Chapter 73 flirtatious

flirtatious There is such a passage in "Shishuoxinyu·Pinzao": The three brothers of Wang Huangmen all went to Xie Gong.Ziyou, Zizhong talked about common things more, but Zi respected the cold and warm.After going out, the guest asked Mr. Xie, "Acquainted with the three kidneys?" Mr. Xie said, "The small one is the best." The guest said, "How do you know it?" Mr. Xie said, "'Auspicious people have few speeches, but those who are impatient There are many words, 'push this to know it'. Wang Zijing only talked about the hot weather, and Xie An quoted a sentence from "Yi Xi Ci Zhuan" to praise him for being less talkative. The author of "Shi Shuo" wrote that his two elder brothers "talked more about common things", so "cold and warm" is an elegant thing. "Silence" has always believed that virtue has nothing to do with elegance and vulgarity; what Xie An praised seemed to be "just cold and warm", but what Liu Yiqing focused on seemed to be "just cold and warm". Their views are different . Although being "reticent" is a virtue, being "talkative" and "talking and laughing happily" can be regarded as compliments.These can be said to be beautiful talents, and virtues are two different things, but they are not contradictory, they just look at people from another angle.Only "sweet words" are really undesirable.The ancients taught people to be silent, and it seems that it was for the rulers and diplomats.The words of these people often have a lot to do with each other, so it is better to be cautious and speak less.Later, it gradually became a philosophy of being wise and safe, but there are also reasons for it.It is inevitable to state oneself and comment on others.These are easy to fall into the hands of the listener.The common saying in old novels is to teach people to state less about themselves. "Zhang's parents, Li's family is short, you don't care about his family's rights and wrongs" in "Naughty Girls" is to teach people not to criticize others.These cannot be said to be unreasonable.But speaking does not necessarily state oneself, comment on others, like talking about the weather.Even if you state yourself and comment on others, you don't necessarily have to "put all your heart into it", or say "Zhang's parents, Li's family is short". "Everyone can change tricks, and everyone has their own ingenuity and differences." Those talents are needed here.But "smart words" are not included in the so-called "smart" here. People of that kind often have ulterior motives.The so-called "talkative" and "talking and laughing happily" are just "chatting", "chatting", and "chatting" without any intention.

"Liaotianer" can best express the situation of "chatting".On the one hand, it is "Tian'er", which is an indispensable topic for "chatting", and on the other hand, it is "chatting", and "chatting" is just a matter of attracting things.The word "tiao" caught its spirit.In daily life, discussions, reconciliation, and even speeches, debates, etc., although they are not speaking with ulterior motives, they still speak with ulterior motives.Only "chatting", which is mainly for entertainment, can be regarded as doing nothing and talking without intention.People are not willing to be silent, love to talk is nature, after all, there are very few people who don't like to talk.The sum of what people say in their lifetime is probably a lot of gossip and a lot of waste; serious words are too hard, after all, there are very few.

No matter how busy people are, there must be rest; "chatting" is a pleasant rest.This is actually indispensable.Visits, banquets, travel and other social activities, the main function is actually small talk.Westerners are well aware of the usefulness of small talk.People in the eighteenth century said that speaking is to "convey each other's feelings, benefit from each other, and inspire each other"①.People in the nineteenth century said, "The original purpose of conversation is not to increase knowledge, but to entertain." People in the twentieth century said, "Ninety-nine percent of people's conversations are not more meaningful than the humming of flies; but He is willing to hum, willing to prove that he is a living person, not a wax figure. The purpose of talking is not to convey ideas, but to hum."

"Of course, there are pros and cons to humming; some go on and on like mosquitoes, which is really annoying. But at a dinner party, one would rather be a mosquito than a mute. Fortunately, most hums are pleasant, and some hums are pleasant. And happy." ③Look!The eighteenth century still talked about "enlightenment", the nineteenth century only said "pastime", and the twentieth century only said "hum", each generation is more straightforward and more thorough.Chatting starts with the weather, ancient and modern, Chinese and foreign, seems to be an example.This is precisely because the weather is a topic of sympathy, which everyone knows and knows, without bothering to state oneself or comment on others.Liu Yiqing thought it was an elegant thing, because talking about the weather is a matter of doing nothing and thinking nothing.But later on, this elegant thing gradually became both refined and popular; chatting is also called "chatting the sky" or "chatting the sky", which shows the importance of the weather in chatting and how common the topic of weather has become. degree.Because it is so generalized, some people think it is old and stale; they almost think that the weather is a vulgar subject.So the weather sometimes becomes a joke, and sometimes it becomes a satire.

① Gentlemem Fs Magazine, 173, p. 198, cited in William Mathews, Polite Speech in the Eighteenth Century, in English. Vol. 1, No. 6, 1937. ②J. p. Mahaffy, Preface to The Principallcsoft of the Art Conversation Reprint (18##). ③Robert Lynt, Silence (prose) Once, an unmarried Chinese couple went to the London Marriage Registration Office. It was three or four o'clock in the afternoon, and the sky was very cloudy, but the old man in charge still greeted with a smile, "Good morning! It's a nice day, Isn’t it?” Friends told this story as a joke.Mr. Lu Xun's "Li Lun" also used the tone of "today's weather Ha Gou Gou" to satirize the world.That old man and that kind of worldly person were originally speaking "politely", because they are too "familiar", and sometimes they can't help but go too far.But it can be seen from this that talking about the weather does not necessarily mean talking about the weather seriously. It is often just a greeting, an entertainment, or at best an introduction.Whether it's a joke or a sarcasm, there's always a hum, so we keep talking about the weather.Although the weather is an old problem, it is not necessarily a corrupt problem due to unpredictable events and changes; judging from the actual situation, it is still a good problem.In February last year, US Ambassador Jason went to Chongqing via Kunming.A reporter from Kunming asked him, "Dianyue Road this time, compared to the last time I came to Kunming, what is the special impression?" He answered very well: "The weather was hot last time, but this time the weather is mild, the sky is clear and cloudless, and the travel is very pleasant." Peace and comfort."1 This is diplomatic rhetoric, an obvious example of avoiding stating oneself and commenting on others.It seems understandable that the weather plays such a role.

① "Central Daily", Kunming Edition, February 22, 1940. Conversation can be difficult to start, especially when meeting new people.In the past, Tongtong used to ask "Zun Xing", "Tai Fu", "Gui Chu", and even "Gui Geng", etc., half of it was serious - once you know the family name, you can talk about it at that time, although you probably forgot it later. ——, the other half was just humming.Since there is a method of introduction, this method is no longer needed.In this set, it seems that only "Your Office" can play with the answer after asking a question; everything else can only be answered once, and if we continue talking, we have to change the topic, which probably has to be transferred to the weather. Otherwise, you have to switch to other trivial programs, such as "When did you arrive? Did you have a hard time on the road? Is this your first time here?" and so on.In the way of introduction, the beginning of the conversation can only be these programs.If you are an acquaintance, you can also say "How are you doing recently?" "How are you busy?" and so on.These trivial programs are humming words like the weather, but they are only special tunes that can only be spoken to one person at a time, unlike the common tune that can be spoken to many people at the same time.So the weather is still an irreversible introduction to conversation—from this introduction, it can be connected to all directions in a broken or continuous way.

But in an extraordinary era of constant change, there are many topics that everyone cares about or is interested in, so it is easy to start a conversation, not necessarily starting with the weather.It was probably around this time that the weather turned to irony.Ours is such an era.The Anti-Japanese War, bombing, politics, commodity prices, and the European War can easily arouse people's conversation at any time, and it is enough to talk about it for an afternoon or an evening without changing the topic.News is a good topic of conversation. In ordinary days, big news can replace the weather, not to mention this era, and these are all concerned with the interests of the whole nation!Politics is an old topic. The government always prohibits people from talking about it, but people prefer to talk about it.In the era of Yuan Shikai and Zhang Zuolin, there were many teahouses in Beiping with signs saying "Don't talk about state affairs", which shows that people love to talk about state affairs.But news and politics always follow the weather more than anything else, people like to talk about anecdotes and stories.It's all back to the after-dinner pastimes again.There are also sex and ghosts, which are also old topics of gossip.It is said that there is a chemist in the United States who devotes himself to the study of his chemistry and knows almost nothing else, but he loves to talk about sex, and he does not hesitate to talk about it all night long.Ghosts, we believe very little, but sometimes we can monopolize one night.But there must be an introduction to all of these, and it is rare to go straight to the point.

It also depends on the class of people you talk to.Usually, people with similar status and occupations often gather together, so it is naturally easier to find topics.It will be difficult if there are people of different status or occupations in the meeting.There are ready-made introductions, as mentioned above, which are sufficient, but the difficulty is how to continue the discussion.If you have enough knowledge or experience, you can naturally catch some new topics that suit the interests of these special guests, and at the same time, you will not neglect others.Otherwise, you can also use your familiar topics, but it has to be said to be similar to the weather, which is both refined and popular.The topic is difficult on this "shared appreciation" or "sympathy".Needless to say, the nature of the topic is a determining factor.However, no matter what status or occupation a person is, they are still human beings, and human feelings are not far from each other.Anyone can talk about hot weather, which is good evidence in front of us.Although it is a topic I am familiar with, as long as I choose programs that sound effortless and can satisfy my curiosity, I can still enjoy it together.

Be careful here to hide yourself, your knowledge and your identity.But "self" is not impossible to be a topic, "self" is also a person, as long as "self" is stated as a "person" with no more, no less, don't cherish it, let alone get carried away, people will sympathize.If you have a small mistake or stupidity, you might as well make it public, and there is no need to cherish it.If there is something about one's self-satisfaction that can arouse the interest of ordinary people, it may be said that there is one person who is like this, or repay more for less, like saying "know a little" instead of "know very much".There is another advantage to using your own familiar topics.If there is a big shot here, it is good to find a topic that suits his taste and everyone can listen to it, but if you talk in layman's terms, it will make the big shot or other people laugh, so it's better to talk about your own It's good at using short.In any case, the words must be pleasant to the ears of those in the audience, so that they temporarily forget their own status and occupation.

Some people only want people to listen to their own conversations.A person with a high reputation, extensive knowledge, a lot of hearing, and a strong memory can often monopolize a scene and talk endlessly.He may be talking about several related topics, or just one topic.If there are only three or five people in the seat, this can also be a pleasant scene, although it is inevitable that some people will feel hugged.If there are too many people, maybe someone else will find another partner to talk to, and that would be a bit of a sight to behold.If the prestige of this exclusive scene is not high enough, knowledge and experience are not wide enough, it will be embarrassing to be obedient.If there are many people, you can find a companion to talk to, but if there are few people, you have to do nothing but think about other things.In this kind of gathering, it may be more convenient if the host arranges the seats as far as possible in advance.Ordinary chatting can always extend a little bit to others, and say a little bit myself, thinking that others are willing to listen; if others are willing to listen, they will say more.I have to let the silent and cold man put away his long face and listen happily.That's what makes it interesting.Gossiping does not necessarily increase people's knowledge, but one must have extensive knowledge of people and things before they can talk;And you have to have a good nature, otherwise, you will just be awkward, and it will really become "too much to talk about".It goes without saying that memory and wit are indispensable.With a bad memory, the conversation tends to be intermittent, which makes people sullen at first, and then anxious.Poor wit, often can't catch up with a little bit, can't match the stubble.There are always many fragments in small talk, and long sections take a long time, and it is not easy to maintain the scene.There are always more descriptions in the report and less discussion.Discussions should not be taken too seriously, for if they are too serious, they are not chatter; but neither should they be taken too seriously, for if they are not serious, they will not be discussions; it is difficult to decide between the two.Comments can of course criticize people, but only in a general and far-reaching way; it is also possible to scold people, but only in a sympathetic tone.You said it was a play!Life was originally a play.The drama also makes sense, not necessarily fake.Small talk should be interesting; the so-called "language is tasteless" means that it is meaningless.It is true that small talk is mostly nonsense, but there is still a difference between interesting nonsense and uninteresting nonsense. "Smelly and long" is meaningless; repetition, contradiction, and cliché are also meaningless. "Smelly and long" is also poor wit, repetition and contradictions are bad memory, and old-fashioned ones are poor knowledge or experience.Therefore, unless you are very energetic, you should not talk too much, and the time should not be too long, so as not to show your flaws.The old saying, "Talk too much will make you lose", applies here too.

①The World, 1754, No, 94, Introduction, P. 6. Others just want to listen to what others have to say.These people are probably not very capable, or not? Or they "can't make a word with an awl", but there are few.It's either stupid or weird, and it can be saved.The usual so-called inability to talk may be due to insufficient knowledge or experience, or lack of exposure to the world.This kind of person can talk and laugh at home and among close friends, but when it comes to more ostentatious gatherings, he becomes dumb.But this kind of person can succeed through experience and experience.Maybe it's lazy.Such people probably have a bad memory;Also, it's reserved.This kind of person is "talking endlessly without startling".They were waiting for a wise word, but they couldn't wait. ——The ones who are waiting are really smart people who "talk a little"; this kind of people can't be said to be incapable of talking, it can only be said that they don't like to talk.There are people who don't like to talk, but there are people with deep hearts; they are afraid of revealing something, and they are always waiting for others to speak.There are also cautious people, they are just cautious, not deep-hearted; they just don't talk about it or talk less about it, and they don't wait for others.This is the man who is wise and safe.The "reticent" who has always been praised is actually such a person.But "reticent" originally seemed to be aimed at the "argumentative" of the Warring States Period.Some elegant people in later generations feel that if they talk too much, they will inevitably talk about common things, and if they love talking, they will inevitably be vulgar. This is closer to the original meaning of "reticent".These "reticent" people also have their reasons, Xie An and Liu Yiqing's praises are all worthy.However, people who can't talk and don't like to talk are often more willing to listen to other people's conversations. After all, human feelings are unwilling to be silent. ——Even if the conversation is unavoidable vulgarity, but it is others who are vulgar, and I will be happy if I just listen to it.An unknown British writer once said: "A good conscience, worthy of gods and men, is the first pleasure, and the second pleasure is talking." ① From the perspective of ordinary people, the pleasure of chatting is actually indispensable. (Originally published in the 38th issue of "Middle School Students' Wartime Weekly Magazine" on January 20, 1941) ①The World, 1754, No, 94, cited by William Mathews.