Chapter 54 free lunch

"There is no free lunch in the world", this is a Western proverb handed down to us.Nowadays, white-collar workers in foreign companies often have a box lunch that seems to be free at noon. In fact, that expenditure is included in the employment cost. It is free, but it is not.Lunch is not free, and neither is dinner.In short, this sentence expresses the "rules of the game" of a cold commodity society.This sentence is really "one sentence is worth 10,000 sentences", because such words as "buy one get one free", "jump the building price, vomit blood price big sale", "pay first after moving in", "refund all payment after two years", "opening Big rewards for big profits, big deliveries", "Only charge the cost, mail order as soon as possible, so as not to be cornered", etc., etc., through the moving words and charming behavior patterns, the inner essence is not the same.

There is no "free lunch" at all - even if the advertising and promotional methods are legitimate business competition. However, in interpersonal communication, sometimes you will really be invited to a free meal.When my father was alive, he told me about a free lunch he got as a young man.It was the early 1920s, my father was only 17 or 18 years old, because his grandfather traveled far away, and his grandmother was very harsh on him, so he left the family and went out in the society alone. At that time, one of his means of livelihood was Generations of people apply for prestigious universities, and he really has the talent and courage to take the exam, and he can go to high school every time.But from the young masters who privately hired him to take the exam, he didn't get much money each time, and he was at a loss before long.Why did my father not want to enter a prestigious university, but even if he allowed himself to get the first place in the exam, he still had no money to pay the tuition fee; , the way is not so easy to find.The only way is to try to get a loan and repay it as soon as possible after graduation.Who can lend him money?After much deliberation, those who have this kind of strength and may be willing should be among the uncles and uncles that my grandfather associates with.In the summer of that year, my father took the exam for himself, and was admitted by Peking Union Medical College with excellent results. This made him very excited. Being a doctor who saved lives was not only his grandfather's expectation for him, but also his own long-cherished wish, so he prepared to enroll in school. The cost has become a top priority.After some calculations, he decided to seek help from an old friend of his grandfather, who had enjoyed a great reputation in the society at that time, was in excellent financial condition, and had watched his father grow up since he was a child.

Father found that celebrity, who lived in a very grand courtyard.When the man saw his father, without waiting for his father to speak, he said with great emotion, "My grandfather has such a special personality that he can leave his family and go away alone!"He also said that my step-grandmother was really outrageous, that the money my grandfather sent back didn't even give my father a dime, and that the descendants of a scholarly family were reduced to vagrant youths!My father was very moved when he heard this. It turned out that this uncle understood the situation very well and cared for him, so he confided his specific predicament and hope.The celebrity called before he finished listening, and after making a few phone calls, the celebrity said to his father kindly that there was a dinner at noon, so we might as well go together, and we could continue the chat during the meal.

My father followed the celebrity and took a spring carriage that was still quite fashionable at that time to the "Xieyingfan Restaurant" outside the front door. Many years later, my father can still describe the various scenes of that lunch, from the appearance of the restaurant to the interior, from the hall to the dining tables and the gleaming cups, plates, knives and forks, from the clothes of the hostesses and men to the manners of each person, From the starter soup to the salad, the main course to the final dessert...my grandfather never took my father to eat such a high-end western food when he was in Beijing. Thinking of this, my father was even more grateful for the uncle's kindness.And all of this is not the main thing. What makes my father never forget is that almost all the people who appeared at the banquet that day entered history later, some were social activists, some were artists, some were scholars and professors.When he first entered the restaurant, his father was terrified and had low self-esteem, but the celebrity took him by the hand and led him to the table, and introduced to everyone:

He is the grandfather's son, and it is obvious that the grandfather has considerable weight in the hearts of these people. The father found that the celebrities at the banquet were very friendly to him, so he slowly relaxed... It was a high-end, rich and elegant free lunch that my father enjoyed in his youth, and I couldn't help but be fascinated by it.My father didn't tell me the details of how the free lunch ended, but one thing was clear: he didn't get additional help from his celebrity uncle. I asked my father, "You have eaten all your meals, why can't you ask him to lend you money?"

"They've been having such a good time talking, I just can't get in," the father said. I asked again: "After dinner, you can mention it to him alone!" My father said: "As soon as the dinner was over, I found that they were all very busy, everyone had their own 'next stop', and I actually couldn't find a single opportunity-people politely even said yes Shake my hand farewell with tender affection..." I also asked: "Then, you can look for him at his home again!" Father said: "I also had that idea, but I didn't go..."

I said, "Is it because you think he's too hypocritical?" Father said seriously: "No! How can you blame others for their hypocrisy? They asked me to go to that lunch out of sincerity!" I said, "But he didn't lend you any money in the end!" My father said: "This is what I tell you about this incident, and I want you to realize that others don't deserve you and don't owe you! In your life, you should try to help others, but you must not rely on others. Idea! Someone might offer you a free lunch, but you still need to earn your own meals for a lifetime!"

I was thinking about this, and my father said: "Actually, after I got married and started a business, I also treated others inadvertently in this way-I can treat him to a meal, listen to his complaints, and give him some comfort, but I have to pay for it." Help him at a considerable price, but often still can’t make up his mind—maybe, except that you don’t help him at that time, he will not be able to live immediately. In interpersonal relationships, it’s better to be this way—you can give him a free lunch, but he still hopes that every day Find a way for yourself to settle down!"

It's been almost 20 years since my father passed away.I am older than my father was when he told about that lunch.In the course of my life, I have accumulated a lot of "free lunch" experiences.Sometimes someone invites me, and there is really no direct utilitarian motive. It is not for soliciting manuscripts, inscriptions, etc., but really just for getting together; people.I realized that the meaning of this "free lunch" is to please the inviter; this kind of life meeting cannot be completely rejected, nor can it be fully accepted.On such occasions, I often deeply realize that "I" is a unique life, and it is really hard work to accommodate others.Sometimes it is me who invites people to restaurants or stays at home. The "free lunch" I provide to others here, of course, excludes the contacts between loved ones and relatives, and refers specifically to half-baked or begging to come to the door. People, I get some kind of psychological satisfaction from serving them a meal, and as my father summed it up, I often can't help them more.On such occasions, I often deeply realize that "I", "you", and "he" are all social animals in the end, and each person can really solve the survival problems he faces, except for his own efforts. , what is really reliable is not the help of individual others, but a good social mechanism, some good (especially putting the principle of fairness first) "rules of the game", a set of good Social security system, a good moral and cultural atmosphere, and so on.

The commercial "free lunch" promotion method may have a sensational effect for a while, but in the end it is not as good as the honest attitude of "you get what you pay for" and can more solidly obtain "profits in the sun".Harmony among people, one-to-one specific help, "meeting strangers, fat horses and furs, but no regrets", is of course a virtue, my parents, me and my wife are not just giving people "free" once. "Lunch" has also done a lot of money to help others, but in the end it is impossible to sponsor all the people you meet one-on-one, and I think the same is true for most people.Therefore, we all work together to see, for example, that individuals pay taxes on time and in accordance with the tax rules to the government that organizes social life, compared to sponsoring rescues one-on-one.

It is more important, and it is more important to supervise the government to use tax money to establish and improve social security and assistance mechanisms than to make personal donations to leave a name. Then, can we, others, and even the entire nation be able to How about a more reasonable and comfortable life?