Chapter 3 love problem

All people long for love.And by contrast, the expectation of love.Sustainment is obviously stronger for women than for men.More devotion, because they are born accustomed to clinging, and naturally want to regard love as the pillar of their inner world.Therefore, the failure of love or the success of love has become a proposition of life or death.But life experience tells us that God is not generous and will not give love casually to those who desire it.The famous German psychoanalyst Erich.Fromm puts it more thoroughly: "Love is not a feeling that anyone can easily indulge in." Therefore, to love or not to love is an eternal distress that accompanies all life; therefore, love is tempting to pursue, but also confusing; therefore, the question of whether to love or not is really a difficult problem to deal with.

Recently, I have received letters from some readers, most of whom are women in similar circumstances, lovelorn or marriage failure.Love is gone, some are devastated, some lose the courage to live, and some feel depressed and difficult to relieve.I read these letters with a heavy heart.They wrote letters and confessed sincerely, of course they hope to get some enlightenment and help, but I can't reply to all of them, and there is nothing I can do to help.Because, my own life is not successful, and I have a lot of lessons; because, after reflecting on the failure, I feel really embarrassed about how to grasp love and being loved. If we have too many and too high expectations, the result may be disappointment; because love can be said to be the highest ideal of the human mind, and our own qualities, conditions, and the reality we face are separated from the ideal by too many and too complicated. Difficulties, whoever seeks to obtain sufficient love must have enough wisdom and enough ability to overcome these too many and too complicated difficulties.What's more, love is a matter between two people, and they need to stimulate and coordinate with each other. They must not only control themselves but also control each other. Therefore, if you want to keep love for a long time, wishing alone is not enough.Everyone has a wish, but not everyone can achieve it.Love, especially, is not the result of desire, let alone instinct.Love, this thing requires knowledge, self-cultivation, charm, attractive beauty, and a kind of fate between people.Love is really a science, an art, and a homework that requires constant effort to answer questions.In this sense, I understand Fromm's assertion: love is not easy to obtain.

From this point of view, treating the failure of love with disappointment, negativity, or inextricable emotions is not only useless, but can only ruin yourself.For this kind of failure, men are better at adjusting and transferring than women, because the world they pay attention to is relatively large, and they are interested in relatively many things.As women, we might as well broaden our minds.There is a lyric that says: "The outside world is very exciting." Indeed, the world is very big, and there are many interesting things. Let your mind be free and easy, let your heart be bigger, and enrich the content of life in a bigger world, and you will put your own If you look deeper into your love and dislike, you will also see it more lightly.But in the vast world, once you establish yourself and develop yourself, perhaps, true love will come quietly.I think, love or not love, in fact, it all depends on oneself.