Chapter 49 Chapter 49: We used to have

Li Yinhe In 1988, we were faced with the choice of whether to return to China or not.Our family has been a "two-person world" (we are voluntarily sterile) since we got married in 1980, so the choice we face is only the choice of our future life style for the two of us, removing all other factors. This choice is not easy. We discussed it repeatedly and weighed the pros and cons in order to make a rational choice so as not to regret it.The main aspects considered at that time were: First, I am engaged in sociology research, and what I really care about and am interested in is Chinese society, and it will be more fun to study.American society does not really arouse my interest, and it is not impossible to insist on studying it, but the enthusiasm is much lower.Xiaobo writes novels, so he must use his mother tongue, and if he leaves the society and culture he wants to describe, he will definitely feel "rooted", which will have an unpredictable negative impact on writing.

Second, neither of us has high requirements for the quality of material life.If you compare the quality of life between China and the United States, the United States is of course much better, but in terms of the quality of food, clothing and housing, the difference between the two sides is not too big. The biggest regret is that there is a big difference in culture and entertainment.We can watch two movies a night on American cable TV, and we can go to the store to rent a large number of video tapes, but we lose this entertainment when we return home.We have no choice but to comfort ourselves: there are fewer temptations for entertainment, and we can do more things. Although it is a kind of compulsory deprivation, it is not a bad thing.

Third, we are worried that we will have to make a living in the United States, and the problem of returning home can be solved once and for all.If a person spends energy on his livelihood, there is no guarantee that he will be able to do what he really wants to do, that is to say, he is not a free man.In China, our relative social status will be higher than in the United States, and the most precious thing is that we are free to do what we really want to do: for me, this is to do sociological research, for Xiaobo Just write novels.Any work other than these two is bound to bring us feelings of alienation.

It has been nearly ten years since we returned to China, and we have never regretted our choice.In addition to the one we co-authored, I have published seven or eight monographs and translations such as "Fertility and Chinese Village Culture"; Xiaobo has experienced the most abundant creative period in his short life. The most important literary work of his life, "The Times Trilogy" (,,, "The Bronze Age"), became the only mainland writer who won the United Daily News Novella Award twice, and wrote a large number of essays and essays. His unique way of thinking and writing style is unique in the Chinese literary world.The only film script "East Palace? West Palace" created by him during his lifetime won the Best Screenplay Award at the International Film Festival of Argentina, and became the most popular work at the Cannes Film Festival in 1997, making Xiaobo the best winner for China at the International Film Festival. The first person to win the Best Screenplay Award.

The best feeling after returning home is of course the feeling of going home.In the United States, the country is the country of other people, and the culture is the culture of other people. It seems that there is a layer of separation between happiness, anger, sorrow and joy.Americans are used to being the boss, so they inevitably lack interest in other ethnic groups and countries. Some young people can even ask such ignorant questions as whether mainland China is larger or Taiwan is larger.After returning to China, the country is my own country, the culture is my own culture, and I feel like a fish in water when doing things.In China, some things make people happy, and some things make people anxious and angry, but whether they are happy or anxious, they are sincere, as close as their own family affairs, and they don't feel like they are scratching their heads abroad.Especially the articles written by Xiaobo in newspapers and magazines in recent years, some people read them and admired them, and some people read them very badly. The happiness that this kind of reaction can bring to an author is indescribable.

Xiaobo is a man of great wisdom.Mr. Zhu Wei, the director of Sanlian Life Weekly, for which he wrote a column, said that people are far from realizing the cultural significance of Xiaobo's works.Xiaobo's articles have a degree of freedom that is very rare in traditional writing. There is no sense of tension, but a feeling of flying.His ironic style is really generous, and it comes out of his bones, connected with his personality and life experience, and it cannot be learned by others if they want to.After Xiaobo passed away, Southern Weekend, where he wrote a column, received many letters from readers, lamenting that they could no longer read his articles.Some readers even took a train from Guangzhou to Beijing to attend the farewell ceremony for his body to see him for the last time.Seeing that so many friends and bosom friends really like his works, I think Xiaobo's soul in heaven should be happy.

Although Xiaobo left me unexpectedly and prematurely, but recalling the 20 years since we met, fell in love, and parted forever, I have nothing to complain about: we used to have happiness, love, success, and a happy life. I remember that summer vacation, we set off from Pittsburgh and drove across the United States via Highway 70 in the south-central part. We stopped and stopped along the way, and it took us 10 days to reach the west coast. ; Then we returned to the east from Highway 90 in the north, lingering in front of Yellowstone Park and the "Old Faithful" fountain.Along the way, we either stayed in motels or pitched tents in camps, enjoying the beautiful natural scenery of the United States and life in big cities and small towns, feeling refreshed and happy.

I remember that year we traveled to Europe at our own expense, taking the Big Ben in London, the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre in Paris, the Colosseum in Rome, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the street sculptures in Florence, St. Carlo's casino and the scenery of Venice's water village were all captured in the camera.Although we encountered thieves in Italy and suffered heavy losses, it did not dampen our interest.In Santa Lucia, we specially chartered a boat to go to sea, just to experience the sentiment of that famous folk song for ourselves. I remember the Yandang Mountains, Taishan Mountains and Beidaihe we visited together after returning to China, and the Summer Palace, Linglong Garden, Zizhuyuan, Yuyuantan where we often went for walks and had heart-to-heart talks... When the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, we are in love with each other among the flowers figure.Our lives are peaceful and fulfilling. We have lived together for 20 years and have never felt dull or bored.When I am too lazy to cook, I go to a small restaurant; on holidays, I have a happy conversation with relatives and friends, and it is very enjoyable.

How beautiful life is, how good it is to be alive.Xiaobo, how could you bear to just go like this?I think the only consolation for him is that we had it all.