Chapter 35 Thirty-four, masterpiece

Li Yinhe: Hi. Thank you for your trust in sending me your latest collection of short stories.Because the content involves sadomasochism, you repeatedly told me to delete it after reading it.Like most people with real talent and learning, you have no self-confidence, full of self-esteem, hope for a harmonious small environment, forget everything you have obtained, and remember what you care about for the rest of your life.You ask me, are these novels worth writing, worth publishing?After reading it, and before I answer your question directly, another question that every real writer cannot avoid is: Why do I write?

This question was answered by Confucius, Byron, George Orwell, Lawrence, Henry Miller, Hemingway, Kurt Vonig, and Wang Xiaobo.People have views on life, the world, and the universe, and writers have views on aesthetics, morality, justice, and writing. I have a bad memory, and I will definitely lose compared to reciting Tang poems and Song poems, but I have a good intuition. I can often guess the Tang poems and Song poems that have not been memorized, and cover up a few words. high.God's appreciation of food has nothing to do with inferiority and self-esteem. The peach blossoms bloom in March, and you can't hide from them.

So I can't remember the writing views of the sages I have read, so I will chat with you about why I write according to the chronological order of my experience. In the earliest days, I was in the fifth grade of elementary school, and I wrote to learn Chinese. At that time, I initially mastered one or two thousand Chinese vocabulary, and practiced Liu Gongquan and Yan Zhenqing in calligraphy.The district notified the composition of the competition, and the title was "So many beautiful mountains and rivers". My Chinese teacher is an old rightist who loves women. He said that I seem to have feelings for nature, and there are so many Chinese vocabulary, so he forced me to write an essay.My mother is a Mongolian. She drank white wine, spoke Mongolian when she drank too much, sang sad songs, and lay on the ground with tears and snot.I have never been to the grassland, and I wrote an article "I am in the grassland", only to find out later that there is a fat boy in another school who is more shameless than me. He has never looked up at the stars from the ground, and wrote an article "I am in Watching the Moon from Mars".I used five main pronouns in the composition: "I, you, he, she, it", and nearly 300 adjectives.It turned out that the fat boy won the first prize, and he went to the National Writing Summer Camp for an exchange in the summer vacation. I won the second prize, and the prizes were Bing Xin's "Send to Young Readers" and "Send to Young Readers Again".

Later, my freshman year of high school, I wrote to get rid of inner swelling. At that time, I started to like girls, and I thought girls were prettier than Yuyemei, especially when they laughed, and I started to like to walk around in front of girls in beautiful clothes, to smoke, to do weird math and physics problems, to read. And "Existence and Time" and other activities that break away from the daily eating, drinking and raining alone in the wind and rain.I have never hugged a girl before, but I have started to watch Japanese, European and American pornography, but watching pornography can only eliminate the swelling in my crotch, but not the swelling in my heart.So I started writing, writing manuscript paper one by one, writing ballpoint pen one by one, and writing with my right middle finger bent. I finished my first novel when I was seventeen or eight years old, one word after another, more than 100,000 words, The swelling gradually disappeared as I talked about it, and I felt comfortable, and I decided to completely forget about writing. It’s okay to torture myself, but it’s not necessarily to torture others in the way I torture myself. If I don’t write, others don’t need to read it. I started Pursue worldly happiness in a worldly way.

Later, I studied MBA in the United States, and I wrote to pass the time. The United States is a great country, but it has nothing to do with me.Maybe it’s because I read too many Tang poems and Song poems. Foreign girls don’t know Du Mu and Liu Yong. Resumes, expanding social circles, desperately trying to get into Wall Street investment banks.I don't like sports, I'm not obsessed with singers, I don't watch TV habitually, I don't like to quarrel in online forums, there is night outside the window every day, and the night is getting longer every day, I turn on the computer, start typing, and write my second novel, Reminiscing about the physical growth that I failed to understand in the eight years of medical school and the twisted girls that I failed to understand thoroughly.

Later, I did heavy full-time mental work in China, and I wrote to beat the time. At the end of 2000, after being rejected by 20 publishing houses on the grounds of “subversion of traditional morality”, I published a novel written while killing time in the United States.Before the novel was published, many people around said yes, after I got the paper book, I took a taxi directly to the joint bookstore near the National Art Museum of China, which I often go to, to see if the novel I wrote was on the sales list.not on.I don't understand why, after making sure my eyes didn't miss it, I took a taxi back to the office and found that my phone was left in the taxi.After another two weeks, I went again, still not on the leaderboard, and took a taxi back to the office, this time I didn't leave my phone in the taxi.

At that time, I worked eighty hours a week, hardly closed my eyes before two o'clock in the evening, and almost never passed a full weekend. The heavy mental work occasionally made the brain feel sore after heavy physical work.In the small time when I don’t need to work, I type on the computer, entangled in my desires. Regarding the present world, I imagine that one day, "Wen can know the name", and I will wave my hands in front of me. If I don’t wear sunglasses when I go out on the street, Someone asked, are you someone?Regarding the afterlife, I imagine that in a certain spring five hundred years later, the sky will be full of poplar flowers, and cuckoos will cry "cuckoo, cuckoo, bachelor is really bitter, bachelor is really bitter." For the same problem of the times, I opened my book, read it line by line, sighed, and separated from the body.

Now, I'm still doing heavy intellectual work full-time, and I write to explore human nature. I still work 80 hours a week, spend more time with people than alone with myself, eat more on the plane than on the ground, and spend more time sitting and sleeping than lying down.I don't play golf, my parents Kangtai, I have no children, I don't entangle my desires, I don't care about ruining my body, and let the cervical, thoracic, lumbar, sacral, and coccyx grow fine hyperplasia and nodules, thinking During the brief time when I left work, I wrote five novels, three collections of essays, one collection of poems, and one collection of short stories.I think about the heroes of Chinese writing in my youth, Sima Qian, Li Bai, Du Mu, Lanling Xiaoxiaosheng, Li Yu, Zhang Dai, Zhou Zuoren, Zhou Shuren, Shen Congwen, Wang Xiaobo, Wang Shuo, Acheng, I try to look objectively, I see , I fought bloody battles against the ancients to break out of the siege, I grew my wild grass half a meter high on the top of Kunlun Mountain, I waited for the pure-hearted comer five hundred years later, after that, except for death, from the palace, without saying a word , what else can I do?

I jumped out involuntarily and looked back at myself. I see it as I see all human beings. It has its short and long points, and it has the same limitations as other human beings. "I don't love myself, I love human beings. I don't Loathing myself, I am misanthropic."I don't need to ask outside, I explore the possibility of Chinese, there is no swelling in my heart that cannot be persuaded, I don't have much time left to kill, I am no longer obsessed with the writing of literary history five hundred years later, I imagine that I am a miner, take "Small ego" is a mine, and human nature has no restricted areas. It excavates the various aspects and bottom lines of human nature, and sees landslides and hypes falling.

So, Yinhe, I finished reading your novels, I saw clear and concise Chinese, I saw your pleasure and melancholy when writing these novels, you have killed the time that you can’t spend except words, before you wrote The Chinese language does not describe human nature.You've been through all the light and dark that all the great and humble authors have been through, so why bother?What more could you expect? Except for self-crossing and crossing people, there is nothing else, and it doesn't matter. Shun Song pen health. Feng Tang