to I want it, but my father refuses to give it.

Qingming and I once vowed angrily that when we grow up, we will take my mother out of this loveless home and give her happiness. However, my mother seemed to be unable to wait any longer. In the spring when I was 20 years old, we came home and saw her lying in the kitchen with a broken juicer in hand, and the watermelon juice flowed all over the floor like miserable blood. In this way, a sudden cerebral hemorrhage ended my mother's pale life. On the way back from my mother's burial, my father took my hand silently. I glanced at him, feeling very cold, and then I pulled my hand out and cried.

This year's spring came very early, but the absence of my mother made me feel cold, and I wanted to find something to fill my empty heart, so I asked the boy who had been crushed for a long time to watch a movie and drink coffee, and then, Forced him into a corner of the bedroom and asked, "Do you like me?" He nodded, but I still saw his eyes, like an animal looking for a crack in a hunting net to escape, I forced him: "So, shall we fall in love?" His frightened eyeballs rolled quickly, and then Said: "Someone is calling me outside." When I stretched my head to look out of the window, he escaped at a speed I had never seen before. Under the window, there was only a blinding yellow forsythia blooming quietly.

My love is his panic, his love, he refuses to give it to me. That night, my father said, "I've found you a new mother. It's the tone of the boss's announcement of the decision, and there is no possibility of discussion." Qingming looked at me, I looked at the ceiling, the living room where no one was talking, was so quiet, as if the air had stagnated. At night, I cried, for the love that is impermanent and the tea will be cold when people leave the tea; for the love that I gave up my self-esteem and could not catch up with. Then, I cut my wrist with a pencil sharpener. If death was the only option I could choose to resist, I was powerless to break free. The sound of tick-tock fell from my wrist, and my body became colder and lighter...

The vast whiteness hurt my eyes. I was lying on a white sheet. In the hospital, I had no disappointment or joy. I just liked to use death to express my inner despair. As for the result, I didn’t care too much. Qingming's folded hands are supporting his forehead, his hands are so thin, with protruding veins, and his hands are so melancholy. At the age of 28, he is withdrawn and melancholy. There are many girls in the company who like him, but he is always alone. Come and go, when I asked him: "Isn't there one you like?" He looked at me with a cigarette in his mouth, and smiled lightly: "I don't know whether they love me or the sensible eldest son."

Yes, in this era of inflated desires, who knows what kind of heart lies behind a certain smile?Suddenly, I shed tears, thinking of the boy who would rather escape than my love, I love his truthfulness and stubbornness. My father also came to see me. He always went to the corridor to make calls in a warm voice. He had never spoken to my mother in such a tone. The person on the other end of the phone must be the woman who is going to be my stepmother. . I sat up, threw the flower basket on the bedside table to the ground, pointed to it, and said to Qingming: "Brother, trample it for me."

My father walked in, but I didn't look at him. After a sigh, Qingming and I were left in the ward. Qingming picked me up, held me in his arms, and said: "Qingqiu, I beg you not to do this, don't scare your brother with death, okay?" I fell on his shoulder and wept, and then I bit him hard, but he didn't make a sound and didn't move. When I pushed him away, I saw tears all over his face. When I was discharged from the hospital, he held my hand and walked on the old street full of roses. Over the years, I was used to being held by him. He loved me more than my father and mother.

The fragrance of roses filled the streets, I turned around and said, "If I could, I would rather be your daughter than my father's." Qingming stopped, let go of her hand, and cupped my face: "You are too thin, if you are not my sister, I will marry you." I jumped up and hit him, he laughed wickedly and ran away quickly, the laughter made all the roses in the street tremble. At the end of the spring of this year, my father married his bride back. I thought that she must be a pretty and enchanting woman, but no, she was almost middle-aged, and there was a gloomy vicissitudes in her eyes, like autumn water. , floating around.

On the day of my father's wedding, I locked myself in the room, and at night, there was the sound of stealthy footsteps outside the door. In the morning, she cooked my favorite fermented glutinous egg soup. I smelled it, but didn't even look at it. I crossed the dining table and took something out of the refrigerator to eat. My father coughed softly: "Qingqiu, come here, I'll give it to you." Let me introduce you." I sucked on the frozen yogurt and raised my eyebrows: "You guys have known each other for a long time, right? How long have you been waiting for this day?"

There was a snap, and my cheeks were burning hot. I didn't cry, but just watched the thick yogurt flow slowly along my hand. I packed up my things, Qingming chased him out, and followed silently. I said, "From now on, I won't go back to this house." Qingming pulled me, unable to speak, drove me off, and I said: "Brother, you will be my family from now on." He looked at me and suddenly hugged me tightly: "I will visit you often." "Brother, you want to avenge me." He didn't speak, pondered for a long time, and nodded heavily. I grabbed his hand, bit it, and ran to the girls' dormitory, which belonged to my bed. Because I rarely came to sleep, it became the chores accumulation station for the other three girls. , I was so tired that I was sweating profusely before I finished packing. Almost every evening, Qingming would come to see me, he took me out to eat, and took me for a walk in the school playground, everyone thought he was my lover and not my brother, I didn’t explain, and Qingming didn’t ask me to explain anything. Sometimes, we talk about the woman, and we call the stepmother by that woman. Qingming told me that that woman was very gentle and treated others very gently, not at all like the legendary evil stepmother, I rolled my eyes and knocked on his forehead: That is a way to win over you, look at you stupid. But, the next time we met, he still said the same thing, and I laughed at him for being bought by that woman, and he came to act as a lobbyist for her. Qingming swore to God, saying that she had never been married before, nor It is normal to have another child of our own, which is good for us. I still can't forgive, how can they get married when mother's body is still cold? Once, Qingming and I were sitting on the playground stands, and I pointed to the boy jumping under the basketball hoop and said: "I still love him so much, because he rejected my courtship, I want to get him." Qingming followed my fingers and looked over, without saying a word for a long time, as if talking to himself: "Really? Is it..." For such a long time, he couldn't look back, and followed the boy's figure jumping on the playground. I waved my hand in front of his eyes, and he turned his head and looked at me blankly: "Qingqiu, if I wasn't your biological Brother, what will happen to you?" "Tricking me? If you're not my brother, you should be my first love." "Thousand-true-million-true, I'm not your real brother." I stared blankly at him and raised my hand to hit him: "You lied to me again, and you are going to bully me again..." Qingming lowered her head: "I was already eight years old when you were carried back, I clearly remember the scene when my father carried you back, the street was full of rain, you curled up in father's arms, like a sleeping puppy. " "You lied to me, you lied to me..." I kept repeating this sentence, but my voice became lower and lower, I understood the truthfulness of all Qingming's eyes, this time, he really didn't lie to me . "Who can prove that you are telling the truth?" Saying this, I was so stupid that I was so stupid that my tears fell, as if I was told that the 20 years I lived were all illusory, and the things I had Family affection was originally a pity with a taste of charity. I walked round and round the playground in a daze, Qingming followed behind me without saying a word. When I reached the 10th lap, I stopped abruptly, turned around, and stared at Qingming: "Why did you tell me this?" "Because I love you, since you were 12 years old, I want to protect you and marry you when you grow up." I hit him, hit him hard: "You tell me it's not true it's not true." Qingming raised her face and let me beat her: "If I never loved you, I would keep this secret for the rest of my life." Then, he dialed the number of my grandmother's house, and my aunt answered my inquiry in a cold voice, and what Qingming said was true. That night, under the misty moonlight, I leaned on Qingming's shoulder and cried until I couldn't make a sound. I really, really, had nothing, except the love that Qingming had been guarding for 8 years. If I can't change the past, I can't not cherish the future, no one loves me more than Qingming, just like, no one is more worthy of my trust and love than Qingming, how can I not love? Dang Qingming said: "Let's not call her that woman, in fact, she is not the kind of bad woman you imagined." I thought about it, it was not my biological mother who my father betrayed, I even thought of my mother standing by my bed at some nights, looking at me with cold eyes, remembering when I broke Qingming toys Although her anger is always suppressed helplessly at the moment of the outbreak, when I think of going to the street, I try to hold her hand, but she always pulls it back with various reasons. It turned out that everything was like this. Apart from the superficial perfunctory, she had no love for me. She even hated this wild child picked up by her husband, but because of her husband's prestige, she didn't dare to attack me. Qingming took me home, she was at the door, looking at me with a smile, I smiled lightly and didn't speak, I thought, even if I don't hate her anymore, it is impossible to call her mother, forever. Because I went home, my father was in a good mood. During dinner, he suggested drinking, and when my stepmother poured wine, she poured me a little bit, but kept adding vegetables to my plate. It was polite, she could tell. In fact, my heart is very cold. If she knew that she was trying to please me, but the wild child my father picked up on a rainy night, would she still treat me like this?Will I still ask my father about my taste and hobbies and practice the cooking of these dishes to perfection in such a short period of time? I drank silently and didn't speak, as if I would see shaky lies when I opened my mouth. After following me for 20 years, the love I got was all so false. She said: "My child, if you drink any more, you will be drunk." I squinted at her drunkenly and didn't speak.I am not as tolerant as Qingming, and I am not so willing to treat people who break into my life with kindness. In the middle of the night, I woke up, sat up, looked at the moon as cool as water, I was suddenly afraid, all the love, the family affection I believed in so firmly, would abandon me, tears fell down, I couldn’t grasp it except Qingming After living. He's the only true love I've caught in 20 years. I stood in front of the mirror and wiped down the shoulder straps of my pajamas. I saw my shoulders with creamy skin and beautiful wings like butterfly bones. They slid down slowly, like cool and soft water, accumulating on my ankles In the past, Qingming loved to hold them and compare his own wrists, which one was thicker. Now, I don't know if Qingming next door has fallen asleep, and I would like him to take away my body in the name of love just like the Buddha took away evil spirits. I tapped the wall a few times, and soon, I saw Qingming in pajamas, his body was so thin and strong, under the moonlight, shining with metallic luster, he stared blankly at me, slowly Raising his hand, his fingers gently slid across the skin, they lifted my flowing hair and brought them to his lips for a light kiss. I said: "Love me forever, don't be like family affection, one day, let me know it's fake." Qingming nodded vigorously. I bit his shoulder: "Tomorrow morning, walk out of the room with me and tell them you love me." He pressed his kiss on his neck, nodded, very hard. The body has been entangled, I stretched out my fingers, stroking the morning sun passing through the window, I don't know what kind of eyes will greet us when we walk out of the room, but, I know, at the age of 20, Have a man's love for 8 years. Her father got up with her, and they walked lightly to the living room, talking in low voices.Our lips touched each other lightly, smiling at each other. Qingming put on my clothes one by one: "Are you afraid?" I shook my head: "If father gets angry, do you dare to run away with me and never come back?" He pinched my nose: "Maybe it's too late for him to be happy." I made a face at Qingming, put my ears on the door, and eavesdropped on the whispers in the living room. Then, my face slowly turned cold, and I heard my heartbeat, from the excitement of happiness to suffocation . I heard my father say: "I will find a suitable opportunity to tell Qingqiu that she is the child of the two of us. You have waited for me for 22 years. I believe she will understand. At that time, it was all to give her a healthy growth." environment, I told everyone that she was picked up by me, it was my selfishness, and you are the only one who has suffered all these years..." Slowly, I sat on the floor, my head gradually drooped, touching my cold toes, tears welled up in despair, Qingming jumped down and took me into his arms, and he kept repeating the same sentence throughout the morning: "Qingqiu, what are you doing?" gone?" After a long, long time, I raised my head with a calm face: "It's nothing, I just suddenly felt that we should love our parents." I had no choice but to keep this secret to the end. How could I tell him the truth and tell him the truth? Heart torn? The next day, I quietly left the city without bringing anything, like, I don’t want to carry all the memories about this city, I don’t know where I’m going, I just know that escape is my only choice. Farewell, Qingming, God bless you never know this secret: you are my half-brother. Bei Ke sent an email to Qingqiu in the name of Jiang Zhong, and she skipped all the inquiries about where she was now, occasionally replied to an email, and said simply that she was fine, as for whether she was really fine, no one knew. It can be verified. The case ended in this way. Although the ending was a bit sad, Jiang Zhong didn't bring it up after a brief moment of emotion. However, Bei Ke would occasionally think of that man named Qingming. I don't know what happened to him now. Did you know that the woman who has been loved for 8 years is his half-sister? Thinking of this, Bei Ke's heart ached for no reason. God always makes people like this, never willing to give the perfect beauty to the world. About four months later, Bei Ke finally managed to hold the wedding without crossing the river. Looking at the bustling wedding banquet, she suddenly felt a sense of exhaustion, like a poor man with a few pennies in his wallet, who finally couldn't hold back his urge to move His vanity is shown off to others in an invincible way. Fortunately, at least, she is happy for the time being, just like once in a lonely night, she held a book and watched a woman say in a peaceful tone: Happiness is just an attitude towards life. However, how many people can hold on to this attitude towards life and never lose it all their lives. Who can foresee countless future moments in life? Just like the extramarital love that Jiang Zhong claimed was rare in the world and waited for 22 years, it was a beautiful waiting after all, but it was just one person's wish to return two people. When disaster comes, It still shattered silently in a tragic posture. In the autumn of that year, Qingqiu's biological mother put sleeping pills into the family's meals when the nanny was on leave to visit relatives in her hometown, and then turned on the gas pipe. Fortunately, the neighbors have a keen sense of smell, but she and Qingqiu's father, because of the deep poisoning, slept peacefully and never woke up again. Her last words were left on the dining table in the living room: I finally have nothing, God, you Why are you punishing me endlessly? When she never hoped to have a complete love, she still had a blood relationship, but when she finally had this wasted love, she lost the blood love that had been stored in her heart for many years. She didn't have time to grope for the little face that made her miss it day and night with the warm posture of a mother, and then she fell into a place where she had no chance in this life. After waking up, Qingming didn't ask why, but just stared at the people passing by in a daze, and kept silent. After a long time, in one night, a mournful wail pierced their blurred and ghostly dreams. After that, everything returned to calm. In the early morning of the next day, there was another sharp scream, and those windows that had slept all night , Opened one after another. In the foggy morning, they saw a fainted woman and a man lying on his back on the flowerbed in front of the building. The low wrought iron wall of the flowerbed passed through his body coldly, his open eyes , piercing the sky in a daze, with a mournful smile at the corner of his mouth. In this way, Qingming ended his tormented youth without leaving a word. What can I keep? Jiang Zhong told Bei Ke all this in a deep voice, and she too, had nothing to say, yes, when all hope has been shattered, how happy is life and how sad is death?Regardless of tragedy or comedy, there will be an end, and they chose to leave silently without saying a word. They all had happiness once, but these happiness finally turned into a swamp that drowned them. The next day, Becker deleted Qingqiu's e-mail stored in the mailbox. If she could, she would keep silent about these sad news to this stubborn little girl. For the rest of her life, because some hurt, I don't know, there is no harm, there is some sadness, no one mentions it, and there is no foundation for breeding in darkness. When deleting Qingqiu's e-mail, Bei Ke turned his head and said to Jiang Zhong who was watching TV: What is more brave than living? Jiang Zhong knew that she was feeling a little sentimental, so he hugged her and said, "Darling, when I was handling a case, sometimes I would think, is it good or bad to love too deeply? Looking back at the many vicious cases I have handled, the cause It's nothing more than love and greed, I think, whether it is love or material desires, people are greedy, and when they get so greedy that they can't control themselves, it will lead to disaster." Becker got under his arm, held his shirt with his teeth, and said: "The case you mentioned a few days ago that a man and a woman both fell from the building, I think, I have found the answer to it, even though it is a hypothesis, you Do you want to hear it?"