Chapter 6 Chapter 5 Memory Fragments

This promise should be the killer he sent, a killer who doesn't have a cold heart... Bei Ke patted Jiang Zhong's hand holding the mouse, and the email was closed. Obviously, his emotions fell into the sentimental description of this woman named Cai Yilan. Jiang Zhong murmured: "Everything she said is too It's artistic, like European suspense novels, I don't really believe that such things will happen in daily life." Becky nodded, and then said: "Isn't it said that art comes from life? In fact, most of the mental patients are stunned by the sudden details in life, and their mental state is in a dreamlike state and cannot extricate themselves. In their psychological cases, the sentence I heard most often is: These things that can only happen in novels or movies, why did they happen to me? They are powerless to prevent the unexpected blow from coming, so they can only do it in In the depths of my soul, I have built a dark hole for myself to escape into, and this dark hole is a mental illness.”

Cai Yilan sent several emails, saying that she hesitated for a long time before sending the email after seeing Becker's mailbox in the newspaper. She said that she couldn't bear the memories that came back overwhelmingly in the dark night, they were like sharp blades, She sharply separates her present from the past, and she knows that she must abandon these pasts, otherwise, she will lose the happiness she just caught. In the last email, Cai Yilan said: "This is a sad secret that is driving me crazy. Before I leave this city, I want to find someone to share it with. So, I thought of you because of your profession. I will not doubt the truth of these..."

Yinuo was by my side, holding my hand, and large swaths of sunlight pierced through the window glass and hit my body. All the while, I lowered my head and watched his fingers holding my hand. The fingers were long and slender, and the skin was so white and delicate that it was somewhat transparent. It was not like a man's hand. The few blue veins on the back of the hand could slightly indicate the gender of a woman. He was the first person who came to see me and tried to convince me that I was once his favorite woman. Every time he said that, I looked up and looked at the mirror on the opposite wall. I was inside with empty eyes And at a loss, neither moved nor joyful.

In fact, I have been working hard, trying to think: After all, who am I?What kind of past do you have? It is said that a month ago, I tried to kill myself with drugs, but failed, but killed the memory, leaving nothing behind. After I was discharged from the hospital, I was sent directly to a nursing home in this distant city. The man who claimed to be Yinuo said that he had hurt me with love, so it was his duty to return my health and memory. A week after I came to the nursing home, I leaned against the window alone and saw him walking up the stairs through the alleys of the sanitation area full of falling cherry blossoms. His thin body was covered by soft casual clothes, and he looked up at the sky while walking , pursing his lips, squinting his slender eyes, like a movie lens.

When I met Yinuo, he was already engaged, and he was in love with a woman whose parents were not in love. Naturally, our love was condemned and cursed, but I still loved him as much as he loved me .We are two fishes struggling in the tenacious net, covered with bruises and never retreating, until one day, Yinuo told me that he was on a business trip to Paris, but his parents telegraphed me: Yinuo went to Paris to travel and get married. I made a promise, but he didn't turn on the phone for a whole week, gradually forcing me to believe that what his parents said was an indisputable fact.

Then, I sat in the bathroom, burned all traces of him, and then ended my life without attachment. It just so happened that a thief with a good conscience visited my house that night. After taking my laptop, I dialed 120 on the street. The fact is, before Yinuo went to Paris, his parents took his mobile phone while he was not paying attention, turned it off, and then threw a lie that made me give up on him. One day later, I woke up in the hospital and found that I had lost all my memories. Then, I was sent to this nursing home far away from Yinuo City by my guilty Yinuo parents. Yi Nuo, who returned from Paris, threatened me with a hunger strike and got my whereabouts.

All this was told to me by Yinuo, and I couldn't tell the truth from the fake, just like, I couldn't tell whether he was the man I loved deeply. Yinuo said, my surname is Cai, and my name is Cai Yilan.I like this name very much, just like I like to stroke the protruding blue veins on his slender hands. A new day starts when he opens the curtains for me. The bright sunshine pierces the glass with a swipe, as if trying to wake up something in me, but it’s futile. Staying in a daze, weeping slightly, clutching his head that seemed to have been swept away by the river. Yinuo always took my hand away and wiped my tears with his cold fingers, every bit of it was as delicate as silk.

I like him holding my crying face in his palm, a feeling of being cared for. Before the nurse gave me the medicine, we mostly sat on the back hill of the nursing home, looking at the mountains in the distance, the sea nearby, and the little flowers around us. Once, I looked up and asked him, "What if I can't get my memory back?" He squeezed my fingers: "I still love you." "But I don't remember that we ever loved." "Then let's start again, and I will make you fall in love with me again." My heart is warm, like a round of sunshine in winter. After coming to the nursing home, Yinuo got close to me, just holding hands. He said that because he had forgotten the past, he was just a strange man to me. My heart has regenerated love, so that I can have more intimacy with me.

Such innocent and sincere thoughts are not something all men can have, how can I not cherish them? On the way back to the ward, he would cut some flowers and plants for me, let me insert them myself, and put them on the bedside. He said, I used to love flower art very much. The owner of the flower shop chased him out for advice. But, now, I can only cry at a pile of flowers and plants, helpless, because the flower baskets I planted are so disorganized that they are in a mess. But he held a certain flower and asked me, "Do you remember where you like to put it and what effect it achieves?"

I was annoyed, but he was calm: "This is one of the ways I can help you retrieve your memory." I continued, annoyed with him: "If I can't get back my memory, you won't love me anymore, will you?" He stared at me blankly, and I saw a trace of imperceptible pain slipping through his pupils slowly, slowly. I put my head on his chest and put my arms around his neck. Now, I have no past and no future, except this man in front of me who claims to be my ex-boyfriend is my only cuddle. His hand gently crossed his back, and his ten fingers were gently closed. I heard the sound of his heart beating, like a group of rabbits running away in a panic.

I raised my head to search for his lips, but he ran away in a panic, and was finally caught between my teeth. I gently closed the gap between the teeth, and he let out a low cry.Suddenly, a pair of terrified eyes flashed in front of me, nothing like him. I was stunned and looked at him. There must be fear in my eyes, because he was staring at me so hard that his face gradually turned pale. A cloud-like thing slowly stretched and hovered in my heart. That night, I secretly went to the doctor's duty room. The doctor told me, yes, people may suffer from amnesia temporarily, but some habitual behaviors will always be hidden in the depths of memory. Bring back some memories. On the way back to the ward, I was in a daze. Those flashing eyes were so completely different from Yinuo, who did they belong to?And Yinuo, who is it?Why are you pretending to be my ex-boyfriend? I stood in the dark night and stared at Yinuo's sleeping face. Since the day he came to see me, he has been sleeping on another bed in my ward, very liuxiahui.My gaze woke him up, he turned on the desk lamp, looked at me, and smiled warmly: "What are you looking at?" "I want to retrieve the memory on your face." He stretched out his hand and twirled my drooping long hair, with infinite love and affection: "If you can't find it, don't look for it, don't torture yourself, okay?" "But, I don't want to lose the good times I had with you." "I can tell you." "It sounds like a fabricated story, which makes me feel unreal." He sat up, handed me his shoulders, and gently took my waist, and we sat like this, silent.Our eyes flashed and flashed in the black charm, he has something on his mind, just like, I have something on my mind, but I don't want to know each other. I started to pay attention to Yinuo. The only contact he has with the outside world is his mobile phone, but he never calls, and only occasionally sends text messages. There are many photos stored in his mobile phone, all of which are flower baskets that I inserted badly. I once asked him What are you doing with these pictures? He pursed his lips and looked at me. After a long time, he smiled slightly: "Compared to see if your flower arrangement skills have improved. If your flower arrangement skills are the same as before, it means that your memory will recover soon." I pressed my fingers and flipped through the photos, my heart was very quiet and cold, and I was thinking, these pictures must have some secrets about him that I don't know. At night, when I was taking a nap, the photos of those messy flower baskets flashed in front of my eyes one by one, and I suddenly remembered that his mobile phone never rang, even if text messages came and went, and he always kept it in his jacket pocket. Never left for a moment. Inside, it must be a secret that revolves around my memory, and Yinuo, it must not belong to my ex-boyfriend... My heart suddenly seemed like an empty valley, suddenly blowing cold wind, I curled up Get down. I began to subtly alienate Yinuo, deliberately leaving him a lot of free time, as if I had lost confidence in retrieving my memory.I went to the back mountain alone and went to the gymnasium of the nursing home. I sat on the low wall of the flower garden and watched a hand gently fall from the shoulder when the butterfly flew around. When I turned around, I saw him, looking at me and smiling warmly. More often, when I come back, I will see him, leaning against the wrought-iron fence of the balcony, smoking silently. At this time, he looks full of vicissitudes of life.I coldly shouted: "Yinuo!" He frightened like a dreamer in a garden, looked at me flusteredly, and then smiled without content. Rehabilitation life did not help my memory recovery, and I even became inexplicably manic, breaking everything that could be broken, and breaking five mobile phones for Yinuo in a row, but he was not annoyed. The doctor said that this is the early sign of schizophrenia. For me, recuperation has no meaning. It is best to transfer to another hospital for treatment. When the doctor said this to Yinuo in the corridor, I had just taken the medicine, squinted on the bed, and fell asleep. A burst of gentle footsteps stopped in front of the bed, and through slightly opened eyes, I saw Yinuo standing beside the bed with a dazed expression on his face, his hands were tangled tightly together, he lifted them up again, and beat his forehead, as if , hands and foreheads have all kinds of hatred. Someone knocked on the door lightly, and the nurse came to deliver the medicine. Yi Nuo took it, held it in the palm of his hand, and fell into the sofa in a daze. In one scene, it fell into my eyes. Yinuo took out a few pills from the inner pocket of his suit, and mixed them with the ones just sent by the nurse. His hands shook a little, and he looked even paler under the setting sun. Two pills fell on the ground disobediently. When I bent down to pick it up, I held my head and cried silently. I closed my eyes tightly and let out a low scream. He ran over and shook my shoulders. I looked at him sadly: "I had a nightmare. Someone was going to kill me." Tears flowed down my cheeks silently Sliding over, my eyes, always, through the tears, stay on his face. He stroked my face, looked at me quietly, and then said word by word: "With me here, I won't let others hurt you." Then, he called the nurses and told them that he accidentally dropped the medicine just now, and asked them to send a new one. Yinuo has been with me for two months. I think I've won his love and realized he wasn't my old love. I don't say it, I want to watch the ending with a cold eye. Yinuo no longer encouraged me to arrange flowers, and even if I asked him to take pictures, he would seem to mess up inadvertently before he would take pictures. My flower arrangement art has made great progress. In the afternoon when I was fine, I would hold his hand and walk on the back hill. From time to time, I would wrap my arms around his neck, kiss him, and gently hold his lips. Every time, he would cry out in surprise, I Then you will see a face that is getting clearer and clearer, slightly dark, and there is something meaningless in the calm and calm eyes, he is not Yinuo. That face, like a long endless thread, pulled me along, and slowly pulled out some details. I remembered that I seemed to have loved a man named Lin Sheng, and he seemed to be my boss. , he sometimes quarreled with me when he was intimate with me. I ask Yinuo for kisses more and more frequently, because I want to retrieve my memory quietly. A person without memory is poor, worse than all the sad poverty in the world. I don't want to be a spiritually poor person. All of this, I don't say, Yinuo naturally doesn't know. I believe he is in love with me, because my mania has never returned. Sometimes, Yinuo would look at me with endless melancholy and ask, "Yilan, do you want to get back your memory?" I was also melancholy: "I don't know, what do you think?" He looked up at the sky without saying a word, and finally said slowly, "It doesn't matter if you don't look for it." This night, Yinuo drank the coffee I made and fell asleep. I looked at him calmly and took out his mobile phone, because every night, he would quietly get up, alone in the corridor smelling of disinfectant Here, playing with the phone. I'm sure that there are secrets on that phone that I don't know about. I sat on the floor, poured a glass of wine, and put the phone in front of me. When the screen lit up in the dark, an unread message came out. I took a sip of the wine, pressed my finger, and said a short sentence : How is it going? I smiled coldly, drank all the wine in the glass, and didn't answer, people, when I don't know how to answer, silence is the best way to change from passive to active, I conclude that he will persevere in sending messages to ask questions .really. Another one: According to the days when she was given the medicine, she should be in the middle stage of schizophrenia now, right? I remained silent. Messages continue to follow: Why don't you answer me?I hope you will complete the task as soon as possible. In this way, I will keep my promise to leave you the position of financial manager, and other promises will be fulfilled one by one. Cold tears slipped across my heart. The past years, like a curtain slowly opened, spread to me little by little. The married man I loved, my boss Lin Sheng, I am His financial director, he once said that he would take me abroad to be a fairy couple. For love, I was willing to take the risk to help him transfer multiple sums of money from the company to his personal account abroad, but he had various reasons for delaying No action, in the end, he shed false tears and asked me to give up on him, because as a wife and child of a full-time wife, he would not be able to survive without him. He gave me a passbook as a list of this relationship. After I took it, He burned it and said word for word, "I only want your love." He was so moved that he burst into tears. In the end, we agreed to play favoritism together. I wrote a suicide note. Under his gaze, I drank the two bottles of medicine he brought, and then, looking at him, I took out the same medicine from the bag. Two bottles of medicine, unscrewed, as he swallowed slowly, my eyelids became more and more heavy... Fragments of memory came crowding in, like fish jumping to the bank, full of desolation and despair, which made me burst into tears. It turned out that what Lin Sheng took was not sleeping pills at all, but other nutrients that looked like sleeping pills. medicine. He took my love and gave me death. It's just that he didn't expect that a thief would come to my house by such a coincidence. Now, my life is such a threat to him, and my memory that may be revived is so terrifying to him , I suddenly understood why Yinuo took a picture of my flower arrangement basket. Indeed, my flower arrangement art is top-notch. Lin Sheng wanted to know whether my memory has been restored through these. Well, this one promise.It should be the killer he sent, a killer who doesn't have a cold heart. I stared blankly at the phone, and another message popped up: I think she died in a seemingly normal state when she left this world.There is no more information, and the phone is silent. I deleted all the information and put it back in Yinuo's pocket, then took a sleeping pill and fell asleep without any fear. From the day I never had a manic episode again, I knew that, for me, Yinuo Unable to do so, the way he looked at me was full of warmth, love and sorrow. When I woke up, it was noon, Yinuo looked peaceful, and was watering the sunflower on the window sill. That stubborn little flower was dug by Yinuo from the back mountain with me.I turned over and opened my eyes to look at him: "Good morning, dear." He turned his face away and smiled, "Did you sleep well?" I stood up and hugged him from behind: "I want to be discharged, okay?" He hesitated for a moment: "Don't you want to retrieve your memory?" I told him that I don't want to bother trying to get back any memories. In the future, I can create even better memories. After leaving the nursing home, Yinuo asked, "Where are we going?" I laughed: "I will go wherever love is." We went to the far north. On the train, Yinuo looked at me with unblinking eyes, and a warm smile slowly appeared on the corner of his mouth. Then, he took out his mobile phone and opened the window. Draw a graceful arc and fall. He clapped his hands: "Just like you say goodbye to the lost memory fragments, I also wave goodbye to the past." Jiang Zhong said with a long sigh: "Cai Yilan is too naive, how can there be a secret in this world that can be hidden for a lifetime, let alone a secret that is tacit, unless they are like the happy people in fairy tales, forever Live sweetly." Bei Ke didn't make a sound, and replied to the email. Yes, everyone lives in tediousness. The happy life envisioned by Cai Yilan is just a fragile crystal cup, and it will only break sooner or later in the stumbling worldly life. Bei Ke clicked the send button, it was already dark, and the surrounding was dark, the wind suddenly passed by the window, Jiang Zhong smoked a cigarette, and said, "I suddenly want to do something for her." He said: "Your occupational disease has occurred again, can you not disturb their happiness and peace? Besides, even if Lin Sheng wanted to murder him, it didn't happen after all, right? I know you want to report Lin Sheng, but this will involve Cai Yilan of." "Don't you think Yilan Tsai is also guilty? She fulfilled Lin Sheng's greed." "Although Lin Sheng's attempted murder is a crime, it is also a crime for Cai Yilan to help Lin Sheng transfer state property. Will the law not do it because of his sympathy? All criminals are not because they are born criminals, they are all criminals. They are ordinary people, and they all have kindness and innocence in their hearts, but, sometimes, their rationality spares the flash of evil thoughts." Bei Ke bit his lips obsessively, seeing her silent for a long time, Jiang Zhong embraced her, kissed her on the forehead and said, "My dear, please forgive me, I know this will make you sad, but this is my career." After finishing speaking, Jiang Zhong left, the car roared downstairs, Bei Ke stood dumbly in the evening wind, raised his hand, coldly, feeling a sense of guilt, sat down slowly, turned on the computer, clicked Open Cai Yilan's email, scroll the mouse, read it bit by bit, then, glance at the door, and start typing. It's just that when I clicked the send button, my fingers hesitated. What are conscience and morality in front of love?Like the lace inlaid on the rag, no matter how perfect it is, it is just a superficial and useless. When love comes, which heart has ever kept its mind sober? After pondering for a long time, Bei Ke finally closed her eyes and pressed the send button. She knew that she was just a sentimental little girl, so she was so willing to let herself think that in front of Cai Yilan's beautiful fairy-tale love, her own justice Feeling asleep. In the days that followed, when Bei Ke looked at Jiang Zhong, his eyes were always dodge, lest he ask him if he had done anything to Cai Yilan's affairs. Fortunately, Jiang Zhong never asked about it, as if this incident never existed at all, and the fact is also true. In Cai Yilan's narration, she never even mentioned which city she came from, and it was impossible to file a case. The thing, thinking of this, Becker himself, laughed, originally, some gloomy and cramped things, is that he frightens himself by expanding his fantasy, just like a mental patient who infinitely expands and hurts his own mental illness. After sending that email, the name Cai Yilan disappeared into the vast ocean of the Internet and never appeared again. However, every night, Bei Ke would open the mail folder and search through the dense mail, hoping to see her news suddenly, so that his longing heart would fall back.In fact, she was crackling for a long time, but she just knocked a few words to Cai Yilan: Forget all the past and protect your love. Presumably, Cai Yilan is a smart woman. Only from these two words, she understood everything that Beike wanted to express. This woman named Beike wants her to know that the danger to her is like a head lurking in the dark night. The lion, without knowing when, will jump up. A few months later, when the name Cai Yilan gradually faded away from Becker's concern like a misty wind, her mail was quietly waiting in the mailbox again, like a face with a calm surface and a turbulent heart, waiting for someone to come listen. Bei Ke suppressed the excitement in his heart and opened the email. Cai Yilan said: I was wrong. The past cannot be erased. It is always like a restless little beast that will jump out at any time. When I took a bite out of you, I thought Yinuo confessed everything, because I couldn't hide it any longer, I pretended to be a person who lost his memory all my life, I couldn't do it, we were not happy at all, I didn't know that I ruined Love or love destroys me... When she saw this email, Cai Yilan had already boarded the plane back to the western city. As soon as the plane landed, the Procuratorate was the only place she had to enter. Bei Ke raised her head and saw outside the window that the sky was blue and the clouds were like fluff. The fairy tale of love she had tried so hard to keep had finally fallen into the world of mortals. For men, physical fidelity is nothing, as Cai Yilan said, in fact, Yi Nuo knew everything about her a long time ago, and he still fell in love with her without hesitation, but he left her after she confessed her memory and came back. And go, in fact, Cai Yilan, whom he prefers to love, has no memory in his heart. In this way, he is the only one in her love, and her memory finally let him know that he is just walking through the rest of her life. one. It is one of the things in a woman's life, and it is a fact that no man is willing to accept. The sense of accomplishment that once stood with the lie is finally a crushing defeat. Bei Ke called Jiang Zhong and said, "Cai Yilan went back and surrendered." Jiang Zhong said in a hurry, it was good, there were bursts of heart-wrenching cries on the other end of the phone, Bei Ke heard Jiang Zhong was a little absent-minded, and knew he was busy, and said unhappily: "If you have time, come to dinner at night, I bought you Favorite dish." After finishing speaking, she unplugged the phone line. This evening, she wanted to be quiet, listen to music, and cook a few of Jiang Zhong's favorite dishes. Love is so difficult to perfect, and it should be cherished if it is in your hand, right? When Jiang Zhong rushed over, it was already late at night, his eyes were full of exhaustion, and the dishes on the table had lost their temperature lonely. When Jiang Zhong came in tiptoe, Bei Ke was snuggling up on the bed and watching a dish. When he looked up, he saw his face full of tears. Feeling so tired, a pang of distress arose in his heart, he didn't bother to blame him for letting him wait for the food to be cold, and jumped down to make coffee for him, Jiang Zhong grabbed her waist from behind: "Don't make it, drink coffee in the bureau After drinking it, I suspect that what is flowing on my body is not blood but coffee, cough..." Bei Ke broke free and went to heat up the dishes: "I want to eat something, filling an empty stomach with coffee will do too much damage to the stomach." When Bei Ke was heating up the dishes, Jiang Zhong hugged his waist from behind and said, "Baby, I want to marry you back as soon as possible." "How do you say it? Is it because someone will cook for you every night when you return home?" Becky turned her head away and teased him with a smile. Jiang Zhong was in a hurry: "As God's testimony, if I had ten courages, I wouldn't dare to think like this. How dare I have any evil thoughts in front of the psychiatrist's wife? I must hold a grand wedding with such a wife, and I can't accept it like this." It's a little disrespectful to you, isn't it? " As they said that, the two laughed together and talked about the day they would hold the wedding while eating. Bei Ke said that it would be fine after getting the certificate. Holding a wedding is really annoying. Love or not does not depend on the ceremony, does it? Jiang Zhong quit, saying that it was announcing to the whole world that this flower has the owner, other flower thieves should not make up their minds, just get the certificate but not hold the wedding, I always feel a little sneaky, as if I just sneaked back a flower without saying hello to everyone. As if his wife didn't dare to see the light, Becky smiled and resigned to him, and the two laughed under the quilt. At night, Bei Ke suddenly remembered the crying on the phone, and asked what was going on, Jiang Zhong stretched his waist and said, "Yes, I was just going to ask you, is there someone who is the first to experience trauma? Suicide was thought of in one thought, but she didn't really want to commit suicide, she just used this method to intimidate the people around her?" "There are indeed such people. In fact, this kind of people have very good psychological quality and strong tolerance. They understand that they don't want to die, but they are just expressing a wish. In fact, such people are all self-abuse mental patients. Finding a kind of happiness in the self-destruction of the body that ordinary people dare not experience, of course, is also very dangerous, because they are not always able to grasp the precise boundary between death and self-abuse, what? Have you encountered similar cases?" Jiang Zhong nodded and told Bei Ke that it was the mother of a missing girl who went to report today. It is said that the girl had a weird temper since she was a child and had committed suicide many times. A week ago, the family thought she had gone to school. It wasn't until her brother went to see her at school that she didn't know that she hadn't returned to school at all, and everyone didn't know where she was. The girl was a child picked up by her father, who secretly loved her for many years, and it was their stepmother who came to report the crime. Jiang Zhong had met the girl's brother, and his intuition told him that this thin-faced man couldn't be the murderer, because he seemed to be in more pain than anyone else. When they were face to face, he leaned his head against the wall behind him most of the time, tightly With his eyes tightly closed, silent tears flowed across his face endlessly and into his temples, as if he wanted to pour out all the liquid in his body until his life was drained. "The girl had a physical relationship with him before she disappeared. Will she be stimulated by this and play suicide games in hiding like before? However, it is said that the girl loves him very much, but why did everything later happen? why?" Although the case has been filed, there is no clue to solve the case. What is even more troublesome is that the boy refuses to defend himself, as if if the missing girl cannot be found, he would rather die himself. Becker pursed her lips, pondered for a while and said: "Most young girls like this can surf the Internet, she must have an e-mail, if she is still safe, she must check her e-mail often, because no one has ever been able to Completely abandoning the past, she will go to her e-mail to see how others will react to her running away from home." Jiang Zhong Dale: "Yeah, why didn't I think of this, if she really loved Her brother, as long as she sends her his brother's current state and the family's reaction, she will definitely show up, and even if she doesn't show up, she will send an email back." After speaking, Jiang Zhong jumped up, kissed Bei Ke hard on the forehead, and went out.