Chapter 8 ransacked home

As the weather gets cooler, the wind gets tighter.The storm gathered over my head: the chief lady was about to lay hands on me. At this point, do I still have a chance? There are still.I am confident that I have no braids on my head and no tail on my buttocks, so I am not afraid of being caught by you. However I was wrong. Late at night on November 30, 1967.I took sleeping pills and was falling asleep when I suddenly heard the sound of a car outside the door, followed by an unusually violent knock on the door.He hurriedly put on his clothes, and the door opened, and Liuqitiao, a big man, came in. They were all students of the Department of Oriental Languages, and they were all hard-core believers in the female leader. Everyone was holding a big wooden stick, majestic, and their faces were as frosty.I knew what was going on, I was prepared, so I wasn't surprised.As the saying goes: "Heroes don't suffer from immediate losses."I am by no means a hero, but I am not willing to take losses in front of me.I have no intention of resisting, and their big sticks are useless.This is called "revolutionary action." Every day I hear the cry "revolution is not guilty, rebellion is justified!" I know there is a reason for this.I just feel that this is really a very strange thing.Anyone who hears "revolution" or "rebellion" can understand it; but no one really understands what it means.What kind of bad things, what kind of criminal behaviors, can be done in broad daylight under the cover of "revolution", "rebellion" and other majestic and great terms.I am also a very eccentric character. I tried my best to defend someone's "revolutionary line", and now the revolution has come to me.However, I am not sober at all, and I still want to maintain this revolutionary line.

I was rushed into the kitchen before I could get dressed.My aunt and my wife, who were nearly seventy years old at that time, were also driven there, and the three of them were prisoners of Chu.At this time, it was cold in the middle of the night, and the biting wind was blowing in the kitchen. "The whole family is in the wind", and everyone was shaking.What the two old ladies were thinking, I do not know.We were forbidden to speak, and the shadow of the stick loomed before our eyes.My mind is still clear at this time.I didn't think of humanitarianism, because humanitarianism has long been criticized, and anyone who mentions humanitarianism is a "revisionist."To this day, I still don't understand, shouldn't people be allowed to have a little bit of humanity and speak a little bit of humanity?In the 8,000-year history of Chinese philosophy, there was a debate about the goodness of nature and the evilness of nature, and so far there are still different opinions.I originally believed in the theory of good nature, I believe that everyone has a heart of compassion.From the moment my home was ransacked, I changed my beliefs and changed my religion. "Human nature is inherently evil, and those who are good are man-made." Judging from the actions of ransacking their homes, can you say that these people are still good in nature?Can you say that what they have is not animal nature?Today's social atmosphere, people with a little conscience can't help worrying about it.Who is the instigator?When did this bad social atmosphere start?

This is going too far.Some thoughts were definitely not when the house was ransacked, but appeared one after another later.At that time, I neither dared to resist stubbornly, nor groveled to ask for your hand.When dealing with animals, it is impossible to talk about human feelings.I just curled up on the cold cement floor in the kitchen, watching and listening.I'm very surprised, how can you use a sledgehammer to kill a chicken?When dealing with three unarmed old men, why bother to shock the crowd like this!It is more than enough to send only one young man.However, just standing at the door of the kitchen were two burly men, one of whom was a Korean language student surnamed Gu.Teachers and students in the past are now enemies.I know that our lives are in their hands.At that time, beating someone to death was not punishable by law.Out of their sticks, out of their spears came the law.

My eyes can't see what's going on outside, but my ears can hear.After all, these teenagers are still young. When the bandits in the old society kidnapped people, they put plaster on the eyes of the kidnapped people and poured stove oil into their ears.As a teacher, I failed to teach this set of things to my students, which is my dereliction of duty.I got a little benefit today for my dereliction of duty: I can still hear what's going on outside.Things aren't looking good out there.I only heard the ping-pong sound in my two rooms, one big and one small, and the sound shook the roof tiles.At this time, I seem to have obtained the divine eye mentioned in the Buddhist scriptures. Through several layers of walls, I can see the "little generals" moving the bed table, rummaging through boxes and cabinets.They have no future, those who follow me will prosper, and those who go against me will perish.Whatever they want to smash, they can smash; whatever they want to kick, they can smash.When encountering locked things, they simplified the means of opening them all, instead of using keys, they used axes and chisels.Take care of your bookcase and suitcase, take care of your wooden cabinet and iron cabinet, with a click, the iron will break and the wood will fly.I have lived frugally over the years, and have accumulated some small antiques and knick-knacks, all of which I pour my heart and soul into;In their eyes, they were nothing; their subordinates were ruthless and instantly destroyed.It seems that they are already very proficient in the business of copying houses, which is the result of intensive practice during the "Cultural Revolution".They are nimble and "sweeping thousands of troops like a mat".Yet my heart is bleeding.

After sweeping upstairs, a Thai student surnamed Wang asked me for the key downstairs.It turned out that he had been to my house and knew that all my books were hidden downstairs.After I moved here, I lived upstairs.The relevant units of the school, fearing that too many books would be too heavy and the building might be crushed, advised me to move the books to the garage downstairs.The garage was originally intended for bicycles.If there are only a few cars in the whole building, the garage is enough.However, the number of bicycles has increased dramatically, and the garage has become useless and empty.So I asked for the consent of the whole building, and I moved the books upstairs.The young generals are far-sighted and meticulous.He reached out to me for the key, and I knew he was an expert, so I respectfully obeyed.I can neither see nor hear what is happening to my beloved books in the garage.However, at this time, I obtained both the Celestial Eye and the Celestial Ear.All of Curry's destruction is in sight.My heart is bleeding.

This group of teenagers may not be very successful in oriental languages, but they are familiar with the set of slandering and weaving in Chinese history.In ancient times, there was a practice of the so-called "grass copying", which was to follow the vines to find out all the clues related to the three relatives and six friends of the person whose house was ransacked, and then barter the nine clans.They forced me to hand over the small notebooks that recorded the addresses of my friends in order to "copy melons and vines".At this time, I had another layer of worry: those innocent relatives and friends of mine unfortunately had a relationship with me and left their footprints in my little book.How did they know that they are going to be unlucky with me.My heart is bleeding.

I curled up in the kitchen, my mind was churning with thoughts, like the waves of the sea.What is it like in my heart? "It's just that I was at a loss at the time", and it's even more unclear now. It seems that the sauce jar was overturned, and the ups and downs are all gone.Say I'm sad?Yes, but not all.Say I'm angry?Yes, but not all.Say I'm afraid?Yes, not all.Say I am frank?Yes, more than that.In short, I am both clear and confused; sober and confused.At this time, the lives of the three elderly people in our family are in the hands of others.We are like a few ants. When others move their fingers, we immediately become dust.We yell every day and don't answer.I don't know whether we are in the world of people, or the world of ghosts, or the world of livestock.In the vast land, there is no place for the three old people. "Vertebral chest straight to Yi Kun's mother".I really want to be like Shakundala in the famous Indian classic drama "Shakundala". When there is no way out, the birth mother, a fairy in the sky, suddenly descends to the earth and takes her daughter back to the heavenly palace.I know that this is just a story in a myth, and it will never exist in the world.So, where is my way out?

The night passed outside the window.Nature doesn't care whether there is comedy, tragedy, or both.For these, it is indifferent, go its own way, and run as usual. After the revolution, the "heroes" have "decimated their excitement" and their enthusiasm has "decimated".I heard a sudden silence outside the door, and the two burly men with big sticks disappeared in an instant.There was a sound of cars starting outside the building: the heroes returned to the dynasty in victory.The sound of the car pierced the night sky, getting louder and farther away.At this time, it was the new sun, and the sky was dark.A tranquility pervaded the world, as if nothing had happened just now, only three lonely old men were left behind, freed from the shadow of the stick, and stayed on the battlefield where the heroes had revolutionized their lives.

The house became a pile of rubbish.Tables, chairs, as long as they can be knocked over, they are all overturned.Those small decorations and antiques, as long as they can be broken, are all broken.The floor was littered with books that had fallen from shelves and documents thrown from drawers.Half of the scientific research materials I have accumulated through decades of hard work were taken away and half were scattered on the ground.The sleeping bed was completely turned over, and the very strong warm water bag in the quilt was broken by someone, and the water flowed all over the bed.Looking at the ransacked situation, none of the three of us spoke - what else could we say?This is the end of life, heaven rather than theory!Where can we still have the slightest sleepiness?We have all become wood sculptures and clay sculptures, we have become people who have lost language and emotion, and we have all become vegetative people!

However, my subconscious mind is still active, still active.I thought of a very popular saying at that time: it is a misunderstanding when a good person beats a good person; it is exercise when a bad person beats a good person;If all living beings are divided into two categories, good people and bad people according to the logic of children, which category do I belong to?Regardless of my own flaws, and however many wrong things I've done, I firmly believe that I should be classified as a good person.In addition to thinking about myself, I also think about others. I am not Cao Mengde who said "It is better to teach me to blame the world than to teach the world to blame me".This is the standard of a good man who is just and honest.Who are the young generals who came to my house to ransack, vandalize and loot?There must be some good people among them, who were temporarily deceived and did bad things, which can be forgiven.However, most people are probably taking advantage of other people's dangers to vent their animalistic persecution madness to achieve their ulterior motives.If such a person is not a bad person, are there still bad people in the world?Under the cover of the above statement, they are confident and bold to commit evil.Isn't it obvious?Those few words, I once worshiped with five bodies.Looking at it today, it is just the lowest level of metaphysical sophistry that does not talk about right and wrong, does not distinguish between right and wrong, does not speak of principle, and does not speak of justice.It's a pity that hundreds of thousands, even millions of young people have been poisoned by it. Later, they are adults in their 40s and 50s.Among them, some became prosperous; some found a rich man and became son-in-law; What a strange thing!Are these people so forgetful?Could it be that these people have wiped out even the basic conscience of human beings?

It was not easy to survive until dawn. "When is the long night?" This night is the longest night in my life, and also the most unforgettable night, a night that cannot be described in any language.As soon as it was dawn, I rode my bicycle to the headquarters in Jinggangshan.I wished to catch a straw from "my own organization".Walking on the road, all the tweeters of Peking University were released, and they chanted "Down with Ji Xianlin!" over and over again, enumerating my "crimes".I probably have a little influence as a person, which is why the Xinbei University Commune mobilized teachers and people with great fanfare.A tiny Ji Xianlin was riding on a bicycle, and the voice of "Down with Ji Xianlin" filled the sky.At this time, I doubt that I am in the world of mythology, the land of demons and demons.Even recalling this feeling today, I feel both ridiculous and terrifying.From today, I have become a bird, and everyone can get it and kill it. Arrived at the Jinggangshan headquarters and explained the situation.They already know.On the one hand, a photographer was sent to my house for on-site shooting; on the other hand - how scary! —They have decided to investigate my history, throw me out if necessary, and get rid of this burden, so as not to be implicated, which is not conducive to the struggle against the New Peking University Commune.I only found out later, when I was still infatuated.When I walked out of the gate, my bicycle leaning against the tree had been locked by someone—of course, from the Xinbei University Commune.I had no choice but to walk home.From then on, I will "bye bye" to my car that has been with me for nearly 20 years. Back home, the photographer from Jinggangshan looked left and right in a pile of rubbish, looking for something.I know that what is decisive here is not beauty, but politics.He is mainly looking for whether there are any traces left in the treatment of great leaders when the commune ransacked their homes, for example, have they torn or polluted the portraits of leaders?Have they stepped on newspapers with portraits of leaders?and so on.If one of them is captured by him and photographed, it is disrespectful to the leader, it can be raised to a terrifying height, and it is a heavy artillery shell for the struggle against the enemy.However, we must know that the house raiding experts in Xinbei University Commune are also qualified and well-trained, and they will never commit such "mistakes" or "crimes".The photographer searched for a long time, and found that the commune's house copying was really impeccable, so he left abruptly. The leaders of Jinggangshan sympathized with my situation on the surface.At that time, I had a thought that I thought about later that made me feel scared: I wanted to stay in the Jinggangshan headquarters.I was afraid that the commune might send people to arrest me at any time and lock me up in some secret place.This was something that happened many times at the time, and it was nothing new.The Jinggangshan headquarters is relatively safe, almost an armed fortress there.But I am a little hesitant.Although I didn't know that they planned to send people everywhere to investigate my history like the commune.However, a few days ago I was in the headquarters in Jinggangshan and heard that someone was sent to investigate the history of the old professor who was one of the chief servants in Jinggangshan I mentioned above.They believe that the history of old intellectuals, especially those who have been abroad, is complicated; it is better to investigate first, and then take measures to avoid being passive.Since they can investigate the old professor's history, why can't they investigate my history?I did feel chilled at the time.Now I have been "downed" by the commune.What would they do to get rid of me as a burden?My history, I know best.But that terrible metaphysics and partisanship, shared by both factions, can indeed kill.Can the things investigated in that metaphysical way be accurate?Can it be fair?Instead of falling into an extremely embarrassing situation in the future and being thrown out by "our own people", it is better to simply make up your mind and let the enemy slaughter you.I resolutely left there and returned to my own home.My home is now my prison.As I mentioned above, in the summer and autumn of that year, I often felt that a storm was gathering on my head, ready to strike at any time.Now I seem to be a death row prisoner lying under the beheading rack, waiting for the sharp knife to strike my neck from the rack.It turned out that I thought the world was wide and big.Only now do I feel that the world is extremely small, too small to accommodate my frail body.Read a notes article once upon a time.It records what Jin Shengtan said when he was about to be executed: "Beheading is extremely painful. I got it by accident, so it's not a pleasure!" I also got the title of "counter-revolutionary" by accident, but I can't say it anyway: " What a joy!" I can only say: Naihe!No way! In any case, overnight, a qualitative change occurred in me: from a people to a "counter-revolutionary."Without any procedures, the commune said "Down!" I was knocked down.The oriental commune ordered me: must stay at home!Just behave well, don't talk nonsense!Be on call at all times!But, in the first few days, I waited and waited; but no one came.What is the reason?After ten years of catastrophe, someone told me: At that time, the commune regarded me as a thorn in the side and wanted to get rid of it quickly.However, they also feel that the "criminal evidence" is not enough.So they adopted the strategy of overthrowing first and then obtaining evidence, hoping to obtain "reliable" evidence from the materials copied from the house to prove that the overthrow was correct.In the end they "won".They used the method of framing Luo Zhi, deepening the text and embezzlement, and deepening my crime.On the third or fourth day after the ransacking of the house, here came, here came, two commune Red Guards with red armbands on their arms, valiant and high-spirited, broke into my house and escorted me to the Foreign Language Building for interrogation.I used to enter the Foreign Language Building as the owner, but today I am a prisoner.Pity that I have been the head of the department in the Foreign Languages ​​Building for more than 20 years. I have worked hard and worked hard in the morning and evening, ups and downs, and I have fallen to this point today.The world is really like a white cloud and a dog! During the first interrogation, I was asked to sit down.I don't know how to flatter, and my attitude is very "bad".I was full of anger, and I believed that I had no braids and tails, so I stood up to the interrogator.I was still thinking: As the saying goes, it is easier to catch a tiger than to let it go. I see how you will let me go in the future?Sometimes I speak very loudly and very intensely.As a result, nothing was found in the interrogation.If so once, twice, three times.My initial interrogators—several of whom were my students—were sometimes slightly embarrassed.But their attitude has hardened.It may be because they have more materials about me, and they have a "bottom" in their hearts. —I can't help asking a question here: my friends who were interrogated back then!How did you feel about these "bottoms"?Do you really believe that all this is true? This talk is far away, let's come back to talk about their "bottom".The first bottom was a bamboo basket containing some half-burned letters.They said it was ironclad proof that I wanted to burn my letter and wipe out my track.Said that all I burned were extremely important and confidential letters.The truth is, I used to live in four rooms. After the "Cultural Revolution", I saw that the situation was not right, so I hurriedly withdrew from the two rooms and asked an old friend of mine who lived downstairs to live there. The downstairs house was forced to be handed over to A female staff member of a Spanish-language commune who claims to be well-born.The house has been reduced by more than half, and there are too many letters accumulated, so I want to burn some to reduce the burden of space.I burned openly in broad daylight, and there was no ghost in my heart.However, he was dissuaded by a young revolutionary general and put the unfinished ones in a bamboo basket.Today it became my "criminal evidence".I explained the truth to my interrogator, but he said that my attitude was extremely bad.The second "criminal evidence" was a kitchen knife, which was found under my aunt's pillow in another small room when the house was ransacked.It turns out that after the rise of the "Cultural Revolution", social security was extremely bad. Legend has it that bad guys broke into people's homes and robbed them.My aunt is old and timid, and she hides the kitchen knife under her pillow every night to avoid being searched by bad guys.Now the interrogator said that they found it under my pillow in my room, and that they were planning to kill the Red Guards. I explained the truth, but the other party said that my attitude was even worse.The third "evidence" is a lithograph of Chiang Kai-shek and Song Meiling.It was given to me by an "overseas student" surnamed Zhang who might be a member of the Three Youth League or the Blue Shirts Society when I was in Göttingen, Germany.My attitude towards Chiang Kai-shek, except for a period of time when I didn't know the truth, has never been better since the Nanjing petition in 1932 until today.I think he's a rogue.I never imagined that he would really counterattack the mainland.The law of history is that once a bad ruler is driven out by the people, he will never be able to succeed in restoration.But I have a bad habit. I keep all the letters, even scraps of paper, written by others. Contrary to the Comrade Chen from the Public Security Corps I mentioned above, he received everything. The letters were all burned.As a result, I really came across the idea from this photo.The interrogator insisted that I kept this photo to ask for credit after the Kuomintang successfully counterattacked the mainland.They haven't had the nerve to label me a "potential spy of the Kuomintang" yet, but it's too late.I explain to them.The result is that the other party thinks my attitude is even more extreme and bad. I don't know what to say.What else can I do?