Chapter 3 Chapter 2-1

I like talking to women best, they are so interesting, and often remind me of Byron's famous line: "Men are strange things, and women are even stranger." "What a strange thing is man! And what is stranger is woman!" Please don't get me wrong that I'm a misogynist like Nietzsche and Schopenhauer.I also disagree with Shakespeare's gentlemanly conception of the supremacy of woman: "Frailty, woman is your name." I like women just as they are, without fascination or bitterness.They can see all the contradictions, superficiality, and vanity, and I trust their intuition and survival instinct-their emphasis on emotion and under the surface of reason, they can grasp reality, and they are closer to life than men, I respect it Well, they know life, but men only know theory.They understand men, but men never understand women.A man smokes, hunts, invents, and arranges music all his life, while a woman can raise children. This is not something to be scorned.

I don't believe that if there is only a father in the world, he can take care of his children. If there is no mother in the world, all babies will die of rashes under the age of three, and even if they don't die, they will become pickpockets before they are ten years old.Primary school students must be late for school, and adults may not always be on time for work.Handkerchiefs will be accumulated for months without washing, umbrellas will be lost from time to time, and buses will not run on time.There are no weddings and funerals, and certainly no barbershops.Yes, major events in life, such as birth, old age, sickness and death, are always arranged by women, not men.The continuation of races, the formation of customs, and the unity of nations all depend on women.A society without women must be without customs, religion, and the like.In the world, there are no men who are naturally polite, and there are no women who are not naturally polite.Assuming that there are no women, men will not live in beautiful uniform apartments and alleys, but must live in houses with triangular doors and windows with original designs.Eat in the bedroom and sleep in the dining room, and the best diplomats don't know the difference between white tie and black tie.

The above big article is nothing more than to prove the theory that women's intuition is far better than men's.Now that this is clear, we can go on to discuss why women's conversations are interesting.In fact, the theoretical talk of women is one of them.In the so-called gossip, there are no bland abstract nouns, but real people, things that crawl, wriggle, and marry.For example, if a woman introduces a professor of organic chemistry in a certain university in the society, she must not introduce him as the professor of organic chemistry, but as the uncle of Colonel Lehason.And when the Colonel died, she was cutting appendicitis in the New York Hospital. From this point of view, she can play to the so-called "reality" that Japanese diplomats should pay attention to-or Colonel Harrelson once walked with her in Gensington Gardens, Or appendicitis reminded her of "dear old Dr. Brown, with his long beard."

No matter what the subject is, women have a grip on reality.She knows what is life-full fact and what is useless talk.So any real woman would like the woman in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes). When she travels in Paris and walks to the historically famous ancient monument at Place Vendome, she must carry that ancient monument on her back and look up at the historically famous monument. Such as Coty and Castier (the old sign of the perfume shop), with her intuition, comparing Vendome with Coty, she will understand that Coty is full of life meaning, but organic chemistry is not.Human life is created by organic chemistry and inorganic chemistry.Naturally, there are scholars like Madame Curie Emma Goldmans and Beatrice Webbs in the world, but I am talking about ordinary women.Let me give you an example:

"X is a great poet", I once had a conversation with a female passenger on the train. "He can appreciate music very well, and his writing is extremely beautiful and natural." I said. "Did you mean W? His wife was an opium smoker." "Yes, he smokes from time to time himself. But I'm talking about his writing." "She took him on. I think she ruined his life." "If your cook is having an affair, do you think his pastries will lose their taste?" "Oh, that's different." "Isn't it exactly the same?"

"I feel different." Feeling is a woman's highest court. When a woman puts right and wrong before her "feeling", a sensible person should retreat at the opportunity. An American woman once came up with a "wonderful idea" that men ruled the world in a mess, so the right to rule the world should be handed over to women from now on. Now, speaking as a man, I'm all for it.I am too lazy to rule the world. If there are still people who are blindly willing to do this, I am willing to give up and go on vacation.I'm a total failure and I'm not going to rule the world anymore.I think all men with a clear mind must feel the same.If the natives of Tasmania (south of Australia) like to rule the world, I'd be more than willing to leave it to them, but I don't think they would.

I think people who wear crowns are restless.I think men feel that way.It is said that we men are the masters of our own destiny and the fate of the world, and we men are the masters of our own souls and the souls of the world, such as politicians, politicians, mayors, judges, theater managers, candy stores Masters, as well as other positions, are exclusively occupied by men.In fact, none of us likes to do this kind of thing.The situation is even simpler than this. As the Columbia University psychology professor said, the real division of labor between men and women is that men only make money and women only use money.I would love to see women toiling in shipyards, offices, and conferences, while us men, in our afternoon light greens, go out to play cards, waiting for our dear Duke to come home and take us to See a movie.This is what I call a wonderful idea.

But apart from this selfish reason, we should really be ashamed of ourselves.If women ruled the world, it would be no worse than men.So if women say, "Let us women try it too," why don't we be sincere, admit our failures, and let them rule the world?Women have always raised children, but we men start wars and send the best young men to their deaths.This is really appalling.But it cannot be saved.We men are born that way.We always fight, and the women just tear each other up, and the worst is bloody.It doesn't do much damage if it doesn't bleed and poison.Women are content with nothing but a turning needle, we are with machine guns.Some say we can't stop fighting as long as men like going to the drum band.We can't resist the drum band. If we can sit at home and enjoy the fun of afternoon tea, do you think we'll go to war?If women rule the world, we can say to them, "You are ruling the world, and if you want to fight, go out and fight yourself." Then there will be no machine guns in the world, and the world will eventually become peaceful.

While women's rights and social privileges have increased, I have always believed that even in modern America, women have not been treated fairly.I hope my impression is wrong, and that respect for ladylike chivalry has not diminished as women's rights have increased.Because on the one hand, there is chivalrous respect for ladies, or real respect for women; on the other hand, letting women spend money, go wherever they want, hold administrative jobs, and enjoy the right to vote-these two things are not necessarily complementary. And the line.In my opinion (an old world citizen with old world ideas) some things are important and some things are not; American women are more advanced than Old World women in everything that is not important Yes, but with regard to all important things, the place occupies almost the same place.In any case, we see nothing to prove that Americans respect ladylike chivalry more than Europeans.The real power that the American woman possesses still springs from her old traditional throne, the family fireside; on this throne she is a happy angel whose mission is to serve.I have seen such angels before, but only in the sacred places of private homes, where a woman moves about the kitchen or the living room, the real housewife of a family devoted to domestic love.Somehow, she was full of brilliance, a brilliance not found in the office, not fitting.

Is it just because women are cuter in tulle than in office coats?Or is it just my fantasy?A woman is at home like a duck to water, and the crux of the matter lies in this fact.If we let women wear office coats, men treat them as colleagues and have the right to criticize them; but if we let them wear Georges crepe or tulle for one hour of the seven-hour office day , walking buoyantly, then the man will definitely give up the idea of ​​competing with them, and just sit on the chair and stare at them dumbfounded.Women are easy to follow the rules and are better day-to-day workers than men when they are doing rigid official business, but once the atmosphere in the office changes, such as when office workers meet at a wedding tea party, you will see women Immediately becoming independent, they may persuade male colleagues or bosses to get a haircut, or tell them where to buy the best potion for removing dandruff.Women speak politely in the office, but they speak authoritatively outside the office.

Frankly speaking from a man's point of view--pretentiousness is useless in another way--I think the presence of women in public places can greatly increase the attractiveness and pleasure of life, whether it is In the office or on the street, a man's life is more lively; in the office, the voice is softer, the color is more gorgeous, and the desk is tidy.At the same time, I don't think the innate sexual attraction or desire for sexual attraction has changed at all, and that men are happier in America, because American women are, on the one hand, more attentive to sexual temptation than (for example ) Chinese women work harder at pleasing men.My conclusion is: Westerners pay too much attention to sexual issues and too little attention to women. Western women spend almost the same amount of effort in grooming their hair as Chinese women in the past; they are more open about dressing up, and they do it anytime and anywhere; they have regulations on food, exercise, massage, and reading advertisements , is more careful, because they want to maintain the contours of the body; they are more religious when they lie on the bed and do leg exercises, because they want to make the waist thinner; When it comes to hair dyeing, Chinese women at such an age would not do this.They spent more and more money on washing potions and perfumes; beauty products, day creams, night creams, face washes, creams rubbed on the skin before powdering, Creams for the face, creams for the hands, creams for the pores of the skin, lemon creams, oils for tanning, oils for wrinkles, oils made from turtles, and various The sesame oil business is getting bigger and bigger.Maybe it's just because American women have more time and money.Maybe they dress up to please a man, undress to please themselves, or undress to please a man, dress to please themselves, or both.Perhaps it is simply due to the fact that Chinese women have fewer modern beauty products, since I am very reluctant to make distinctions between races when it comes to women's desire to attract men.Chinese women bound their feet to please men fifty years ago, but now they happily take off their "bow shoes" and wear high heels.I am usually not a prophet, but I dare to say with prophetic conviction: in the near future, Chinese women will spend ten minutes every morning, moving their legs up and down, to please their husbands or their husbands. Own.However, one fact is obvious: American women now seem to want to pay more attention to the sexual temptation of the body and the sexual temptation of clothing, in an attempt to try harder to please men in this way.The result is that women in the park or on the street generally have more graceful figures and clothes, which should be attributed to women's continuous efforts to maintain the contours of the body every day-to the great pleasure of men.But I think it must be very exhausting for their brains.When I speak of sexual allure, I mean contrast it with maternal allure, or womanly allure.I think this aspect of modern civilization has already manifested its characteristics in modern love and marriage. Art makes modern people have sexual consciousness.I don't doubt that.The first step is art, the second step is commercial use of women's bodies, from every curve on the body to the fluctuation of muscles, and the last step is painting toenails.I have never seen every part of a woman's body so completely exploited commercially, and I don't quite understand why American women are so submissive to the exploitation of their bodies.From an Eastern point of view, it is very difficult to integrate this kind of commercial exploitation of women's bodies with the concept of respecting women.Artists call it beauty, theater-goers call it art, only play directors and theater managers honestly call it sex appeal, and men in general are happy.Women are undressed for commercial exploitation, but men are almost never undressed, except for a few buskers: this is characteristic of a society made by men and ruled by men.On the stage we see women almost naked, while men still wear morning coats and black ties; in a world ruled by women, we must see men half naked while women wear skirts.Artists study the anatomy of men and women equally, but it is somewhat difficult to apply the beauty of men's bodies they have studied to commercial purposes.The theater makes some people strip to tease the audience, but generally women are stripped to tease men, and men are not stripped to tease women.Even in the better shows, when people want to be artistic and moral at the same time, they always make the woman artistic and the man moral, rather than the woman moral and the man artistic (in the theater In a funfair, the male actors only perform some funny appearances, and even dance, so to say that it is an "artistic" performance).Commercials take this theme and represent it in countless different ways, so that a man today need only pick up a magazine and look at the ad when he wants to be "artistic."As a result, women themselves feel so deeply that they have a calling to be artistic, that they unconsciously accept the idea, go hungry on purpose, or undergo massages and other rigorous exercises in the hope of making the world more beautiful.Less clear-minded women almost think that the only way they can get a man, and possess a man, is by sexual attraction. I think there is an immature and inappropriate view of the whole nature of women in this over-emphasis on sexual attractiveness, which affects the nature of love and marriage and makes the concept of love and marriage fallacious. , or inappropriate notions.As a result, women are regarded more as spouses than their status as housewives.Women are wives and mothers at the same time, but judging from the general people's emphasis on sex today, the concept of spouse is replaced by the concept of mother; At her highest point, if a wife deliberately does not become a mother at once, she loses most of her dignity and dignity, and is in danger of becoming a plaything.In my opinion, a wife without children is a mistress, and a mistress with children is a wife, regardless of their legal status.Children elevate and sanctify the mistress, while childlessness is a disgrace to the wife.Many modern women are hesitant to have children because pregnancy ruins their figure: that's a pretty obvious fact. The sensual instinct does make a considerable contribution to a rich life, but it can also be overused to the detriment of the woman herself.The effort and effort required to preserve sexual attractiveness certainly consumes only the woman's spirit, not the man's.It's not fair either, because when the world values ​​beauty and youth, middle-aged women have to struggle desperately with gray hair and age.A young Chinese poet has warned us that the fountain of youth is a fool, and no one in the world can "tie the sun" to stop it.In this way, middle-aged women's attempt to preserve their sexual attractiveness is tantamount to an arduous race against age, which is very meaningless.Only a sense of humor can solve this problem.If it is futile to struggle desperately with old age and gray hair, why not say gray hair is beautiful?Zhu Du sang: White hair adds hundreds of new stems, Several times to pull out the white and come back to life; It's better not to pull it out and let him be white, That time will be wasted? All this is unnatural and unfair.It's unfair to mothers and older women, because just as an overweight boxer must pass his title to a younger challenger within a few years, just as an old title horse must Like ceding honor to a younger horse in a few years, it doesn't matter that old women must lose when they fight with younger women, because they are all fighting with people of the same sex after all.A middle-aged woman competing with a younger woman for sexual attractiveness is a foolish, dangerous, hopeless thing to do.On the other hand, it is also foolish, since there is something more to a woman than sex, and while courtship and proposals must in the main be based on physical attraction, a more mature man or woman should have already This period has passed. We know that humans are the sexiest of animals.In addition to this lustful instinct, however, he has an equally strong parental instinct, the result of which is the fulfillment of human family life.We share our lustful and paternal instincts with most animals, but it seems that we first discovered the rudiments of human family life in the gibbons.Yet in an all-too-familiar human culture, under constant sexual stimulation in art, film, and theatre, the lustful instinct runs the risk of conquering the domestic instinct.In such a culture, it is easy to forget the need for family ideals, especially when individualistic ethos also exists.So, in a society like this, we have a strange notion of marriage, that marriage is just constant kissing, usually ending with the ringing of wedding bells, and a strange notion of woman, that her main task is to be a man spouse, not mother.Thus, the ideal woman becomes a young woman with perfect figure and physical beauty, but in my mind, a woman is the most beautiful when she is standing next to the cradle, holding a baby, pulling a four- or five-year-old When a child is a child, it is the most dignified and serious. The woman is the happiest when she is lying on the bed, with her head on the pillow, playing with a nursing baby (like what I saw in a Western painting).Maybe I have a motherhood complex, but that's all right, because psychological complexes are harmless to Chinese people.If you say that a Chinese has a kind of intricacy between mother and son or father and daughter, this sentence always seems to me ridiculous and unbelievable.I can say that my ideas about women arose not from a maternal intricacy, but from the influence of Chinese family ideals. The depth of women has an unshakable force in our ideals of beauty, ideals of typical women, ideals of women's education, and even the form of courtship. For women, the concepts of Chinese and Europeans and Americans are very different from each other.Although the concepts of both parties regard women as having a sense of beauty and mystery, their views are fundamentally different, which is especially evident in the art field.Western art regards the female body as the source of inspiration and purely harmonizes the perfection of the image.Chinese art believes that the beauty of female body comes from imitating the harmonious image of nature.For a Chinese, like the towering female portraits on the pier in New York, the naked woman should be the first thing that catches the eyes of many guests who step into the United States for the first time.It is extremely rude to expose a woman's body to the public.He would be horrified by the idea that women were there not to represent femininity, but to represent freedom.Why is freedom represented by a woman?And why should victory, justice, and peace be represented by women?This Greek ideal was novel to him, because in Westerners' imagination, women are regarded as a symbol of holiness, enshrined as a subtle quality of the spirit, representing all pure, noble, beautiful and extraordinary qualities. For the Chinese, women are simply women, and they are human beings who don't know how to enjoy themselves.A Chinese boy has been warned by his parents since he was a child that if he walks under the crotch of a hanging woman, he will be in danger of not growing up.It is fundamentally impossible to worship women as if they were enshrined on thrones, and to expose women's bodies naked.Due to women's deep conception, the exposure of women's body is also regarded as rude in art.Therefore, several masterpieces of Western books in the Dresdenallery are bound to be classified as obscene works.Those fashionable Chinese modern artists have been baptized in the West, although they dare not say so.But European artists frankly admit that all art has its roots in romantic sensibility. In fact, Chinese people's sexual desire also exists, but it is covered up under another method of expression.The imagery of women's clothing is not used to express the outline of the human body, but to simulate the rhythm of nature.Because a Western artist is accustomed to sensitive imaginings, he may be able to see a female nude figure in the rising waves; but a Chinese artist can see the waves in the shawl of the Bodhisattva of Compassion.The whole beauty of the movement of a woman's physique is derived from the soft lines of the weeping willow, like her drooping shoulders.Her eyes are like apricots, her eyebrows are like a crescent moon, her eyes are like autumn water, her white teeth are like pomegranate seeds, her waist is like willows, her fingers are like spring bamboo shoots, and her bound feet are like those of spring bamboo shoots. Bow.This kind of poetic diction has never existed in Europe, but the whole spirit of Chinese art, especially the model of Chinese women's adornment, solemnly conforms to the content of this kind of diction.Because of the original shape of the female body, Chinese artists are not very interested.We can see it in works of art.It can be said that Chinese painters have failed miserably in the skill of human body sketching.Even Qiu Shizhou (Ming Dynasty), who was famous for his paintings of ladies, his half-length nude paintings of ladies are a bit like sweet potatoes.Few Chinese who are not familiar with Western art can appreciate the beauty of a woman's neck and back. The book "Miscellaneous Things and Secrets" is said to be a work of the Han Dynasty. It was actually written by a Ming Dynasty. It describes a very accurate and complete female body beauty. It is vivid and vivid, expressing its true love for human body beauty. exception.Such a situation cannot but be said to be the result of women's concealment. In reality, changes in appearance don't matter much.Women's clothing can be changed. In fact, as long as it is worn on women, a man will have the possibility of beauty and love it. As for women, as long as a man thinks the style is beautiful, she will wear it on his body.From the skirt with steel hoops in the Victorian era to the slender child-like attire in the early 20th century, and then to the Mae West imitation craze in 1935, the degree of change during this period is far more than that of Chinese and Western suits. The differences in style are particularly striking.As long as it is worn on a woman, in the eyes of a man, it will always be as beautiful as a fairy.If someone organizes an international exhibition of women's clothing, this should be made clear.However, twenty years ago, Chinese women walked all over the streets with short jackets and long trousers, but now they all wear long cheongsams that cover their ankles; while European and American women still wear long skirts, I think wide and thin long trousers There is always the possibility of being popular.The only effect of these changes is to make the man feel satisfied. Most importantly, it conceals for women the ideal relationship with the typical woman.This ideal is "good wife and mother".But this idiom has been ridiculed in China today.Especially those modern women, they urgently want equality, independence and freedom.They regard wives and motherhood as men's vassals, and they use the phrase "good wife and mother" to represent the pure and chaotic thinking. Let us judge the relationship of the sexes as appropriate.When a woman becomes a mother, she never seems to regard her position as a dependent dependent on the likes and dislikes of men.It's only when she loses her motherhood that she feels like a fully dependent figure.Even in the West, there was a period when motherhood and child-rearing were not underestimated by society, nor by women themselves. A mother seemed to be very suitable for a woman's position in the family, which was a noble and honorable position.Bearing children, nurturing them, admonishing them, inducing them with their own wisdom to achieve adulthood, this kind of task is by no means an easy task in an enlightened society.Why she should be regarded as the economically dependent man of society is incomprehensible, since she is able to undertake this noble task with better grades than men.Among women, there are also those who are outstanding in talent and do not give in to men, but the competition among women with such talents is indeed relatively small, and it is less than those that Democracy can convince us.For these women self-expression is as important as simply having children.As for ordinary women, there are countless of them, they would rather let the men earn bread back to support the whole family, and let the family take care of bearing children.Ruoyun's spirit of self-expression, the author has seen many selfish and despicable wretches, but they can develop and transform into benevolent, caring, and sacrificial motherhood. They are models of perfect virtue in the eyes of their children.I have seen beautiful girls who are not married, and after thirty years of age, wrinkles appear on the forehead early, and they will never reach the second stage of female beauty, that is, the prosperity of their appearance and hair, like Shengqiu forest is extraordinarily mature, extraordinarily accessible, and extraordinarily brilliant. This kind of situation is especially common among married happy women after three months of pregnancy. Of all the rights of women, the greatest is motherhood.Confucius described his ideal society as one freed from "excessive males and females," and this ideal was achieved in China through another conception of romance and marriage.From the Chinese point of view, the greatest evil in Western society is that it is filled with so many single women. These single women are not at fault in themselves, unless they really want to stay in a charming youth; they are actually unable to express their feelings on their own.Many women of this type are indeed big figures, like female educators and actresses, but if they become mothers, their personalities should be even greater.A woman who falls in love with a worthless man and marries him may fall into the trap of a creature whose greatest concern is so long as she maintains the race; The babe who received a curly hair from the bounty of creation, then her victories, her joys, were more inconceivable than when she wrote the greatest book; Longsheng's honor is especially true.Ms. Duncan (Isalora Duncan) is enough to prove it all.If Creation is cruel, then Creation is fair, and he gives to ordinary women what he gives to outstanding women, he gives a kind of consolation.Because enjoying the pleasure of being a mother is the same emotion for intelligent women as for ordinary women.Creation casts such destinies and allows men and women to live in this way. There is a problem that can arise: since Chinese women are hidden, how can romance in love be possible?Or you can ask: How is the natural love of young people influenced by classic traditional concepts?In young people, romance and love are almost the same in the world, but as a result of social traditions, their psychological reactions to each other are different.No matter how women cover up, the classic teachings have never driven out Eros.The nature and appearance of love may change, because love is the expression of emotion, which essentially controls feelings, and it can become the inner whisper.Civilization can sometimes change the form of love, but it can never suppress it. "Love" exists forever, but the image it receives occasionally changes due to differences in social and educational backgrounds. "Love" can penetrate through the bead curtain, it fills the air in the back garden, and it hits the little girl's heart.Perhaps because she still lacks the consolation of a lover, she does not know what is always troubling her in her heart.Maybe she didn't fancy any man, but she always felt that she was in love with a man, because she was in love with a man, so she loved life.This made her work on the embroidery more delicately, and felt as if she was in love with this iridescent embroidery. This was a symbolic life, and this life seemed so beautiful to her.She was probably embroidering a pair of mandarin ducks on a pillowcase given to a lover. These mandarin ducks always live together, swim together, and swim together. One is a female and the other is a male.If she indulges too much in fantasy, she will easily embroider wrong stitches, and she will have to make mistakes again if she embroiders again.She pulled the silk thread very hard, tightly and harshly, it was too slow, and sometimes the silk thread slipped out of the needle eye.She bit her cherry lips and felt troubled, she was immersed in the waves of love. The object of this troublesome feeling is very vague, and I really don't know what the trouble is; maybe the trouble is in spring, or in flowers. This sudden and heavy sense of loneliness is a little girl's Love the natural signal of seedling maturity.Due to the oppression of society and social customs, little girls have to try their best to cover up their vague but powerful desires, and their subconscious youthful dreams are always going on forever.But pre-marital love was a forbidden fruit in ancient China, public courtship was unprecedented, and girls knew that love was pain.Therefore, they dare not allow their thinking to indulge too much in the symbols of love in poems such as "spring", "flower" and "dish", and if she is educated, she cannot be allowed to spend more time on poetry, otherwise her Feelings may be too shocked.She is always busy with household chores to protect the sanctity of her feelings, like young flowers protecting themselves from the attack of wild bees and butterflies when they are immature.She is willing to wait quietly for the time when the love will become legal and the formalities will be completed with the ceremony of marriage.He who can escape the tangled lust is the happy man.But in spite of all human constraints, nature sometimes has the upper hand.For like all forbidden fruit in the world, the keenness of sexual attraction, the chances are rarer and higher.This is the magical effect of creation.According to the Chinese theory, once a daughter is distracted, she will stop caring about anything.This is almost the general psychological background in which Chinese people hide women. Although the little girl is deeply hidden in the boudoir, she is usually quite familiar with the married young people who are not far from the local situation, so her selfishness can often steal her ideas, which one is permissible and which one is not.If by chance she meets a selfish and acquiescing young man, even if she just flirts with him for a while, she will be mostly confused, and her heart that she has always been proud of will never be at peace.Thus began a period of secret courtship.Regardless of the humiliation and often suicide of such a courtship if revealed, and regardless of the fact that such behavior would insult the moral law and would be severely criticized by the society, she boldly went to meet her lover privately.And love can always find a way to proceed. In the process of the crazy mutual attraction of the two sexes, it is really hard to tell whether the male is provoking the female or the female is provoking the male.The little girl has many cunning and ingenious ways of making her presence known.The most innocent way is to expose her red silk shoes under the screen.Another method is to stand under the veranda when the sun is setting.Another method is to occasionally expose her pink cheeks among the peach blossoms.Another way is to watch the lanterns at night during the Lantern Festival.另一方法为弹琴（古时的七弦琴），让隔壁少年听她的琴声。另一方法为请求她的弟弟的教师润改诗句，而利用天真的弟弟权充青鸟使者，暗通消息；这位教师倘属多情少年，便欣然和复一首小诗。另有多种交通方法为利用红娘（狡黠使女）；利用同情之姑嫂；利用厨子的妻子；也可以利用尼姑。倘两方面都动了情，总可以想法来一次幽会。这样的秘密聚会是极端不健全的；年轻的姑娘绝不知道怎样保护自身于一刹那；而爱神，本来怀恨放浪的卖弄风情的行为，乃挟其仇雠之心以俱来。爱河多涛，恨海难填，此固为多数中国爱情小说所欲描写者。她或许竟怀了孕！其后随之以一，热情的求爱与私通时期，软绵绵的，辣泼泼的，情不自禁，却就因为那是偷偷摸摸的勾当，尤其觉得可爱可贵，惜乎，通常此等幸福，终属不耐久啊！ 在这种场合，甚么事情都可以发生。少年或小姑娘或许会拂乎本人的意志而与第三者缔婚，这个姑娘既已丧失了贞操，那该是何等悔恨。或则那少年应试及第，被显宦大族看中了，强制的把女儿配给他，于是他娶了另一位夫人。或则少年的家族或女子的家族阖第迁徙到遥远的地方，彼此终身不得复谋一面。或则那少年一时寓居海外，并无意背约，可是中间发生了战事，因而形成无期的延宕。至于小姑娘困守深闺，则只有烦闷与孤零的悲郁。倘若这个姑娘真是多情种子，她是患一场重重的想思病（想思病在中国爱情小说中真是异样的普遍），她的眼神与光彩的消失，真是急坏了爹娘，爹娘鉴于眼前的危急情形，少不得追根究底问个清楚，终至依了她的愿望而成全了这桩婚事，俾挽救女儿的生命，以后两口儿过着幸福的一生。 “爱”在中国人的思想中因而与涕泪、惨愁，与孤寂相揉和，而女性遮掩的结果，在中国一切诗中，掺进了凄惋悲忧的调子。唐以后，许许多多情歌都是含着孤零消极无限的悲伤，诗的题旨常为闺怨，为弃妇，这两个题目好象是诗人们特别爱写的题目。 符合于通常对人生的消极态度，中国的恋爱诗歌吟咏别恨离愁，无限凄凉，夕阳雨夜，空闺幽怨，秋扇见捐，暮春花萎，烛泪风悲，残枝落叶，玉容憔悴，揽镜自伤。这种风格，可以象林黛玉临死前，当她得悉了宝玉与宝钗订婚的消息所吟的一首小诗为典型，字里行间，充满着不可磨灭的悲哀： 侬今葬花人笑痴， 他年葬侬知是谁？ 但有时这种姑娘运气好，也可以成为贤妻良母。中国的戏曲，故通常都殿以这样的煞尾：“愿天下有情人都成眷属。” 结婚是人类最古老，也最原始的举动，即使在最偏僻的未开化地方，那里的男女，仍然必须透过结婚的仪式，始能营其共同生活，可是，今天却有一部分人，本来可以结婚，但并不走上婚姻之路；有很多女人宁可从事职业也不愿结婚；也有很多男女曾经结婚，结果竟离婚而分居，还有很多在离婚又后重又结婚。 为什么有些人不愿意结婚？又为什么有些人结婚以后又离婚呢？这实在是值得我们正视的。对于这个问题，婚姻专家们曾就若干个案，分析整理出以下的结论。 专家们发现，很多男人之所以不愿意结婚，是因为他们以为结婚是个人自由的丧失，他们不愿他们的独立、自由，因为结婚而受到束缚；同样的，有许多女人单独过惯了职业生活，也不愿意牺牲她们的独立自由去结婚，直到希望结婚的时候，岁月已在她们脸上留下残酷的痕迹，当年的理想对象早已为人夫为人父了。终至眼高手低，只有一直蹉跎复蹉跎了。 还有很多的男女，是因为对于配偶的理想太高，而事实又不能寻到这种对象。所又不愿意结婚。另有些男女，则是因为不能获得机会而不结婚。 此外，又有很多男女不结婚，是因为他们在初恋就碰壁，或从情爱方面失望，得到不愉快的结果。这种结果往往产生心理上的反响。一对男女在初次交友受到挫折以后，可能使他/她对于其他男女的印象或关系，也不能处理得很好。 有时，青年男女不愿意结婚，是因为他们家庭方面的责任，也许他的父亲早逝，母亲是一个寡妇，而又有一群弟妹，使他觉得没有力量获取一个配偶。 但不论理由怎样，其最大的原因，还是他们缺少健全的态度，使他们不能迎合结婚的理想。他们对于婚姻应负的责任，怀有恐惧，且不愿妥协；但结婚正如合伙事业一样，是必须各自协调，牺牲自我，谋取共同利益的，而他们却不能负起与婚姻而俱来的责任。 也有许多人生来就有妒忌心，他们心理上的缺点往往使他们的未来配偶逃避。更有很多人，尤其是女人，俱有一种不健全的心理，深恐揭开身体方面的秘密而畏惧结婚。 这些人虽然都有其不结婚的理由，但在通常情形下，已婚者往往要比未婚者寿长，尤其是结过婚而又独居鳏夫。其寿命更较前者短得多。 根据各国人寿统计的综合报告显示，在三十至四十五岁之间的男女，单身汉的死亡率民已婚者的一倍；女人方面，在三十六至六十五岁之间的已婚者死亡率也较未婚者少十分之一。 此外，已婚者犯罪、发疯及自杀的人，也比未婚者减少许多。婚后的男子，往往比未婚的较有责任心，成为较有恒心而可靠的人。 同时，一个结了婚的人，其在社会的地位，也比较使人有一个良好的印象。一个男子如果老不结婚，将使人有一种不自然的感觉。心理学家就曾说过，一个女子如果始终不结婚，最容易发生变态心理。 已婚的人不像单身时那样的无聊和寂寞，他们可以两人共同享受安乐，共渡难关，共同产生希望和志愿。对于男人而言，结婚至少可以较为舒服，他可以在家里享受他爱吃的菜肴，他的衣物也可有人代为整理。 结婚是一种分工合作精神的表现，如果一个男人要自己烧饭、缝纫；一个女人要跟男人一样的竞争才能生存，你说，这该有多麻烦？ 以上这些都是明显的应该结婚的理由，此外还有许多无形的好处，例如，男人们大多希望能够做个主脑人物，而结婚正可以满足他们这个愿望。 每个人都有一种感觉安全的希望，例如生病时有人看护，忧虑时有人安慰，疲倦时有人服侍，结婚正可以满足人类这种希望。结婚以后，夫妇两人可以共同拟定目标，由理想、计划、奋斗，使理想成为事实，而获得无穷的乐趣。 因此，结婚可以说是人生最重要的一步，每个人都应该努力学习如何与人相处，选择适当的终身伴侣，以为共同生活，切不要以为结婚是一种“负担”而畏惧。 世界上任何事情都是相对的，有权利必有义务，怎能只享权利而不尽义务呢？当你勇敢的担负起结婚这个责任以后，你将发现人生是多么的美妙呀！ 也许你要说，不是我不想结婚，而没有获得结识异性的机会，对于你这个问题，婚姻专家们提出他们的答案，他们表示，任何人都有百分之百的婚姻机会，有些人之所以没有结婚，完全是他们宁愿过单身生活的关系。 下面有几个要点，是正在择偶的朋友所应该特别注意的。 1.男女的年龄，最好是男人比女人大几岁，但以不超过十岁为宜。 2.双方的教育程度要相等，男女差距太大，每为不睦的主因，尤其是女高于男，其美满的可能性更是微乎其微。 3.性情与嗜好最好相近。 4.经济能力最好相差无几，双方家境如果过于悬殊，往往会影响婚后的个人自尊心。 5.如果你是男人的话，应该有一份足供家人温饱的正当职业；如果你是女人的话，你所选择的对象，更应该注意这个问题，爱情虽可贵，仍须建立于“物质”之上，否则，其危险就如沙漠中的大厦，倾倒在旦夕。