Chapter 11 The initial stage of reform through labor

What followed was a climax of criticism. From the winter of 1967 to the spring of 1968, there was always a criticism every few days.I have become quite accustomed to this, "the sea was too difficult to find water", I have seen the world in terms of criticism and struggle, and I cherish my life, which was picked like a camel through the eye of a needle, and I don't want to think about the Old Summer Palace anymore. This climax period can be roughly divided into two stages: from the beginning to the early spring of the following year is the stage of criticism and interrogation; from the beginning of spring to May 3, 1968 is the stage of criticism, interrogation and labor.

In the first stage, many units were criticized, and there were also many excuses for criticism.I have worked in Peking University trade union for a long time.The first "activist" title I got in my life was "trade union activist".As soon as Beijing was liberated, I participated in the organization and leadership of the Professors Association.It was further developed to form the Faculty Federation and finally the trade union.It was rumored that Peking University workers considered themselves to be the leading class, and were ashamed to associate with intellectuals and form trade unions.After being explained and cleared up by someone, I reluctantly agreed.After the union was formed, I successively served as the head of the trade union organization of Peking University and the chairman of the beach branch.When I was at the beach, I had learned the methods of American campaigning. I went to the engineering, agricultural, and medical colleges and the branches of Peking University Press on Congress Street to give campaign speeches, and my spirits were extremely high.At that time, after liberation, everything looked rose-colored.In order to arrange the meeting place for the meeting, I used to stay up all night, work together with a few young people, and I enjoyed it.At that time, I had a question, but I couldn't figure it out: What is the relationship between us intellectuals and the leading class of the People's Republic of China, the working class?This question often lingers in my mind.Later I heard an authoritative person explain: Intellectuals are not workers, but the working class.My level of political theory is very low.I don't understand: why not be a worker but belong to the working class?In order to reconcile the contradiction between the professor and the workers, I accepted this statement, but my mind was always confused.In any case, I still happily participate in the work of the union.In 1952, after Peking University moved outside the city, I was still a labor union activist.I was elected as the chairman of Peking University trade union.Among Peking University professors, only three or four have received this honor.

However, during the "Cultural Revolution", this became my special crime.The logic of the "working class" at Peking University is probably: a stinking intellectual from the old society has proved the magnanimity of the working class by being able to abuse the working class, and now he has become the leader of the working class organization. There is no pardon.I can understand the logic of the "working class" of Peking University, and sometimes even agree with it.As I mentioned above, I admit with all my heart that I am a bourgeois intellectual because I have personal considerations.As for whether the "working class" of Peking University are all selfless, selfless, and dedicated to benefiting others, I hadn't considered it at the time.But I was baffled by a popular statement at the time: that the rule of our schools by bourgeois intellectuals could no longer continue.Although we bourgeois intellectuals have become professors, deans of departments, and even vice-principals and trade union chairmen, we have not really ruled the school!Those who really rule the school are the tried and tested old revolutionaries sent by the superiors.According to my personal observation, all these old revolutionaries conscientiously implement the principles and policies of their superiors and work diligently.They deserve to be good cadres of the country. During the "Cultural Revolution", they all became "capitalist roaders", which I think is very unfair.Now we, the intellectuals, have been pulled into the circle of "ruling" schools.This is simply "a fire at the gate of the city will bring disaster to the fish in the pond".

Let's not talk about this issue now, let's talk about me, the chairman of the trade union.After I was "downed" and denounced, the workers at Peking University were not far behind.In the climax of the mass fight against me, they also squeezed in.They are workers who think and act differently from teachers and students. The difference between them is quite obvious: the workers are stronger and more "revolutionary" (barbaric) in their actions than the students.They usually appreciate Pingju, and like cross talk and other folk arts.During the "Cultural Revolution", they probably discovered that Daquan Struggle is much better-looking and better-sounding than Pingju opera and cross talk, and their enthusiasm for criticizing struggle was even higher.How could they let go of the opportunity to criticize me?So after a burst of violent knocking on the door, two workers broke in and wanted to escort me somewhere to protest.They came by bicycle.I have no car to ride.In this way, I walked in the middle, pushing the cart alone on one side and "escorting the driver", and it was as majestic as a state guest riding on the car with motorcycles guarding the left and right.It's a pity that my heart is beating drums at this time, and I don't have the leisure to pretend to be Ah Q.

I heard that the Peking University workers planned to drag out the three professors who had been the chairman of the trade union of Peking University today and criticize them together.What a rare play it would be if it came to fruition!This is much better than any play played by Yang Xiaolou and Mei Lanfang.It's a pity that one of the three has been transferred to the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, and the other one has not been dragged for some reason. I am left alone, which is really a disappointment.However, "we workers have strength", let's fight one when it comes.In this way, they are still meticulous; just because there is only one person left, they do not cut corners and perfunctory like usual labor.They definitely did not follow the old rules, but gave full play to their creativity: instead of fighting indoors, they changed it to "swimming and fighting", that is, swimming and fighting outdoors on the main road.In this way, more people can watch it, satisfy their own curiosity or other desires.I was in a daze, afraid to raise my head, afraid to speak, at the mercy of others, at the mercy of others.I don't know how many people "watched the ceremony" along the way.Judging from the noisy voices, there were probably quite a few of them.The sound of slogans pierced the sky, mixed with laughter.It can be seen that the play was a success.The working class has the temper of the working class: less theory, more hard punches, louder slogans, more stones thrown.I have become accustomed to slaps and kicks, and I don't think they are disobedient.This time I am not allowed to take the jet, which is the greatest comfort to me, and I am really grateful to Dade.

The trade union storm has not yet completely passed, and the "revolutionary masses" of the Peking University Institute of Asian and African Studies came to fight me again.People always like to do things in a swarm, either they don't do it, or they all rush to do it.I'm now running into this swarm again.Before the "Cultural Revolution", Peking University established the Institute of Asian and African Studies based on the opinions of the Education Commission (then also called the Ministry of Education or the Ministry of Higher Education).The principal and secretary of the party committee, Lu Ping, approached me personally and asked me to be the director.In fact, it's a name, and I don't care about anything.Therefore, I have no conflict of interest with the staff in the institute, and I think the relationship is pretty good.But once I was "knocked down", the people in the camp had to show their "revolutionary" or other nature, and they must not let go of the opportunity to criticize me.Does this count as "adding insult to injury"?We can discuss research.In short, I was dragged into Yannanyuan's prison and criticized.Criticism is carried out indoors, the room is not big, and the number of people participating is not many.In terms of being criticized now, I am like Sun Dasheng who has been trained in Laojun's gossip furnace. I have seen a lot in the big world.Such is the case with this criticism.The scale is small, the slogans are not loud enough, and there are no punches and kicks, only half a jet sits.For me, this can only be regarded as a "sketch", which is very unsatisfactory, and I feel quite disappointed.As for the criticism speeches, it is still 90% nonsense, 9% is Luo Zhi's framing, and only about 1% is on the point.In general, the level is not high.After the criticism was over, I walked home with ease.If I were to give this critique a score, I could only give it 20 or 30 points, which is still a long way from passing.

At a criticism meeting of the Eastern Language Department—by the way, there are quite a few such criticism meetings; however, according to the principles of physiology and psychology, there are too many things, and the impression gradually fades away, and I can’t remember them all— , I caught a glimpse of the main characters, in addition to the familiar faces of the Xinbei University Commune, there is also the opposite face of Jinggangshan.Although the two factions fought extremely fiercely, and even used spears and other self-made weapons, they seemed to be sworn to death.However, in essence, there is no difference between the two. They both engage in ultra-left things, both use metaphysics as their ideological basis, and both compete to show their loyalty to the "Red Queen".Now it is time to fight against the "enemy"—this "enemy" is me—it is completely understandable for everyone to unite and criticize me against the same enemy.One time the subject of the struggle was a sentence found in my confiscated diary: "Jiang Qing gave the Xinbei University Commune a shot of morphine, and their arrogance rose again." Disrespectful.The theoretical level of the critics is extremely low-they have never been higher-and their speech is almost incoherent.Sitting on the jet, I felt humbled for no reason.It can be seen that my level of being criticized has increased sharply, and I can even judge the level of speaking at leisure.From the confluence of the two factions, I thought of my own faction.The sentence about Jiang Qing in the diary proves how stubborn my faction is.But time has passed, and I believe that the faction that is loyal to it has long since joined hands with the opposite to deal with me.I was getting a little pissed off while sitting in the jet.

This kind of criticism followed one after another, and my thoughts were ups and downs, and I couldn't calm down for a moment.I think a lot, a lot; far, far.I think about my childhood.If I stayed in the country, my level of education would be at best a semi-literate one.Our family only has about one or two acres of land.I work day and night.After liberation, you can get the status of a poor peasant, and you can educate intellectuals.Of course life is hard, "Literacy begins with worry", I can be free from worry, how comfortable and comfortable!Now that he has become a university professor, it can be said that he is extremely beautiful.However, once he turns into a "reactionary authority", he will be criticized and fought every day, and his heart will be frightened. He does not know how many hats he has worn on his head, and his future is uncertain.How I regret it!Creation of children is really abominable!

Such regret medicine is useless, and I know it myself.I made up my mind that instead of thinking about it, it would be better to concentrate on thinking about the situation in front of me, which might have some practical benefits.I feel like my number one priority at the time was working out.This kind of exercise is not general physical exercise, but special exercise.To put it bluntly, it is a special exercise for the legs.I analyzed the various contradictions at that time, and believed that the most important contradiction was being good at sitting on a jet, being able to sit for two or three hours without falling down.I have already mentioned above that if you sit on a jet and fall to the ground when you are criticizing, the consequences will be unimaginable.The critics will definitely think that I am making trouble on purpose, adding more crimes to the crime, and they don't know how to punish me besides punching and kicking.I have to persevere, but it is extremely difficult to persevere.After half an hour of sitting on the jet, I felt backache, leg pain, and sweating all over my body; at the end, my body was shaking, my head was dizzy, my eyes were dark, and my ears were ringing.At this point I can only grit my teeth.Sometimes I also recite quotations: "Make up your mind, don't be afraid of sacrifice, overcome all difficulties, and strive for victory!" My subtext is: "Make up your mind, not be afraid of pain, overcome all difficulties, fight and not fall!" Don't say it, sometimes it is true efficient.I persist and persist.At this time, no matter how impassioned and impassioned the critics on the stage speak, no matter how loud their voices are, no matter how earth-shattering the cry of "Down, Down" is, to me, it sounds like a light thunder across the mountain, faint and distant.

There have been many such experiences.I don't think it's safe.In order to completely solve this principal contradiction, I must have a long-term solution.So I thought about exercising my legs.I made up my mind to stand on the balcony and exercise every day.I bowed my head and didn't put my hands on my knees. I sat in the jet completely voluntarily.I counted in my heart to calculate the time, and I would stop until my eyes were dazzled and sweating.This kind of physical exercise is unprecedented at all times and in all over the world.If I don't tell it, no one will believe it. They must think it's an overseas legend.Looking back today, I really want to cry but have no tears!

Standing on the balcony has another effect.From a distance, I could see the Red Guards who came to my house to escort me to criticize or interrogate me.I have a quick temper and I am never late for anything.I still do this when it comes to criticism.I hope that the criticism can also start on time.As for when it ends, that's none of my business. Standing on the balcony, there are unexpected discoveries.One day, while I was "exercising", I suddenly looked up and saw a sparrow sitting on a bamboo branch in the small garden downstairs.It was winter now, except for the pines, cypresses and green bamboos, all the trees were withered and yellow, and all the leaves had fallen off.A few stalks of green bamboo are even more verdant.The few sparrows sitting on the bamboo pole did not move.My eyes lit up, and I immediately seemed to see a Song painting "Shanque Picture" or something like that.I was taken aback, as if the Lord God was manifesting his sanctity and sent me a painting to gain some joy in suffering.However, I regained my composure for a while, and suddenly thought, when did I still have such a leisurely mood.My bourgeois revisionist ideology is really extremely stubborn. If you say that I "will never repent", how can I not admit it? I still have some weird ideas like this.Every time the Red Guards escorted me along the lake to the Foreign Language Building or other places of criticism, I shuddered when I thought about the situation I was facing.How I want to escape!But the vast world, where can I escape?Now walking on the edge of the lake, I think that I used to see the dead trees in the lake covered with bastards.When he heard a human voice, he was usually a slow-moving bastard, but now he was extremely agile. He rolled over and fell into the lake. Except for a few circles of water, there were no traces.Why can't I become a bastard myself?I saw the ants crawling under my feet, and thought to myself, why can't I become an ant myself?As long as you drill into the grass, no one can find it.I saw the little bird flying in the sky, and thought to myself, why can't I become a little bird myself?The sky is high, let the bird fly, spread its wings, and fly away immediately, no one can catch it.In short, I think my body is too big.The dignified five-foot body was once proud in the past, but now it has become a burden, and it is too soon to lose it. These fantasies are useless, I know it.Is there any useful way?Yes, that is to escape.I did give this a serious thought.The key is where to escape to.Fleeing to your own hometown is the most stupid way.Heard of some people doing this.The Xinbei University Commune thought that this was a violation of the king's law, a treason, and sent people to his hometown to arrest him, and the criticism became even more brutal.This path must never be taken.So where to escape?I have considered many places, and others have given me many ideas, either from friends or relatives.I have indeed carefully collected national food stamps so as not to go out hungry.Finally, think about it, think about it, think that those are just fantasies, there is great danger, so let's stay at Peking University.This is the most practical way to go, but it is also the most uncomfortable and unbearable way. Every day, I am always on tenterhooks, waiting for the Red Guards to arrest me and take me somewhere to criticize them.The taste in it is really not enough for outsiders to understand. However, one day suddenly, the leader of the Eastern Languages ​​Commune sent someone to issue an order: go out to work every day.This is called "reform through labor", or "reform through labor" for short. How can reform be possible without labor?This changed my dilemma of waiting at home every day, and I felt a little happy for a while. From now on, I will go out to work every day together with the old professor I mentioned above who was criticized first.Only a little more than a year ago, at the beginning of the ten-year catastrophe, I criticized this old professor in the Foreign Languages ​​Building.The world is vicissitudes, the situation is changing, and there are often unexpected people, so don't be vigilant! We are a pair of fellow sufferers, the founders of the Department of Oriental Languages, and today we are both prisoners.Every day at eight o'clock to the designated place to gather, under the supervision of a worker to do chores.Go home at twelve o'clock, go back at two o'clock in the afternoon, and go home at six o'clock in the evening.There are many places to work, and the type of work also changes, sometimes changing places every day.The two of us are like a pair of cows and horses that can think and talk. Under the whip of the workers, we do what we are asked to do, and we dare not say a word or ask.According to my observations, from then on, Peking University workers have become white-collar workers, and they seem to be prison bosses who escort prisoners.I'm a bit slanderous.However, the workers are the class that leads everything, and I myself am just a prisoner.From my point of view, as far as Peking University is concerned, this so-called "Cultural Revolution" is actually a movement of workers to punish intellectuals.In the old society, the status of professors and workers was very different, and the economic income gap was also huge.Some professors are pretentious and have a bit of "professional airs" and do not have enough respect for workers.It is inevitable that there is a little bit of resentment in the hearts of the workers.At that time, they could only swallow their anger.After liberation, the situation changed.After the ten-year catastrophe, for some workers, the opportunity finally came.Under the encouragement and instigation of some people, that latent resentment burst out in an instant.When criticizing and standing facing the wall in the big dining hall, many loud slaps came from the slaps of some workers coming into contact with the faces of some professors.Some master workers may not accept my words.But we are materialists, we must seek truth from facts, and we should say what it is like.Neither accept nor deny the existence of facts. I am currently undergoing labor reform under the supervision of a worker.Dirty and tiring work, as long as his mouth moves, I have to do it.The worker stood by and bossed around.He does not move the grass horizontally, does not touch the grass vertically, and "leads everything" in this way. After working like this, do I feel safe in my heart?Not at all.I am not afraid of labor.But this kind of labor, in addition to making me regret that I lost the opportunity to exercise my legs, I still have to be ready to be criticized at any time. The leaders of the Department of Eastern Languages ​​or a certain department of Peking University will send people to me on a whim. Where I work, no matter how far away or how remote the place is, I can always get my hands on it.Sometimes, after the criticism is over, they still have to go back to work.After sitting in the jet for a while, labor has brought me pleasure instead, and it seems that I have become a dead wood that cannot be carved. Whether it is to go to work or go home after work, I dare not, and I am unwilling to take the road of Yangguan.It is the least safe on the highway.The Red Guards wearing red armbands and holding spears, in groups of three or four, or in groups of dozens, walked on the road with arrogance and arrogance.People like me can tell they are members of "gangsters" just by looking at their clothes and facial expressions.Our faces are full of bad luck, our eyes are dull, and our quail clothes are knotted and dusty, almost like beggars.Besides, we have already become birds in the air at this time, anyone can get it and beat it.Hitting us with a punch or a slap in the face is not only not illegal, but also a "revolutionary action", which can express the righteous indignation of the "revolution", and will be respected.Even teenagers know that we are "bad people" and can be insulted at will.Throwing a stone and spitting a few times can be included in the "Superior Records".Some children even took lime and sprinkled it in our eyes.If it is allowed to spill in, the eyes can be blinded.Under such circumstances, we dare not fight back, let alone fight back.There is only one way to "run away with your tail between your legs".Once, a seven or eight-year-old boy held a brick in his hand and ordered me: "Come here! I'll pat you!" I could only walk a few steps quickly and run away.I don't dare to run too fast, otherwise I will frighten our "flowers of the motherland", and our sin will be even greater.I sometimes think that if I am really blind and "stepped on a thousand feet" on my body, it will really be like falling into the nineteenth level of hell, "I will never turn over again". What if you dare not walk on Yangguan Avenue?Then choose the remote path.During the ten-year catastrophe, there were many more small roads like Peking University than there are now.Most of these paths are behind old houses and next to gutters.There are piles of garbage, feces everywhere, weeds are overgrown, and the stench is overwhelming.Usually, absolutely no one comes.Now it's my heaven.Although the smell is a bit unpleasant here, it is very quiet.Wild cats and dogs are often encountered.Cats and dogs have very low "political awareness" and don't understand "class struggle" at all. They don't know that I am a "gangster", they only know that I am a human being, and they are still afraid of people.In this environment, I dare to raise my head that I usually dare not raise.He dared to vent his anger that he usually didn't dare to vent, and dared to look up at the blue sky, feeling extremely happy in his heart.For the stench here, not only do I not want to cover my nose, but I also want to stay there for as long as possible.This is a paradise for people like me. However, misfortunes never come singly in life, and heaven is by no means a place where you can stay forever.One day, I was escorted to dismantle the mat shed, and there were still nails left on the wooden boards that fell on the ground.I accidentally stepped on it, and the one-inch-long nails pierced the soles of my feet. The soles were too thin to stop the nails.I only felt a sharp pain in the sole of my foot, and when I pulled my foot, blood flowed profusely immediately.At this time, our jailer, not only didn't care about it, but was furious, saying: "You people are useless trash!" The so-called "useless trash" refers to the professor.Both he and I understand this in our hearts.I was about to get slapped a few times, but he was merciful to my surprise and said: "Get out!" I took the opportunity to get out.My feet were so sore that I couldn't walk, but I couldn't stop walking.I can only properly walk with one foot, the other is dragged along.Just like that, he limped back home.I didn't dare to enter the school hospital. The people in charge there were all from the commune, and they would stare at me when they saw me. How dare I throw myself into the trap?Seeing my distressed appearance, the two old ladies in the family were shocked, and they were helpless, so they could only use the old method handed down from their ancestors, scalding the wound with boiling water, applying some red medicine, and wrapping it with gauze.I have to go to work in the afternoon.Otherwise, if the higher-ups blame me, not only will I be overwhelmed, but even the worker will be implicated.Now I don’t expect anyone to talk about revolutionary humanitarianism to me. It can be said to the Kuomintang captives, but not to me. I have already been expelled from “humanity”, and humanitarianism has nothing to do with me. At this time, the two factions in Peking University had already started fighting.Both factions have created their own arsenals and both have their own fighting teams.Weapons I have already mentioned a point above.The Commune faction in power will of course be extravagant.They sawed off and sharpened the good and expensive steel pipes to form spears, which they held in their hands with majesty.The material conditions in Jinggangshan are not as good, but they have also cobbled together some weapons.Each faction occupies several buildings and fights with each other.Every building is like a fortress, heavily guarded.I am not qualified to witness the fighting between the two factions with my own eyes.I think that fighting is a matter of life and death, and it seems that it should be very serious.However, I was led by the foreman to the student dormitory area to clean up the battlefield left by a fierce fighting.The glass on the nearby upstairs was all shattered, and the ground was full of bricks and stones, which were weapons used by the two factions when they fought.Our task is to remove this garbage.However, I looked up suddenly and saw a bunch of broken shoes hanging outside the windows of a building.I was taken aback, and then smiled inwardly.About the story of broken shoes, I have already talked about it above.Everyone in the old Peking University knows what the broken shoes symbolize, and it symbolizes the "Lafayette".I really think these young big kids are naughty to the point of being cute.Turn this military event into a small comedy scene.It's been a long time since I didn't have a smile on my face, and I seem to have forgotten the instinct of laughing.Unexpectedly, today I actually wanted to laugh.It was a lighthearted episode in the life of a prisoner. However, in real combat, as long as possible, I still try to avoid it.This kind of knowing smile is obtained inadvertently, and it is not enough for training.I am now "Zhu Bajie looks in the mirror, he is not a human being inside and out".Either faction sees me as an enemy.If I can't avoid a fight, who wouldn't want to take it out on me?Since I picked up a life out of thin air, I want to try my best to protect it now.Although I have studied comparative suicide, I don't want to commit suicide or homicide now.I still want to live. The situation in the primary stage of reform through labor is roughly the same.