Chapter 14 I want to live!

I did survive.However, by the time I left the "cowshed" I was already alive and dead, I was a semi-idiot, I went to the store to buy things, and I didn't know how to talk.Make me walk with my head up, I don't feel used to it.I find it strange that words like "Damn!", "Bastard!", "Bastard!" are no longer ringing in my ears.When I saw someone, I opened my mouth and murmured, and my feet staggered when I wanted to walk.I have almost become a walking dead, I have been "alienated" into a "non-human". I did survive, but one thought kept biting me.I have always believed in the dogma of "a soldier can be killed, but not humiliated", how come I have completely forgotten it now? I have the courage to speak up and fight against injustice, why don't I have the courage to use my life to protest this atrocity What? I sometimes even feel that it is shameful to live a life of cruelty.However, the blame does not lie in my regret, but in the fact that I did not connect this incident with the entire "Cultural Revolution" for a long time.Until the "Gang of Four" was overthrown in 1976, I always supported the "revolution" once every seven or eight years, once every seven or eight years.It can be seen how dull my political sense is.

I have had dreams for more than forty years, and I have had a "sense of original sin" for more than forty years.I have been worshiping the three objects of worship mentioned above for more than forty years.All these things that are very sacred to me were shattered by the "Cultural Revolution", and they are safe today!I do not deny that most of my idols are good, and I should not go from one extreme to another.As for the "Cultural Revolution", which I wholeheartedly supported for ten years, it is another matter.This is the most barbaric, brutal, ignorant, and absurd tragedy unprecedented in Chinese history, and it has blackened the face of the great Chinese nation.We should never forget!

After the collapse of the "Gang of Four" and the end of the "Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution", the central government brought order out of chaos and implemented a policy of reform and opening up, which was supported by the people of the whole country.The time is not too long, and the achievements are obvious to all.In front of the eyes of the people of the whole country and the intellectuals of the whole country, the sky is bright again, and there is hope again. Above I described my encounters and feelings over the past forty years after liberation.During this period of time, what was reflected in my mind mirror was movement, movement, movement; what was reflected was my personal experience with many intellectuals; what was reflected was my process from ignorance to sobriety; what was reflected It is a turning point for the people of the whole country to turn back from the abyss of political and economic crisis to prosperity.