Chapter 30 fart like morning dew

Regarding the book "Alternative History of Western Civilization", the New York Times Book Review said that the author Zacks "has a specialty in vulgarity and perversity".No one has studied the history of farting like Zacks - from China in the 6th century BC to India in the 2nd century BC, from ancient Greece and Rome to the Renaissance. According to the clues that Zacks combed out from history, in the history of human farting, up to the Renaissance, there has always been a desperate struggle between the left and right wings around the two lines of "prohibiting farts" and "promoting farts".At the same time, there is also an accompanying "one catch and one

In any case, the two camps reached a compromise in the relevant chapter of Erastus's book "Children's Manners" published in 1530: "Man should be polite, but It's not worth getting sick for it.If you can hold it back, you should hold it alone, but if you really can't hold it back, you should cough loudly to cover up the sound of farting. "Borrowing from a school's commentary on this book at the time, in a word, in public places, "quiet farting is a virtue". However, farts want to be quiet but the wind does not stop—nearly 500 years later, Huzhuang Primary School in Jinhaihu Town, Pinggu District, Beijing finally Added new annotations to "Children's Etiquette" in a very distinctive style of the times. According to reports, a school rule promulgated by the school is: "Public farting is fined five yuan." The purpose is to "protect the environment and strive to be civilized. "Modern people". The school said that such measures were formulated mainly to enable students to develop good personal hygiene habits.

They are all "big words". This fart already has the movement and flavor of a "grand narrative".So I can't say much about the school rules themselves. All the confusion is mainly concentrated on the irrelevant technical level, that is, the difficulty of implementing the school rules.Common sense tells us that for others, the only effective evidences that can be used to judge whether a person farts or not are smell and sound, and these two are precisely the dangers of farting.The chemical composition of farts is a mixture of five gases: nitrogen, hydrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, and methane, commonly known as methane.When food contains a lot of protein and hydrogen sulfide, it will produce a lot of bad smell.Biogas and hydrogen sulfide are not only unpleasant due to the huge smell, but more seriously, when the concentration reaches a certain proportion, it is also highly flammable and may endanger public safety if it is discharged "in public".There has been an accidental medical accident recorded in the history of medicine: During an intestinal operation, the doctor was using electric cautery to stop the bleeding of the patient, because the patient took Mannitol to clean the intestinal tract before the intestinal operation, and the intestinal bacteria When they meet, a large amount of hydrogen is produced, and the explosion is like an explosion between lightning and flint, and the scene is out of control.

As for hearing, the harm of farting is not mainly the sound itself, but the indecent association it induces is the fundamental key. "Zheng Sheng is obscene", Confucius used the same principle when he commented on Henan music.For an in-depth explanation of the harmfulness of loud farts, I recommend everyone to read a report made by a certain newspaper in Chengdu a few days ago: “Recently, the reporter took the elevator, and suddenly there was a loud fart sound in a small, quiet space. Five or six people looked at each other in embarrassment. Endless. After a while, the sound of fart sounded again, and at this moment, a young man unhurriedly took out his mobile phone—it turned out that it was the ringtone of a mobile phone text message! Psychological experts believe that long-term companionship with too dark ringtones is not It is conducive to the development of students' mental health. Parents should communicate with their children in time to avoid unhealthy psychological orientation of children."

For the enforcers of the school rules at Huzhuang Elementary School, the smell and sound are the only factual basis for the determination of "public farting" and the enforcement of "five yuan fine".Farts are like dew in the morning, like lightning and flint, like a fleeting moment, and things are like a spring dream without a trace, it is difficult to make "iron proof".In addition, the difficulty of enforcing school rules lies in the fact that the fart catchers' ability to obtain evidence for farts is far inferior to the fart fart's crisis public relations ability for farts. "Xiao Lin Guang Ji": The official sits in the hall, and the servants are listed on both sides.Suddenly heard a fart, I don't know who it came from.The official was furious, and said: How dare you disturb my majesty in the courtroom, bring that fart quickly!The guard was very embarrassed and said: "Fart is like a gust of wind, coming and going without a trace, how can I get it?"The official said: "How dare you buy and release because of favoritism, what crime should you know?"Get it quickly!The servant had no choice but to take a piece of dry shit, and said to the official: "My lord, the fart has escaped and I don't know where it is, but I brought its family." "

Therefore, although a student of Huzhuang Elementary School revealed that he would "run to the toilet to fart" when answering the reporter's question "what if I want to fart", the reporter mentioned next that "there has been no one since the implementation of this regulation. students have been punished” is expected.The reporter finally quoted the views of education experts saying that it is right for students to develop good hygiene habits, but schools should still guide students from a positive perspective.As for how to guide, I didn't go into details.The most "positive" guidance I thought of for them was to eat less or no fart-causing food.Although meat eaters tend to fart badly, vegetarian farts don’t smell bad, but they are more frequent and more sustainable.Under normal circumstances, the number of farts per day is 6 to 20 times, and the total displacement is between 500cc and 1500cc, which is roughly equivalent to a motorcycle that is qualified to participate in the top competitions of the International Motor Federation or a two-box Xiao Fukang , but if you eat food that is not easy to digest, it is equivalent to a sudden increase in emissions.Those with a strong fart-making function include most carbohydrate-rich foods, five grains such as wheat, oats, corn, and potatoes, and fruits and vegetables such as broccoli, beans, yellow sprouts, cauliflower, apples, and bananas, etc. ——This food list is only for students’ reference. If starvation or disrespect (or disrespect, or losing five yuan) is more important, please directly inquire with the teacher or parents.Anyway, the whole thing I find comforting is that history isn't ending, or at least that history that's ending doesn't include farting.