Chapter 19 Chapter Eighteen

Gu Haiyang accompanies her to and from get off work, and meets acquaintances on the way, who asks: Are you going to be a father? The smile on his face is like a peony in summer, with a brilliant and luxurious pride. Sometimes, Xiao Xiao would glance at him quietly, and found that he was even thinner than before, and his back was slightly bent, as if he could not bear the burden of life. Her heart trembled, and she wanted to ask: Why did you lose weight? But for so long, she has been used to being indifferent to him, this sentence finally stopped in her heart, only at the dinner table, after saying, don't work so hard for me, you I know, I don't need to.

After speaking, I buried myself in eating. Gu Haiyang looked at her, smiled and said: But, I need, I need to express my love for you and the child.He tentatively picked up a shrimp in her bowl, Xiao Xiao's chopsticks stopped, picked up the shrimp, looked at it for a while, put it back on the plate, and ate only his roast beef brisket. Gu Haiyang sighed, long and long. At night, Gu Haiyang's sigh rang in Xiao Xiao's mind, and she didn't fall asleep for a long time. She sat up, looked at the blurred wall at a loss, and vaguely heard a low moan. Another low and depressing moan came from Gu Haiyang's room. She put on her clothes, stood at his door, turned on the light, and asked: What's wrong with you?

Seeing that it was her, Gu Haiyang sat up from the bed, smiled all over his face, like a child who had succeeded in playing a prank, looked at her and said: I'm fine. Xiao Xiao snorted in her nose, turned around and left, laughing secretly that she was mentally retarded and fell for his tricks. He always tried his best to tease her to talk to him. In the past, as long as there was a little awkwardness between them, she would ignore him. He would pretend to be unwell and groan loudly, as long as she did that, she would definitely let go of all her annoyance, run over at the first moment, and asked him what's the matter in a panic, but he laughed and picked her up, fighting The trouble was resolved.

But at that time, love was still there.Now, love is gone. He actually repeated the old trick again, she felt that she had been tricked, and went back to the bedroom angrily. In the following nights, several times, she heard his faint groans again, she sneered to herself, turned over, pulled the quilt over her head, and refused to be fooled again. Later, for a few days, she noticed that Gu Haiyang had become silent, his gloomy eyes were full of sentimentality, and he kept walking around the house, as if he couldn't be idle for a moment. The frozen and rotten garlic sprouts were dug out and discarded, replaced with fresh flower soil, and the rocking chair that creaked when shaken was also repaired. At that time, he was like a restless repairman. The things that might need to be repaired were checked, and Xiao Xiao was annoyed by the occasional jingling, so she simply locked herself in the bedroom and refused to come out.

After these jingling sounds disappeared, the computer in the study disappeared, and the crackling sound of typing on the keyboard came from the bedroom where Gu Haiyang slept. The slight crackling sound continued into the night. When going to work in the morning, Xiao Xiao accidentally discovered that Gu Haiyang had locked the bedroom door, and she sneered in her heart: Even if you begged me to look at it, I didn't look at it, so why bother to make such an unnecessary move. In the evening, Gu Haiyang carried packing boxes, large and small, and plunged into his room mysteriously, put them down, locked the door, and then came out to cook. After cooking, he brought it up. He looked at Xiao Xiao, picked out a piece of fish, Put it in Xiao Xiao's bowl, hold it down with chopsticks, look at her and say: Please, eat the food I cook once, and treat it as food for the child. I want the child to taste Dad's cooking, okay?

He looked at Xiao Xiao, his eyes gradually became moist, Xiao Xiao couldn't bear it, so he nodded. Gu Haiyang just smiled and said: I want my children to eat the rice I cooked, I'm afraid I won't have the chance in the future.Seeing Xiao Xiao looking at him suspiciously, Xuan'er laughed at himself again: I'm afraid you won't give me a chance in the future, I will feel guilty for the rest of my life if the child has never tasted the food cooked by Dad. Xiao Xiao sneered in his heart, thinking: Why didn't you think so when you were with Luo Mei.She didn't make a sound, picked up the piece of fish and looked at it for a while, Gu Haiyang stared at her nervously, until she put the fish into her mouth, then smiled with relief.

Xiao Xiao's body was getting heavier and heavier, and he had to wait at home half a month in advance. Although his mother and Meixi stayed here when they had nothing to do during this period, Gu Haiyang even asked for leave to stay at home, as if he was ready to give birth at any time. The time to welcome the arrival of the child. He seems to be addicted to shopping. When he is at home, besides shutting himself in the room and typing on the computer, he goes shopping on the street. After buying, he puts it in the bedroom. Seeing his mysterious appearance, Meixi teases him. Road: What good thing?Let's get to know each other.

He just smirked, and said incoherently: When my son is born, you have to treat him well, take him out to play if you have nothing to do, read to him, and play games with him. Meixi poked him: I did all these things, what are you doing in your spare time as a father? Gu Haiyang covered his chest that was stabbed by Meixi, let out a yelp, took a breath and said: I'll watch from the side. Seeing him grinning, Meixi looked at her fingers and joked, "I don't have magic tricks with one finger, so I won't stab your internal organs. Hey, by the way, you are locked in the room all day and crackling on the computer." knock what?Could it be online dating?

Gu Haiyang looked at Xiao Xiao, who was watching TV without squinting. Do you think I look like an online dating person? It's hard to say, how can people draw conclusions based on similarity and similarity.Speaking of this, Meixi suddenly became sad, pulled Xiao Xiao and said: I want to talk to you. Xiao Xiao glanced at her: Secret? Meixi sighed: Yes, secret, do you know why Chen Lu looks like a monk? Xiao Xiao shook her head, Meixi took her to the balcony: A few days ago, I proposed to Chen Lu. Xiao Xiao's eyes widened: Marriage proposal?you to him? ! What's wrong?As long as there is love, why do men have to propose to women? Can't I subvert this tradition?However, the result was really bad.Meixi lay on the guardrail, sobbing and crying: You know what?It's not that he doesn't love me, but he can't love me.

Why?Xiao Xiao asked puzzledly: I always thought he had been emotionally traumatized abroad. Not emotionally traumatized, but physically!Meixi cried and said intermittently: Why is my life so hard, I finally meet a person who I want to marry, but I am still a person who can't be a man. Meixi, what nonsense are you talking about!Xiao Xiao grabbed her tightly. In the second year when he went to study in the United States, he had a car accident. A car ran over his crotch. The doctor rescued him for two days. His leg was considered fine, but he could no longer be a man... … How could this be?No wonder he said that the most regrettable thing in his life is to study in the United States. At that time, I thought he had suffered emotional or psychological trauma in the United States. What are you going to do?

It's not what I want to do, it's that he refuses to marry me at all, I said that as long as I can live with him, I don't care about anything, but he said I am a silly girl, he said that people's mentality will change with the change of living environment For example, I fanatically want to live with him, other shortcomings will be overwhelmed by fanaticism and I don’t care, but when the desire to be with him becomes a reality, I will want to get other things, but he can’t give me. At that time, the beautiful love I thought would gradually degenerate into tasteless and then into garbage in dissatisfaction, so he didn't want me, he said he didn't want to make a happy angel into a bitter woman because of him. Do you think what he said makes sense? I have no idea. His words are very reasonable. With his personality, he will not hurt any girl in the name of marriage. No matter how persistent you are, he will not give you results. In fact, this is love, because he wants you to be happy.Xiao Xiao pulled her: go back to the room, the wind in spring is hard, after shedding tears, the skin will be damaged when the wind blows. Meixi flicked her hand: Let it break, let it break, what's the use of keeping it healthy? Xiao Xiao dragged her back to the room, and Gu Haiyang had already gone back to the bedroom. The crackling sound of the keyboard was heard softly, and Meixi wiped away her tears for a while, then sighed and said: Actually, I understand the truth, but the feelings are different. Ken surrendered to reason. When leaving, Meixi pointed to Gu Haiyang's room: Don't you feel awkward living in the same house and not talking all day? Xiao Xiao pushed her out: Don't worry about my business, I've already gotten used to it. Meixi held the door, refusing to leave: I bet, no one will love you more than Gu Haiyang in this life. Xiao Xiao smiled and said: No one has hurt me so cruelly. Strange, why I don't know.Meixi wanted to squeeze back curiously.Xiao Xiao opened the door and pushed her out: Too much curiosity will increase the psychological burden, so go back quickly. As he said that, he closed the door, went back to the bedroom to read a book, lost his mind while looking at it, and thought of Luo Mei wistfully. If he hadn't seen that scene, perhaps, as long as Gu Haiyang had a flattering look in his eyes and a warm word, everything would be back to normal. In the end, it was God tricking people, and she happened to bump into him.Then I thought of some plots in novels. Obviously, the wife caught her husband and raped her on the bed. After crying and making trouble, she held that unbearable scene in her hands as a curse, and the days went on. I don’t know if those wives will be happy together When they were having fun, they remembered that he used the same posture to desecrate her love for him. Would their hearts hide in a secluded corner and cry secretly?Are you continuing to whitewash the happiness of marriage after dawn? In this way, what is the difference between loyalty and adultery? The latter is more dull, trying to find a knife to stick in his heart, let it cut himself for a long time without weakening, let love, just like that, There is no way forward, and there is no way back. Xiao Xiao, do you really want to divorce Gu Haiyang?If so, will you regret it?She asked herself a question, but she couldn't find the answer except that she was confused, so she slipped into the quilt, covered her head, fell asleep, and cried in a dream. Waking up in the throbbing, I felt my stomach was tightening and aching. The whole stomach was twisted into a hard ball, like a hardened stone. She gritted her teeth and turned on the desk lamp. It was one o'clock in the morning. She looked at the Table, test the frequency of stomach pain, severe pain every five minutes, it is paroxysmal pain. She bent down, clutched her belly, and wanted to call her mother, but a burst of severe pain hit her, and she finally let go of her clenched teeth, screamed and slid along the bed to the floor superior. Then, she heard Gu Haiyang rushing over, picked her up, put her on the bed, told her to relax and take a big breath, and dialed 120 at the same time. After making the phone call, he picked her up, picked up the hospital supplies he had prepared long ago, and ran downstairs staggeringly. It had been a long time since they had been so intimate. It's just that he hooked his neck tightly and let him stagger and hug him downstairs. When the pain was intermittent, she raised her eyes to look at Gu Haiyang. He was getting thinner and thinner, almost only the skin and bones were left with thin and tough muscles. He hugged him and looked anxiously at the street, waiting for the 120 ambulance. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead and landed on her face. At this moment, boundless tenderness rose in her heart. She reached out to wipe the sweat on his forehead and said: "Let me go!" Come down and wait, you are too tired. Gu Haiyang shook his head resolutely. She pressed her face against his chest, listening to his beating heart, felt a kind of warmth that no one could give, passing through the thin clothes and soaking into her body. She touched his face with infinite love and compassion: Hai Hai, you are much thinner. She suddenly regretted the silence and coldness towards him these days. She wanted to say Haiyang, I love you, but before she could say it, the ambulance came, and she was carried into the car in a hurry, and lay on the cot in the ambulance, holding Gu Haiyang's hand tightly, Look at him tenderly and smile. Gu Haiyang also stared at her and smiled, she pulled his hand and said: Haiyang, I feel a kind of pain dripping from your eyes. Gu Haiyang smiled and said: Because you are suffering.After finishing speaking, he leaned on her ear and whispered: Little fairy, I love you forever. The voice was very small, but the little nurse sitting next to her still heard it and smiled quietly. Xiao Xiao nodded and mouthed "I love you". Before entering the delivery room, Xiao Xiao said: Call and tell mom. Gu Haiyang agreed, and chased after a few more steps, the doctor turned around and asked: What's wrong? Gu Haiyang gasped and said: I want to tell my wife that I love her. The doctor smiled and looked at him amused. The son tormented Xiao Xiao until he was exhausted before he was willing to come to this world. Xiao Xiao tilted his head, looked at her son, who was held in the hands of the nurse, smiled wearily, and fell asleep. When she woke up, she was already lying in the ward, and the sun was shining outside the window. She smiled happily, opened her eyes lazily, and looked around. Her son was like a pink kitten.Closing her eyes tightly, lying on the crib next to her, Xiao Xiao touched his slender fingers clenched into small fists, turned her face, and saw her mother sitting beside him silently, except for Gu Haiyang, so she asked, "Mom?" , what about the ocean?Did he see the baby? The mother's eyes were red, as if she had just cried, she nodded: Haiyang saw her son. Mom, look at you, why are you crying, you should be happy to see your grandson, by the way, you haven't told me where Haiyang is yet. Haiyang... Mom turned her face away, looked out of the ward door and said: Haiyang fainted after seeing his son, and he was exhausted from taking care of you for a while. It's my fault, I shouldn't always make things difficult for him.Xiao Xiao tried to struggle to sit up, but as soon as he moved, the side incision hurt like tearing: From now on, I will never make things difficult for him again, where is Haiyang?I'm going to see him. Mom hurriedly turned around: don't get up, the wound just healed will be healed, don't worry about it, Meixi will take care of him upstairs. Mom, are you crying?Xiao Xiao saw tears on her mother's face that she didn't have time to wipe off, and her eyes were also red. Mom sees you working so hard, it hurts... Just as she was talking, Meixi ran in in a panic, shouting anxiously: "Auntie, Gu Haiyang doesn't... Mother hurriedly waved at her, Meixi saw Xiao Xiao woke up, covered her mouth quickly, and said after a while: It's okay, I think he seems to be going to sleep. Xiao Xiao faintly felt something was wrong, her mother and Meixi seemed to be hiding something from her, she stared straight at Meixi and said: Come here. She grabbed Meixi's hand: Don't lie to me, tell me, what happened to Haiyang? Meixi raised her head and did not look at her, Xiao Xiao struggled to get out of bed: I will go and see by myself. My mother finally couldn't hold it back, and cried out loudly. Meixi said: We just found out that Haiyang had liver cancer detected 5 months ago, and it had already spread to the lymph when it was detected. There is no point in treating it. Well, even the doctor said that it is an absolute miracle that he can survive until today. Xiao Xiao, I think he is holding on to wait for the day when his son is born. On the morning, I asked him what was wrong, and he said it was all right, just a little tired, he kept smiling, waited until the nurse came out holding the child, took a look at his son, closed his eyes and slid down the wall, and sent him to the emergency room, the doctor I felt something was wrong, asked him, and he told the truth... Meixi was crying while talking, and as he listened, Xiao Xiao felt that his head was becoming more and more clean, as pale as if he had just undergone a thorough washing, unable to grasp any symbols of memory, his body slipped down the bed, dazedly Looking at Meixi, he said: Take me to see him, where is he? Meixi supported Xiao Xiao upstairs, she stood at the door of the ward, looked at Gu Haiyang lying on the snow-white bed, tears streaming down her eyes, she inserted her fingers into his hair, and said: Haiyang, I am here Nightmares, you hit me, wake me up. Gu Haiyang tried hard to open his eyes, raised his hand hard, and held her hand. Their fingers were slowly tangled together. He didn't even have the strength to laugh, and he tried hard to raise the corners of his mouth: I made a Long and beautiful dream, in the dream I married the beautiful you, and then we had a lovely son, I really don't want to wake up... Xiao Xiao put his hand on his face and looked at him, tears pouring down like rain, the great grief overwhelmed her, she couldn't say a word, just choked up. Gu Haiyang's fingers trembled slightly on her face: I have spent 5 months accompanying my child's lifelong growth...in the computer...meet you...so good...married you...so happy , little fairy, I love you, I haven't loved you enough... His hand drooped heavily, and Gu Haiyang fell into a deep coma again. Regardless of the obstruction of his mother and Meixi, Xiao Xiao rushed out of the hospital like crazy, called a taxi and ran home. She opened the door of Gu Haiyang's bedroom. She opened the door, and she opened the bedside table, and saw a pile of cancer painkillers and morphine injections. The groans that were suppressed in the middle of the night rang through the bottom of her heart. There were so many signs, why didn’t she pay attention? , he repaired and checked all the things in the house that needed to be repaired and checked. It turned out that it was not because he was too idle, nor was he looking for something to do because he was lonely because she ignored him, but because he foresaw that death was coming and put All the things that need to be done by a man have been taken care of in advance. Besides, Meixi just pokes him lightly with his finger, and his face is deformed in pain. After all, how much tenacity is needed to grit his teeth before he can cover up the raging Physical ailments? Why didn't she take these signs to heart? She swept all those bottles and boxes on the ground. As the cancer progressed, they could no longer deceive his nerves, so he had to inject morphine to relieve pain. And what is she doing?Cancer was gnawing at his body, and she was gnawing at his heart with indifference... She hated herself. The more than 200,000 characters on the computer are Gu Haizi's message to the child. My child, for you, I have been insisting, waiting to see you before falling down is my biggest wish now... I know that you will have a lot of happiness or setbacks in your life, if I can accompany you through this growth process, How happy it should be, but Dad doesn't have this opportunity anymore. On the computer, Dad writes down the problems you may encounter in your life one by one. When you encounter these problems, you can refer to Dad's opinions... ... Son, after writing these more than 200,000 words, I feel like I have accompanied you through the entire growth process. Really, Dad is very happy, and mother who loves you is very hard. She is the person who loves you the most and is my favorite Beloved person…… From the son's going to kindergarten to elementary school, middle school to university, to all aspects of work and love, everything is written in detail. Gu Haiyang left a message to Xiao Xiao saying: My dear goblin, I thought about it, and if there is one flaw in our love, it is that I never seriously wrote you a love letter, even while I was in England.Now that I think about it, it is a pity that communication is convenient. After all, text messages and emails cannot be kept for a lifetime. They are not specific enough, because when you miss someone, they cannot let you touch them specifically, and they cannot travel through paper. The ink marks on the paper imagine the expression of a person writing them under the lamp, so I decided to use the little time left to make up for this shortcoming. I imagined what you might look like when the years passed, and wrote many love letters by hand, one every year , until you are 100 years old, according to the time, you open them on your birthday every year, and you will see my love, which will never change... Marrying you is the greatest happiness in my life, forgive me for hurting you, Forgive me for hiding my illness, because I want you to have a good mood waiting for the baby to be born.. If you cry, honey, you have forgiven me, and I smile, thank you for always loving me.. These gifts , I’m worried that I won’t have the chance to give it to my child in person, please give him a few gifts every year, and the date of giving the gift is written on the box... The sound of beeping was accompanied by the sound of her reading these words. A winding red curve slowly stretched out from the bottom of her trousers. She looked at them and thought desperately: where did they come from? Oh, it was dripping from her heart, she had no way to stop them, so she had to watch them, flowing and flowing, like a beautiful vermilion ribbon, spreading slowly... Later, she heard a scream, she raised her eyes, panting Meixi looked at the blood on the floor, she rushed over, crying and carried her on her back: You still have a son, you can't leave him in spite of. Back at the hospital, Gu Haiyang was still in a deep coma. She refused to let the doctor check whether the side incision wound was freed, but looked at Chen Lu and said: I want to take some family photos. Chen Lu asked Meixi to find a camera, Xiao Xiao hugged the child, helped Gu Haiyang up, put his son on his shoulder, and said softly: Haiyang, we are going to take a family portrait. Gu Haiyang, who was in a coma, seemed to have heard her call, opened his eyes with difficulty, and raised the corners of his mouth. Chen Lu quickly pressed the shutter, and finished shooting a film in one go. Everyone's eyes were clouded by tears. Xiao Xiao handed the child to Meixi, struggled to get out of the hospital bed, refused anyone to help, and then she said: I want to stay alone with Gu Haiyang for a while. She stood up, slowly, kept everyone out of the door, and closed the door. Like before, like a dexterous fox, she climbed onto the narrow hospital bed, lay down tightly against Gu Haiyang, and held him Rubbing and rubbing kisses on his face, softly whispering: Haiyang, I love you, love you... Gu Haiyang smiled slightly, big tears rolled down his thin cheeks, his body was getting colder and colder, the late spring air took away his body temperature little by little, his body was like a dry The leaves of the leaves, stay in the middle of the white sickbed... She stood up slowly, looked at the people outside the ward and said: The spring of 2005 came so late...