Chapter 27 on nothing to say

on nothing to say I wrote poems ten years ago; then I stopped writing poems and wrote prose; after entering middle age, prose is no longer capitalized—now, it is even more "loose" than prose, and there is nothing to say!Many people suffer from having nothing to say, and many others suffer from having nothing to say; their suffering is still in the words, but my suffering of having nothing to say is outside the words.I feel like a dead leaf, a piece of rotten paper, in this great era. It has been said elsewhere that my "road of memory" is "flat as a stone" and "straight as an arrow"; I have never had a thrilling life, even in the most splendid youth that others think.My color is always gray.My profession is three teaching; my friends will always be so few, and my woman will always be so one.Some people's lives are too rich and complicated, and they forget themselves and cannot see themselves clearly. I always know and remember how simple I am.

But why do you still write poetry? —Although it’s all nonsense.This is the time for it!Ten years ago was the period of the May 4th Movement, and everyone's vigorous vitality pressed me, a young student, so I followed in their footsteps and talked about nature and life.But these are just categories.I am a lazy person, to be fair, I have never encountered any great adversity; I have neither thought deeply nor experienced it myself. The category is finally just a category, and here is just cheap sentimentality of old wine in new bottles.At that time, I did not hesitate to write down the big things about sesame and soybeans, but now I look at it and just smile bitterly.

Pioneers tell us to speak for themselves.Unfortunately, these things are often simple, and what they say is the same; in the end, they are tired of talking and listening. - I am one of them.These people actually didn't have much to say, they just said what Chinese and foreign sages said and what young generals said.There are only a few people who really have their own words to say; because there are only a few people who really recite that life while living.Ordinary people just live, routinely, to varying degrees. This simple meaning is not realized until middle age; when I was a teenager, I was a little bit hot, so I didn't think of it here.No matter how bad middle-aged people are, it is advisable to see things clearly and openly.At this time, there is no fog in front of my eyes, no clouds on the top, and there is only my own path.Bearing the burden of experience, he embarks step by step on this endless but real road.Looking back at the young man's emotional stuff, he felt a sense of relief.He is willing to analyze the experiences on his back, not just those of his youth;He also knew that after peeling off, he would lose the jumping strength, but he didn't care about this, he knew that there was what he needed in calmness.At this time, if he speaks by chance, it will definitely not be sentimental or impressionistic. He will tell you how to walk his way, or else, what is being peeled off.But middle-aged people are very timid; they gradually listen to what others have to say, and they don’t say what they say, and they don’t say what they say well.So in the end there is often nothing to say - especially to an ordinary person like me.But silence is embarrassing for ordinary people. I said that suffering is beyond words.

If a middle-aged person still plays the tone of a young person—whether the tone is good or bad—it is not a problem, but he always feels that "it seems to be serious".He will use great force to write words that are steaming or weeping; a sensitive person cannot easily bear this, whether in himself or in others.This is like the elderly ladies who still put on makeup and go to the public to show off, it is absolutely unnecessary. In fact, all of these can be said to be nonsense, just think about our years.What is needed these days is a "spokesperson", and anyone who speaks is regarded as a "spokesman"; it doesn't matter what one's own words are at all.In this way, people like me can alleviate the crime of arrogance in the past, but now there is nothing to say.

But recently, in Dai's translation of "Literary Theory of Historical Materialism", the French proverb "nothing to say" actually agrees with "everything is fine".Alas, what a detrimental sentence, for me, for my age! March 1931.