Chapter 50 Chapter 50: "Green Water Monster" and our love

【with our love】 Li Yinhe Recently, a group of young friends asked me to go out for a walk, and one of them told me that Xiaobo's was at his place.I was overjoyed: it was still there!I thought I had lost it forever. "Green Water Monster" is the matchmaker between Xiaobo and me.Saw it for the first time at a mutual friend of ours.This is a manuscript for a novel.The novel is written in a lined book with a beautiful cover, the handwriting is dense, and there are no blank spaces on the left and right.The novel is about the love affair between a boy and a girl who are just beginning to fall in love.Although it is still quite childish, there is something in it that deeply tugs at my heartstrings.

There is a scene in the novel where Chen Hui (the hero) and Yaoyao (the heroine) talk about poetry: It rained a lot during the day, but at night it was very cold and there was no wind, so it turned into rain and fog.It got dark early.Clouds of white light were sprayed from the windows of the buildings along the street.On the street, the mercury lamp illuminated the white mist that soared into the sky for half a day.People and cars appear and disappear indistinctly.We walked to the No. 10 bus stop.Under a few dim street lights, people seem to be underwater.We walked silently, Yaoyao suddenly asked me: "Look at this night fog, how can we describe it?"

I started to write poems by accident, and read them immediately.You know, I didn't think I had any talent for poetry at all. I said: "Yaoyao, look, what does the light of the mercury lamp look like? A large group of dandelions floats on the river in the street, swallowing soft needle-like light." Yaoyao said: "Okay. Then how about we walk on the sidewalk? What about this dim street lamp?" I looked up at the street lamp, which threw the dim yellow light all the way to the ground through the mist. I said, "We seem to be at the bottom of a pond, going from one moon to another."

Yaoyao suddenly shouted in a fuss: "Chen Hui, you are a poet!" From these few lines of poems, Xiaobo's talent as a poet has been revealed.Although he seldom wrote poems and wrote more novels and essays, he had the temperament and talent of a poet.However, what made me fall in love with him at that time may not be his talent for writing poems, but more of his poetic flavor. Another detail in the novel that surprised and horrified me was a book that the main character loves—Nedochka Netsvanova, a little-known book by Dostoevsky.Xiaobo wrote in the novel: "I read this book and remembered the first half of it all my life. I still think this is the best book, worthy of a big tome. I think people Dostoyevsky should be forever remembered for it.” Before I saw it, I just read this book, and I was extremely impressed, and I always feel that it is my inner secret.I didn't expect to see such a similar feeling in Xiaobo's novels. At that time, I felt that my inner secrets were being seen through.Xiaobo wrote in the novel (in the first person of the male protagonist):

I firmly believe that Yaoyao is Princess Kaga, my closest friend, and my only regret is that she is not a little boy.I told Yaoyao, but she complained that I was not a girl.The result is that we think we're friends anyway, and will always be. My memory of the novel about Dostoyevsky is dim now, except for one episode in which Princess Kaga and Nedochka kissed until their lips were swollen. This is a story about two The story of the passionate and pure love of a child who is in love.After seeing Xiaobo's reaction to this book, I thought to myself: This is a person who is connected with me, and sooner or later something will happen between me and this person.My intuition was not wrong. After the two of us got to know each other later, our hearts were really very congenial.That's why I see The Green Water Monster as our matchmaker.

After Xiaobo passed away, I re-read this novel, and when I saw the plot where Yaoyao jumped into the sea and died after waiting for Chen Hui for a long time, I couldn't help but burst into tears. (Chen Hui stands by the seaside) The sea is boundless, a vast piece of blue, until it unites with the blue sky.I looked at it, the sea where my friend was buried, and thought about how big he is, how big it is, how deep it is, I often imagine standing on the bottom of the sea, looking at the vast waves above my head, like silver.I was even a little bit happy: Yaoyao found a good burial place!I still have some wrong thoughts, thinking that if she has a soul, she must be happy in the sea.

I think now, my Xiaobo is like a demon, he may be in the sea, maybe in the sky, no matter where he is, I know he is happy.Although his life was short and full of hardships, his life was beautiful. He experienced love, creation, intimacy and a husband and wife relationship regardless of gains and losses. After his death, people discovered, recognized, praised and marveled at his genius .My affection for him is priceless and his affection for me is priceless.There is no scale in the world to measure our emotions.From the beginning, he owned me and I owned him.During the most important time of his life, his love was only given to me.It is enough for me to get his love in my whole life. No matter what kind of pains and tribulations I encounter, the unswerving love that Xiaobo gave me since I was young is my best reward.I don't need anything else.