Chapter 4 Chapter 2-2

I think it is necessary to rewrite the story of the creation of heaven and earth in the "Old Testament. Genesis".In Chinese novels, the effeminate and sentimental hero loves to hang out with women, adores his two beautiful cousins, and often regrets being born a boy.He said "Women are made of water, men are made of mud".Because he thinks his cousins ​​are cute, pure, and smart, while himself and his male companions are ugly, confused, and grumpy.If the author of the "Genesis" story was someone like Jia Baoyu and knew what he was talking about, then he would definitely write a different story.God formed a man out of clay, breathed life into his nostrils, and he became Adam.But Adam began to crack and shatter, so God took a little water and molded the soil again; the water that seeped into Adam's body was Eve, and with Eve in Adam's body, his life was complete.This seems to me at least the symbolism of marriage.Women are water, and men are mud. Water seeps into the mud and shapes the mud. The mud absorbs the water and makes the water have a form, so that the water can flow in this form, live, and gain a rich life. .

Many years ago, Mrs. Guan, the wife of Zhao Mengfu, a great painter of the Yuan Dynasty (she was also a painter herself and worked as a master in the court), already used mud and water as a metaphor for human marriage.In middle age, when Zhao Mengfu's enthusiasm was getting colder and he planned to marry a concubine, Mrs. Guan wrote the following poem to him, which moved him greatly and changed his mind: you and me, Too much love, love a lot, Hot as hell! take a piece of mud, twist one you, Make a me. put the two of us, break together, mixed with water, Twist you again, Make another me.

I have you in the mud, You have me in the mud; Born with the same quilt as you, Die in the same coffin. It is a well-known fact that Chinese society and life are organized on the basis of the family system.This system dominates and infects the entire life style of the Chinese people.Where did this family ideal of living come from?This question is not often raised because China takes this ideal for granted, and foreign researchers feel that they do not have enough experience to discuss this issue.Regarding the point that the family system becomes the basis of all social and political life, it is generally believed that the theoretical foundation of this theory was established by Confucius; Emphasis on filial piety to parents, as well as the custom of inspecting ancestral tombs once a year, worshiping ancestors, and setting up ancestral halls.

Some writers have called the ancestor worship of the Chinese a religion, and it seems to me that this is mostly true.The irreligious point of this cult is that it excludes or makes a lesser place for the supernatural.Ancestor worship has little to do with the supernatural, so it can go hand in hand with Christianity, Buddhism, or Islam's belief in God.It is natural and normal that the rites of ancestor worship give rise to a form of religion, since all belief requires an outward symbol and form.It seems to me no more religious or less religious to pay homage to those fourteen or fifteen inch tall wooden masters bearing the names of our ancestors than the portrait of the Emperor on British postage stamps.First, the Chinese generally regard the souls of these ancestors as human beings, not as gods; Chinese people regard them as old people, and their descendants continue to enshrine them. They do not pray to their ancestors for goods or healing of diseases. There is none of the usual haggling between admirers and admirers.Second, holding this ceremony of worship is just an opportunity for children and grandchildren to commemorate the ancestors who have passed away. This day is a day for family reunion and expressing gratitude for the achievements of ancestors in establishing a family and business.It is not quite a proper substitute for the birthday celebrations of the ancestors while they were alive, but in spirit it is not so different from the birthday celebrations of parents or the celebration of "Mother's Day" in the United States.

The only reason why Christian missionaries forbid Chinese believers to participate in the ceremonies and feasts of ancestor worship is because worshipers must kneel before the ancestor's wooden master. This behavior violates the first commandment of the "Ten Commandments".This point is the clearest evidence of the lack of understanding among Christian missionaries.The knees of Chinese people are not as precious as those of Westerners, because we kneel to the emperor, to the county magistrate, and to our living parents on New Year's Day.Therefore, Chinese knees are naturally easier to use, and a person who kneels to a wooden master shaped like a calendar does not increase or decrease his pagan qualifications.Christians in China, on the other hand, were obliged to cut themselves off from general social life in the villages and towns, because they were not allowed to participate in public feasts, or even to contribute money to help the expenses of theatrical performances.Therefore, Chinese Christians are literally expelled from their own families.

This feeling of filial piety and mystical duty to one's own family often formed a deeply religious attitude: there is no doubt about it.For example, the seventeenth-century Confucian master Yan Yuan, in his old age, went out in a sentimental mood to find his elder brother, who, because he had no heirs, hoped that his elder brother would have a son.This Confucian disciple, who believed in actions over knowledge, lived in Sichuan at the time.His brother has been missing for many years.He was tired of explaining the teachings of Confucius, and one day he suddenly had a whim (this must be a "call from the gods" in the words of the missionaries) and felt that he should look for the missing brother.His work is extremely difficult.He didn't know where his brother was, or even if he was alive.It was very dangerous to travel abroad at that time, because the regime of the Ming Dynasty had been overthrown, and the situation in various places was very chaotic.However, the old man still went out desperately with religious devotion, posting missing persons notices on the city gates and in the inns everywhere, hoping to find his brother.In this way, he traveled from the west of China to the northeastern provinces, traveling thousands of miles along the way; after many years, one day, he went to a public toilet and put his umbrella by the wall, and his brother's son saw that Only by the name on the umbrella did he recognize him and take him home.His brother was dead, but he had achieved his purpose, he had found an heir for his line.

Why Confucius paid so much attention to filial piety is unknown, but Dr. Wu Jingxiong once said in an excellent paper ("True Confucius") that the reason was that Confucius had no father when he was born. It's the same psychological reason that the writer of "Home, Sweet Home" never had a family in his life.If Confucius had a father when he was a child, his concept of paternity would not have been so romantic; if his father was still alive when he was an adult, this concept would have had an even more unfortunate conclusion.He will certainly see his father's faults, and may therefore find the idea of ​​absolute filial piety a little difficult to carry out.In any case, when he was born, his father was dead, and not only that, Confucius didn't even know where his father's grave was.His parents' union was informal, so his mother was reluctant to tell him who his father was.When his mother died, he buried her (in a cynical way, I think) in "the thoroughfare of the five fathers," and only after an old woman peeped out of his father's burial place did he leave his parents buried in another place.

We have to let this ingenious theory speak for itself.Regarding the necessity of family ideals, we can find many reasons in Chinese literature.The opening concept is to see the human being as part of a family unit, not as an individual.This idea is again sponsored by a philosophy of life.That view of life may be called the principle of the "flow of life," and that philosophy holds that the satisfaction of man's natural instincts is the ultimate goal of morality and politics. The ideal of the family system is necessarily incompatible with the ideal of private individualism.After all, human beings cannot be a completely isolated individual. This kind of individualistic thinking is unrealistic.What is a man if we don't think of him as a son, a brother, a father, or a friend?Such a person becomes a metaphysical abstract noun.Since the Chinese have a biological mind, they naturally think of a person's biological relationship first.Therefore, the family becomes the natural biological unit of our existence, and marriage itself becomes a family matter, not an individual matter.

In my book, I pointed out the disadvantages of this family system that possesses everything. It can become a kind of expanded selfishness and hinder the development of the country.But this kind of evil exists in all human systems, whether it is in the family system, or in Western individualism and nationalism, because human nature is fundamentally flawed.The Chinese always think that a person is greater and more important than the country, but he is not greater or more important than the family, because he has no real existence without the family.The evils of modern European nationalism are equally obvious.The nation can easily become a monstrosity--and some nations have become monstrosities--and swallow up individual liberty of speech, liberty of conscience, private honor, and even the ultimate purpose of personal happiness.

We can replace Western individualism and nationalism with the ideal of the family, in which human beings are not individuals but members of the family, a major part of the great current of family life.This is what I mean by the principle of the "flow of life".Generally speaking, human life can be said to be caused by the flow of life of many different races, but what a person directly feels and sees is the flow of life of the family. According to Chinese and Westerners We use the term "family" or "family tree" as an analogy. Each person's life is just a part or a branch of that tree, which grows on the tree and helps the whole tree to grow and continue with its life. .We must therefore regard human life as a growth or continuation, each person playing a part in the family history, fulfilling his duty to the family as a whole, bringing shame or glory to himself and his family.

This sense of family consciousness and family honor may be the only manifestation of team spirit or group consciousness in Chinese life.In order for the game of life to be played as well as the other team, or better than the other, each member of the family must be careful not to spoil the game, or make mistakes that will cause his The team fails.If he can, he should find a way to take the ball farther.An unworthy kid can do as much shame to himself and his family as a defensive player can't catch the ball and is snatched away by the enemy.The person who won the first place in the imperial examination is the same as a player who breaks through the enemy's defense and helps the team win.The glory is his own, and it is also his family's.After a person wins the number one scholar or Jinshi, his family, relatives, clansmen, and even people in the same town can rely on him to gain some benefits emotionally and materially.Therefore, after one or two hundred years, the people in the town will still boast that they once had a champion in a certain era.After a person wins the number one scholar or a Jinshi, he returns to his hometown in fine clothes and puts a golden plaque of honor high in his ancestral temple. The family and the people in the town are very happy. His mother may be crying with joy. Everyone feels very honored.Compared with the lively scene in the past, the situation where a person obtains a college diploma today is very different. In this picture of family life we ​​can find many variations and colors.A man himself has gone through the stages of childhood, youth, adulthood, old age, etc.: at first he was raised by others, then he turned to be raised by others, and when he was old, he was raised by others again; at first he obeyed and respected others, and later he grew older The more obedience and respect you get from others.The presence of women in particular accentuates the colors of the picture.Women step into this picture of continuous family life not as ornaments or playthings, or even as wives at all, but as an essential part of the family tree—the element that keeps the family system going.For the strength of any family system depends upon the woman who marries into the family and the blood she supplies.Wise parents are as careful in their selection of women as they are of sound heredity, as a gardener is careful in his selection of good seeds for transplanting twigs.A man's life, and especially his family life, is made or destroyed by the wife he marries, and the whole character of the future family is dictated by her: this is quite a reasonable inference.The health of the grandchildren and the domestic upbringing they will receive (which is much valued) depend entirely on the upbringing of the daughter-in-law herself.Thus, in this family ideal there is an amorphous and ambiguous eugenic system, based on a belief in heredity, and often with a strong emphasis on "family status", which is the relationship between the parents or grandparents of the family and the bride. standards of health, beauty, and upbringing.Generally speaking, the focus is on family upbringing (the same meaning as Westerners choose women in "good families"), which includes good old traditions of thrift, hard work, gentle manners, and politeness.Parents, when they sometimes have the misfortune to see their son married to a vulgar and worthless daughter-in-law, often secretly curse the family for not bringing up their daughter well.Therefore, parents have the responsibility to educate their daughters so that they will not disgrace the dignity of their natal family after they get married-for example, if they cannot cook or make delicious rice cakes, they will disgrace the decency of their natal family. In terms of the principle of the flow of life in the family system, eternal life is almost visible and tangible.When a grandfather sees his grandson go to school with a schoolbag on his back, he feels in his heart that he has really lived in that child's life; when he touches the child's hand or pinches its cheek, he knows it is his own flesh and blood .His own life was but a part of the family tree, or part of the ever-flowing stream of family life, so he died gladly.For this reason, Chinese parents are most concerned with seeing their children happily married before they die, because that is more important than their own cemetery or choosing a good coffin.Because he has to see with his own eyes what kind of people his children are marrying, so that he can know the life his children will live. . Such a view of life enables a person to have a vision of worldly things, because life no longer ends with an individual life.After the key members of the central back line lost their combat ability, the team continued to play.Success and failure begin to present a different picture.The ideal of Chinese life is: a person should live a life that does not humiliate his ancestors, and at the same time have a son who does not hurt the face of his parents.When Chinese officials resign from office, they often say: Everything is enough to have a son, No official is light. Perhaps the most unfortunate thing for a person is to have some unworthy sons who "degenerate their family reputation" or squander their ancestral property.If a father with millions of dollars has a son who is addicted to gambling, it is tantamount to using up all the money he has earned in his life.If the son fails, it is an absolute failure.On the other hand, a far-sighted widow with a good five-year-old son can endure years of pain, humiliation, and even abuse and persecution.Chinese history and literature are full of widows who endured all the hardships and abuses and lived until they saw their sons rise to prominence, prominence, perhaps even celebrity.Chiang Kai-shek is the latest example, as a child he and his widowed mother were abused by their neighbors.As long as the widow placed her hope in her son, she was never discouraged.Widows are generally able to give their children a special education in character and morals, and their education is successful, because women generally have a more practical sense; so I have often felt that in the education of children, fathers are completely unnecessary. .The widow often laughs the loudest, because she laughs last. Therefore, such a coordination of family life is satisfactory because human life in all biological aspects has been taken care of.This was, after all, the main goal of Confucius.In Confucius' mind, the ultimate ideal of politics has a lot to do with biology: "The old are safe, the young are cherished." A sentence on side issues, but the ultimate goal of politics.This is the so-called humanistic philosophy of "Daqing".Confucius wanted all our human instincts to be satisfied, because only in this way can we obtain moral peace from a contented life, and because only moral peace is real peace.The purpose of this political ideal is to make politics unnecessary, because that peace will be a solid, heartfelt peace. The final test of any culture, as I see it, is: What kind of parent-marital does that culture produce?Compared with such a simple and serious problem, the products of other cultures-art, philosophy, literature and material life, have become unimportant things. When my compatriots are racking their brains to compare Chinese and Western cultures, I always give them this pain-relieving potion. This has become my trick, because this potion is always very effective.Those who study Western life and academics, whether they are in China or studying abroad, are naturally amazed by the great achievements of the West—from medicine, geology, astronomy, to skyscrapers, beautiful automobile roads and natural color cameras. .He may praise these achievements, or feel ashamed that China does not have these achievements, or he may praise and feel ashamed at the same time.He has developed an inferior and intricate psychology. After a while, you may find that he is trying his best to maintain Eastern culture, with a proud and impassioned attitude; but in fact he does not know what to say.In order to show his strong opinion, he may reject those skyscrapers and beautiful motor roads, although I have not seen anyone reject a fine camera.His situation is a bit pitiful, because in this way, he loses the qualification to criticize Eastern and Western cultures, because he cannot make steady, reasonable and calm criticism.Confused and entangled by such inferior and intricate thoughts, he really needs to take what the Chinese call "calming medicine" to lower his enthusiasm. Such an experiment as I am proposing has the strange effect of setting aside all that is unimportant in civilization and culture, and making human beings perfectly equal under a simple and clear equation.In this way, all other cultural achievements become mere tools for the ultimate end in creating better couples and parents.Since ninety percent of human beings are husbands and wives, and since one hundred percent of human beings have parents, and since marriage and family are the most intimate relationships in human life, then the culture that produces better husbands and wives and better parents can To create a happier life, at the same time, this culture is also a more noble culture.The character of the men and women with whom we live is more important than the work they accomplish, and every young girl should be grateful for the culture that gave her a better husband.This kind of thing is relative and every era and country has its ideal couples and parents.Perhaps the best way of obtaining good couples is to practice the principles of eugenics, which will save us a lot of trouble in educating couples.On the other hand, a culture that ignores the family, or treats the family as an irrelevant institution, will produce inferior products as a result. I know I've touched on biology.I am biological, and every man and woman is biological. It is useless to raise the slogan "Let us belong to biology", because we do belong to biology whether we like it or not.Every man is biologically happy, biologically angry, biologically ambitious, biologically religious, or biologically peaceful, though he may not know it himself.Since we are all living beings, we are all born as babies, suck our mother's milk, marry and have children when we grow up.Every man and woman is born of a woman, and nearly every man lives with a woman all his life, and becomes the father of boys and girls; .Some people do not want to be parents, just as trees and flowers do not want to produce seeds to continue the life of their species, but no one can refuse to have parents, just as no tree can refuse to be born from seeds.Therefore, we see a fundamental fact: the most important relationship in life is the relationship between parents and children. If any philosophy of life does not pay attention to this fundamental relationship, it cannot be called a proper philosophy, or even a philosophy. . However, the mere relationship between a man and a woman is not enough; it must result in the birth of a baby, otherwise it is an incomplete relationship.There is absolutely no reason why culture should deny men and women the right to have babies.I know this is a very real problem these days, and I know that today there are many men and women who do not marry, and there are also many men and women who do not want to have boys and girls when they are married for some reason.It seems to me that, whatever the reason may be, a man or woman who fails to bequeath to the world is the greatest crime he or she commits in his or her life.If the infertility is due to a physical relationship, then that body is degenerate and wrong; if the infertility is due to a high standard of living, then it is wrong to have a high standard of living; if the infertility is due to the standard of marriage too high, then the standard of marriage is wrong; if barrenness is due to an absurd philosophy of individualism, then that philosophy of individualism is wrong; if barrenness is due to the whole machinery of the social system, then , the whole machinery of that social system is wrong.Perhaps in the twenty-first century, when we are more biologically advanced and more aware of our own place as creatures, men and women will see this truth.I believe that the twentieth century will become the century of biology in the same way that the nineteenth century became the century of the comparative natural sciences.When man knows himself better, and knows the futility of resisting the instincts given him, he must appreciate this simple wisdom all the more.We have seen this growing biological and medical wisdom when we heard the Swiss psychologist Jung urging rich women who came to seek medical treatment to go back to their hometowns to have children, raise chickens, and grow carrots The problem with the wealthy female patients is that they lack biological function, or their biological function is too low-level and useless. Throughout history, men have not learned how to live with women.Nevertheless, it is strange that men live together with women.A man cannot speak ill of a woman if he knows that a human being needs a mother in order to be born.He is surrounded by women from birth to death, mother, wife, daughter, etc. If he does not marry, he has to live by his sisters like William Wordsworth, or like Spencer. Like Herbert Spencer, living off his housekeeper.If he cannot maintain a normal relationship with his mother or sister, then no superior philosophy can save his soul; if he cannot maintain a normal relationship even with his housekeeper, God have mercy on him ! A man who cannot maintain a normal relationship with a woman, who lives a crooked moral life, like Oscar Wilde, still cries: "A man cannot live with a woman, nor can he live without a woman! "There is some kind of sadness in his heart.Therefore, from the time when the author of an Indian story to the time of Ye Wilde in the early twentieth century, human wisdom seems to have never improved for a while, because the author who wrote the Indian story of the creation of the world showed what he did 4,000 years ago. Thoughts are quite the same as Wilde's.According to the story of the creation of the world: When God created woman, God took the beauty of flowers, the song of birds, the colors of rainbows, the kiss of breeze, the laughter of waves, the gentleness of lambs, the cunning of foxes, and the white clouds. The capriciousness and the changeability of the rain, and made them a woman to be a man's wife.Adam in the Hindu story is merry, and he and his wife are roaming the beautiful land.After a few days, Adam ran to God and said, "Take this woman away, because I can't live with her." God agreed to his request and led Eve away.So Adam felt lonely and still unhappy; after a few days, he ran to God and said, "Give me back my woman, because I can't live without her." God agreed to his request and returned Eve give him.A few days later, Adam came to ask God, saying: "Please take back this Eve you created, because I will never live with her." The wise God agreed again.Later, Adam came to God for the fourth time and complained that he could not live without his female companion.At this time, God asked him to make a promise that he would not change his mind again, that he would share the joys and sorrows with her, and live a common life in this world to the best of their ability.I think even today the picture has not changed at all. How Chinese Girls Love Beauty——An Open Letter to a French Writer Dear M. Dekebra: Things change.The last time I met you at Yufengtai Restaurant on Fuzhou Road, we not only ate crab meat and drank Shaoxing wine, but also sat with a few fair ladies from Shanghai.Thinking of your "Daughter of the Night Express", I suggest you write an essay on "The Crab and the Lady", but you don't care about the crab, you just listen to the lady's conversation.The wine is delicious and the crab is good (you are not interested in drinking), and the Chinese ladies are pretty and charming.The fun of that night still haunts me to this day.During the dinner, I couldn't help but think that the modern Chinese girls you are lucky enough to see are in their youth, and such luck may change your overall perception of Chinese women.I don't know, your zeal can get you carried away, your overrated remarks about Chinese women can put you in an embarrassing situation.Now some of our female college students in Beiping are protesting to you, saying that your complimenting them on their beauty is tantamount to being rude to them.Maybe you can't figure out the cause of the trouble yourself, I would like to analyze the psychology of Chinese female college students for you, and help you solve problems. Now, all the European tourists I meet who belong to first-class artists have this opinion: Chinese girls are beautiful and elegant, and their clothes also have a seductive charm that cannot be found in European ladies.But as far as I know, you are the first person to openly and honestly declare that Chinese girls are beautiful.It is said that your taste is very bad, you like Chinese food, you also like Chinese girls, what's more, maybe you will give up your staunch celibacy one day and marry a Chinese woman.It is the first time that such a shocking statement as yours has been published in Chinese newspapers.I've never heard a European living in Shanghai praise Chinese food, Chinese clothing, Chinese architecture, or Chinese women, and even if I had personally heard it, the "Republic of China" as a whole still didn't know it had anything to admire.Some British people coyly admit in private that they really like Chinese food, but a decent British person would never say in a Shanghai nightclub that he likes Chinese food, Chinese women or Chinese people, or he will be ridiculed as a "weird" and killed. Immediately lose face... Things have developed to such a point that Chinese people dare not eat in their own way in front of foreigners, dare not wear their own robes, dare not speak their own language, dare not have Chinese style garden.Now you dare to say that Chinese girls are beautiful in spite of the world, but of course no one believes you, let alone Chinese girls themselves.College girls don't want to trust you anymore.Miss Pan, who protested against you in Peiping, of course said that you were sarcastic.You were joking, of course--but outrageously--you were laughing at them.A female writer asked in "Grand Evening News": Why do you laugh at Chinese women but not Parisian women?Ms. Pan asked why you didn't talk about literature and only about women (this is a typical question raised by college students).A man who wrote for the "China Times" asked a question that hit the nail on the head: Why don't you insult women from other countries, but why do you insult Chinese girls?Shouldn't Chinese women also reflect on this issue? A female reader's echo in the "Great Evening News" was sincere and thought-provoking: Although we don't like being insulted, we are also to blame... Ah, sisters, we must wake up... All this because You said (according to "Shenbao") that your ideal woman is a happy oriental beauty! No, we're scared, we're humiliated, and we can no longer trust anyone who says anything good about China.Seeing foreign tourists standing in front of the Temple of Heaven piously, we feel that the Temple of Heaven should be ashamed.We deeply regret that the Temple of Heaven is not built of reinforced concrete, and the building is only three stories high.Hearing foreigners say that the Temple of Heaven is beautiful, if the Temple of Heaven is Ms. Pan, even if you don’t accuse the foreigner of deliberately insulting him, you should still say to him dissatisfied: “You are not serious.” The Temple of Heaven is like a slave girl. But when she suddenly found someone patting her on the back, she would cry out in horror, "How dare you be rude!" But, Mr. Dekebra, you dared to do it.Now there is no other way to make them believe you except that you are always saying "Chinese girls are beautiful".If a European novelist later comes along to agree with you, he may have less trouble than you. Of course, you know what I mean. The term "inferiority complex" is a well-worn tune, but it has to be played again.As a novelist, you certainly know that inferiority complexes do not exist because one is truly inferior.You just have to tell someone he's no good, ten times a day, and he'll soon believe it himself.That's how Sunday school raises so many "bad kids"—by warning kids that they want red ribbons or candy, and they're bad kids—so they go home like criminals and tell their parents they It's the bad boy, it's really disturbing.Mr. Dekebra, your white brothers in the Far East are all Sunday school preachers, and they always say they hate dirty, fat-faced yellow people by virtue of their shaved beards and seeming kindness.This makes us think we are the devil's children too, and they tell us so bluntly when we doubt it.Of course, the sense of superiority shown by White Tinder in Shanghai nightclubs is not entirely selfish.They need to feel superior.Life is usually a mess, and human beings are so small.Therefore, it is really beneficial to have a good ancestor and some ancestral glory.If there is no such blessing, if not every foreigner who lives here can hang an oil portrait of his ancestors in his living room, he should believe that he has the authentic blood of his outstanding ancestors in the cave age, It's good for him too.Doing so will make everything go well and generate self-confidence.Confidence means success, as all American psychology professors agree.Confident people don't have to worry about China's affairs.But what I just talked about is the origin of inferiority complex, especially explaining why Ms. Pan has inferiority complex.Regardless of the predominance of the white race, regardless of the movies starring Mae West and Greta Garbo, Chinese female college students can't wait for these blue-eyed people with blonde curly hair.Ms. Pan never thought that a Chinese girl with black hair and a willow waist could confuse Europeans.The effect of the movie advertisement is really not small, and its remarkable effect is that Ms. Pan advocates that the whole country condemn you, because you dare to say that your ideal is an oriental beauty.What an oriental beauty!Why don't you discuss literature.But talk only about our poor girls? You should understand now why you are preaching so much to Chinese girls, how charming and refined they are, perhaps more dignified than their Western sisters, and you are not discouraged, are you?Then please go back to Paris and study a scheme for dyeing blond hair and blue eyes for ladies, and you can make a fortune when you come to China again.你下次光临中国时，不仅有中国女大学生代表团挥舞彩旗拥向码头热烈欢迎你，而且所有的中国女大学生们都会是你热诚的好顾客。那时她们才相信你不是开玩笑了。 以前在哪儿说过，假如有人仿安徒生作“无色之画”，做几篇无听众的演讲，可以做得十分出色。这种演讲的好处，在于因无听众，可以少忌讳，畅所欲言，倾颇合“旁若无人”之义。以前我曾在中西女塾劝女子出嫁，当时凭一股傻气说话，过后思之，却有点不寒而栗，在我总算掬愚诚，郊野叟献曝，而在人家，却未必铭感五内。假如在无听众的女子学校演讲，那便可尽情发挥了。比如在这样一个幻想的大学毕业典礼演讲，我们可以不怕校长难为情，说些时常敢怒而不敢言的话。在一个幻想的小学教员暑期学校，也可以尽情吐露一点对小学教育不大客气的话……婚姻的致词向来也是许多客套，没人肯对新郎新娘说些结婚常识而不免有点不吉利的老实话。因此我就以“婚礼致词”为题作例举隅： 玛丽、兴哥，恭喜。今天兄弟想借这婚礼的盛会，同你们谈谈常人所不肯谈的关于结婚生活的一点常识。婚姻生活，如渡一大海，而你们俩一向都不是舵工，不会有半点航海的经验。这一片汪洋，虽不定是苦海，但是颇似宦海、欲海，有苦也有乐，风波是一定有的。如果你们还在做梦，只想一帆风顺，以为婚姻只有甜味，没有苦味，请你们快点打破这个迷梦。但是你们做梦，罪不在你们。世上老舵工航海的经验，向来是讳莫如深的。你们进过大学，受过高等教育，懂得天文地理的常识，但是没人教授过你们婚姻的常识。你们知道太阳与星球的关系，但是对于夫妇的关系，是有点糊里糊涂。假如我此刻来考你们，你们一定交白卷。这是现代的教育。玛丽，你懂得什么节育的道理，做妻的道理，驾驭丈夫的道理？兴哥，你懂得什么体谅温存的道理，女子哭时，你须揩她的眼泪；女人月经来时，你须特别体贴，你懂得吗？古人世界地理不如你们，但是夫道妇道比你们清楚。兴哥，现代教育教你作文，并没有教你做人。玛丽，现代教育教你弹钢琴，做新女子，并没有教你做贤妻。你说贤妻应该打倒，好，请你整个不要做妻，才是彻头彻尾的办法，不然难道做不贤妻便可以完账了吗？补袜子的固然无益于“世界文化之前锋”，但是丝袜穿一只，扔一只，也是无补于世界文化的。总而言之，天下男女未全赤足之时，袜子总要有人补的，假如你不能自己补袜子而替兴哥省一点钱，你就马上文明起来吗？单单为这丝袜问题，兴哥就要和你吵架。你说补袜子是奴隶、是顽腐、不文明、不平等。好，兴哥得替人家抄账簿、拿粉笔，甚至卖豆腐，何尝不是奴隶？现代社会是叫男子赚钱，女子花钱的，若要反过来叫女子赚钱男子花钱，我也不反对。但是在制度未改之前，你不肯补袜子，替兴哥省一点钱，你就是一个不好的老婆，虽然是新文明的女子，钱是大家的，你们不肯合作，就得吵架。 在今天说到“吵架”两字，是有点不吉利的，是。但我并不后悔。早晚你们是要吵架的。世上没有不吵过架的夫妇。假定你们连这一点常识都没有，请你们先别结婚，长几年见识再来不迟。你们还不知道婚姻是怎么一回事，婚姻是叫两个个性不同、性别不同、兴趣不同、本来过两种生活的人去共过一种生活。假定你们不吵架，一点人味都没有了。你们此去要一同吃，一同住，一同睡，一同起床，一同玩。世上哪有习惯、口味、**、嗜好、志趣若合符节的两个人。向来情人都很易相处的，一结婚就吵起架来。这是因为在追求时代，大家尊重各人食寝行动的自由，一结婚后必来互相干涉。你的时间不能自己做主了，出入不能自己做主了，金钱也不是你一人的了，你自己的房间书桌也不是你一人的了。连你的身体也不是你自己的了。有人要与你共享这一切的权利。兴哥，有人将要有权利叫你剪头发，叫你换手绢，换一句话，你又要进你自以为早已毕业的小学校了。玛丽，有人要对你说不大客气的话，如同他对自己的姊妹一样。他不能永远向你唱恋之歌，永远叫你“达令”、“安琪儿”，像他追求你的时候一样。一天到晚这样也未免单调。这种的表示，要来得自然才好。你要一定坚持兴哥行这义务，也未尝不可，不过兴哥一天三餐照例叫你三声“小天使”，于你也没有什么好处，反而呆板而失诚。夫妇之间，“义务”、“本分”两字最忌讳的。你若受了西洋人的影响，叫兴哥出门必定亲吻你一下，也未尝不可，不过兴哥奉旨亲吻总有点不妙，你自己也太觉无趣了。亲吻须如文人妙笔，应机天成才好。比方你话说得巧，他来亲你一吻，表示赞叹，这一吻是非常好的。或者两人携手游园，他突然亲你的颈，这一吻也是好的。你若因为兴哥出门不亲吻同他吵，那只令兴哥苦恼而已。你吵时，也许兴哥非常温存，拍拍肩背抚慰你，心里却在怪女子太麻烦了，为什么有这么许多泪水。 我诚实告诉你，结婚生活不是完全沐在蜜浴里的，一半也是米做的。玛丽，你脊粱须要竖起来，一天靠吃蜜养活是不成的。你得早打破迷梦，越早排弃你韶龄小女学生桃色的痴梦，而决心做一活泼可爱可亲的良伴越好。因为罗曼蒂克不久要变成现实，情人的互相恭维捧场，须变成夫妇相爱相敬的伴侣生活。假定你不能叫兴哥把你看做一个可敬可亲的女人，也别梦想他要捧你做一个绝代的小天使。 你们那些情书，大可以焚掉了。除非你们是亚伯拉罕与埃卢伊，别人不要看的。过了些时候，你们自己也不要看，若非那情书中除了你们俩互相捧场的话以外，还有别种意味。假如这情书中表示着是两人的一段奋斗，交换两人对人生对时事的意见，那是要保存的。但是书信中只有你叫我心肝我叫你肉，你称我才郎我称你佳人这一套痴话，过了十年，你自己看看，才要伤心。兴哥，你别哄自己。玛丽并不是安琪儿、小天使。她只是很可爱很活泼的一个女子，她有的是幽默，是通见，是毅力，能帮你经过人生的种种磨炼。她也算漂亮，但是你不久就要发现别人的太太更加漂亮。但是如果她单是漂亮，别无所长，那你须替她祷告。 你不久对那一副漂亮面孔，就会生厌，尤其是不搽粉打呵欠的时候。我明明知道有漂亮太太的男人，每每怪异人家何以把他太太看得像神仙似的。他们都是说：“不懂你们怎么看法？”《雨花》不是曾经载过一段故事吗？有青年在霞飞路上看见前面一个艳若神仙的女子同一男人走路，就低声发一感慨说：“讨了这样一个丽人做太太，不知要怎样快活得像神仙似的！”碰巧那位男子听到这一句话，回头来向青年说：“那个女人并不是丽人，她是我的太太，我已经讨了她十年，但现在此刻仍旧在人间世上，并没有成仙。” 不，兴哥，女人的美不是在脸孔上，是在姿态上。姿态是活的，脸孔是死的，姿态犹不足，姿态只是心灵的表现，美是在心灵上的。有哪样慧心，必有哪样姿态，搽粉打扮是打不来的。玛丽是美的，但是她的美，你一时还看不到。过几年，等到你失败了，而她还鼓励你，你遭诬陷了，而她还相信你，那时她的笑是真正美的。不但她的笑，连她的怒也是美的。当她双眉倒竖，杏眼圆睁，把那一群平素往来，此刻轻信他人诬陷你的朋友一起赶出门去，是的，那时你才知道她的美。再过几年，等她替你养一两个小孩，看她抱着小孩喂奶，娩后的容辉焕发，在处女的脸上，又添几笔母爱的温柔，那时你才知道处女之美是不成熟的，不丰富的，欠内容的。再过几年，你看她教养叔责儿女，看到她的牺牲、温柔、谅解、操持、忍耐，头上已露了几丝白发，那时，你要称她为安琪儿，是可以的。 我已经说了一大堆话，浪费你们宝贵欢乐的时间。但是对你，玛丽，我还要说一句话，就是把你当我的女儿，也是要这样说的。你以为嫁了兴哥，兴哥整个地是属于你了，你可以整个地占有他了。你试试看吧。假如兴哥是个好男子，有作为，有才干，有自重心——这是成功必要的条件——他必不会全盘为你所占有。有的女人是要这样一个完全服从、完全听话的丈夫。比如在座那位朱太太。你看她把朱先生弄成什么样儿。老朱还有一点人味儿吗？他小时服从母亲，出来服从老板，在家服从太太。他老跟人家抄账，但是你想他除了抄账以外，还能有所作为吗？玛丽，你愿意嫁给这样一个丈夫吗？我的意思是说，女子不应该图占丈夫整个十成的身体。假定兴哥十成中有七成属于你，三成属于他的朋友、他的志趣、他的书籍、他的事业，你就得谢天谢地了。有一种人一结婚，连朋友都不敢来往了，这还成个人吗？你或者以为你非常有趣，你的丈夫一天到晚看你看不厌，然而至少他心灵中也有一部分需要不是你所能满足，而只有朋友、书籍能满足的。你一定要十成十足把他占有，结果他变成你的监犯，而你变成他的狱卒，而你要明白监犯没有恋爱狱卒之理，于是他越看你越恨，而越恨越非看你不可，感情破裂，乃意中事。那时你才照镜自怜，号啕大哭，自怨自艾叹着“他不爱我了”，也是无用。不同，你也得明理些，这样驾驭丈夫是驾驭不来的。你也不可太看轻兴哥，以为他还得拉着你的裙带走路，他若真这样无用，这样靠不住，一刻不可放松，你简直不必嫁给他好了。假定因你的拘束而他果然不嫖、不赌、不吸烟、不喝酒，这种外来的拘束，也算不得有什么伦理的价值。你不能嫁一个男子来当你的小学生，自己做起女塾师。你知道塾师都是讨厌的，而你决不愿意兴哥讨厌你。你今天想起要烫头发，兴哥何必陪你去剃头？你自己不吸烟，兴哥为什么不可大吸其烟？婚姻之破裂，都是从这种极琐碎的事而来的。夫妇之结合必建筑于互相了解、互相敬重的基础之上。玛丽，我知道你很明理，很有通见，而你也不要看轻自己，要知你不一定要做兴哥的塾师、狱卒，仍旧有可吸引他的力量，有可得他敬重的人格。你也可以给他一点自由，一点人格。他对你这样的了解信重，比对你的过分的关防，还要因此更爱你。到了那个时候，他真要宝贵你如同一颗可遇而不可求的稀世之宝，好像没有像你这样一位彻底了解他的夫人，他就活不下去。世上这样稀世之宝本来不多。所以玛丽，我劝你做这样一个稀世之宝。 女人的本分，应该是“贤妻良母”。她既忠贞，又柔顺，而常为贤良的母亲，抑且她是出于天性的贞洁的。一切不幸的扰攘，责任都属于男子。犯罪的是男子，男子不得不犯罪，可是每一次他犯罪，少不了一个女人要被拖累。 爱神，既支配着整个世界，一定也支配着中国。有几位欧美游历家曾冒昧发表意见谓：在中国，吾人觉得性之抑制，反较西洋为轻，盖因中国能更坦直的宽容人生之性的关系。科学家厄力理斯（HavelockEllis）说过：现代文化一方面把最大的性的刺激包围着男子，一方面却跟随以最大的性的压迫。在某种程度上性的刺激和性的压迫在中国都较为减少，但这种仅是真情的方面。坦率的性的优容只适用于男子而不适用于女子，女子的性生活一直是被压迫的。最清楚的例子可看冯小青的一生，她因为嫁充侧室，被其凶悍的大妇禁闭于西湖别墅，不许与丈夫谋一面，因而她养成了那种自身恋爱的畸形现象。她往往乐于驻足池旁以观看自己倒映水中的倩影，当其香消玉殒的不久以前，她描绘了三幅自身的画像，常焚香献祭以寄其不胜自怜之慨。偶尔从她的老妈子手中遗留下来残存的几篇小诗，看出她具有相当的诗才。 一般，男子实不甚受性的压迫，尤其是那些较为优越的阶段。大多著名的学者像诗人苏东坡、秦少游、杜牧、白居易之辈，都曾逛过妓院，或将妓妇娶归，纳为小妾，固堂而皇之，无容讳言。事实上，做了官吏的人，侍妓宥酒之宴饮，无法避免，也无虑乎诽谤羞辱。自明以迄清代，金陵的秦淮河，即为许多风流艳史的产生地。这个地点邻近夫子庙畔，是适宜而合于逻辑的，因为那是举行全国考试的地点，故学子云集，及第则相与庆贺，落选则互相慰藉，都假妓院铺张筵席。直至今日，许多小报记者犹津津乐道其逛画舫的经历，而诗人学者都曾累篇盈牍地写其妓寮掌故，因而“秦淮河”三字盖极亲密的与中国文学史相牵连着。 中国娼妓之风流的、文学的、音乐的和政治关系的重要性，无需乎渲染。因为由男人想来，良家妇女而玩弄丝竹，为非正当，盖恐有伤她们的德行。亦不宜才学太高，太高的才学往往有碍道德。至于绘图吟诗，虽亦很少鼓励，然他们却不绝寻找女性的文艺伴侣，娼妓因乘机培养了诗画的技能，因为她们不需用“无才”来作德行的堡垒，遂益使文人趋集秦淮河畔。每当黑的天幕把这不夜的秦淮河转化成威尼斯，他们就座于大画舫中，听着那来来去去的船上姑娘唱着热情的小调儿。 既有这样香艳的环境，文人遂多来此寻访艺妓。她们大都有一技之长，或长于诗，或长于画，或长于音乐，或长于巧辩。在这些天资颖慧、才艺双全的艺妓中，当推明妓董小宛允称个中翘楚，最为一般士大夫所爱悦。后来她嫁给名士冒辟疆为妾。在唐代，则以苏小小领袖群芳，她的香冢至今立于西子湖畔为名胜之了，每年骚人游客，凭吊其旁者，络绎不绝。至其他攸关一国政局兴衰者，亦复匪鲜，例如明末的陈圆圆本为吴三桂将军的爱妾，李自成陷北京，掳之以去，致使吴三桂引清兵入关，原谋夺还圆圆，谁知这一来大错铸成，竟断送了明朝而促成了清朝统治权。可异者，吴三桂既助清兵灭亡明室，陈圆圆乃坚决求去，了其清静之余生于商山特建之别院中。吾人又可观李香君之史迹。她是一个以秉节不挠、受人赞美的奇女子，她的政治志节与勇毅精神愧煞须眉男子。她所具有的政治节操，比之今日的许多男子革命家还为坚贞。盖当时她的爱人侯方域迫于搜捕之急，亡命逃出南京，她遂闭门谢客，不复与外界往来。后当道权贵开宴府邸，强征之侑酒，并迫令她歌唱，香君即席做成讽歌，语多侵及在席的权贵，把他们骂为阉坚的养子，盖此辈都为她爱人的政敌。正气凛然，虽然弱女子可不畏强权，岂非愧煞须眉？此等女子所写的诗，颇有流传至今者。中国才女之史迹，可窥见其一部于薛涛，马湘兰，柳如是等几位名妓的身世中。 青楼妓女适应着许多男性的求爱、罗曼蒂克的需要，盖许多男子在婚前的年轻时代都不想错过这样风流的机会。我用“求爱”这个字眼是曾经熟思的，因为青楼妓女不同于一般放浪的卖**妇也，她须得受人的献媚报效。这样在中国算是尊重妇女之道。有一部专事描写近代青楼艳事的小说《九尾龟》，告诉我们许多男性追求那看来似乎容易取悦的姑娘，往往经年累月，花费了三四千两银子，始科一亲芳泽。这种不合理的情形，为妇女遮藏时代始有之现象。然男人在别处既无法追寻异性伴侣，一尝风流的罗曼蒂克况味，则此等情形亦属事理之常。男子对于结交异性既无经验，在家庭中又吃不消黄脸婆子的絮聒，始乃颇想尝尝西洋人在婚前所经历的所谓“罗曼蒂克”的滋味。这样的人见了一个颇觉中意的妇女，不由打动心坎，发生类乎恋爱的一股感觉。青楼女子经验既富，手段娴熟，固不难略施小技，把男子压倒在石榴裙下，服服帖帖。这便是中国很正当而通行的一种求爱方法了。 有时，一种真实的罗曼蒂克也会发生，有似欧美人士之与情妇恋爱者。如董小宛与冒辟疆之结合经过，自从其初次会见之艰难以至其时日短促的新婚幸福生活，读来固无殊其他一般之罗曼蒂克也。罗曼蒂之结局，有可悲者，亦有可喜者。如李香君则长斋礼佛，终其生于寺院中，顾横波，柳如是则享受其贵妇生活于显宦家庭中，颇为后世所艳羡。 妓女是以让许多男子尝渤罗曼蒂克的恋爱滋味，而中国妻子亦多默许丈夫享受比较入世的近乎实际生活的爱情。有时这种恋爱环境真是扑朔迷离，至如杜牧，经过了十年的放浪生活，一旦清醒，始归与妻室重叙所谓“十年一觉扬州梦，赢得青楼薄幸名”也。有的时候，也有妓女而守节操者，像杜十娘。另一方面，妓女实又继承着音乐的传统，没有妓女，音乐在中国恐怕至今已销声匿迹了。妓女比之家庭妇女则反觉得所受教育为高，她们较能独立生活，更较为熟悉于男子社会。其实在古代中国社会中，她们才可算是惟一的自由女性。妓女之能操纵高级官吏者，常能掌握某程度的政治实权。关于官吏的任命，凡有所说项，有所较议，胥取决于她的妆闺之中。 妓女的归宿，总无非是嫁作小妾，或做男人外室情妇，像上面所提过的几位，都是如此。置妾制度之历史的久远，殆不亚于中国自身之年龄。而置妾制度所引起的问题，亦与一夫一妻制之成立而并兴。倘遇婚姻不如意，东方人转入青楼北里，或娶妾以谋出路；西洋人的解决方法则为找一情妇，或则偶尔干干越礼行为。两方社会行为的形态不同，然其基本关键则不谋而合。其差异之由来，则出于社会态度，尤其妇女本身对待此等行为之态度。中国人之娶妾，为经公众之容忍而堂皇之行为，在西洋则有耻言姘妇之习俗。 坚持以男性为中心的嗣续观念，亦为鼓励娶妾之一大主因。有些中国好妻子，倘值自己不能生产男孩子，真会自动要求丈夫纳妾的。明朝的法律且明白规定：凡男子年满四十而无后嗣者得娶妾。 此外，娶妾这一个方法亦即所以代替欧美之离婚事件。结婚和离婚为最困难的社会问题，至今犹无人能解决之。人类的智慧上还没有发明过完全解决的办法，除非如天主教的办法可算是一种解决之道，它盖整个儿否认此种问题之存在。吾人所可断言者，即婚姻为妇女惟一之保障，无论何时，男子的道德倘有疏懈，受痛苦者，厥为女性，不论是离婚，是娶妾，是重婚，或滥施恋爱。在性的关系中，好像有一种天生的永久不平等和不公平。因为性的平等这一个名词，非造物所知；造物之所知者，厥为种族之延续而已。所谓现代婚姻，男女双方以五○比五○为基本原则者，生产了小孩以后，实际总成为七五比二五之男性占便宜。倘令有一个妇人当双方爱情冷淡时真肯诙谐地解除男人之束缚，则四十岁男人所能享受的利益，那个离了婚的四十岁老妇人且为生过三个孩子的母亲者不能享受。真实的平等是不可能的。 利用此种概念，可资以辩护娶妾制度。中国人把婚姻看做一个家庭的事务，倘婚姻不顺利，他们准许娶妾。这至少可以使家庭保全为一社会的单位。欧美人则反乎是，他们把婚姻认为个人的罗曼蒂克的情感的事务，是以准许离婚，可是这一来，拆散了社会单位。在东方，当一个男子成了大富，无事可做，日就腐化，乃不复爱其妻子，为妻子者，不得不勉自抑制其**，不过她居于家庭中，仍能保持其坚定崇高之地位，仍为家庭中很有光荣的首领，围绕于儿孙之间，在生命的另一方面领受其安慰。在欧美，那些摩登夫人向法院提出了离婚的诉讼，敲一笔巨额生活费，走出了家庭，多分是去再嫁的。是那些不被丈夫爱护而能保持家庭中荣誉地位的比较幸福呢？还是拿了生活费而各走各路的比较幸福呢？这一个问题殆为一迷惑不可解的大哑谜。在中国妇女尚未具备西方姊妹之独立精神时，那些弃妇常为无限可怜的人，失掉了社会地位，破碎了家庭。世界上大概有一个幸福妇人，便另有一个无论怎样尽人力所及总不能使她成为幸福的妇人。这个问题就是真正的妇女经济独立也不能解决它。 在中国，这样的情形每日都有见闻，而那些摩登姑娘以其残忍的心肠撵出人家原来的妻子，照我看来，跟我们的祖宗的野蛮思想相差不过毫厘之间，虽然她们的摩登足以不容另一女人以同等的身份同居，在过去，往往有一个实际是好妇女，受了环境关系的支配，致勾搭上了已经结了婚的男子，而她又衷心爱他，因服顺自动的愿充偏房之选，并甘心低下地服侍大妇。而现在则各不相让，彼此掮着一夫一妻制的招牌，想撵出另一个人而攘取她的地位，这在女子看来，可以认为较为进步的方法。这是摩登的、解放的与所谓文明的方法。倘妇女界自身喜欢这种办法，让她们这样干下去好了，因为这就是她们自身才是第一个受到影响的人。年轻貌美的女子。自然在她们的同性斗争中会获得胜利而牺牲了老的女人。这个问题实在是既新而又长久了的。婚姻制度是永久不完美的，因为人类天性是不完美的。我们不得不让这个问题以不了了之。或许只有赖天赋之平等均权意识和父母责任心之增进，始能减少这种案件的数量。 当然，辩护娶妾制度是废话，除非你准备同时辩护一妻多夫制。辜鸿铭是爱丁堡大学的硕士，是一位常喜博引卡莱尔（ThomasCarlyle）和亚诺德（MathewArnold）文字的学者，他曾经辩护过多妻制度。他说：“你们见过一把茶壶配上四只茶杯，但是可曾见过一只茶杯配上四把茶壶吗？”这一个比喻的最好的答辩莫如中西门庆的小老婆潘金莲说的那句话：“哪有一只碗里放了两把羹匙还会不冲撞的么？”潘金莲当然不是无意说这句话的。