Chapter 67 Ninety Shuai

Du Fu's poem: "A life of seventy is rare since ancient times." For the old society, this is completely correct, because it conforms to the actual situation.However, today, the common people have created three jingles: "Seventy little brother, over eighty, ninety is not unusual." This is also completely correct, because it fits the actual situation. For me, however, there was something else involved.I am 90 years old, is it not surprising?The answer is: no, yes again.No, I didn't feel uncommon, but rather strange, very strange.I have said in many places that I am an unambitious person in every respect, I will not speak big words, I dare not speak big words, and the same is true in terms of age.My first account only planned to live to be 40 to 50 years old.Because my parents only lived for more than 40 years, in accordance with the laws of inheritance and traditional ethics, I cannot and should not live longer than my parents.How did I know, as if in a blink of an eye, I have lived through the years of following my heart and not exceeding the rules, and I have entered the realm of old age again, and I am about to march towards Qiyi.In this way, can I not be surprised?

But why is it not surprising?Judging from the current physical condition, except for some not-so-big problems with the eyes and ears and the inability of the legs and feet, I still feel good about myself. I can write an article of one or two thousand words and rely on the horse to wait.It is "rarely confused" when dealing with people and dealing with advances and retreats.All of this is the same as it was ten years ago, or even longer.Li Taibai's poem: "Gaotang Mingjing's sad white hair." Not only is my hair completely white (someone told me that black hair has grown back), but also bald.All of this is also true, but unfortunately I am not a movie star, and I can't look in the mirror twice a year, so I can't ignore everything.Subconsciously, I thought it was "the morning is like a blue silk".Not even God can do anything about ignorant and insensitive people like me.Under such circumstances, how can I not feel strange?

However, I also feel that the reason why my mental state can arise is not without grounds.In my country's current retirement system, the age of professors is 60 to 70 years old.However, as far as I am concerned, in terms of academic research, my sprint starting point is after the age of 80.Having held meetings for decades, gone through countless political campaigns, conducted countless self-examinations, and criticized others for countless times, and finally experienced ten years of catastrophe. How much is life?" My own life was wasted in vain like this.If it hadn’t been for the good luck children who favored me and prevented me from carrying out my own age plan, I would “return to Daoshan” before I was 80 years old (this is considered a long life), and I am afraid that I will not leave much for future generations .Not much is not necessarily a bad thing.It is of no benefit to anyone to leave some so-called writings that are harmless and disasterous.However, for myself, I'm afraid it will be "handled in another case".

In the ten years from the age of 80 to the age of 90, after I started sprinting, there are quite some memorable sweet memories.In the process of writing the longest 800,000-word book "History of Sugar" in my life, there are quite a few plots worth recalling and pondering.For two years, I went to the big library every day, rain or shine, cold or heat.Yanyuan has beautiful scenery, and the scenery is different in four seasons.In spring it is colorful, in summer it is full of lotus fragrance, in autumn it is stained with red and frosty leaves, in winter it blooms six times to cover the sky.It is not an exaggeration to call it a fairyland on earth.However, in the past two years, I have walked in such a magnificent scenery almost every day.But I turned a blind eye, not even a blind eye.The ripples of Weiming Lake and the reflection of Boya Tower, which are regarded as wonders by outsiders, have not escaped my indifference, ignorance, and indifference.All I can think of is the books in the big library, and the only thing I can smell in my nose is the fragrance of books there.

After the writing of "History of Sugar" was completed, I moved my position from the big library to my home, where I planned in a small room and fought decisively on a few desks.The object of my research became the "Meeting with Maitreya Script" in the Tocharian A dialect.This is not a walnut that is easy to bite, you have to use all your strength.The biggest difficulty lies in the lack of data, and most of them are foreign materials.There is no way but to ask overseas for help from time to time.Although it is known as the information age, the information I want is mostly tricky and weird, and it is difficult to search for it for a while, so I can only wait patiently.Friends who are good at writing and ink can probably understand that when an article is being written, the power is suddenly cut off, and your heart is really on fire, but there is nothing you can do.At this time, the beautiful scenery of Yanyuan seems to be nothing to me, and the only thing I can think of is the letter from overseas.After going through this for more than a year, the English translation of "The Script of Meeting Maitreya" was finally published in Germany.

After the two books are finished, my lifelong wish has come to an end.After learning from the pain, it suddenly occurred to me that I was already in the ninth year of my life.Only a very small number of scholars in ancient and modern China and abroad can reach such an age.How glad I am to be among them myself! I want to stop and rest for a while, in order to fight again.Then I thought, I still have a home.In the eyes of ordinary people, home is the best harbor for mooring and resting.how about my homeTo put it bluntly, I am a loner in my family, and I am my family. If I am full alone, the whole family will not be hungry.In this way, I should feel very lonely.But no.My family "members" are not really just me.I also have 4 extremely lively and lovely cats that steal food in a blink of an eye. They are white Persian cats brought from my hometown Linqing, Shandong, with one yellow eye and one blue eye.They have no etiquette at all, and they don't understand any rules. From time to time, they climb up my neck and do whatever they want, boldly and presumptuously.One even pissed on my pant leg.Not only do I not mind all of this, but I take pleasure in it, and let the cats' liberalism develop viciously.

My family "members" are more than that. I also raised two tortoises given to me by Zhang Heng, an alumnus of Shanxi University.The tortoise doesn't have a very good reputation now, but it was a symbol of longevity in ancient times.Some people also use the word "gui" in their names, such as Li Guinian and Lu Guimeng in the Tang Dynasty.The IQ of turtles is probably lower than that of cats, and they will never climb out of the water and climb on my shoulders.However, the turtles also have their own turtle happiness. When I feed them, they stretch out their necks and swallow a grain in one gulp. They are obviously happy.It's a pity that I can't meet Hui Shi, he will never argue with me, how do I know the joy of the turtle.

My family "members" didn't end here, I also raised 5 large turtles.The soft-shelled turtle is called "bastard" in the mouths of ordinary people. It is a very disgraceful name, and people hide it.However, I was raised in a large porcelain vat majesticly, treating everyone equally without any discrimination.Is there something wrong with my nerves?There's no need to call a doctor for an examination. My nerves are perfectly normal.In my opinion, soft-shelled turtles have the same right to live as other animals.Calling it a "bastard" is a slander for it by human beings, and it is pouring dirty water on its head.It's a pity that the soft-shelled turtle is ignorant and will not sue human beings in the world's highest court. It also asks for several dollars in compensation for reputation, and must publish a statement in the newspaper.I personally think that the most important task for human beings in the new century and the new millennium is to properly handle the relationship with nature.Engels has warned us: "We must not be too intoxicated with our victory over nature. For every such victory, nature will take revenge on us." The historical facts of more than a hundred years have increasingly proved the correctness and accuracy of Engels' warning.In the new century, human beings must first change from evil to good, and get rid of the bad habit of eating other animals indiscriminately.Human beings must abide by the words of Zhang Zai, a great Confucian in the Song Dynasty: "The people are my compatriots, and things are with me." The turtle is also regarded as one's partner, and the nature is regarded as one's friend, not an object to be conquered.In this way, human beings can almost have a wonderful and brilliant future.As for myself, some people may think that I am a character in the novel, which is out of the ordinary.If so, then, then—let it be.

Let's move on to my family and myself. During the ten years of catastrophe, I jumped out against the perverse "Lafayette" myself. I was knocked to the ground, put on countless unwarranted hats, and was beaten and scolded every day.At first I just thought it was ridiculous.But "if you tell a lie a thousand times, it becomes the truth." In the end, even I doubted myself: "Is this person a bad person? Ask the sky with tears in my eyes." Actually, I am not that bad; In my eyes, I have become an "untouchable person". However, the world is changeable, and the world is right.I don't know how it happened, but I turned around and became a "very contactable person".I often compare myself with what I know.Cicada larvae hid underground at first, climbed up the tree trunk at dusk, shed their old shell at dawn, grew wings, sang high branches, and became very poetic insects, which attracted the poet "Leaning outside the stick firewood gate". , Listen to the evening cicada in the wind".Now I am a cicada with long singing and high branches, and I am famous all over the world. The laurel crown on my head is much higher than the tall hat worn on my head during the "Cultural Revolution". Sometimes I feel blush.In fact, I know that I am not that good.However, no one will believe what I say from the bottom of my heart.In this way, although I am lonely, my family is actually very lively every day.An old colleague who has been with me for many years comes to my house every day to "work" to handle my chores and take care of my life. The most important thing is to read newspapers and letters to me, because I have bad eyesight.Then there was the constant call and door-to-door with people who claimed to be my "admirers."Because the school leaders felt that I was too old to entertain so many visitors, they posted a notice on my door, trying to curb the incoming visitors, but it was of little use. error.A few people waited for several hours by the lotus pond outside the door.In addition to visitors and phone callers, there are directors and reporters from TV stations carrying heavy cameras, as well as a large number of letters and publications received every day.Some young college and middle school students regarded me as a Land Lord who could respond to every request, or Ji Tiezui who could prophesy, begged me for this and that, and poured out to me the anguish in their hearts that they would not reveal to their parents.All these have to be dealt with by my old colleague who is a "part-time worker", and my part-time worker has now become an ambassador for driving.I tried my best, tried my best to convince those kind, enthusiastic and sincere friends who want to come for interviews and shoot TV, please stay calm.This is extremely heavy and difficult work, and I can deeply understand it.I can understand its busy and difficult situation.

What makes me most happy is that I have made many new friends.They are all famous calligraphers, painters, poets, writers and professors.We expect nothing from each other but sincere affection and friendship.I believe in fate, "If you are destined to meet thousands of miles away, if you don't have fate, you will not know each other across the face." Fate is something that cannot be explained clearly, but it does exist.I believe that there is fate between me and my friends.We hit it off and talked about everything.When we don't meet, we always think about the time we met, and when we meet, we feel like a fish in water, relaxed and happy; after we break up, we still think about it day and night, with unforgettable memories.To me they are more than kin than kin.Some people say: "It is enough to have one confidant in life." What I got was not just one confidant, but a group of confidants.Some people say that I live a very nourishing life.In this situation, how can the word "moisturize" be so good!

I am a staid and reserved person with a stubborn nature.I will never change the habits I have developed for decades.Wearing a khaki Chinese tunic suit, which remains the same at home and abroad and changes with the seasons, others think it is old and stubborn, but I call myself a "museum figure" to show "resistance" and strike later.Living habits will never change.Over the past 40 to 50 years, I have developed the habit of getting up early. I get up at 4:30 every morning, and the difference is no more than 5 minutes.The ancients said "rise at dawn". For me, this saying is suitable in summer, and in winter, I get up a few hours before dawn.I eat breakfast at 5 o'clock, which can be said to be early in the world.Work immediately after eating.My job is mainly to climb the grid.Over the decades, I have crawled tens of millions of words.Are these things worth climbing?I think it's worth it.The things I climb out are not necessarily pure gold and jade, but nectar, which can make people ascend to heaven and become immortals after eating them.But there is absolutely no poison in it, and there is absolutely no fake or shoddy. After reading it, at least it can give people some enjoyment. It can make people love the country, their hometown, mankind, nature, children, and all good things.In a word, it can benefit people in the spiritual realm.I often warn myself that people eat to live, but they do not live to eat.A person's life is short and must not be wasted in vain.If I didn't get anything from work one day, I would feel guilty and restless when I lay in bed at night, thinking it was a slow suicide.Does climbing the grid have fame and fortune thoughts?Frankly, there used to be.But today, fame and fortune are of no use to me. The reason why I still climb is out of inertia. I can't say other high-sounding words. "I don't know how old I am, fame and fortune are like floating clouds", or it may express my current mood. Have you thought about dying?I seem to hear someone asking.Well, this question is at the critical point.Yes, I have thought about death, I have thought about death in the past, and now I think about it more.During the ten years of catastrophe, in 1967, a close episode prevented me from going down the road of "exterminating myself from the people".Since then, I think that I have died once, and I have earned one more day of life. It has been more than thirty years now, and I have really earned a full house, and I have really become a special monopoly.But people are always mortal, and in this respect no one has any privileges, no immunity.Although the saying goes: "There are no old and young on the road to Huangquan", but after all, the elderly have priority.Yanyuan is a treasured place for old birthday stars.Although I am in my nineties, I am still behind a dozen or so people in the queue according to age.I once made a great vow in private: In the climb to Babaoshan, I will definitely climb up in order of age, and I will never grab the class to seize power and forcefully go to the fortress.As for the facts, please listen to the next chapter. Now that I have died once, for many years, I always thought that I had comprehended life.I often take Tao Yuanming's four lines of poems as my motto: "Amidst the waves of change, neither joy nor fear. Do what you have to do, and don't worry about being alone." Only now have I gradually realized that I have not been able to fully do it myself. arrive.Often thinking about death is a proof. I sometimes wonder why I can't be like the strange stone my friend gave me on the table. I have no life, but I will never die?Sometimes I also fantasize: Can the Creator stop the progress of time, make the sun and the moon bright forever, and make all creatures on the earth stand still and not grow old?Even if it stops for ten or eight years?Don't get me wrong and think that I am terribly afraid of death.Not at all.I have long realized that eternal change and never-stopping are the fundamental laws of the universe, and it is absurd to demand the same.All things are born and all things die, which is a famous saying.Jiang Wentong said in "Hate Fu": "Everyone has died since ancient times, and everyone swallows hatred." That is an act of a mediocre person who has no insight.Even if I cannot warmly welcome the coming of the end, I will never swallow my anger. However, human beings are animals full of contradictions in their hearts. Other animals do not have thoughts, so they will not have so many contradictions.As a member of human beings, conflicts in my heart are always unavoidable.Now, on the one hand, I am nostalgic for life, but on the other hand, I feel that I have lived too hard, and I want to take a break.I yearn for Zhuangzi's words: "Big chunks carry me to form, and work for me to live." Don't misunderstand me and think that I am going to commit suicide.I'll never do that suicide thing again.In the eyes of others, I am living a very, very comfortable life now.Unexpected reputations come one after another; reputations for perfection are almost extinct.Wherever I go, I see only smiling faces and feel only warmth.It is always like sitting on the spring breeze, and everywhere is like spring rain. So far in life, I really should be satisfied.However, the actual situation is not entirely so comfortable.The ancients said: "If you don't like it, it's always the same." This saying is also applicable to me now.From time to time, I always encounter some unpleasant things, which make my mood difficult to calm down for a long time.Even in the spring breeze, I have my own troubles.I am obviously a skinny old cow, but sometimes I am regarded as a huge fat cow with a daily production of a thousand pounds of fresh milk.Already expressed 500 pounds of milk and still begging, thinking I am in an ambush.Among them, it is hard for outsiders to understand the sentiment.This forced me to think of rest. Now and then I think that I have lived too long, almost a century. 90 years ago, a wild boy was born in a poor and small Guanzhuang in Linqing County, Shandong Province. He walked out of Guanzhuang, Linqing, Jinan, Beijing, and Germany; Several continents, dozens of countries.If my footprints were drawn as a long line, this long line could go around the earth for several weeks.I have seen the pyramids in Egypt, the ancient cultural sites in Mesopotamia, the Taj Mahal in India, the Sahara Desert in Africa, and many famous mountains and rivers at home and abroad.I have stayed in luxurious hotels like the Presidential Palace, and met many people at the level of the president and prime minister. In the eyes of ordinary people, it is really a very beautiful thing.However, the long road I have traveled was not always paved with roses, and sometimes thorny.I have passed through mountains and rivers, and also through dark willows and bright flowers; I have walked through Yangguan Avenue and small single-plank bridges.I went to report to Lord Yama, but was not accepted.Finally, through twists and turns, bumps, ups and downs, bumps and bumps, I have come to today.Now sitting under a glass window in Yanyuan Langrun Garden, writing "Ninety Shuhuai".It's winter outside the window.In the lotus pond, the lotus flowers meet the sky and the sun in summer, leaving only the dry leaves swaying in the cold wind.Magnolia leaves only bare branches struggling there.But, I know, I seem to see the lotus curled up in the mud under the ice dreaming of spring; the magnolia flower dreaming of "spring" on the branches.They are all alive, just resting temporarily to recharge their batteries, so that more and more gorgeous flowers will bloom in the new century next year and the new millennium. Of course I am alive myself.But I have lived too long, and I am too tired.Goethe thought of rest in a famous little poem in his later years, and I really want to rest too.However, this is absolutely impossible.I am like the "passer-by" described by Lu Xun, my task is to move forward, to move forward.Where is the front?What the old man saw was a grave, what the little girl saw was wild lilies.When I wrote "Eighty Notes", I saw more wild lilies than tombs, but today they are all reversed, with more tombs and fewer wild lilies.In any case, I must go forward, and neither the grave nor the wild lilies can stop me.Mr. Feng Youlan's "more than rice", I have already passed the stage of rice.The next step is "to meet each other with tea".I feel that my current choice is only the road in front of me, and this road is not far away.When I write "Hundred Years Essay" 10 years later, I will not be far from tea. December 20, 2000