Chapter 5 control emotions

——If I am a bow, and the feelings in my heart are arrows, when the arrows are constantly shooting out, will my own bow also be shot out together? When I dealt with my own problems by subtraction, my life became a little simpler, and it was just me and my son.I thought that if I cut off the troubles in my relationship like an operation, I would completely stand out and live in a chic and unrestrained way.But life is not about adding and subtracting to get the answer.Since my son was still young, I raised him alone, and I had to occupy a lot of my feelings, a lot of time, a lot of energy, and I was even completely entangled. I had to go out for meetings or go to friends' places to get together and chat. Bringing a son, on the contrary, looks more like a mother-in-law than other women.Procrastination.So, some well-meaning friends kept ringing the alarm to me one after another: "You can't put all your feelings on your son. It's not good for him or you. One day you will be lost again."

I really understand why my friends advised me with such a large advance amount. This is some advice from the heart, which does have long-term meaning and deep truth.However, my alertness to myself preceded my friends' foresight.Because, certain failures in life will give people enlightenment.Nothing is more persuasive than a lesson.If you think about it carefully, the problem of human emotions is a calculation formula of giving and receiving. Is the equal sign in the middle of the formula, or is it greater than or less than?And the most difficult to balance are these symbols.Because of "difficulty", people will toss involuntarily, always want to pursue an equation, and want to get a corresponding reward.And the process of "tossing" is extremely easy to hurt the heart.People have feelings, which make life rich and full of fun.But it is precisely human feelings that are the most difficult to grasp. There is an idiom called "can't help it", which accurately explains that people cannot control their own feelings, let alone how to control other people's feelings?Relatively speaking, among all the emotions, maternal love is the most amazing. What is amazing about her is that maternal love combines greatness and terror.Precisely because maternal love has great power, it is easy for this power to push love too far and turn it into excessive love.Abuse of love is like a vast ocean, it will drown people.Therefore, the biggest problem in life is how to grasp the problem of feelings.A person who can grasp himself must be a smart person.However, if you want to be an emotional and intelligent person, you need to keep learning.

I remember that a female writer in the United States pointed out in an article entitled "The Game of Gender" when talking about maternal love: what mothers should do is to help their sons become independent.Mothers themselves must also do a good job of psychological construction.You must realize that you are the bow, and your child is the arrow that shoots far away, so don't search hard for the whereabouts of the arrow, because it belongs to the child himself, and it is the trajectory of the child's life!The truth of the bow and arrow is really something every mother should remember.I hope that I can become such a smart and wise mother, and turn the feelings I give into the driving force when shooting the "arrow", so that the arrow can go further.On the contrary, if maternal love is just nostalgia and possession, it will definitely hinder the range of the "arrow".Of course, loving someone or something will produce the feeling of being unable to put it down.But rationality tells me that in the process of giving, feelings have actually made you enjoy and get some kind of satisfaction.That's all.If you go forward, it will make all kinds of requirements for the feelings you give.When you make demands on others, you are already in a passive position.Besides, affection is something you can't ask for from anyone else, not even your closest husband.It is impossible for your wife or children to arrange themselves according to your emotional needs. Their lives can only and should obey their own will and follow their own wishes.Therefore, I appreciate this metaphor: treat yourself as a bow, and your inner feelings as an arrow. The arrows are shot out continuously, but the bow still retains itself with strength.In any case, the bow cannot be shot with the arrow.In the terminology of military strategists, you are the rear, the trenches, and the base that cannot be abandoned.In frontline battles, no matter whether you win or lose, you must retreat to the rear to recharge your batteries.But in reality, I have seen many people, especially women, who are too thorough and selfless when they give their feelings, do not grasp the measure, do not pay attention to reservations, and tie themselves to the "arrow" with a spirit of sacrifice. go away.If one day, "Arrow" turns around and says to you: "You have entangled me too hard and tiredly, I want to travel lightly!" After finishing speaking, "Arrow" walks away, what will you do at this time?Where are you going back?It's like a basin full of water has been poured on the ground, and you can't get it back. You lose yourself.I think this is the saddest thing.Although, you can go around and tell how great your love was and how thorough your devotion was, maybe you will get some sympathy and pity, and hear a few words of worthless comfort, but apart from that, you still have nothing.

It can be seen from this that it is really a compulsory lesson and a necessary "psychological construction" to truly apply the principles of bow and arrow to life.There is a great distance between emotion and reality, which is the essence of life.Therefore, it is the wisest move to build a bridge between emotion and reality.In real life, each of us has to pay a lot and shoot a lot of "arrows". However, no matter how we contribute, we must not lose the ultimate goal of life in the final analysis-to complete ourselves and reflect our own. Value, with this base point, the inner feelings or love can play the role of icing on the cake.

I really often encourage myself like this: make a powerful bow, let the arrows that should be fired be fired one after another, and all the arrows fired from you will prove your strength and your abundance.And you are still you.