Chapter 36 do you know

It was last winter when he met her.In the evening, a group of people gathered at the cash drawer KTV. She was sitting on a red couch in the corner, with a man in each arm on her left and right, singing Wu Bai's "Norwegian Forest" loudly along with others.I don't like Wu Bai because he is not good-looking.When the music stopped, she stood up and spoke noisily, laughing wildly. So he heard her voice, a sweet and clear child's voice, with a little bit of sharpness, like some kind of beast.He wore a white Indian linen shirt, dirty sneakers, and an old silver necklace with garnets and pearls around his neck.A mass of dry, thick black hair was tied in a bun at the back of the head, messy and very unkempt.No makeup either, just a dank lip oil on the lips.

Samet said, it's Qibai.She is here for the first time today.She was dating a friend of his at the time. All night he sat at the end of the sofa farthest from her.No singing, just drinking silently.Some people say that Ren Haoshu is the real cool guy here because he can keep silent.He said he was a little tired.And I can't sing either.Then he ran in and out, serving Coke and snacks.He lit a cigarette in the aisle, listening to the pleasure-seeking waves around him, feeling uneasy. He was 33 years old that year.Working in IBM, just started to rise again.Work stress is not a problem.He has no parents or friends in Beijing.Just a bunch of friends who eat and sing karaoke together occasionally.The loneliness in life is not as easy to deal with as imagined.

She ran out to make a phone call in the middle of the trip, and when she came in, she had to squeeze past his position to get back to her original position.Suddenly bent down and said to him, Ren, has anyone told you that your lips are very beautiful.I don't believe you can't sing well. A strong smell of alcohol mixed with the scent of moss perfume hit his face.Seeing her sparkling eyes, he subconsciously moved back, and she laughed and jumped into the sofa. He doesn't often attend parties in this circle, only occasionally, but every time she comes over to eat and play together, but never pays the bill because there is no money.Gradually know her a little more.I lived in Paris for a long time and studied film and oil painting.After ending a short-term marriage, he returned to Beijing.The money I brought back was just enough to cover the down payment on a bachelor apartment.He also worked for a French car company with a high salary, but resigned soon.

Never like to work, only like to fall in love. With dizzying speed and consistent innocence, she falls in love with men in and out of the circle.It is indeed very poor and embarrassing, and has never had a stable relationship and life, but there is no shame. She would like almost any slightly handsome man.Even if the men are poor, bad-tempered, and hiding wives or girlfriends who are out of town.Every time you fall in love, you will be devoted in your posture, desperate and earth-shattering.And enjoy happiness without a city.He had never seen such a happy woman, with innocent little lines all over her face when she smiled.

Because of her, he had been convinced that love might not be a matter of charm but of attitude.A person who likes to fall in love will be more likely to get opportunities than an outstanding person.She is such a dangerous element, lively and fierce, with the power to follow instinct.Like how he felt when he heard her voice for the first time.She is like a beast. Samet often said that Qibai and him are two types of completely opposite models.He is a self-controlled and temperate person, has a professional career, likes reading and classical music in his spare time, and goes swimming alone.Occasionally come out to parties, always be gentle and polite to those around you and keep a proper distance.

Who would believe that an outstanding man like Ren has never had a woman.Samet once mentioned it in front of everyone at the dinner table.Qibai was already a little drunk, her cheeks were rouge-red, she still stood up unsteadily, and said loudly, I believe it.Because he tried too hard to be strong and defended himself all the time, he was no longer able to love. At that time, she was in the transitional period of falling out of love again, wearing a red crepe skirt, painted with thick Turkish green eye circles, and always lying on the table crying when she was drunk.She went around asking others to borrow money, but her friends just tolerated her indulgence and didn't like to talk to her.Only him, driving her home late at night.

Her old boyfriend was waiting at the door of the apartment, and when he saw her, he jumped on her and slapped her without saying a word.He fights with that man.No matter how sinful a woman is, he can't see a man using violence.The shot was heavy, the man left, his forehead was also smashed, and his face was covered with blood.She came to her senses and let him go in to wash his face.He refused, standing in her doorway, looking at her swollen cheeks from the beating. He said, can your so-called ability to love bring you any happiness? She said, I have feelings in my heart that need to be delivered to others, and even if I get hurt, I can bear it.But you don't have this kind of emotion, and you don't have the ability to bear it.

He felt a small cracking sound in his chest.Is it pity or mocking yourself?He couldn't explain the feeling.So he turned and went down the stairs. Suddenly, it seemed to be a little closer than the friends who were together.She sometimes came to him, he lived in a small apartment arranged by the company, and he couldn't clean it up himself, there were always ashtrays full of cigarette butts and dirty coffee cups on the computer desk.She helped him wash his clothes, ironed his white shirt and socks with an iron, and knelt on the ground to wipe the floor.After I was done, I lay on the sofa and watched horror DVDs, drank red wine, and ate with a jar of chocolate candies.

He usually goes to the supermarket to buy crabs, shrimps, fresh scallops and shells, and slowly boils a pot of seafood porridge for her to eat in the kitchen.He just does this.There is a laptop on the small wooden table in the kitchen, and he is writing work reports on the side.The two don't talk too much together.They never mentioned their past and did not open up.Although those pasts may be extremely important and affect the continuous life, there is no reason to delve into them. On her 29th birthday, he accompanied her out to see Tiananmen Square.Standing together in the subway station, at 9:30 in the evening, the silent orange lights in the tunnel.Suddenly she said, we seem to be going to a far away place.I really don't like Beijing.

The subway car was empty, only the dazzling white lights.Sit side by side.The texture of his dungaree coat touched the skin on her arm.She stroked his sleeve lightly with a little finger.Infinitely sad.Just like that, he heard her say to him, I want a baby. He froze for a moment and said, what?She looked at him and said clearly, I want you to give me a child. He said, do you know what you're talking about?Please think clearly before doing things. She said, I figured it out.I love so much, of course there have been disappointments.Just want to have a real feeling of being able to believe in it.I will go back to finding a job that will support me and him.I can write an agreement and sign it to you, indicating that you have no responsibility at all.

He suddenly became angry and said loudly, you can do whatever you want all the time.All your life, think only of yourself. At that time, they had already stepped out of the subway and stood in the empty subway passage.With her back to the light, her face was immersed in unfathomable shadows.He couldn't see whether there were tears in her eyes, but he only remembered that she straightened her back and said to him in an unusually clear voice, do you know that I have been living alone in the dark. Suddenly a gust of wind whizzed through the passage. She disappeared for a while.Disappear in the circle of friends.No audio at all.Occasionally he pretended to ask casually, and Sha Mei said that Qibai should leave Beijing.She hasn't been in touch with anyone.Really a very strange person.Read well, do a job better than anyone else, and be smart.It just sinks like mud from time to time.So he pretended to be nonchalant and lowered his head to eat. Samet paused, but still said to him, Ren, I know you have always helped her and treated her very well.But sometimes the help of others is of no use to her. He looked at Sammy.When she was 15 years old, her mother was imprisoned and sentenced to life.After her mother died of illness, she met a Frenchman 20 years older than her and went to Paris with him. What crime did you commit? Her mother killed her stepfather. He stopped there.Samet stretched out her hand to pat him on the back, everyone's life is ultimately their own choice and their own face.Don't worry about her, what she does is what she needs. He gets an email from her.It was a letter written to him in an Internet cafe in a plateau town in Xiangcheng, Sichuan.She said, Ren, Sichuan and Yunnan are still very cold and deserted along the way.Day and night, the long-distance bus I took climbed on the edge of the high mountain cliff at an altitude of more than 4,700 meters, and several times I felt that I was about to fall straight down on the rough road covered with ice and snow.I often get up at four or five in the morning to catch the early bus, and arrive at another remote place late at night.I don't remember how many villages and small towns I passed that could only be seen for a while.All I know is that I'm very lonely. He didn't write back to her.He suddenly felt that maybe he should have a woman.very tired.It's a clear feeling.Write to Su Xing and ask her to come to Beijing.Suxing is a young classmate who has been working in IT in Guangzhou after graduating from university. She is a clean and restrained woman.Knowing him for 20 years, waiting for him for 10 years.Believe that patience will pay off in the end.And he finally let go this winter. Now that I think about it, what is there to insist on?he does not know.Or the persistence of these 33 years was originally an excuse, just because of my timidity and cowardice towards love.Although in the eyes of others, if such an excellent man does not marry, it must be because he is too idealistic about love.Only he himself understands that everything is not like this. It's just that he suddenly feels very tired. As soon as Suxing arrived in Beijing, he was completely involved in his life.The curtains and tablecloths were changed to the room, and the wooden floor was laid.When I got home from get off work in the evening, there was hot soup and rice, and a large bouquet of dark blue daisies in a bottle on the dining table.There is a soft, warm and palpable body around me.Is it enough to love each other in the end? He just never took her to meet his friends and co-workers to keep others from knowing about their cohabitation.It seems that this is the last kind of persistence.It seems that I haven't completely given up my expectation of cleanliness and feelings.He had no promises to her either.But she knew that if he asked her to come, he would not easily ask her to go back.Suxing and Qibai.The latter's stoicism, wantonness and sharpness are not the kind of harm he wants to choose.He is very clear.Ren Haoshu is the kind of man who will do it after thinking about it. In the afternoon of two or three months, she called him suddenly again, saying that she was in the Starbucks coffee shop downstairs of his company. When he went downstairs, he saw that it was raining outside. She was standing huddled at the corner of the coffee shop door, wearing a gray-green wool cardigan with a rose red wide-body skirt inside, and a pair of dirty embroidered slippers on her bare feet.A mass of dry, thick black hair was tied in a bun at the back of his head, still messy.It's just that there is no makeup on the face.He said, why don't you go in and sit down when it's so cold.She smiled embarrassingly, I don't even have money to buy a cup of cheap coffee. He takes her in.She hasn't eaten anything.He bought a large cup of hot coffee, fruit salad, and chicken shredded cold noodles, and she ate them all with great interest.Then he insisted on lighting a cigarette in the corner and smoked it secretly. He looked at her, saw the carmine spots on her cheeks and the bridge of her nose, her skin was dark and rough.She said that she was exposed to the sun on the plateau.My face was swollen from the sun, and I felt like I had a fever when I slept at night.I lived there for almost half a year. He didn't speak, but still looked at her.She was a little bored, rubbing her skirt with her hands, and finally raised her face and said, Ren, I'm pregnant. I need money badly right now and want you to rent that apartment out for me. He said, good.I will help you find a reliable intermediary company.If you need it urgently now, I can give you some money first. She hurriedly said, no, no.I will find a way to find a job, and the baby will not be born for more than half a year. Finally, he couldn't bear it anymore and asked, where is his father? She said, what the heck.He is my child. Reach out and touch his neck, smile, relieved, it's not your child.Ren, I heard that you have a woman now, is it true?He said yes.it is true.That's great. When my child is born, if I really can't support him, I can give it to you.Hahaha.very nice.She was suddenly very happy again, laughing loudly, with innocent little lines all over her face. He walked with her to the subway station.Stand at the entrance and watch her go down the tall stairs.The wind came howling, blowing her skirts inflated.She pressed it with her hands and jumped downstairs without any signs of bloat.Turning around, holding up the translucent face soaked by rain, he smiled and said goodbye to him.He believed she would do what she said.One day when she thinks about it, she will carry the child to his door and say to him, Ren, I will give it to you. She is always alive and has no demands on the world.If ever there was only one request.Yes to him.And he is a disabled person, just living a bright and decent life like this.Only she, passing through his posture, directly approached him in his 33 years of life, and let him see herself. She has a love that is rich and silent and therefore infinitely lonely, and because he is sober and self-aware, he has been living in a rationality without temperature.Their mutual loneliness cannot be communicated because of commonality. Do you know that I have been living alone in the dark.He heard her voice very clearly. He watched her disappear around the corner of the dark underground passage.