Chapter 5 Tibet

We will never know when the first snow will fall, when the first light will appear on the horizon, when a baby will get its first tooth, when a wicked disease will break out - and when we will fall in love with someone . We will never know when the first snow will fall, when the first light will appear on the horizon, when a baby will get its first tooth, when a wicked disease will break out—— And when do we fall in love with someone. In Beijing in the spring of 2003, "SARS" came fiercely. There are overwhelming reports in the news media, the frightening death toll is increasing day by day, the busy and noisy streets and alleys suddenly become extremely quiet, and major universities have announced the suspension of classes one after another.

All you can see are white masks.Getting along in a closed space began to feel like years.People cast wary and distrustful glances at each other.When I took the elevator in the mall, I accidentally sneezed, and the strange man next to me immediately took out his mobile phone in horror and called the police. It is difficult for people who have never been there to appreciate the oppressive and panic atmosphere at that time - the unknown worries and joys, the unknown, the impermanence of death and life, and the life is like a sustenance. That was the last spring of my college career.This year, I was in the fourth year of university. I had no money, no boyfriend, no books to read, and no classes to attend. However, I had a strong body, bright eyes, and full of ideals.I just feel that youth is endlessly squandered, and the road ahead is long and long.

At the age of 21, I have a dream that I have planned for four years.A dream that I hope will come true before graduation.A dream almost shattered by this demonic "SARS". That is Tibet. I often suspect that the word "Tibet" itself is some kind of spell with mysterious power. Otherwise, how can it be explained that so many people feel crazy and fascinated when they hear these two words? I think I have sufficient reasons to yearn for Tibet. For example, when I was learning painting as a teenager, I heard the teacher describe the strange fantasy and symbolism in Tibetan paintings more than once. For example, I was completely shocked by the magical magnetic field when I entered the Lama Temple for the first time. For example, I read a lot of related books because I chose Tibetan Buddhism in college, and I was deeply impressed by the Tibetan ecological and ethical wisdom of "depending on the righteousness" and "harmony and symbiosis". ...But all of this can't match the shock in my heart when I first heard the word "Tibet".It was an inexplicable impulse and fanaticism, just like Tang Sanzang's yearning for the Holy Land of the Western Paradise where he could obtain the scriptures, just like Hemingway's Frederick yearned for the priest's "clean and dry hometown"...

However, the spread of "SARS" made my trip to Tibet extremely difficult.This difficulty is first of all psychological—traveling during the SARS period is a high-risk behavior, so my parents must be worried and afraid of not being able to sleep at night.Furthermore, universities in Beijing have announced the closure of their schools one after another, and the news that the school will be closed is widely circulated on my university campus. I've seen other colleges and universities close down.The blunt iron gate coldly separated the two worlds, people inside could not get out, and people outside could not come in.Lovers can only look at each other across the door, or hold hands through the cracks in the iron gate.

"It's like going to jail..." A passer-by hurried past muttered in a low voice, casting a sympathetic look at the poor students trapped inside the iron gate. I immediately froze in place and couldn’t move—if the school was really closed, it would be almost impossible for me to realize my Tibetan dream before graduation... Finally, at the end of this spring, when the patterns of hello kitty, Doraemon and Salted Egg Superman gradually appeared in the white masks all over the street, the gossip that "the school will be closed from April 25" spread on the campus When word gradually spread, I secretly made up my mind.

On April 24, I bought a plane ticket to Lhasa the next morning in Xidan. Today is my dad's birthday.In the evening I called home, wished my dad a happy birthday, and told my parents about my decision. The air on the other end of the phone suddenly became extremely heavy.I could feel Dad suppressing his anger.He said: "Don't go! Don't you look at what kind of extraordinary times it is now!" "But I even bought the plane ticket..." "Don't go! It's too dangerous. What if something happens? The medical level over there is so poor." "But I've been planning for so long... If I don't go, I won't have a chance to go..."

... After a few rounds, Dad threw down a sentence: "If you must go, you will never want to enter this house again in the future!" I was silent for a long time. "I'm sorry, Dad. But I'm going anyway." I hung up the phone lightly. Such a late spring night in Beijing is surrounded by soft and endless darkness.Woke up in the middle of the night and saw the stars outside the window.Gently patted the packed luggage next to the bed, and I knew in my heart that at the same time, my parents who were tossing and turning sleepless at night were two thousand kilometers away.

I don't know when, I started to have the idea of ​​going to Tibet. After graduating from university, I worked hard.I broke up with my girlfriend who had been in love for five years, got back together, broke up again, and finally ran to Nanjing. How much I like life in Nanjing, but the happy time passed in a blink of an eye.Eight months later, the company arranged for me to be transferred back to Hong Kong.I know that I will soon be an ordinary Hong Kong person, work in Hong Kong, find a Hong Kong girlfriend, get married, live in those small houses, and live the life of a Hong Kong person for the rest of my life.

I have visited quite a few places in China, but I know that there is only one place that is most worth looking forward to, and that is Tibet.I really want to go to Tibet once, especially before the opening of the Qinghai-Tibet Railway, to experience the place known as "the last pure land". Xiaotao, a netizen I just met, told me not to go to Tibet, saying that there is something interesting there. My mother said that "SARS" is very severe now, so don't run around. I said, "No, I must go." When mom knew she couldn't stop his stubborn son, she had to send a stack of masks.Just like that, I took a stack of masks and a "Tibetan Cowhide Book" and boarded the train bound for Lanzhou from Nanjing West Railway Station.

24 hours of driving, a lot of sleep.It's the first time I travel alone, no one talks to me, I'm not used to it.When we arrived in Lanzhou, we immediately went to buy a train ticket to Golmud that day.When I arrived at the ticket office, I was told that there were no tickets. According to my experience, generally at this time, there will always be "good-hearted people" who are eager to "help" you. As expected, the "good-hearted man" came out and the train ticket was settled.Of course, money is also spent.There was also a girl who bought the ticket with me who got on the train from Zhengzhou, and she was also going to Tibet.I saw that she was only carrying a small backpack, as if she had no other equipment, more like running away from home.She introduced herself as Xiaoyu, and her occupation is a tour guide.I found out later that she ran out in a fit of anger after a quarrel with her boyfriend.I thought, what a chic girl these days, she looks like I'm about the same age as me.

On the train, I heard that it snowed heavily on the Qinghai-Tibet Highway a few weeks ago, many vehicles were stuck on the road, and many people froze to death.I sat by the window and watched the scenery outside change from a city at the beginning to a deserted one later, and my heart became more and more excited.I know that the place that makes me dream about is about to appear in front of my eyes, but I don't know how rough the road ahead is. On the afternoon of April 20, I arrived at Golmud at an altitude of more than 2,800 meters.This is a necessary place to enter Tibet from the Qinghai-Tibet line, and it is also the place where everyone exchanges information before entering Tibet and the last supply station.Many people say that it is best to stay in Golmud for a day before entering Tibet, so that the body can adapt first, and the plateau reaction will not be so strong later.So I decided to stay in Golmud for one night first, and then go to Lhasa by car tomorrow. Originally, I planned to stay in a guest house where there were a lot of donkey friends, but after getting off the train, Xiaoyu suggested to check out the hotel opposite.It was the first time a girl asked me to go to a hotel to "open a room" together, and I was really embarrassed.I think she shouldn't ask us to live in the same room. After entering the hotel, when I was thinking about what excuses I should make, she had told the front desk that she wanted two standard rooms. It seems that I may be overconfident in my own charm. The next day, before we set off, we had lunch at a nearby restaurant, and Xiaoyu ordered two large bottles of beer.I have always heard that it is best not to smoke and drink in the plateau, so when she repeatedly asked for a toast, I still didn't finish the drink.She looks like she can drink, though, and it scares me a little bit to be able to drink. The car that was originally expected to leave at 2:30 did not finally drive to the Qinghai-Tibet Highway until 6:00 because of various twists and turns.The whole journey from Golmud to Lhasa is about 1154 kilometers, and it is estimated to arrive in Lhasa in 24 hours. The weather along the way was bad, with wind, rain, and snow, and it gradually became dark outside the window. I couldn't see anything, but I felt that the car was climbing uphill.As the altitude continued to rise, my body became more and more uncomfortable. I had difficulty breathing, my head hurt a little, and I wanted to sleep but couldn't. When he woke up in a daze, it was already dawn.It was very cold, and a thin layer of ice had formed on the car windows.I heard that after a short distance, you will reach the Tanggula Pass at an altitude of 5,231 meters, and the road in the future will be easier to walk.I thought to myself that everything would be fine soon. After a while, the car stopped, and the driver said that there was an accessory that needed to be transported from Lhasa or Golmud, and it would take at least half a day to a day. It was a bolt from the blue.You must know that staying at the highest point of the Qinghai-Tibet Highway for one night is not a fun thing, and it is still in an unheated carriage.If it catches up with the snow, I am afraid that some people will really freeze to death.Some people in the car have already got out of the car to intercept passing vehicles. Although several buses passed by, they were all full.Suddenly, an empty minibus passed in front of everyone and stopped tens of meters ahead.Before I had time to react, Xiaoyu had rushed to the front of the crowd and chatted with the driver.Within a minute, she waved to me to take our luggage from the bus.I ran towards the CMB with a large and small backpack, and I was out of breath within a few steps.Thinking of myself as a man, compared to Xiaoyu, I really feel ashamed. When we boarded the minibus, we found that the seats had been occupied by goods, and we managed to vacate two vacant seats from the pile of goods to sit down. After passing the Tanggula Pass, the altitude continued to drop, and the altitude sickness also eased a little.It was already afternoon when we arrived in Andor.It is 4,700 meters above sea level and 455 kilometers away from Lhasa.After entering the city, the driver said that he had to do something, and it took about an hour or two before continuing the journey.Because we were eager to enter Tibet, we decided to change cars without hesitation.We pulled the big and small backpacks and walked from Anduo County to the intersection of the highway to pick up another car.At this time, the sun was very strong and made us sweat profusely.Sure enough, the sunshine at an altitude of 4,700 meters is different. The two of us kept waving at the passing cars, which reminded me of the Hong Kong TV show "Radio Boys", which filmed a Hong Kong boy and a Japanese boy hitchhiking from South Africa to the Arctic Circle in Norway.Of course, I only need to go from Amdo to Lhasa now, and I am surrounded by Henan girls instead of Japanese boys. After waiting for about half an hour, we finally stopped a big truck.Seeing the license plate with "Yu" written on it, Xiaoyu immediately chatted with the driver in Henan dialect, and settled everything in less than a minute.When I climbed into the front seat of the truck, I suddenly felt very imposing, a bit condescending. However, the speed of the truck is too slow, especially when climbing hills like a snail.Finally, at 3:30 in the morning, the truck drove into the parking lot and arrived at Lhasa at an altitude of 3,650 meters.My Qinghai-Tibet Highway was finally completed in 36 hours.We were really tired, so we randomly found a guest house nearby, and stayed for one night before making plans the next day. When I woke up in the morning, the sun was shining outside, I felt refreshed, and the altitude sickness seemed to be swept away.As I was walking on the street, I saw a Tibetan woman muttering words while walking on the prayer wheel, and I felt indescribably excited. Xiaoyu and I took the bus to Beijing East Road to find a hotel, because the three most famous Tibetan hotels in Lhasa are on that road: Ya Hotel, Jiri Hotel, and Balangxue Hotel.Originally, I planned to live in Jiri, because I heard from friends that the room conditions in Jiri are better.But when it was time for Balang to study, Xiaoyu said, "Let's live in this family!" In this way, I formed an indissoluble bond with the place of Balang School. Panting and climbing two floors, I finally came to Room 301 where I stayed.This is a four-person room, and one of the roommates is also from Hong Kong, named A Ming. After settling in, Xiaoyu came to ask me to go outside for a stroll.But I was afraid of the altitude sickness, so I didn't dare to run around, so I had to lie on the bed obediently.Later, I couldn't sleep, so I chatted with Amin for a while.Although it is not the tourist season, there are still sporadic tourists living here.I got to know Xiao Yu from Hunan, Richard from Shanghai, Xiao Hebei, and Xiao Guangzhou. The next day, Balang learned from a young man who went to school in Xiamen and dyed his hair blond. Later, we all called him "Huangmao".Xiaoyu made an appointment with someone to go to Namtso tomorrow, and asked me if I would participate.I am also afraid of altitude sickness, so I dare not join them casually.In the afternoon, I went to Drepung Monastery with everyone, and at night I went to the Langma Hall to watch Tibetan singing and dancing performances.At the end, we all got together with other Tibetans to sing and dance folk dances, which was very interesting. It was a morning that will never be forgotten.A few gleams of light have already appeared on the horizon.The air is cool, and the surroundings are as quiet as a dream. I walked out of the dormitory building with a huge backpack on my back. Because I heard that the school will officially announce the closure of the school on this day. Although it is not clear whether it is true or not, I am worried that if I walk out of the school in such a brazen manner, I may be stopped immediately and "sent" back to the dormitory.After thinking for two seconds, I quickly made a decision—— Over the wall. There is a small iron gate downstairs in the dormitory, and I threw the bag out first with a "shua".Then, three times, five divisions, and two seconds later, I was standing firmly outside the school gate. I couldn't help but whistled.I feel so handsome. The city at this moment is shrouded in an incredible light.Walking on the bustling street, I looked at the vehicles speeding past in front of me, and everyone passing by, like a soldier crawling in the grass, with sensitive and burning eyes, waiting for the unpredictable future .Ahead is a journey full of unknowns. I am alone on the road, uneasy, but I have no hesitation. The airport has always been a small theater full of human drama, but the airport in front of us is not what it used to be. The atmosphere is dull, there are few passengers, and cold masks, white coats, and temperature testers are waiting for you. On the plane, the stewardesses all wore big masks, covering up their professional smiles in the past, and their posture was more self-defense than the passengers.The cabin is full of vigilant and suspicious eyes.The middle-aged man in the adjacent aisle suddenly coughed again and again for no reason, and the young man sitting next to him immediately became nervous and fidgeted. What's interesting is that these heavily armed "mask men" disarmed one by one in front of the meals served by the stewardess, pulled off their masks and began to eat.I think there is a limit to people's vigilance. The psychological effect of masks is probably much greater than the physical effect. The plane transited in Chengdu, and more than half of the passengers left.While waiting in the waiting room, a familiar figure flashed by. The day before the departure, I met a boy at the outdoor goods counter of the contemporary shopping mall, and he said that he was going to Tibet soon.I didn't expect to see him again on the same plane. "What a coincidence?" He also saw me, and immediately walked over with a smile to introduce himself. Jie, 26 years old, from the north, IT professionals. After chatting, we found that our planned routes are very similar, and we all plan to go to Yunnan after going to Tibet.So it was natural to go hand in hand. I lay on the window, overlooking Tibet from a high altitude.As far as the eye can see, there are gray-black mountains covered with white snow.It is hard to imagine that there is a mysterious and beautiful world hidden in those vertical and horizontal ravines. The first thing I did after getting off the plane was to tear off the mask and breathe in the air of the plateau at an altitude of 5,000 meters.I think it's really safe here, just like the big circle of fire that Sun Wukong drew for Tang Monk with a golden cudgel in "Three Dozens of Bone Demons". Everyone said that the plateau was short of oxygen. When I first landed, I jumped a few times with my big bag on my back, and proudly said to Jie: "Look, who said that it will be difficult to breathe? I have no problem at all. !" Later facts proved that I was really ignorant and fearless. When we arrived in Lhasa by minibus, Jie and I held the "Tibetan Cowhide Book", which is regarded as the "Treasure of Sunflowers" by the majority of traveling friends, and walked through the streets to find the legendary "Balang School Hotel" - the most Popularity, where most backpackers gather.As I walked, I began to feel that it was difficult to breathe, my feet felt like lead, and the big bag on my back became heavier and heavier.At a corner, I finally couldn't help but stopped by the wall: "No, I have to rest for a while." I stood there gasping for breath.Turning to look at Jie, he is not much better than me.I was suddenly a little frustrated. I had been bragging about my good health and stamina before, but I fell down at this height. I lowered my head and dragged my feet weakly, and Jie suddenly shouted in surprise: "Look across the street!" Before I saw the white signboard of Balangxue Hotel, a song that went out of tune and went to the country of Java first caught my ears—— "A friend has never been lonely, you will understand when you say friend. In a word, a lifetime, a lifetime of love, a glass of wine..." A group of boys, Shi Shiran, walked past me, singing in unison, as if the heroes of Liangshan were sworn brothers.They sang Zhou Huajian's song, their faces flushed and their emotions were aroused, and they knew that they had just had enough wine and food. I was stunned to see these people walking into the Balang School singing and shoulder to shoulder, when suddenly one of them turned back and ran towards Jie and me. "Are you new here? Will you go to Namtso tomorrow?" Crew cut, glasses, Cantonese accent.This is our first encounter. I shook my head blankly.I just arrived in Lhasa, of course it is impossible to go to Namtso with him immediately. The room is on the third floor.It was a short flight of stairs, but I was as tired as if I had just run 5,000 meters.Shortness of breath, panting non-stop, legs are also stiff. However, I still continued the line of "the ignorant is not afraid" with a brave momentum.It is said that it is best not to take a shower or drink alcohol when you first arrive at the plateau. Not only did I put down my backpack, I immediately rushed to the bathroom downstairs to take a shower, and I also drank Lhasa beer while eating at night. After drinking, walk slowly back to Balang School.Passing the Potala Palace on the road, I stopped and stared at this symbol of the snowy capital that I had seen countless times on TV and in books.It is smaller than I imagined, and it seems to have put away its majestic and majestic momentum in the night.There is a wind blowing, and I feel that my mood is clear.Obviously in a strange city, but in a trance, it seems to have come to the promised land that I saw in my dream. In the evening, my altitude sickness gradually subsided, so I sat in the corridor on the third floor and chatted with the new residents.Balang School is really like a university dormitory. Because it is cheap, most of the people living here are young people.Everyone is familiar with each other when they meet, eat together, evade fares together, and take a ride together.Coupled with the special "SARS" period now, very few people come to Tibet for tourism, and only a group of children like us who are not afraid of death are left in the empty Balang School, so the "revolutionary emotion" that shares weal and woe with each other It's getting stronger. Everyone is talking about introducing themselves.I said "I just came from Beijing today..." Everyone immediately pretended to gasp, and then laughed together. I saw the boy who asked me if I would go to Namtso again.He said his name is Mingji, a Hong Kong native, 25 years old, and an engineer. There were boos.No one believed him because he looked too young, even a high school student. He slowly took out an ID card to show us. The name was correct and the date of birth was correct, but the photo didn't look like him at all.This ID card aroused our great interest, someone jokingly said, is he fake?Maybe Mingji really... Everyone had a heated discussion on this issue.The more it is said, the more outrageous it is, it is almost possible to write an Agatha-style detective mystery novel. (How boring we were when we were young.) He said very little.Listening to our boring discussion without saying a word from beginning to end, but with a quiet smile on his face. When I woke up in the morning, the altitude sickness was almost gone.Lhasa is still so sunny, which makes people feel happy. Richard left for Mount Everest and Nepal today, and everyone in Balang School saw him off. In the morning, I went to Ganden Monastery with Huang Mao and a big sister from Northeast China.Ganden Monastery was recommended to me by friends who have been to Tibet.Unlike Drepung Monastery, the entire Ganden Monastery is built on the top of the mountain, and it is said that there is a sky burial ground nearby. A young lama also invited us to visit his room, drink buttered tea, chat, and offered khata to us.I always thought that only those who have made great contributions or achievements are eligible to get hada, so this moved me a little.The Northeast sister asked the lama a lot of strange questions, which made me and Huang Mao very embarrassed. After returning from Ganden Monastery, I started looking for someone to go to Namtso with me.However, except for me and Huang Mao (of course there is also the Northeast sister, but we all respect her at a distance after going to Ganden Monastery), most of the people in Balang School have been to Namtso, and those who have just arrived are afraid of the plateau React and dare not immediately go to a higher altitude.I think I'll just have to look a little harder, or post a Notice on the bulletin board. In the evening, I will go to the Fat Sister Restaurant opposite Balang School for dinner as usual, which has become our "Balang School Canteen". A group of people came to Fat Sister Restaurant.I also drank a little beer during the meal, and everyone sang songs together while slightly drunk, having a great time.When a group of us walked and sang back to the downstairs of the Balang School, I ran into a new couple. Of course I would not let them go, and I ran up to them with a bit of drunkenness and asked, "Are you new here? Will you go to Namtso tomorrow?" It is likely that I asked too suddenly, and they seemed a little at a loss.After a while, the girl answered me: "I'm sorry, we just arrived in Tibet today, and we don't plan to go right away." It seems that I still can't go to Namtso tomorrow, so I have to go back disappointed. After the meal, everyone sat in the corridor on the third floor and chatted. This is a daily routine for our travelers living in Balangxue. I met a Tsinghua student, and it was interesting that his military kettle was filled with highland barley wine.He told us that he would ride from Lhasa to Yanghu Lake in a few days, and I thought to myself: "There are so many great people in Tibet!" I saw the man and woman I met after dinner just now again. It turned out that they both came from Beijing. I think they should be lovers.Everyone questioned my real age, so I had to take out my ID card to testify, but the photo on the ID card became a topic of discussion again. The sunshine on the plateau gushes out endlessly, as if blooming the last enthusiasm for this world. I wandered around Lhasa and went to the Potala Palace, Jokhang Temple and Sera Monastery.In the Sera Monastery, I saw the scene of the lamas debating scriptures. They sat on the ground, their red clothes were like fire, and they were attacking or defending, aggressive.One question and one answer in Sanskrit, slapping the mountains loudly.They look like gods with low brows and pensive looks.It was a sight I had never seen before.I stood aside like a fool, my heart was shocked, but I was extremely happy. The streets of Lhasa are as bustling as imagined, but the "SARS" made it less tourist traces.I often hear people complain about the degree of modernization of Lhasa, lamenting that Lhasa is no longer the Lhasa as imagined.I have always despised such selfish thoughts.If the local people can have a higher quality of life because of this, foreign curiosity hunters have no right to point fingers. Women in brightly colored Tibetan costumes calmly shop for daily necessities.These ordinary little things are done by them with a kind of solemnity in life.Tibetans who came from afar could not afford to kneel in front of the monastery. They lived in ragged clothes, but their faces were full of piety.I ordered bloody raw meat in a small restaurant, put on a heroic posture, and tried to swallow it in one gulp. The two men with Tibetan knives on the waist and long braids on the head grinned at me, showing their white teeth. This smile is too good to be true.I stared at them raptly until the two big guys were almost ashamed. In the evening, we gathered to chat again in the hallway of Balang School. Miss Xiaoyu from Henan scrambled up the stairs, yelling indistinctly: "Eight...eight...eight..." Everyone is stupid.Eight?bar?dad? Sister Xiaoyu let out a big belch: "Eight bottles!" She smiled hey. Balangxue has a bold style of "meeting friends, big mouthfuls of meat and big bowls of wine". People who don't know how to drink here are the least welcome.It is said that Sister Xiaoyu is actually not the most drunk.The biggest news in Balangxue today is that the Hong Kong boy named Mingji was poured into a mess, but he still insisted on not being supported, and climbed up the stairs on his hands and feet, panting and shouting while climbing: "Hong Kong people are useless! Hong Kong people are useless—" That night, every resident of Balang Academy heard the wailing of this Hong Kong compatriot. The sky sits on the ground and indulges in what you want, suddenly drunk and suddenly awake.In this land of Tibetans, I vaguely saw the Dionysian spirit that I had longed for and thought was lost.I used to think that in today's commercial society, the freedom and honesty contained in wine have disappeared, but unexpectedly, this ancient image has been rediscovered here.I couldn't help re-examining the people around me, wondering whether behind every drunken face, there was also a soul of affection and sex. I didn't go anywhere that day, I just went to the Jokhang Temple Square with Huang Mao in the morning, and then went to Sun Island with everyone for lunch in the afternoon and came back.I accompanied Amin to the Bank of China to deal with the account, and then went to the airline ticket office to book a flight ticket from Lhasa to Chengdu. Back at Balang School, it feels very lively today. Many people have gathered on the third floor to chat in the afternoon.It turns out that Balang has learned a lot of newcomers, and some donkey friends who live in other hotels also come here to chat. After an afternoon of hard work, I finally decided to go to Namtso tomorrow.There are four of us, Huang Mao, Zhang Yi and Shan from Guangzhou.The driver is a simple Tibetan, who has been waiting for news of our departure for the past few days. Xiaoyu came back from Namtso, looking for people to chat with.But the people who walked with her still seemed to have lingering fears, which was incredible. Dinner is still done at "Fat Sister".When we ate together, in order to thank Xiaoyu for taking good care of me when I entered Tibet, I drank three cups of Erguotou to express my gratitude.As a result, I, who always asked myself how much I drink, was finally completely defeated by those three cups of Erguotou at an altitude of 3,650 meters.In the end, I don't even quite remember how I got back to my room. Later, I heard them talking about my various behaviors after drinking, and I couldn't help but find it funny, such as how to break free from other people's support and "climb" from the first floor to the third floor by myself.The most classic thing is that when I went back to my room and lay on the bed, I kept saying "Hong Kong people are useless...", which is really embarrassing. Since then, this "golden sentence" has been quoted countless times. Jie and I chartered a car with two new friends, Le and Tao, to Namtso. Namtso in northern Tibet is the highest freshwater lake in the world, known as "holy lake" and "heavenly lake".I once read in a book that more than 800 years ago, the eminent monks of the Dalong Kagyu Sect of Tibetan Buddhism went to the lake to practice the essential methods of Tantric Buddhism. It was a surprising coincidence that I came to Namtso in the Year of the Goat.Believers in Tibetan Buddhism have such a legend that every year of the sheep, all the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, and Gods of Expansion will gather in Namtso to set up altars and perform Dharma ceremonies. Ten thousand times, the blessings are immeasurable.Because of this, every year of the sheep, the monks will not hesitate to travel long distances to Zhuanhu.There are huge crowds of people, and the event is unprecedented. Namtso is almost unbelievably beautiful.The surface of the lake near the shore is covered with ice and snow, but the water of the lake a little further away is so clear that you can directly see the gray sand and gravel at the bottom of the lake.There are endless snow-capped mountains across the lake. By the lake, I met an old man who was fluent in Chinese.He told me that he brought his whole family to visit the mountain.He said that as many years old as you are, you have to turn as many times as you want.I don't know his age, I just saw him go round and round reverently.When you are tired, stop and rest for a while.I saw his whole family, all of them had dark complexion, and when they smiled, they showed their white teeth.They look at people without dodging at all, they are straightforward. I asked him how long it would take you to get here. He said it took twenty days. Along the way, I saw many worshipers like this. Without exception, their clothes were worn out, and they hid in caves to rest at night. Qing is what. Jie ran on the frozen lake, but stepped into an ice hole, and his pants, shoes and socks were all soaked.We were afraid that he might catch a cold, because it is really dangerous to catch a cold on the plateau, so we hurriedly sent him back to the tent to rest.It may be that the altitude is too high, but he is still sick after all.We put all the blankets on him and he still had a fever and his face was red.Le, a girl who was traveling with me, is a medical student. She made everyone the Tibetan medicine Rhodiola rosea, and told us to lie down and rest for a while. I fell asleep after taking the medicine.When he woke up, the darkness of night had already enveloped the entire land.I got up to look at Jie, his forehead was still hot and he was short of breath.I tried to talk to him, but his consciousness seemed to be blurred, and he uttered some words incoherently.At that moment, I felt desperate, worried that his cold and fever had turned into pulmonary edema, and there was almost nothing to do on this plateau where medicine was poor. When I came to Tibet, I saw beauty everywhere, but this was the first time I saw the crisis amidst this magnificence.The human body is so fragile, but we are helpless. The night in Namco is extremely cold.I stepped out of the tent and saw a sky full of stars, never been this close.On the vast and boundless land, there are some tents stationed alone.The Nyainqentanglha Mountains in the distance glow blue under the starry sky.At this time, I suddenly became anxious. Although I didn't expect to find a toilet here, I ran to a lively Tibetan tent to ask.Tibetans are very enthusiastic. A fat woman said that they have toilets.She also took me there specially. The toilet is on the opposite hillside, and I was out of breath when I walked there. When I got closer, I saw that it was a small shed made of plastic sheeting.But-- It has no doors at all. The side facing the road where people might pass is completely uncovered. I suddenly realized that the Tibetans built this hut not for the purpose of embarrassment at all.It is used to keep out the wind. I asked the woman blankly, what should I do? She gave me a strange look, made a squatting posture, then stood up and walked away on her own. I know that Tibetan women urinate in the open air like this.But they all wore ankle-length round skirts, squatted down and then stood up, and they couldn't see anything from the outside.But I'm wearing jeans, what should I do? I saw that it was dark, and as soon as I gritted my teeth, I took off my pants and squatted down. But at this moment, a group of people suddenly came on the road only ten meters away from me. It looked like a Tibetan family, about ten people.They stared at me curiously. How did I feel at that time?It seemed like the sky was falling. Such a sense of shame can never be experienced by people who are not personally on the scene.I had to bow my head deeply, like an ostrich, until they passed by. However, the change of mind seems to be only in an instant.When I finally raised my head and stood between the boundless sky and the earth again, I suddenly felt that nothing mattered.Everything in this land is natural.What is human nature to be ashamed of? Back in the tent, I went to look at Jie again, and found that his breathing had become much more stable, and there were many beads of sweat on his forehead.I feel a little relieved, and it seems that the fever is going down. I am very surprised that I have not met Mingji in Namtso.Because obviously I heard that he and several other people chartered another car and came here on the same day. Is it because of the encounter at the gate of Balang School on the first day, or that weird ID photo? I don’t know when, I have been unconsciously paying attention to this boy I saw for the first time in Balang School. Although my head was so uncomfortable that it was about to explode, I still insisted on getting up and getting ready to go to Namtso.The kind driver warned me that if I went to Mount Everest in the future, I must not drink so much alcohol the day before, or I would feel even more uncomfortable. Yes, I will never dare again in the future. 到达海拔4718米的纳木错时，我再也无法承受酒后加高原的强烈反应，只好马上进帐篷昏睡过去。可惜美景当前，我却无福消受。 同行的人，除了黄毛还能在外面转一圈以外，其他统统都被打败了。 整个晚上忍受着高原反应的煎熬，一夜难眠。 清晨起来，杰已经差不多恢复了，他自称是“底子好”，似已忘却昨夜的病痛。只有我仍觉得后怕。 就要离开纳木错继续赶路了。我心恋恋不舍。衣服穿得不够，我便披着一床大毯子又走到湖边。不远处，一个藏族老妇人正在用捡来的牦牛粪生火。我走到她跟前，她好奇地看着我手里的巧克力。我把巧克力给她，她尝了尝，小心地收起来，咧开没牙的嘴冲我一笑。接着，她取下自己的项链要给我。我不想让她觉得这是种交换，拼命摇头摆手。她似也明白，把项链戴回。 我们一起烤了一阵子牛粪生的火，其间似乎能听见时间流过的声音。我看着她，觉得自己也很老了，两个老人在一起烤火。地老天荒，岁月悠长。 生命如此静寂，俨如警戒一般的静寂。我们像是在尚未成型的世界里等待着，等待着那无法用言语来表述的什么。 回拉萨的途中，天竟然下起了小雪。傍晚回到拉萨，大家再次坐在八朗学的走廊晒太阳。看见那几个和铭基同车去纳木错的朋友，听说他们全车人在那里都有十分严重的高原反应。 铭基拿着一大瓶水走出来。他看起来好像又瘦了一圈，脸色还是不大好，身穿一件白色T恤，上有“香港大学，北京大学”之类字样。后来才知道这沉默寡言的男生原来就毕业于传说中的港大。 这群人中有个染着一头黄发戴着无数耳钉的男生，大家都管他叫“黄毛”。黄毛外表是大大咧咧的新新人类，实际上心思细腻，十分感性，还很有创作热情。此刻他正窝在走廊的长椅上，捧着一台笔记本电脑，大声朗读他的新作《在“非典”蔓延的日子》。 我靠着墙坐在地上，听着黄毛充满感情的声音，看着身边的这些新朋友。在“非典”蔓延的日子里，我们这些素昧平生的人竟都不约而同地来到西藏这个世外桃源。萍水相逢，尽是他乡之客。我们对彼此的背景和过去几乎一无所知。目光交会的时刻，笑容都是灿烂。沉默的时候却心事苍茫，像是隔着下雨的玻璃窗。会选择在这种时候独自来到西藏的人，心里一定收藏着只属于自己的秘密。我们究竟是想找回什么，还是想忘记什么？ 我和几个朋友商量第二天包车去珠峰的行程安排，车上还剩一个座位，本来有一个名叫张翼的广州人要去，现在他高原反应病得不轻，能不能去也未可知。 不怕死的我晚上又跑去喝了青稞酒。晕头晕脑地回来，却见淡淡夜色中，一个身影在我房前等候。 是铭基。 他轻轻问我：“如果张翼不去，我可不可以顶替他？” "of course can." 青稞酒后劲真足，我已然有了些醉意。 早上醒过来，虽然感觉到还有一点点高原反应，但是酒劲基本上已经过了。看看其他几个人，还是昏睡过去的样子，完全没有醒过来的意思。 硬着头皮爬起来，跟着朝圣的藏民在扎西半岛转了一圈。当然，虔诚的藏民不会只是转一圈的，但是我已经筋疲力尽了。我坐在石块上，看着远方的雪山和结冰的湖面，细细体会大自然的奇妙。 过了中午，我们就要离开了。可怜的张翼啊，我辛辛苦苦把他叫醒后还要搀扶他到车上去。他可真是在纳木错什么都没有看过，连离开时也没有看一眼。我记得出发前他还表现得非常专业，跟我们说每个星期都去爬山，而他的衣服也都是全副登山装备，手表还带有海拔计。 回拉萨的路上突然下起雪来，交通阻塞了一会儿。 到了拉萨，张翼被那个好像噩梦般的高原反应吓得要命，原来跟其他几个人约好了明天去珠峰，也不得不打算退出了。还好我酒气过了以后基本上没事了，所以很想替补他去珠峰。 可是，我还是搞不清楚香港人去珠峰到底需不需要边防证。问了很多人，也打电话问了旅行社和有关部门，还是没得到确定的答案。有的人说要，有的人却说不用，让我十分迷茫。 最后，跟我们去纳木错的司机说如果有护照就可以不需要边防证，那我也只好相信他了。反正已经来不及办证，大不了在边境检查站被武警叔叔赶下车。 原来跟张翼一起去珠峰的还有四个人。其中一对是从四川来的，另外就是在大前天晚上跟我一起聊过天，从北京来的一对男女。昨天还听黄毛说在纳木错看见他们四个人。我对那个从北京来的女生还有点印象，因为她打扮比较时髦，人也长得蛮漂亮。 张翼犹豫了好久，最后决定放弃珠峰之行。 晚上我在八朗学三楼走廊等着他们回来，希望可以跟他们确认替补张翼一起去珠峰。 最后，我终于看见北京来的那一对，我马上直接问那个女生能否一起跟他们去珠峰。她问问那个男生觉得怎样，男生对此也没有意见。 我的珠峰之行快要成真了，而这一次我再不敢喝酒了。 正式向珠峰进发。 铭基上了车，小心地把一个塑胶袋系在前面的座椅靠背上，袋里是好心的黄毛买给他的肉包子。他有点沉默，大概是和我们还不太熟的缘故。大家都忙着诱导他多说话：“介绍一下自己吧？” 他不好意思地笑笑：“我叫铭基，普通人一个。你们都知道的啊。” “那……有什么好玩的事和我们分享一下吧？” 他挠挠头：“好玩的事啊？……小时候和梁咏琪做过邻居算不算？” 我们的好奇心全都爆发了—— “是吗？那她小时候漂不漂亮？” “她是不是有个双胞胎弟弟？” “她以前是长头发还是短头发？” “那你小时候有没有暗恋过她？” ... 铭基完全被我们给吓着了。多么八卦的一群人啊。 车到西藏三大圣湖之一的羊湖，我们下了车。风大得简直让人站立不稳。然而羊湖真的美如人间仙境。湖水与天空同色，清澈见底，有“白云水底游”之感。 铭基拿着一个貌似很专业的佳能相机，时不时地按动快门，脸上淡淡的表情，颇有点摄影师的风范。我在一旁悄悄地看着他，忽然有种莫名的好感。大概是因为自己喜欢艺术的缘故，一直中意有艺术气质的男生。而自己对摄影偏又一窍不通，所以几乎有点崇拜他。 他忽然走向我：“帮你拍照好不好？” 他按下快门，我简直有点受宠若惊。 后来全车五个人想拍合影，举目四顾，茫茫草原连个人影也无。正想放弃，铭基忽然奔向车边，倏地拿出一个三脚架。 我十分吃惊。这人连这么重的三脚架也千山万水地背来了西藏。 高原上的司机果然与众不同，午饭时还要喝白酒。吃饱喝足后，似乎仍有酒意的司机师傅一言不发地就跳上驾驶座，小小吉普车在九曲八弯的山路上开得好像要飞起来一样。每当瞥见车窗外近在咫尺的万丈悬崖，我就吓得紧紧闭上眼睛，一颗心几乎要从胸腔里跳出来。 看看坐在我身边的铭基，他也眉头紧皱，脸色发白。我把CD机的一边耳塞递给他，他默默地接过戴上。 王菲清灵的歌声在只属于我们两个人的小小空间响起，窗外的悬崖似乎渐渐变得遥远。 杰其实是我们之中最辛苦的一个。坐在副驾驶座的他，因为害怕司机师傅开车的时候打瞌睡，一路忙着给司机递烟，点烟，一刻也不敢大意。 一路颠簸，终于到了当天的目的地——江孜。这是一座有历史沉淀的古城，藏民抗击英军的故事就在这里的宗山城堡发生。电影《红河谷》也因此选择江孜作为拍摄场地。 我们随便找了个招待所住下，接着便马不停蹄地去了宗山城堡。 城堡内外几乎空无一人。杰拿着他的宝贝DV边走边拍，渐渐地落在后面。夕阳似血，我和铭基二人同行，可以看见地上两个长长的影子。一个多世纪以前的黄昏，这座城堡也曾见证过那些勇敢的身影，那些用血肉之躯抵御英国人烽火狼烟的身影。 扑面而来的也许还是一百年前的风。耳边似乎仍能听见曾经战场的拼杀声和当年壮士的迎风长啸。一寸山河一寸血，十万青年十万兵。微风再起，物是人非。如今的我们，生活在一个最好的，同时也是最坏的时代。物质丰足，信仰沦丧。一直生活在城市的我和我的同龄人，早已习惯享受物质和生活表相的愉悦，我们那些所谓的青春期的痛苦和哀愁，只不过是这种物质愉悦的调剂品，和这盛大壮阔的高原圣土相比，过分的微不足道，简直是尘中之尘。 站在残破古堡的关口，真有点“西出阳关无故人”的情怀。 珠峰之旅的第一天，拉萨的天气依然是那么好，蓝天白云。在楼下看见黄毛，原来他是特意起来给我送行的，还塞给我几个肉包子当早饭，弄得我有点不好意思。 我们把五天旅程的物资补给过后就出发了。 在车上，我们开始互相认识。四川来的是乐和滔，北京来的是真和杰。我当时只记得真的名字，觉得比较简单和容易记。不知道为什么我跟大家介绍时没有用我常常用的英文名字Michael，反而用了小毛，现在想起来都觉得很有趣。 杰坐在前面的副驾驶座，我们四个人坐在后面，真坐在我的右边，然后是乐和滔。因为我是新加入的成员，跟大家都不太熟悉。当我发现跟大家没什么话题可以聊时，只好将梁咏琪是旧邻居的事跟大家分享。还好大家对这个话题的反应都不错，然后我们便唱起歌来。我们一边唱着《红日》、《真的爱你》等经典老歌时，吉普车也沿着雅鲁藏布江向珠峰进发。 爬过一个又一个山坡后，我们到达了海拔4852米的岗巴拉山。从这里可以清楚看见羊卓雍措。羊湖是西藏三大圣湖之一，在阳光下湖面看起来是蓝中带绿的，就好像一块宝石一样。翻过了岗巴拉山，我们到了羊湖湖边，司机把车停下来休息。 牧人在放羊，我们在湖边游玩。我拿着相机四处拍照，看见真一个人在漫步。我主动走过去问她：“我可以帮你拍照吗？”她并没有反对，我战战兢兢地按下快门，为她拍下了第一张照片。 后来我提议把三脚架拿出来自拍，于是我们五个人在湖边拍了一张集体照。 当车在羊湖旁边高速飞跑时，我也飞快地按下相机的快门，希望把外面的仙境留在胶卷里。下午我们到达了拉孜，在旅馆放下行李后我跟真和杰三个人一起去了宗山城堡。 登上宗山城堡时，我才发现很多时候真和杰并不是走在一起，而是各看各的。虽然一开始大家就认定他们是一对，但现在看来又好像不是。虽然如此，在他们一起合影时杰的手一般都会放在她的肩膀上。 在回旅馆的路上，我跟真一起走了一段路。我们聊了一些琐碎事，有关于学习的，有关于工作的，但都不是很深入。我发现自己真的不是很会找话题聊天的人，尤其是跟女生单独一起的时候。 在西藏吃得最多的是川菜，今天晚上也不例外。在餐馆里有几个外国人在邻桌，服务生听不懂英文，我就做了一些简单的翻译。其实基本上就是问这个菜辣不辣，那个菜辣不辣。晚上我跟司机住一个房间，跟他实在没什么好聊，只好早早休息。 一早起来去白居寺。 白居寺是一座塔寺结合的典型的藏传佛教寺院建筑。早就听说过这座“兼容三派而和平共处”的奇特寺庙，还有那些有着鲜明藏族艺术特色的雕塑和壁画，让我满怀期待。 本来是杰、铭基和我三人同行，谁知杰一进寺门便被一个盲眼琴童吸引，拿着DV对着他拍个不停。我和铭基只好先行进去。 大大小小的佛殿，一层层一间间地走过，木梯吱呀作响，殿堂四角落满灰尘。局促的空间中，我和铭基挨得很近，一转头便能看见他下巴上密密的青色胡茬。 铭基还是不多话，我却完全被那些以前只在书上看见过的精美雕塑和坛城壁画给迷住了，惊喜不断，赞叹连连。因此一路上都是我说，他听，只是偶尔对我投以微笑。兴奋劲一过，我就有些后悔。我对自己说，他一定不喜欢我。他那么安静，我却那么容易大惊小怪，说个不停。从没见过他抽烟，我却像个老烟枪似的一支接一支…… 想着想着自己都忽然警觉起来，这算是什么呢？为什么那么在意他是否喜欢我？Could it be...? 不不，才几天，怎么可能。 站在白居寺的院落里，我仰头看着那由近百间佛堂依次重叠建起的气魄惊人的“塔中之塔”，心里那点异样的感觉却挥之不去。来到西藏后我一直有“观照万物而澄明内发”的体会，此刻却是第一次觉得心有旁骛。 夜宿拉孜。拉孜是个极小的县城，然而四处闲逛时竟意外地发现了街上的公共浴室。我本已做好一个星期都无法洗澡的心理准备，这下真是又惊又喜。 杰当晚陪司机出去了，我便和铭基结伴去公共浴室洗澡。他两手空空，只在怀里揣了一条毛巾。原来他根本就没带洗发水什么的来西藏。我一直怀疑他在拉萨那一个星期是不是根本没洗澡。 我把洗发水和沐浴液借给他，让他先洗。我在门外等着。 西藏这个地方，连浴室也别开生面。除了两间小小浴室之外，就是个露天的小院。好心的老板给我搬了张凳子，让我坐着等。 我从未有这样奇特的经历——坐在露天的院子里等一个男生洗澡。 更神奇的是——忽然有雪花飘落在我身上。 下雪了。 我的心里忽然一片寂静。 四周万籁俱寂，只听见浴室里的隐约水声。穿着T恤和拖鞋的我在漫天雪花中怔怔地坐着发呆。 铭基洗完出来的时候，雪已经停了。回到旅馆，杰还是没有回来。我一个人在房间看了一会儿闪烁不清的电视节目，百无聊赖之际在走廊徘徊。其实很想找铭基聊天，但不知为什么总觉得他对我虽则亲切，却总有些淡淡的。想想自己一副吊儿郎当的德性，便更不敢去找他。然而经过他房间的时候，还是忍不住往里看了一眼。 门是开的，他却不在里面。 我正要走开，身后传来铭基的声音：“找我吗？” 这天我们聊了很久，聊的是什么已经忘了。只记得他向我要一支烟来抽，我十分惊奇，因为此前从未见过他抽烟。 后来杰终于回来了。他和司机师傅不知在哪里喝了很多酒，于是话也特别多。根据我的经验，酒后聊天十有八九会聊到感情问题，这天也不例外。令我们吃惊的是，今年已经26岁的杰竟然从来没有过恋爱的经历。其实杰是一个很好的男生，清华毕业，工作优秀，待人诚恳，长相更不差，可不知为什么总没有恋爱的运气。 我们听他倾诉了一阵，他忽然问铭基:“你有没有女朋友？” 已经昏昏欲睡的我顿时清醒了一大半。 只听见铭基有点不好意思地说：“嗯……算有吧……” 不知为什么我的心忽然往下一沉。 晚上十点断电，我摸黑去厕所。铭基默默递给我他的手机，手机的光亮使我勉强可以视物。握着他的手机，真的有点感动。不知出于什么心理，我竟还偷偷看了看那手机里的通话清单。 早上先去了白居寺。进去后不久，杰对那几个弹着藏族乐器的人非常感兴趣，不停用DV拍他们，后来还跟他们一起坐在地上聊天。我和真等了他一会儿以后觉得他好像没有离开的意思，只好两个人进了白塔。 白塔很有意思，想要在里面拍照还得先替相机买票。塔高九层，每一层有很多个佛殿。传说里面加起来一共有十万座佛像，所以白塔也叫十万佛塔。这是我们第一次比较长时间的单独相处，起初有点拘谨。我们从一楼开始每一个佛殿都进去看了一下，也拍了很多佛像的照片。虽然我对佛像没有很大的兴趣，但她看起来却兴致盎然，所以我也只好要装着似懂非懂地跟她聊一下。就这样，佛殿，拍照，聊天，我们一直爬到最顶层。在那里，我们跟塔顶的慧眼在同一个角度看拉孜。 从白居寺出来以后，我们离开江孜继续上路。途经日喀则时司机没有停下来吃午饭，继续往拉孜方向进发。开了一会儿，他在路上把车停下，然后不慌不忙地躲到车底下睡午觉。 走过一片平原后，车子便开始进入了山区。我们的老丰田车走在又陡峭又窄的山路上，路的另一边就是万丈峡谷。司机很奇怪地把车子越开越快，而且拐弯时明显没有减速。 我们后座的四个人互相对望，不知如何是好，更不知道司机到底在弄什么把戏。要知道在西藏翻车的情况非常普遍，一不小心就很容易出意外，出了意外也很难马上得到救援。当我们还在迷茫的时候，司机突然间把车停住，然后下车检查胎痕。我们都被司机这个出乎意料的举动吓坏了，但又不知道该对他说点什么。我们五个人的性命可都掌握在他的手中。 最后，有惊无险终于到达了最后一个补给站——拉孜。刚进城，司机就把车停在一家饭店门口，然后直奔里面叫老板娘马上拿东西来吃。直到这一刻，我们才恍然大悟，原来司机的疯狂行为是因为饿晕了。虽然他声称不想吃我们的甜食，但我还是不明白为什么他没有在日喀则停下来吃饭。 为了确保我们可以平安回家，杰决定在吃过晚饭以后请司机去喝酒，以便与他搞好关系。 拉孜是一个很小的县城，除了几家杂货店和饭店以外好像就没有其他地方，而我们住的气象旅社虽然看起来已经算是条件最好的了，但是这里还是没有浴室。所以，我和真约好了去旅馆附近找洗澡的地方。 我们穿着拖鞋，拿着毛巾走过大街，找到了一家小店，在后面的院子有供人独立淋浴的地方。因为水是马上烧的，所以每次只能让一个人洗澡。我先洗完之后，一个人坐在长凳上等她。那时候已经是傍晚，天气变得有点凉，地上湿湿的，好像刚下过雨，感觉还蛮奇特的。 我们顺道去旅馆对面的超市买了一点水和干粮。回去后，就各自回房间整理东西。 收拾好后，我一个人躺在床上，有点无聊。“要不要去找她聊天呢？”我心里想。结果我还是没有勇气去找她，只是再到楼下走了一圈。 回来时我发现她在我房间外面的走廊上徘徊，感觉好像在找我。“找我吗？”我内心窃喜，但故作镇定地说。我们又去超市买了点儿东西，然后坐在她的房间聊天。可能是因为我们开始熟络了，所以今天聊得蛮开心的。 我和真聊了一两个小时后，杰回来了。他好像喝了不少酒。我们三个继续聊了一会儿（其实主要是我和杰在聊），都是跟感情有关的。 他跟我说，自己没交过女朋友。我心里想他的样子也不差，又是名校毕业，工作也不错，怎么会没有机会谈恋爱？难道是因为清华学生都比较腼腆？当然，我没有把这几句话说出口。 很理所当然的，下一个话题就成了他问我现在有没有女朋友。我想了一想，实在不知道怎样回答他。 小桃是我在雅虎交友网站认识的，一个普通的香港女生。我在南京的时候我们常常通长途电话，我跟她还算是蛮聊得来。虽然我在电话里表白过喜欢她，但是我自己的感觉也不太确定。是因为我一个人在南京太寂寞吗？还是我真的很喜欢她？我们只见过一次面，也算是女朋友吗？没有牵过手的也可以算是女朋友吗？对于女朋友的定义以及我和小桃的关系，我实在不想跟他解释那么多。 我不想说谎，所以给了他一个比较含糊的答案：“算是有吧”。我看看真，发现她好像已经睡着了。然后杰又追问我小桃是做什么职业的，我只好又敷衍了一下，说她是护士(小桃是在中医诊所当登记员和配药的)，怕他没完没了地问下去。 可是，杰还是继续发问，好像誓要把我的情史挖得一干二净。这是我有生以来第一次觉得跟没谈过恋爱的人聊天是多么吃亏。后来我只好又乖乖地交代了前一段的恋爱经历。 到了十点钟灯突然熄灭了，原来旅馆晚上是限时供电。我很高兴终于可以解脱了，原先我生怕要跟他一直聊完我的初恋他方肯罢休。 我马上趁机闪人，真也好像刚醒过来想要去上厕所。我便毫不犹豫地借出我的手机当手电筒用，为她照亮通往厕所的走廊。