Chapter 72 silence

silence Silence is a philosophy of life, and when used well, it is also an art. Everyone knows that the mouth is for eating, but some say it is for kissing.I am not wrong in saying that; but if the statistics are counted, the most (perhaps not the greatest) use of the mouth should be speaking, I believe.According to the current popular discussion, speaking can be regarded as a kind of "propaganda", self-propaganda.So speaking is completely for oneself.If someone insists that it is for others, using various sacred names, but I am willing to make concessions, please allow me to say this: Sometimes speaking is indeed only indirectly for oneself, but directly for others!

There are other people besides oneself, so we have to talk; others also have other people's selves, so we should talk less or not.So we have to know how to be silent.If you have read Mr. Lu Xun's "Blessing", you will immediately understand what I mean. Most people will be silent when they meet strangers, but there are many exceptions.Often on trains and ships, I see some people who can't wait to ask questions and chat with people, whether they are passengers or teahouses, I can only envy the health of these people; because traveling in China like this, I don't feel tired at all!The silence of strangers is probably due to primitive fear, but there seems to be something else as well.If the name of this stranger is completely unfamiliar to you, the work you can do is naturally only intentional or unintentional defense—like defending against an enemy.Silence is the safest defense strategy.You don't necessarily want him to know you, and you don't want him to find out about your ridiculousness - there is always something ridiculous about a person, isn't there? ——You just let him say what he wants to say as much as he can, if he is a talker.In the end, you bid farewell to him respectfully.If you want to be friends with this stranger, you still have to keep silent.But you have to pay attention to what he said, select a few places, and give a brief, considerable compliment; at least you have to express a certain amount of agreement.This is the beginning of a confidant, or at least a confidant.If this person is a "big man" that you admire or not necessarily admire, remember, you must keep silent!The words of the great men, and even their looks and eyes, are strange; you'd better sit at a distance and let those brave companions go to the front. —Of course, I'm only talking about the time when you meet or visit a great person by chance.If you want to worship sincerely, you have to find another way; to me, that is a terrible thing. —Look at the conversations between big men and non-big men, or between big men and big men, and you will be satisfied without having to burst a word through your teeth.Talking is a laborious thing. When you can say less or not, and when you should say less or not, silence is indeed a way of longevity.As for self-promotion, it is important—who can deny that it is? ——, but for strangers, this is in vain; he will not understand the purpose of your propaganda, he only laughs at your enthusiasm for propaganda; he will completely forget, after bowing or shaking hands with you.

Friends are different from strangers in that they can and are willing to listen to what you have to say—propaganda.Needless to say, this is an exchange, but it is also good for an exchange.They understand you and understand you in varying degrees; they have acquired a certain amount of interest and courtesy towards you.Your words satisfy their curiosity, and they listen with interest; your words are serious or sad, and they can temporarily follow your serious or sad words because of politeness.In the latter case, it is you who are content; what they really feel is an air of reserve.They know what they "should" do; it's a sacrifice that they "should" and "worth" appreciate.But even in front of close friends, you should not say too much; the same story, emotion, and epigrams, euphemisms, should not be repeated. "Blessing" is a good example.You should control yourself quite a bit, and don't let your words occupy the whole hearts of your friends—your own heart, and you won't let others completely occupy it.You should know how to hide yourself.Only the unknowable and unobtainable can be pursued by others; if you give everything to others, you will be meaningless to others and to the world, just like the corpses used by medical students in practice dissection.It will be unbelievably lonely at that time, you will not be able to support yourself, and you will fall into the bottomless darkness.A lover is fond of saying, "I'd give you all!" Who really knows what he or she has?The first person who said this sentence was just expressing his generosity, and at most he was only expressing an ideal; those who said it later were just "mantras".So between friends, even between lovers, silence is still indispensable.Your words should be like the stars in the dark night, not like the firecrackers on New Year's Eve-who cares about the firecrackers that last all night?And silence is sometimes more poetic.For example, in the afternoon, in the evening, in the middle of the night, in a large and quiet room, a short silence may be far better than continuous tired conversation.Some people call this state "beauty without words". Look, what a beautiful name! ——As for the so-called "smile with flowers", that's even more remarkable!

But there are times when silence is not enough.You tend to be silent when there are many people, but you are not allowed when there is only one host and one guest.Your excessive silence may have annoyed your strangers and drove them away!If you are willing to drive him away, that is of course very good; if you are not willing, you have to let him drink tea, smoke cigarettes, read pictures, read newspapers, listen to the chatterbox, and occasionally talk to him about the weather and current situation—just Retelling the newspaper's records, adding a few unresolvable questions——, always aiming to get him to talk.So you nodded your head, snorted, sighed from time to time, and listened.After he finished speaking, you start again and listen as usual.But my friend once met a stranger, a quasi-big shot, who came to see my friend out of some courtesy.When he sat down, he cupped his hands and placed them on the table.After saying a few words, I stopped and looked straight at my friend with piercing eyes.My friend was extremely embarrassed, and it was very difficult for him to find a sentence and a half sentence to perfunctory one after another.Naturally, this is also a usage of silence, which is used by the boss to maintain dignity to his subordinates.It is too explicit to be used in ordinary communication; and in the above situation, it is even more rude not to leave some room for the host.The horror of big men and quasi-big men lies here.As for the way to deal with it, there is actually a way, that is to keep silent; as long as you still hold your hand and look at him, there is probably nothing he can do?

(Originally published in "Tsinghua Weekly", Volume 38, Issue 6, November 7, 1932)